Posts #2-7: 09 April 2000

Post #2, by Ness The Skittleboy

Overhead,A Learjet descending upon the Eagleland Aiport Strip and landed.

Just a warning: When people like NessTSB post, do not make a drinking game out of grammar mistakes.

Once the ladder had been drawn,Ness The Skittleboy walked onto the runway and ambled towards the beach.There,on the beach were some snack tables,DJ equipment,and various games.And on the beach stood Juliana,waiting for the others to arrive.Ness The Skittleboy,being a clumsy fellow tried to descend the hill towards the beach but tripped oer a rock.

See what I meant there? You would already be blitzed halfway out of your mind by now, and we're only halfway through the first post. No space... no space... no space... no space... no space... sentence unnecessarily starting with 'and'... no space... no space... missing comma after 'fellow'... typo on 'over'. That would be ten drinks.

He sailed down the hill and landed on the beach.But to anybody watching,it had seemed NessSB had fell from the sky.He stood up and brushed himself off,and then waited for the other party-goers.

Even if we let the lack of spacing after punctuation slide, we still have two more clear grammatical errors: Starting a sentence with 'But', 'had fell' rather than 'had fallen'. Feeling buzzed yet?

[This message has been edited by Ness The Skittleboy (edited 04-09-2000).]

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Post #3, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

I mean, really, that his handle is 'SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy' tells you everything you need to know about him, doesn't it?

(Can a non-real AC make a temperary appearence?)

I think by 'non-real AC' he means an imaginary AC that isn't himself. This story will be comprised almost entirely of self-insert ACs. (AC = Author Character, for those fortunate enough to be uninitiated. And that's two misspellings, for those of you who are counting along.)

Then SuperSpeedy, better known as David, flew to Eagleland on his robotic replica of his AC named Shock Bird.

Wait, what just happened? Did he break the fifth wall? His AC just referenced his AC. My ears are smoking. SuperSpeedy, you truly are a mad genius.

It dropped him at the island and, as it headed for Dave's hometown of Hazlet, crashed into the ocean.

I admit, I LOL'd. I love these throwaway lines.

Dave brought everything from his room from home, including his two Pikachu dolls.(One is electronic and can talk when "petted" or has his hand squezed. The other can't.)

Because we're all riveted to our seats, and will stay here until we die of dehydration if you don't explain to us the exact nature of your two Pikachu dolls! Yes, Speedy was about 11 or 12 at this time.

"Yo, Juliana!" said Dave. "Come si chiama? That's 'How are you?" in Italian!"

Andate via, maniac del batshit!

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Post #4, by brock128

Ah yes, I remember brock128. He tried his best, bless his heart.

Ryan (me!) blinked. "How am I gonna get cash for a jet?" Then, a jet fell from the sky - RIGHT ON RYAN! "Ow"

Ryan has introduced a universal IF/fanfic theme that runs especially strong in the Gathering: AC's are invincible. There is no way to harm them. Not only that, but their vehicles are usually invincible. A standard jet would explode into 83 million pieces upon impact, but not this one. This is a hoverjet, Junior.

Ryan was flyin in his jet, with all his pokemon stuff in the back.

You can basically tell which writers are younger than 15 because they're all carrying pokemon stuff.

He had -
A big TV
Mr. Hamster (His hamster, fictional)

No, seriously, it's important to note in this fiction story that his hamster is fictional. Using IF's as a way for authors to use their characters to socially interact with each other is standard.

N64 BABY! ALL THE GAMES BABY!
Pokemon stuff (duh )
SNES (with earthbound and all games)
Dreamcast (and all games)
Computer (with the good games)
Game boy (with games)

Using IFs/fanfics for wish fulfillment is also standard. Thanks for asking. When I write (we'll get to this later) I always get the girl.

With all this stuff, Ryan went quite slow.

Goddammit, I told you this 300 ton private jet can carry no more than 200 pounds of cargo, Jack! Why the hell did you bring all that crap?

Then, the engine went out! "Note to self - never ride a plane that fell on you"

Why would you be concerned about that? That's like playing Goldeneye with Invincible turned on and saying, 'Note to self - never stand near explosive barrels'.

He landed where Shock bird was. And rode him/her/it to the island. However, it crashed again (i brought my stuff) and I got beached with my stuff beside me. "Hey, You OK?" asked Dave

+1 for unnecessary period followed by sentence fragment. +2 for inexplicable midparagraph switch from third to first person. +3 for owning a television and electronic equipment that is impervious to seawater. Finally, the Navy can play Halo all they want with no fear of what might happen if the ship capsizes!

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Post #5, by NessJeff

Drew Pfutzenreuter, better known as NessJeff the DigiFreak landed on the island.

'NessJeff' was just shorthand, obviously. I assume he made up 'Pfutzenreuter'--a lot of people were a tad paranoid about giving out their actual full names on the intarwebs back then--but there's no way to be sure.

"Hey, any othe Digifreaks?"

I really don't know whether he meant to type 'othe'. I think he did.

Silence.
"Must wait for friends like tengu, Rockwell, and WotE.

NessJeff, along with Rockwell and WotE, was a Tenguite, one of the obsessively loyal followers of the legendary Tengu man, the most magnificently screwed up writer of fanfic I ever personally came into contact with. You'll get to see plenty of him for yourself, but he was obsessed--and the italics don't even begin to describe it--with girls in general and EarthBound's Paula in particular. He was a skilled writer and charismatic in a kind of Charles Manson way, and had a throng of 12-13 year old boys that thought he was the bee's knees.

Anyway, what you read above was pretty much the Tengu Man Bat Signal.

Must wait for Teradoc, so I can kill Teradoc."
He took out his fanmade GBAdvance game, Paula's Quest, And began playing.

You see what I mean about Paula? And you think I'm exaggerating.

"What? Gary Oak????!!!!"
david came and looked at "Paula's quest".
"Oh up yours Flareon! PSI freeze!"
"What?? Puppetmon? PSI Fire!!!!!!!!!"
David left the weird kid alone.

Many of the kinds of people that posted on SM.Net, and particularly the IF forum, got called 'weird' so routinely by their schoolfellows that they inevitably took it on as a badge of honor.

"I just got Izzy, Motimon, Sora, and Yokomon in my group! Yeahhhhh!!"
Just then, someone came...

It was traditional during those innocent days to end IF posts like this, leaving a hook for the next poster to take.

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Post #6, by TheGrislyOldHobo

TheGrislyOldHobo unhooked himself from the numerous straps that had previously connected himself to the bottom of PSi's jet.

One of PSI's many adoring followers/semi-stalkers. He probably would strap himself to the bottom of PSI's jet, if he could find the damned thing.

Glancing around at the lush flora and fauna of Eagleland Island he quickly pulled out his trusty harmarnica and began to play the awe-inspiring national athemn of Eagleland..............

No, I don't know what a harmarnica is, either. Or an athemn. But truly my awe is inspired.

As I recall, we didn't see much of TheGrislyOldHobo. He was the first of many people that made brief appearances and then, as people like Tengu man and Falcon24 hauled the story off into lets-save-the-world-land and you-have-to-write-well-to-be-accepted-here-land, realized they were way out of their league and found something better to do with their time.

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Post #7, by Tengu Man/Makron

[sorry, to post comments, but what are the rules on using the original characters[EB characters]? I need to know this before I can decided if I can add myself to it. Sorry.]

[The brackets indicate out-of-character comments. You'll be seeing lots of them from our friend Tengu Man.]

And thus are you introduced to the incomparable Tengu Man. To be perfectly honest, re-reading the Gathering, I cannot for the life of me fathom why I didn't ban that guy the first moment I had a chance. I think it must have been because, deep down, I knew the IF board just wouldn't survive without him. (And it didn't, really, once he left.) He lived in a dream world where he owned the IF board, and pretty much bossed everyone else around until guruzeth or PSI322 emerged from their Syndicate hideout and put him in his place, at which point he'd apologize profusely (if it was PSI) or stick his tongue out (if it was guruzeth) and keep doing what he was doing.

PSI has the one-AC-per-author thing going, so Tengu man's appealing to her here to let him use Paula and his own alter ego, which was standard operating procedure for him. As I recall, Tengu's argument was Paula wasn't an AC so it was legal, and PSI (and myself) bought it. Looking back, it's obvious Paula was an AC--she was the biggest Mary Sue in the history of Mary Sues, and the unending object of Tengu's dreaming.

By the way, Tengu was always very kind and polite with PSI. He was obsessed with PSI. (Yes, obsession was, shall we say, a theme for him.) He used to IM her on AIM just nonstop, incessantly, and she kind of politely tried to parry his advances for months on end before she finally gave up and blocked him.

At which point he made up a female alter-ego--his sister, he claimed, presumably to explain why 'she' had the same IP as him--so he could continue talking to PSI on AIM. Made hundreds of forum posts under 'her' name and everything. But then, this is the guy that, way back on reidman's forums in 1998, pre-earthbound.net, registered 8 accounts and engaged in an elaborate flame war with himself, with his 'true' account defending reidman's honor.