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29 September 2012

Posts #1101-1105: 21 May 2000

Post #1101, by Chris

"Me? The name's diospadre. A pleasure to finally meet all of you. I didn't catch everyone's names."

"Traceh, from the forums."

"PSI322 at your service."
I think this is the second or third time Chris has had PSI322's avatar introduce herself as 'PSI322' when in fact PSI322 has been clear that her AC's name is Juliana.
"Chris of the Boards."

"EBPoo or Poo, take your pick."

"And I'm guruzeth"

After the quick introductions, diospadre explained quickly what had happened. The spawns had attacked the hotel and quickly leveled it. diospadre had managed to grab a delivery van and was making his way in search of other SM.netters who were in trouble when he saw the group of five. He quickly had pulled us aboard, and the now group of six had driven off in search of shelter.
Chris really isn't paying attention. diospadre explicitly stated that he picked the Five Friends up in his own Ford Explorer, not some random delivery van. Also I don't know why Chris weirdly lapsed into first person at the end there.
"Guys, I have an idea," said EBPoo. "Most of southern Eagleland and the other continents have been affected, but the northern towns like Onett and Twoson haven't been attacked at all. If we go there, we might be able to find shelter."
Obviously the Kiddie Klub and/or Tengulings will just bring the violence right on the Five Friends' heels wherever they go, but, well, they have to go somewhere if they're going to continue to pursue guruzeth's cunning 'run the hell away' strategy. I think cruising Onett and Twoson is as good a plan as any other.
"But, what will we do once we find shelter?" asked guruzeth.



Post #1102, by Godeg

Mike awoke with a start in the Eagleland Island Hotel. He checked his watch, surprised that he had been unconscious for quite awhile.
He woke up in the hotel that has already been demolished? OK, it's cool, we can assume this is a Ten hours ago... post.
"Holy cow, no more devilled eggs for me... especially ones that are laying on a table with nobody around" Mike thought. "My head is kinda hurting as well... stupid exploding walkers. They tick me off. ...Hmm, i guess i'll go out and try to find other people, since it appears as if my companion has left."
I honestly don't remember who his companion was and I don't really care. OK, OK, asshole, I'll look it up for you. There's no need to be nasty about it.
Godeg's companion was Nathan (Dr. Andonuts), according to an offhand reference in Godeg's last post, several hundred posts ago, which Dr. Andonuts almost certainly never read, which is why Dr. Andonuts never referenced Godeg in any of his subsequent posts.
At almost the exact instant that Mike had thought that, he imagined he felt a rumbling, almost like that of an earthquake. Except, that this earthquake was real. Mike, now kinda scared, ran out of the hotel and onto the beach, to find a giant mass out in the distance. Being one to not stick around when there is imminent danger, especially by himself, Mike took off like a madman, heading in Onett's general direction.
Hi guys! This is Godeg! I'm still here! Apparently Godeg is, for reasons that were only known to him 12 years ago and aren't known to anyone anymore, has decided to throw his lot in with team guruzeth. So the once Five Friends are now the Seven Friends and seem about to become the Eight Friends. By the way, that almost certainly means team guruzeth will split up in the near future; anything more than about five ACs is too many to keep together, especially in a fast moving thread like this one.



Post #1103, by  Little Yoshi

(Sorry if elemental slash was too strong)
Yeah, you sound it.
The grenade worked, but Lavos reactivated quickly. The head used a doom blaze, catching the group off guard. Tim quickly used Lifeup Omega, and then was roasted by a flame attack(and as you should know, Ice is weak to fire) Tim was blown to his feet.
You have to like how he throws condescending OOC comments into his riveting battle scenes. This would probably be more of a problem if anyone ever than Liyoshi himself and me ever read any of his posts.
"You will pay for what you've done to the jellyfish!" Lavos shouted. He used another Doom Blaze, K.O.ing Tim, and damaging the others badly.
"I'm not finished with you yet!!" Lavos yelled, using his Flame on Tim again, who was blown from the battle, and hit something metal.

When he came to, he saw the machine was generating something. Tim, with further examination, notcied it was Lavos Spawns. He observed a coil linking to the robot.
"So this is where all those Lavos Spawns come from," im said, slashing at the chord with the Masamune. Then, he flicked the off switch, and returned to the battle, praying that the others were okay.
I would love Liyoshi so much if I knew he was actually massively trolling the entire thread by actively seeking out things to do that are certain to rips--- piss off pretty much everyone in the thread. You'd think, especially based on this post, that's what he's doing. But no. He was just that selfish and oblivious.



Post #1104, by loid

Kiyo and the Lavos spawn stood in the Lavos crater, formerly Saturn Valley.
You know, that sentence pretty much sums up everything I ever hated about IF, at least as it existed on the starmen.net forums. How the hell can you turn Saturn Valley into a Lavos crater? How???
"Ok lets go in!"
Kiyo went into the Lavos shell and had several weapons were pointed at the Lavos Spawn and him.
"IT'S OK! This Lavos here thinks I'm Lavos. It's Ok! Put the gaia beam down!"
"So, you return! I trust Randite has already destroyed your mind."
"Shut your mouth."
Kiyo grabed his sound stone is his hand. It started glowing with a very bright yellow light unil it became a pulsating yellow sphere. He rolled it after Lavos where it poped with a sickening blast and a new sphere appeared in his hand.
"GWARRGGHHH!"
I can't really follow this post from one sentence to the next. Is loid even aware there are about ten ACs in the middle of a fight with Lavos right now? How is this post supposed to work with all of theirs at all?



Post #1105, by Godeg

After awhile, Mike arrived in Onett.
He waited an hour and a half, dammit, and he cannot wait anymore. (You'll notice how, despite a half dozen posts since they left the hotel, team guruzeth still has not arrived in Onett. Godeg is skipping ahead in time.)
"Holy cow, too much running. Now im tired. And hungry. Maybe there's a vending machine somewhere..."

Mike decided to go find a vending machine, and when he found one, proceeded to buy some chips. But, to his dismay, he had no money. After a quick check of the change slot, he found some cash.

"Alright, im lucky. Time to get them potato chips." Mike buys the potato chips, and starts eating.
Godeg slips into the present tense for no reason.
"Hmm... I wonder what that huge mass was, out on the horizon. Stupid huge thing, made me forget my cash, my weapon, and my communicator. Hmm. Maybe if i wander around, maybe I'll find somebody who can explain, and maybe let me follow them around for awhile..."

Mike starts wandering around, wondering what is going on, since he has been 'unconscious' for a while, hoping to find somebody.
Godeg elects for the tried and true tactic of announcing his presence near the group he wishes to join, and hoping they're nice enough to say "Hi Godeg! We like you! Please join us!" To be fair to him, though, after team guruzeth arrives in Onett (if they do at all; there's still time for them to abruptly change course) he will still have the option of actively latching on to them. 
I think people are actually reading team guruzeth's posts enough to realize that this group contains two girls, which has made it the hot group where everyone who's anyone goes. Even the Kiddie Klub, via SaturnAl, awkwardly tried to merge with them.

22 September 2012

Posts #1096-1100: 21 May 2000

Post #1096, by PSI322

As the little group hurried across rough terrain, passing through what appeared to be a forest, they attempted to remain alert, despite their grogginess. "I'm confused. Explain it to me again, guruzeth," Juliana said sleepily, her eyes still only half-open.
Yes, guruzeth. Please explain to me your f---ing stupid plan again, because I am confused as to why I'm doing something this stupid.
"We're fleeing the spawn of Lavos," guruzeth said, being as patient as possible. "They were attacking Carrillon Beach, and some fighters wanted to enlist us to help them."
Damn, it's so f---ing noble of him to be so patient with our confusion. (Yes, I'm letting PSI322 speak for all of us here.)
Juliana yawned and started to trip over a large rock. guruzeth grabbed her arm just in time and helped her around it.
guruzeth and grabbing girls by the arm is getting to be a Thing here. Are we sure he's not a villain?
"Thanks," Juliana murmured. "I guess I'm still pretty sleepy. I have PSI, you know. I bet I could've used that." She paused for a moment to concentrate. "Watch this. PSI Comet Alpha!"
While fleeing for your life from some kind of alien hellspawn, wasting your PP just proving you can use PSI is not a smart play. I'm afraid guruzeth's Stupid Disease may be spreading here.
With all her might, Juliana attempted to demonstrate her psychic ability by attacking the tree that stood before them.

Nothing happened.

"What? I don't have it anymore?" Juliana and the others stopped moving on. "I don't understand."
I can give PSI322 a golf clap for trying to introduce something resembling dramatic tension here with the PSI322 has lost her psychic powers! thing. It doesn't work, since we all know perfectly well her psychic powers will return exactly when she actually needs them to kick some monster's ass, but she's trying.
"Don't worry about it now," guruzeth said, trying to sound reassuring. "We've got to get moving before those creatures break through!"
Traceh did it first and now PSI322 is continuing with the I feel safe with guruzeth! theme. But if he's such a fearless leader, why, again, are you jogging through the woods late at night with your backs turned to danger? I guess he can be depended on to let you know when it's time to turn tail and run like hell. So there's that.



Post #1097, by Pikachu3164

*tap tap*

"What, the?" Something was tapping Kiyo's leg. Using one giant burst of strength, he managed to look down. There stood the Lavos Spawn that had been following him around earlier, until they were seperated at the Fire Springs. "Hey! It's, Ba, by, La, vos! Can, you, help, me?"

Baby Lavos stared at him, then went to get something. He came back, and gave Kiyo a berry, which healed him of his paralysis.

"Wow! I can finally move again! Thanks! Hey... Wanna go help me beat up Big Lavos?"

Once again, the baby stared for a few seconds, then nodded.
I can't really understand why a baby Lavos Spawn would want to kill its progenitor. There are some weird genetics going on in that alien race.
Together, Baby Lavos and Kiyo ran through the Saturn Valley caves and into Lavos' mouth.

"Hey everyone! I decided to help! Whoa! He's a lot bigger than he looks in the game!"
3164, late to the party and just hoping with all his heart that he's not too late. I do like how he rushes into a fight for the fate of the universe and still takes the time to say 'sup?' to everyone before jumping in. That is one cool cat. Rat. Whatever.



Post #1098, by PSIOsman

(Okay, I'm back. Al, I think you're a bit mixed up there. Our party consists of Osman, Alan, Siris, and Tsurami).
If SaturnAl f---ed up on who's in his AC's party, I honestly didn't notice.
"Darn it! It looks like we're on our own now!"
This appears to be PSIOsman's only reaction to guruzeth telling his teammates to piss off. PSIOsman probably wasn't wild about the idea of teaming up with team guruzeth anyway, as he is the generally acknowledged leader of this crew and would lose any such distinction in the transaction.
At about that moment, screams erupted from the beach. One of the Lavos Spawn had broken away from the battle and was heading toward the crowds of people on the beach. The other three began to follow.

"NO! We can't let them get to the city! They'll destroy everything!" yelled Siris in alarm. The four ran at the Lavos Spawn.
I'm not actually going to ask the whiny question of why the Lavos Spawn want to kill everyone and destroy everything, because that's in character for all things Lavos. He does it for the evulz.
"Remember, attack the head!" yelled Osman, remembering the times that he had played through Chrono Trigger.
In Chrono Trigger, Lavos Spawns come in two parts, shell and head. Attacking the shell accomplishes nothing except a very painful counterattack rammed down your throat. So now you know.
Since the Lavos Spawn moved so slowly, they caught up with them easily as they crawled onto the road in front of the beach. Osman jumped in front of a Spawn and slashed at the head of it with his Scimitar. The Spawn gave a cry and then silenced, not moving. Siris caught up with another one, fired a Beam spell right into its eye. Alan slashed another, and Tsurami hit the last one with his mallet. Osman, Siris, Tsurami, and Alan stared at each other in confusion. It wasn't supposed to be this easy.
Sure it was! You're ACs! That's exactly how it's supposed to work, as long as you're not Liyoshi.
Tsurami turned to the Spawn that he had defeated.

"Uhhh... Guys?" he stammered.

They all turned to the Spawn. The shells of all of them were turning dark, almost black. The head of each started to emit a bright red light. When the light faded, the head of each Spawn had gained something that looked like a beautiful crystalline exoskeleton...

Then they restarted their slow, but sure drive towards the city.

Siris concentrated on his magical ability. He thought on the essence of Electricity. He ran forward and fired a massive bolt of lightning at the lead Spawn. It did... Nothing. The exoskeleton just absorbed the attack. Each Spawn then turned and started glowing.

"Oh, no! Obstacle! Get out of the--" Osman started, too late. The huge wave of energy rolled over the four. Osman became poisoned, and his muscles weakened tremendously. He dropped to the ground, the color of his face changing to a deep purple. Tsurami was frozen in place, on one foot with both hands held out in front of his face. Alan became possessed with an uncontrollable laughter, unable to do anything. And Siris was slowed down so much, he was barely moving.
I don't believe Lavos Spawns have an inflict-random-status-ailments attack. Obstacle inflicts confusion ("Chaos" in Chrono Trigger parlance). I'm pretty sure the humanoid part of the Lavos Core is the only monster in the game that can inflict random status ailments. By doing the YMCA.
And the Lavos Spawn entered Summers...

[This message has been edited by Lavos (edited 05-21-17000 BCE).]
He thought that was clever, you see. It was really PSIOsman editing his post more than once. Boy, I bet you feel foolish now!
[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 05-21-2000).]



Post #1099, by diospadre
I'm giddy for this one. diospadre posts always bring it.
As guruzeth and his group quickly made their way through the forest they became more and more fatigued. Poo was in the front of the group, leading the way. He took a step without watching where he was going and fell face first onto the moist ground, his foot caught by a vine.
He picked Poo to pick on because EBPoo is the one of the Five Friends diospadre was on the friendliest terms with.
This caused a chain reaction, and everybody behind him tumbled to the ground. As Poo looked up, he saw a small brown animal that resembled a porcupine. It was unmistakeable, a miniature Lavos. They were already here. Thankfully, this one was only the size of a small dog. He brushed it away, and the group ran on.
One would presume killing it would be a much better idea, right? But that would violate the Five Friends' pacifist conduct.
Suddenly they all began hearing a low hum. guruzeth spotted a spawn, then Tracy did. Out of nowhere almost twenty of them in ranging sizes had surrounded the group. There was no way the friends could get past Lavos's offspring. Then came the most disheartening of blows. Off in the distance they saw the two glowing yellow eyes, which were rapidly coming closer. It wasn't a tiny spawn, either, it was bigger than all of the teens put together. Before they knew it it was upon them, screeching to a halt. They all shut their eyes and braced themselves.
This would be an example of a good time for PSI322 to remember how to cast PSI Asskicking, and the others to do something AC-like. But no, the Five Friends are going to hold true to their ideals and die pacifists. Handsome men and beautiful women will sing songs about their noble determination for millennia to come.
"GET IN!" diospadre yelled. "The hotel's been destroyed! We need to get out of here!"
Or, there's that. They could do that. diospadre with the Big Damn Hero save and now they can resume running the hell away!
Juliana and her friends thanked the Heavens. The eyes didn't belong to a Lavos spawn after all. They were the headlights of the Hotel manager's Ford Explorer. The group crammed themselves into the car, just as the spawn jumped to attack. But it was too late, diospadre had already floored it and was yards away.
That was actually really good, the way he described the unmistakable "yellow eyes" and then revealed them to be his Explorer's headlights. You have to admit that was an expert play. Some of the best writing of the Gathering, is what you just read.
"Thank you for saving us...." guruzeth paused. "I'm sorry, I don't think we know your name. Who are you?"
It's awkward and weird that diospadre chose to end his post at the point at which his own AC is expected to introduce himself. Now one of the Five Friends has to pick it up with "I'm diospadre you moron" and then move on with the plot.
[This message has been edited by diospadre (edited 05-21-2000).]

[This message has been edited by diospadre (edited 05-21-2000).]



Post #1100, by Falcon24
It's been a long time since I've seen a bona fide Falcon24 post. I had to go back and refresh my memory: his last post was #1023, wherein he was dead, then thought maybe pogopunk could bring him back to life. pogopunk never responded to that, and I gather that Falcon24's had enough of waiting around for him. This should be interesting.
guruzeth and the others quickly fled the scene of the Lavos spawn in the Ford Explorer that diospadre was driving. As they crashed through the underbrush, finding themselves deeper in the forest, it seemed to all is if they had become lost. However, with a fortunate stroke of luck, diospadre found the road again. In the distance, the sounds of battle could be heard.
Yeah, yeah, the Five (Six?) Friends drive for a while, there's a fight going on, we get it.
"We'd best get away from here as soon as possible, -- What's that!?" Poo shouted. diospadre looked up to see a shadowed figure slowly trudging across the road. He quickly slammed on the brakes, but none to soon, as the Explorer made contact with the figure.
Falcon24 was still young (16, I think) at this point and still playing with turns of phrase and figuring out how to use them "None to (sic) soon" is out of place here, as he tried to be fancier than "not soon enough" and failed. But this is a larval stage every young writer goes through, so let's not begrudge him for it.
You can make fun of him for misspelling 'too', though, if you want.
The creature made an attempt to dodge the vehicle, but to no avail. It smacked straight into the grill, toppled across the windshield, and then fell off the hood of the car. Juliana made a mortified gasp.
Again, he tried to move 'gasped in horror' to a higher pay grade and didn't quite get there. But he's trying.
Falcon slid off the hood of the car and fell to the ground with a sickening thud.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN.
I like this for a couple reasons:
1. It's tense. There's actual drama here, and I mean that in a good way.
2. He's correctly identified where the focal point of the action in this story is right now (team guruzeth is doing new things, whereas the kiddie klub is doing basically the same thing they've been doing for 600 posts) and latching onto it.
3. He's challenging guruzeth for supremacy in Horribly Injured Points, which as far as he can tell are apparently redeemable for female attention.

21 September 2012

Posts #1091-1095: 20-21 May 2000

Post #1091, by EBPoo

For the fifth time that night, Poo rolled over on his bed. "Ack, I can't sleep," Poo muttered quietly. Walking out to get a glass of water, Poo bumped into guruzeth who had also waken up. "Hey guru, can't sleep either?"
I have no idea what provoked EBPoo to invest four sentences in engaging guruzeth in conversation. The best logic I can piece together would be: he's bored, but he doesn't want to detach himself from team guruzeth, and he doesn't expect if he goes off and does something the rest of the team will like it or come along (remember, all three forum administrators are in this group and one is mercurial, one is bullheadedly dull and one is an asshole). So this is a way of saying 'hey guruzeth, can't you come up with something other than this stupid amusement park stuff?'

The part of that logic that doesn't quite ring true to me is the 'EBPoo doesn't want to leave team guruzeth' part. EBPoo generally liked to be where the action was, and not much action was likely to take place in this crew. But that's my best shot at it.



Post #1092, by SaturnAl

When Alan was surfing, he did not check behind him.

"WATCH OUT!!!" yelled GW.

Behind Alan, 4 huge creatures, looking like lavos, but smaller, were rising above the water. They were (High pitched lavos organ music plays) Lavos spawns!!!

Engage battle!
There's a saying in the writing world that (paraphrased) anytime the story starts feeling dull, have something attack the protagonists. Well, IF just takes it to its logical conclusion. 



Post #1093, by Traceh
That reminds me: the Lavos Spawn attacking the beach is bringing the Lavos Stupidity into close proximity to team guruzeth, which is actively avoiding it by doing boring stuff. We are in for some grand entertainment when these worlds collide. Oh, boy, are we ever.
"Hahahahah...you really think so!?" Tracy asked in disbelief. She sat on the pillow and laughed again.

"Well, I dont know, but I'm pretty sure," replied Juliana.
I don't know if Traceh had anything specific in mind that she and Juliana were laughing about--in my mind it's something making fun of Chris, or maybe guruzeth--or if it was just a generic snippet of girl conversation. It could go either way.
She went back to her book and jotted down a few notes. Then she took out a seperate book and started to write, a look of concentration and peace at the same time crossed her face.
This is what made Traceh one of the very best IF writers despite her atrocious typo rate. She was thoughtful. She had read enough PSI322 posts to know that PSI322 liked writing poetry and liked appearing peaceful and content while doing so.
They had decided to stay up for a while and they could hear the guys in the next room up to something, no doubt beating eachother down at Super Smash Bros. Tracy painted her toenails with a weirdish aqua color then offered it to Juliana who politely declined.
I cannot imagine voluntarily investing my free time in something so pointless and boring as painting my toenails. But then, I have zero artistic inclination on a 0-to-10000 scale, which is related to scoring a perfect zero on the artistic skill scale also.
After a while the noise next door died down and deminished.
The Department of Redundancy Department approves of that sentence.
Tracy had the biggest urge to grab a can of shaving cream and molassas and play the part of 'annoying younger sister', but then reconsidered.

"What kind of rides do you usually go on?" asked Juliana, looking up from her book.

Tracy finished her nails and sat up to grab a book. "Well....I like the rides that do a zillion flips I guess. Oh and those water rides, those are like galactic. Heh... lazer tag is gonna be great though. Too bad they play such bad music in there."
Oh, that pounding screaming noise was supposed to be music? I thought it was there to simulate the sounds of a World War II-era battle.
Juliana smiled and closed her book. They mumbled a few things about life, their homes and the way the island and the people there had affected them, then shut off the lamps. They stretched out on the huge beds in the room and drifted to sleep.

It was almost as if the bed was a giant cloud (you know Summers, totally first class and expensive) and Tracy thought she heard voices again in the next room, but thought nothing of it. Dream Land had come for her and for all of them. The five friends had a long day awaiting them.
Is that their official group title, do you think, 'The Five Friends'? What happens when EBPoo inevitably bails out? What if someone else joins them? Do they take after the Runaway Five and keep calling themselves The Five Friends even when they have six members?



Post #1094, by SaturnAl

Alan, Osman, Tsurami, and Siris were trying to fight the baby-lavi. They tried ganging up on one, but the other three would always try and send a spine needle attack. When they tried one-on-one, it was pretty much pathetic for them.

"We need help!" Yelled Siris
I really like this description of the battle. "Whenever the Browns play the Steelers, it's pretty much pathetic for them."
Without telling anybody, Osman sent out a telepathic message to the SM.netters in the hotel.(Guru's group, i forgot who is all there)
[help.....come out to the beach......we are near defeat.....help......please]
I'm not sure that team guruzeth is going to regard your being defeated as a bad thing, kiddo.
[This message has been edited by SaturnAl (edited 05-21-2000).]



Post #1095, by guruzeth

guruzeth awoke with a start. It was about six A.M., and there was a terrible, low rumbling noise outside and people fighting. "we are near defeat... help us... please..." The words were coming into his head again.

We are not fighters, guru telepathically relayed, even though he had to this point never sent any telepathic messages. We can't help you. Find someone who can...
This is the beginning of what your English teacher would call a Theme for the rest of the Gathering: guruzeth's absolutely pissy refusal to engage in anything that could possibly be construed as combat.
You know, it would have been easier for guruzeth to just say "since guruzeth is not telepathic, he didn't get the idiot's message", but unfortunately other members of team guruzeth are known telepaths. Also that's too indirect for guruzeth's taste. He would rather rip SaturnAl a new asshole for intruding.
"What's going on, guru?" Chris and Poo were also awake. guru shot to the window and saw the battle raging on the beach. He wheeled back towards them and said, "Get dressed. We gotta get out of here. NOW!"
guruzeth issues commands, not requests. 
They threw on their clothes and went next door and pounded the door until the girls awakened, and they hastily dressed as well and the group was out of the hotel, hurrying through the back of the town. The amusement park was on the other side of the island, but would it matter? What if the Lavos spawns made it through? The group knew they couldn't, or wouldn't, fight.
It might just be me because I remember it better than you, but can't you feel the emo oozing through this post, especially that last paragraph? How guruzeth managed to attain such prominence in the community, for however brief a time, with such a gaping lack of understanding of how to be awesome is baffling. 

The Right Thing: Ignore SaturnAl's request and do something funny to belittle it.

The Wrong Thing: Act pissy about it and leave the scene. You're the Supreme-Dictator-For-Life, for f---'s sake, why are you leaving? Why don't you just tell the kid to piss off? I just don't get it.

19 September 2012

Posts #1086-1090: 20 May 2000

Post #1086, by Dr. Andonuts 

(I have a way to escape, too. My computer does time travel. Speaking of which, i should be somewhen else right now.)
I don't know if he was high when he wrote this or what. I also don't know how time travel is supposed to help you escape Lavos, whose entire schtick is that he consumes time.



Post #1087, by SirMontyG

((Dr., it's cool that your cpu can do the H.G. Wells thing, but use it only as a last ditch effort, things get awful messy when you screw with the fabric of spacetime))
Major Asshole always comes up with amusing ways to say "hey dude, that's pretty stupid." I could wish he were here to annotate.
"Anthadd! There's not much time! We've only got one chance at this attack. Dog's gonna figure out what we're doing and we'll have to think of something else, hurry, man!" Sir became childishly impatient "Agh, sorry, Anth..got caught up there for a sec..."
Translation: "hey Anthadd, you still around or what?"
And notice now the awful punishment for failing to act quickly is... you'll have to think. Words to strike fear in any IF writer's heart.
[This message has been edited by SirMontyG (edited 05-20-2000).]



Post #1088, by Gauntlet Wizard

(Whoa! Haven't checked this forum in a while. Sorry, Osman. I'll be going with ya, if ya still want me around... Where are we going now? I'm still kinda lost.
So, uh... I know you're far too busy a man to actually read those hundreds of posts, but you could spare the 15 minutes or so to just read PSIOsman's posts. Can't you? 
We beat the Randite, went to Summers, and now we have Tsurami with us, right? Tsurami... hmm. How do you pronounce that?
Just like it sounds. Like 'tsunami' but with an R. It's not hard.
Well, anyway, I won't post again 'til you do, Osman, I need to now what's going on.)
You might be tempted to think he's just lazy and doesn't want to actually think of a post, but if you're not reading this thing and you see 200 new posts since the last time you posted, you'd be scared stiff of posting the wrong thing and pissing someone off, too. And no way is he going to, you know, read all of that. That would be work.







Post #1089, by Anthadd

"Aiee!" Anthadd cried, cracking Diamond Dog into a near-infinite amount of pieces.

I very much doubt that. Even if he converted Diamond Dog into a pile of Diamond Dust, there would probably not be more than, say, 10 million individual specks of dust there. Which is nowhere near infinity. It's not even close to close to close to infinity. 
I do greatly appreciate the panache with which Anthadd shrugs and abruptly ends the battle. The translation is "actually, Major Asshole, I'm pretty bored with this too, and we're missing out on the real action here. So I'm totally on board with speeding this up."
"Woof."
Anthadd and Sir travelled into the Fire Springs, and collected the melody.
"Now to return to the Tenda Village."
A giant tremour shook the cave, and Anthadd suspected earthquakes causing the fall-in.
"Hurry, Sir! The cave might fall in upon itself, and us too!"
This is a golden opportunity for Major Asshole to write something good. Tense and exciting and action-packed. Most of the IF writers, instead of that, would just say "OK, we teleport to safety and join the Lavos battle." But hey, if anyone in this crowd has a shot at delivering a quality follow-up to this, it's Major Asshole.



Post #1090, by TsuramiSea

(Well, I'm not sure how to pronounce it exactly, but I say it as "sue-ra'h-mee" [accent on the rah]. And thanks for accepting me, all! I'll do my best to do your characters right in my additions...)
Right. It's pronounced like 'tsunami' but with an R. I already said that.
After finishing their meals, the four headed out to the beach, where they partook in some leisure. Alan, of course, rode the waves. Siris lay in the sun, letting the warmth almost put him to sleep. Osman ran back and forth, enjoying the general beach atmosphere. TsuramiSea either played with the sand or waded around in the shallow water.
Now he's doing a team guruzeth impersonation, presumably as a prelude to suggesting a merger of the groups.
"Whooooooah! Here it comes!" shouted Alan, surfing a huge wave. He expertly made it to the shore, and celebrated his victory. Then, surfboard in hand, he walked over to Siris.

"So, dude, how are you managing?"

"I'm doing fine! Ah, this beach is as good as the one on the coast of Eagleland Island, if not better. Nice to just lie around..."

"Why don't you try to catch some waves?" offered Alan, grinning. "The tide here is awesome!"

"No thank you," answered Siris politely. He sat a little more upright. "Have they found any other SM.Netters?"

"Nah," answered the surfer. "And they've walked pretty far across the beach, too. TsuramiSea's, like, just about to give up." He began to head back to the tides. "I'll see you later, 'kay? I'm going to do some more riding...."

"Sure. Just be careful." Alan just waved his hand in a dismissing way, and headed off towards the shore.

(So, how'd I do? Hope I didn't mess anything up.....)
As you see, harking back to Gauntlet Wizard's non-post, there's a lot of nervousness about (a) using someone else's AC in a way they object to, even in something so innocuous as a conversation, and (b) accidentally running afoul of one of the self-appointed Thread Lords such as Tengu Man.

18 September 2012

Posts #1081-1085: 19-20 May 2000

Post #1081, by Traceh


"Um....uh...lessee...I think.....," stuttered Tracy, indecisive as usual. She scanned the menu once more, the others at the table starting to get rather impatient. "Heh, sorry guys!" she said with a shrug. "I guess I'll have the veggie burger, I need something healthy."
"Okay, now on with the show!" cried Poo. Juliana flashed him a look. "Really though, should it take that long to order?" He smiled slyly, showing he was only trying to lighten the mood. They began to chatter once more.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Chris. "What do we do now? It's such a big island, where do we start?"

Tracy turned to guruzeth. "Ya know, before you came to the island I was thinking about going to that ammusement park. Mabye it wasnt finished then...but do you think it is now? That would be so stellar. And besides, there are more of us then there was before, it would be even funner. Didnt you and Chris go there, Juliana?"
Credit to Traceh for suggesting something new to do, even if she's going to wait for someone else to follow through with it.
guru narowed his eyes. "Yeah that does sound kinda fun. If noone is scared of roller coasters. How about it?"
guruzeth was scared of roller coasters, or anyway refused to ride them because even a very mild roller coaster made him sick. That's the joke.
Just then the food arived. Trays and trays of it and they all dug in, hungry from a hard day's work at the beach.
I don't know, is this really any better than what Liyoshi does? They both get filed in the "nothing happens for decades" folder, at least. If team guruzeth's goal is to draw people away from endless combat and toward partying, this isn't really going to be persuasive.
[This message has been edited too many times by Traceh because she cant spell to save her life (edited 05-19-2000).]

[This message has been eaten by a pink goat named Sarah (edited 05-19-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Traceh (edited 05-21-2000).]
Haha. Dear ol' Traceh and her spelling self-consciousness.



Post #1082, by Dr. Andonuts


(I just want to tell you guys that everything you've done w/ my AC so far is fine with me)
In fact it has been some time since he last posted. Not that he really missed anything; they were fighting Lavos back at his last post and they're fighting Lavos now.
Nathan suddenly grabed Jeff's Gaia beam, and pulled an E-Web blaster out of the air. He wired together Jeff's Gaia, his own Gaia Beam and the E-Web blaster and haned it back to Jeff, saying "Try that on Lavos."
Jeff said, "But what will you attack Lavos with?"
Nathan pulled a little round ball out of his pocket and said, "This."
Tim asked, "Whats that?"
Jeff replied, "Its a foucesed EMP genande."
Paula said, "In English, please."
Don't you love how Lavos (and, one presumes, the rest of the combatants) politely waits while these guys talk out their strategy? Lavos is a more honorable warrior than we gave him credit for.
Nathan said, "Basicly, it knocks out electroics for a little while. If i use this right before we do a massive attack on Lavos, we should be able to do a lot of damage to him."
Jeff contined, "...Or it could misfire and do nothing."
Nathan said, "Ummm, yeah." Nathan threw the EMP grenade at the robitic Lavos and pulled type 3 phaser out of his pocket.
(somebody else gets to say what happens w/ the grenade.)
By the way, where did the notion that Lavos's second form is a robot come from, anyway? It always looked alien but basically organic to me. Never before I read the Gathering did it occur to me to think of it as a mech.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Andonuts (edited 05-19-2000).]


Post #1083, by loid

Meanwhile, Kiyo was asleep and inside his magicant arguing with Randite.
"FOOLS! Even if Lavos is destroyed, I will rule all! MWHAAHAHAH-"
"Not so fast, the people of this island are fighters. Ton, Pikachu, Tim, Nathan, Sir, Anthadd, all the rest. 
True fact, as far as I can remember: of the entire Gathering cast, Traceh and guruzeth are the only characters that to date have engaged in no combat at all. If I'm wrong about this point it out, but I don't think I am. Even during their Pyramid excursion, whenever confronted with Great Crested Bookas or walking heiroglyphs or whatever, they always chose to bravely turn their tails and flee.
These people have gaia beams, they have swoards, they have psi;
They have melodies"
This reminds me of Stalin declaring, "Our resources are great. We have troops, tanks, guns, planes, and mighty vessels of war." He's probably paraphrasing some movie quote or another that I'm unaware of.
"Yes, but these people are your friends, as long as I am in your body, they would never harm me!"
"But I can still stop you! If I could move..."
just then the apple of enlightenment spoke from the sky of magicant.
"beware, thy judgment day cometh. The final battle agianst Lavos has begun.
"What? I'm outta here!"
Well, that is a reasonable response to the AoE's statement.
with that Kiyo left magicant only to remember he was paralyzed. 
"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! ANYBODY!"
Here's hoping the first responder to the loid signal is Major Asshole.
[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-19-2000).]

[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-19-2000).]


Post #1084, by PSI322

After finishing their meal, the group departed from the restaurant. After spending the better part of the day working on their sand castle, they were feeling somewhat tired, and the thought of the amusement park only made them feel more fatigued. Besides, it was too late to do much of anything right now; the early evening had settled upon the city of Summers, and while it looked quite beautiful to behold, it was getting dark fast. Tracy, guruzeth, Chris, Poo, and Juliana pondered what to do at the moment.
"I say we go back to the hotel for tonight and leave first thing in the morning," Juliana suggested. "We'll have a long journey to the amusement park, anyway."

Chris nodded. "That's right. Keep in mind that we're in Summers, which means we're in the island's interior. The park is back on the coast, near the Eagleland Island Hotel."
Finally the inventor of Eagleland Island speaks up to, subtly, say "hey, that stuff about this whole world is EarthBound? Yeah, that's pretty stupid and it wasn't what I wanted at all." It's far too late to take it back now, of course. 
However, I can't understand how Summers, notable because it's on the coast, could possibly be on the "interior" of the island. Can you?
"How about we spend the night here, like Juliana suggested, and plan on meeting in the lobby tomorrow morning, so the five of us can set off together?" guruzeth said.

"Sounds like a plan," Juliana and Chris said, almost at the exact same time. The five of them laughed and started to walk off towards the hotel.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why PSI322 emerged from a lengthy silence to post a few paragraphs of her team doing.... absolutely nothing. More than that, in fact; she had the team decide not only to do nothing now, but to continue doing nothing for a while. Maybe she was concerned they'd get sucked into the Great Lavos Stupidity if they attempted to go anywhere or do anything, I don't know.


Post #1085, by t0nberry22

(I have a way to escape. It involves my extremely defective teleport device, Black Portal, and the Disruptor. Plus, there are other things on this island to fight, like the Randites. And I didn't say it would destroy Lavos Form 2. Well, OK, maybe I did. Anyway, I could say it didn't COMPLETELY destroy Lavos, or we could use our Super attacks simultaneously. Whatdayasay, Pikachu?)
This is him backing off the Idea of Stupidity after 3164's small hissy fit.
(Oh, and I'll tell you what it is when I'm ready to use it. Ok desu ka?)
It's so cute that he thinks anyone would give a damn what his brilliant teleport device is.

16 September 2012

Posts #1076-1080: 19 May 2000

Post #1076, by Mani Mani

(Ooo, OOO! I wanna help too! :P)
I assume the :P indicates sarcasm, aimed at the kiddies.
Mani called, "I'll help! I'll put some Ice Rain on the sword!" She braced herself, getting ready for the huge multi-tech...
At least Lavos is being a good sport and waiting for them to get it all straightened out.



Post #1077, by Pikachu3164

((Heh, no. Not a nice little plot twist. Sorry Ton, but Pikachu is leaving for vacation when Robot form Lavos is destroyed. I have a way to get him out of there without a Time Gate.))
Come on, 3164, that's it? I was hoping for some fireworks from you of all people. Where are Tengu and Liyoshi, I want to watch someone get rips--- pissed off here.
((Oh, and I also have a super-secret attack that I haven't decided if I wanted to show off yet. I don't think it's too fair that you get to defeat Lavos just because you said you wanted to.))
Correct, but boring. I already pointed that out, and even then it was correct and boring, because it's so obvious to anyone with any common sense!
Someone healed Poryhedron and Pikachu of their confusion, and they got ready for their octo-tech.

"Okay guys and girls! NOW!" Tim held out the Masamune.

Nathan and Jeff fired Gaia Energy onto the sword.
Paula used Fire Omega and blsted the sword. Poo used Starstorm Omega on the sword, while Mog cast Ultima on it.
Pikachu used a Thunder on the sword.
Both Mani and Tim used their ice attacks and the sword was fully charged for a sept-tech.
I'll give him credit for being willing to move the action along, at least. Seems no one else is.
Before they got a chance to attack, Lavos used one of those attacks someone described earlier, but Ton blocked it with the Disruptor.
As an afterthought 3164 thought, 'huh, I guess Lavos would be attacking somewhere around now. I'd better throw something in there so people don't think I lost track.' And it's fine because no one's interested in reading about what Lavos is doing, except maybe Liyoshi.
"Okay, Tim! Get on my back!" yelled Poryhedron. Tim jumped onto Poryhedron, and they prepared to pretty much blast Lavos into next year.
LOL, I really like 3164's narrative style. It's genuinely funny because it's so honest. There's no pretense to 3164's writing at all, you have to give him that.
[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-19-2000).]



Post #1078, by loid

"There will come soft rains and the smell
of the ground,

And swallows circling with their
Shimmering sound;

And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremoulous white;

Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whisling their whims in a low fence wire;

And not one will know of the war, not
one
Will care at last when its done

Not one would mind, Neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly.

Sara Teasdale, It's my favorite poem. What do you think Randite?"

Kiyo was aslee as this was all happening. He was able to go into his magicant and comunicate with Randite.
I think (a) that's a really stupid poem, (b) even if it were magnificent it would still be stupid for you to post it in an IF thread and ask for comments, and (c) I am vastly depressed to see one of my favorite posters displaying typical raging know-it-all adolescent colors.
The italics are loid's, in case you didn't realize.
"Were trapped here, paralyzed and all you care about is your stupid poetry?"
Also a fair opinion.
"Look, it just makes me think that if Lavos destroys the Earth and- woah woah woah, heh I forgot who I'm talking to here!"
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, well your one of Lavos's goons. One of-"
"Bah! I hate Lavos! For an eternity I've been draged across the universe to serve him! The other Randites are so spineless and weak minded they're practicly his slaves! You heard what I said to Pikachu."
"You mean your a good guy like us? You wanna fight Lavos too?"
"No and yes. I want to kill Lavos so I can enslave this pitiful planet! Destroy Lavos and your planet is still doomed, doomed, DOOMED!"
"Now there's the Randite I know!"
As you can see--though I certainly hope you figured it out on your own by now--slaying Lavos will in no way end the Crusade to Save the World. There will always be another megalomaniac to defeat.
[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-19-2000).]



Post #1079, by Mog116

(Cool.)

[Quick! Someone cast slow on my spells!] Mog yelled. Mog used two Ultimas quickly, that were frozen in time by the slow. Then Tim, Poo, and Mog, all jump slashed the left arm through the Ultimas. This destroyed the Left arm.
Obviously Ultima didn't hurt the ACs that jumped through its field at all. ACs are invincible. Don't be stupid.



Post #1080, by SaturnAl

(OK i'm back. I've been very very busy lately. I'll go with you, Osman and GW.)
This is the third time SaturnAl has disappeared without a peep, and then almost immediately reappeared after PSIOsman posted "OK, SaturnAl's gone so we'll just ditch him." PSIOsman's problem is, he can't really stomach losing a precious follower, even if it's just an absentee follower, so he can't just tell him to get bent if he's not going to post anything useful.

15 September 2012

Posts #1071-1075: 18-19 May 2000

Post #1071, by PSIOsman

(I don't think GLW or Al will be posting for a while, so I guess I'll just leave their AC's in Summers and go off without them, or take control of their ACs, whatever they decide... GLW and Al, tell me before my next post! ... And TsuramiSea, you're more than welcome to join us)
So he's given up on the prospect of Gauntlet Wizard or SaturnAl posting anytime in the near future... but he wants them to post and answer his question before his next post? Do I have that right? How did that make sense in his head? 
Alternatively: obviously no one is ever going to grant anyone permission to control their ACs. PSIOsman therefore is going to wait about a half hour, then take his cohorts' silence for permission and proceed. Which would mean he's using three ACs, which isn't allowed; the unwritten expectation is that abandoned ACs will be gently written out of the way and left someplace safe, where they can be picked up again later if need be.



Post #1072, by SirMontyG


Diamond Dog's fracture became visably wider after the blow from the milti bottle rocket, but DD was still in one piece.
*Grrrawwwerrr!* Diamond Dog didn't apreciate the attack.
I've never understood the allure of the "didn't appreciate" construct. It's common enough to be cliche, yet it's just a failure at sarcasm. Sarcasm only works if it's somewhat witty. "I did not appreciate you punching me in the face!" is just... lame. Even if you didn't deserve to be punched in the face before you offered that retort, you retroactively deserved it after.
*SMASH* Sir was knocked back and took some major damage from the headbutt given by the crystal canine.

"Sir, can you get up?"

"*Shrughh* Ya..I'm good. Here, toss me one of you're clubs, if we hit the dog from both sides at the same time, he should split in two!"

"Sounds like a plan," said Anthadd as he tossed Sir a club.
That's another one. Who exactly was the first one to come up with the phrase "that sounds like a plan", and who were the people who heard it and thought "wow, that was witty, I've got to use that one"?
"Let's do this!!"

(I won't kill him till you say, Anth, this is your battle)
You know, the thing that made the Gathering so spectacularly popular it blew your mind was that it wasn't like every other one of the 25 Interactive Fiction threads active at any one time. Which is to say, it was the only one that didn't revolve around a bunch of people writing long battle sequences for their ACs. But in the end that seems to have been all most of this crowd really knew how to do. 
((oh, and a quick thought, after this is all over, we oughta have a battle arena set up and have the AC's duke it out. You'ld let the audience determin the outcome, just a thought..okay, back to your regularly scedualed Eagleland Islandy goodness))
Did he just call for a popularity contest? I mean, all IF, like all internet forums, is a popularity contest when you boil it down. But Major Asshole is calling for an overt popularity contest. I mean, I'd vote for him, but he's just a niche poster and anyway PSI322 would lap the field ten times over.


Post #1073, by t0nberry22

(Tengu, please. It seems you're going on a different scale than us. Maybe scale your attack down by 1/5.)
I have noticed two things as vast as the universe itself: the human capacity to complain, and the human capacity to argue. They're closely related, of course. You notice that t0nberry here is doing both. It's doubly amazing because he's picking a fight with Tengu Man over something that makes absolutely no difference.
(Two more things I'll say in here. 1: Does anyone know what the 9th and 10th melodies sound like? and 2: What attacks does Lavos's head have besides chaos? Doesn't he have some sort of flame attack?)
On (1), I can promise you no one writing on the Interactive Fiction forum has half the musical talent working that out would require, and that's notwithstanding the fact there can't be two extra melodies because the eight melodies form a complete song, which is very prominently featured in EarthBound and is remixed into its grand finale ending music, which is the single greatest piece of video game music ever composed. "Extra sanctuaries!" is stupid, stupid, stupid.  
And on (2), yes, it has some sort of flame attack. It's creatively titled "Flame Battle". It also has a much more awesome flame-themed attack after that.
Ton saw lots of people being confused. [What did Disruptor do?] he thought. Lavos then fired a beam at him. [Now I remember!]
"Disruptor!" The beam flickered, then stopped short of Ton. "That's it! It neutrilizes attacks!"
Ton ran at Lavos's Torso and stabbed at it. The knife glanced off. "Darn! He's got armor!"
I do enjoy his insistence on wielding knives when everyone else is wielding the BFG72000 or lightsabers or whatever.


Post #1074, by Little Yoshi

"Let's go, Nathan!" Tim shouted. "Ready?"
"Ready!" Nathan replied. Tim leapt into the air, and Nathan shot Gaia Beam energy onto the Masamune, and Tim slashed at the jellyfish, defeating them.
Mog quickly whipped out a Pearl Lance and jabbed at the Left arm, casting Pearl on it.
Ton leapt on the Left arm, executig several deadly slashes on it with his knife. The Left Arm then opened the chest. "DOOM BLAZE!!!" Lavos screamed.
It's been a few years since I last played Chrono Trigger and I know I'm on shaky ground challenging Liyoshi on Chrono Trigger Knowledge, but I'm pretty sure the Wall of Flames thing Lavos does is called Shadow Doom Blaze. And I am absolutely certain Lavos does not call out the names of his attacks before performing them.
Everyone was left on their knees after this massive attack. Tim leapt in front of the group and cast Lifeup Omicrone, special Yoshi level. Everyone's Hp are maxed out! Tim lost a bunch of PP! Tim ate a magic truffle, regaining those PP.

Jeff and Nathan ducked behind Lavos and attacked with their Gaia Beams! Jack SMAAAASHED! the Left Arm! Tim turned to Nathan, Pikachu, Porheydron, Paula, Poo, and Mog. "Okay, guys, listen up. We need to attack the chest now, while it's open. So here's the plan. Nathan, you shoot Gaia Beam energy onto my sword. Paula, you charge my sword with Fire. Poo, I know you have a sword to, but the Masamune can have more elementals put on it, so could you give me Star energy? Mog, can you give me Ultima or Pearl? Pikachu, I need lighting! Porheydron, can you psychicaly teleport me to the chest? I'll put some Ice on my sword. Let's go!"
(Tengu, if you have an elemental you can put on the Sword, just tell me and I'll change it from a sept-tech to an octo-tech!)
Liyoshi just, as usual, appointed himself Glorious Leader of pretty much everyone. Including, most importantly, Paula. I cannot wait to see how Tengu Man responds to this.
[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 05-19-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 05-19-2000).]


Post #1075, by t0nberry22

(Errr... nevermind. But Tim, remember, we DO have a limit to our powers. You can do that multi tech-attack if you want, but I wanna finish him off. I still haven't revealed my Super-Special attack yet...)
I have big hopes for high comedy in this thread in the very near future. Of course you have to reveal your Super-Special attack to kill Lavos! You and all nine of the ACs involved here. If Lavos is smart he's figuring, all I have to do is hang back and let them fight each other until only one's left alive, then survive that one guy's Super-Special Attack and I can get out of this.
Ton saw then talking about the Multi-Elemental sword attack. He also saw Lavos targeting them. "Guys, watch out!"
Ton leapt in front of them. "Disruptor!" The Chaos attack was stopped.
"Man, this attack is valuable!"
You probably don't need my help to read the subtext: Man, I am valuable! Aren't I sexy? What's really, depressingly sad about this is that t0nberry is ripping off Liyoshi's gimmick. He's been working the Shield of Invincibility since like Post #30.
Ton was then whacked aside by a Beam Attack. He hit the wall outside the battle area. "Owww... wait a sec." Ton saw that there wasn't a TimeGate. "Uh oh... if we defeat Lavos, everyone here will be forced to fight the core! And that almost certainly means someone here may lose!" Ton ran back to the battle.
(Heh, nice little twist there, huh?)
Heh. Boy are you in for a surprise when the follow-up posts start rolling in. 
Remember, kids: if you absolutely have to do something astonishingly stupid, at least don't then stand up and pat yourself on the back for your cleverness. 

14 September 2012

Posts #1066-1070: 18 May 2000

Post #1066, by Little Yoshi

(*smacks head* sorry Mog! Oh, and Ton, I would sorta like you to edit your post, because I try not to use the Lord's name in vain)
You know... this explains so much of Chris and Liyoshi's behavior.




Post #1067, by Tengu Maul


(here we come!)
We know, Tengu. We gleaned that information from your user name affixed to this post. I like his flair, though, acting like his arrival is an event everyone has been waiting for, and thus demands a formal announcement.
Lavos suddenly growled as he saw Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, Jack and Mani out of the corner of his eye.

"Gufufufufu... you've finally come. Prepare!" he then gestured to the six to come.

The six rushed over and entered the fight. Jack began with a double slash to the reviving arm, and Mani impaled the lower stomach with her staff, and then pole-vault kicked Lavos in the face.

Ness and Poo combined PSI Starstorm and Rockin Omegas and launched them at the huge robot. The right arm disintergrated, and now only the left arm and head remained.
You'll notice how the instant Team Tengu arrived, Lavos ceased paying attention to anyone else involved. And you know, come to think of it, Tengu's plot rails were never at any risk of being disturbed by Liyoshi & Co. Left to their own devices, you could come back in 500 posts and they would still be happily fighting Lavos. At least Liyoshi would be. Probably by himself after driving off the rest of his team by constantly insisting Lavos can't be defeated yet, it's too soon! Yet Tengu threw this ultra-short (for Tengu) post in here, clearly because he was concerned one of the kiddies would try to kill Lavos off before Tengu was ready to throw his real post in there.


Post #1068, by t0nberry22

(Tengu, say the LEFT arm is destroyed, cause that's the one that Mog attacked. OK?)
That... is a really bizarre objection to raise to Tengu's post, if you're going to have sack enough to raise an objection.
(And make Lavos attack! Geez, he isn't a punching bag...)
Tengu's obvious response is to make Lavos attack you. And maybe Ness.
Ton jumped in to the battle. Leaping at Lavos, Ton slashed at his head.
"Yaaaaagghhgggghh..."
Ton was shocked by a Beam attack from Lavos.
"Grrr... Everyone's Grudge!" Ton threw the spell at Lavos. There was no effect. "What the?!?!"
Jack dodged a cutter attack. "Lavos is Beyond Time!" He yelled. "Time magic won't affect it!"
"Ah, crud. Wait! I know! Disruptor!" Lavos's body flickered, like on a staticy TV, but went back to normal. "Darn! It didn't work!"
(Tengu, don't destroy Lavos's robot form. I have a cool attack that I won't be able to use on his next form, cause you said only the chosen one's can defeat the Lavos Core. Ok desu ka?)
Notice once again how scared the Kiddie Klub was of Tengu Man. t0nberry wouldn't dream of doing something important without Tengu's express permission. (Which naturally he isn't going to get.)
You know, what's interesting here is it seems like the Save the World Club actually thinks this might be the end of the saving the world thing, for now. Pretty much everyone except team guruzeth and the still mostly AWOL Major Asshole and Anthadd (and waffle and Luna, who have disappeared) is in on it now.


Post #1069, by Tengu Maul 

(The reason the RIGHT arm went down first is because I[Jack] slash with a D.Bladed Lightsaber, therefore the damage is around 2000-2500 points per slash, and I slashed the arm twice. I won't destroy Lavos' robot form, but I am taking out the other arm this post.)
That would seem impressively technical if it wasn't so stupid. If I recall correctly, another good reason for the right arm going down first is it has a lot less HP than the left arm. This is assuming the right arm is the one on the left of your screen. I think.
Good play by Tengu, too, throwing t0nberry a bone. We're always hiring new Tengulings!
Lavos threw blades at the group, hitting Jack and Jeff. Jeff used a Brain Food Lunch and counter attacked the left are with a Big Bottle Rocket. 
Humorously, Jeff is supposed to be the brains of the group, yet the Brain Food Lunch is a waste on him, as he has no PP to recover. Kraken Soups are cheaper and heal all his HP just the same.
The left arm began to flicker. The head then cast obstacle on everyone. Various people, including, Paula and Poo got confused.

Paula, in confusion accidentally froze Jack with PSI Freeze, but some of it hit Lavos' arm, and reflected back into Poo, knocking sense back into him.
Seriously, there was always a creepy dominant/submissive element to the Paula/Tengu (in that order) relationship he had going on in his dreams. Let's just move on.
Ness cured Paula's confusion, and then jumped up and came down on the arm with his bat for a SMASH hit, and the arm flickered away...
As I recall, it's really supposed to be more of a disintegration. As Liyoshi would no doubt point out if he were here.


Post #1070, by Pikachu3164


Pikachu stood there for a minute, dazzled. He had never seen something so, big, strong, wierd, big, and stuff.
That's bound to get nominated for the Lamest Description of Something Large and Intimidating in the History of Human Communication.
Did I mention big? Then, a thought occured to him. [Hey! I thought Poo was in Summers with Chris and the others!] ((Authors note - If the Poo in Summers isn't the Poo who's battling here, I'm all of a sudden very confused. Oh, and Tengu, 2500 is a lot of damage for one AC to dish out))
Everyone stopped battling, including Lavos and the jellyfish clan. "That's right! When did he get here?"

"Yeah! Jack, how did I get here?"

Pikachu stared at Lavos while they debated as to how Poo had gone from a vacation in Summers to a battle in Saturn Valley.
I don't think it was ever explicitly stated, but I think a kind of unspoken agreement was settled into along the way that EBPoo is not Poo the EarthBound character. Which he isn't, as claiming an EarthBound character as your AC was not permitted. You might recall, if you remember from an annotation like three years ago, that Tengu actually tried to go along with Poo as EBPoo's AC, doubtless because if that were accepted Tengu could then pounce and claim Paula as his AC. Let's see if he takes one more shot at that or just shoots down Poo/EBPoo outright.
Then, Pikachu spoke in a private thought sppech to Poryhedron. [Poryhedron, I'm going to get on your back and we're going to attack Lavos together, okay?] Poryhedron nodded, indicating that he understood.

Pikachu jumped on his back. Lavos was still watching the people argue about how Poo got there, amused. He didn't notice Pikachu and Poryhedron approaching him.

Pikachu and Poryhedron combined their attacks and SMAAAAAASHED Lavos' head, which the jellyfish didn't block. They were to amused watching the humans they didn't even notice until Lavos screamed in pain.

"Okay! Someone elses turn!"

"FINE! IT'S MINE NOW!" Lavos cast Chaos, and Pikachu and Poryhedron were immediately confused.
Or... confused-er? S---, man, I'm confused as all hell. Lavos's attack must have reached me through my computer screen 12 years later. He's the Time Devourer and all that, after all.
[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-18-2000).]

Posts #1061-1065: 18 May 2000

Post #1061, by t0nberry22

(Good, now you guys are helpin' me. Now I'm satisfied.
Seriously, this is a gigantic development for our friend t0nberry: people are acknowledging him! they're offering to help him and everything! Group hug, guys!
And, since it's been a while, I'll say I'm actually fighting DT. I'll write more later, K?)
So this post's only purpose is to get his name back near the top of the posters' list, in the hope it'll help him not be left behind by his new friends before he gets around to posting something. It's hard work typing up paragraph after paragraph of achingly dull and already overdone battle sequences. That s--- takes time.



Post #1062, by Little Yoshi


(I'll help narrate the Lavos Robo form battle)
Of course you will. You're everyone's favorite battle narrator, after all. 
(oh, and Ton, when you're done fighting your dark side, come help us please!)
Thus Liyoshi shoots down the last lingering thread of hope that maybe this battle wouldn't take long.
Tim was at the back of the gang, the place where a healer should be, but not he. He was obsessed with good armor, and had gotten an enormous defense boost in Magicant, though he sacrificed most of his offense. He ran to the front.
"Lavos! Are you the cause of the Jellyfish?!"
"So, you figured it out, eh? Yep! The Emperor jellyfish was merely a mindless servant of mine! and you, Tim! will be dearly for messing up his plans!RIGHT ARM! LEFT ARM!" Lavos's two arms extended from it's body. "Lavos attack plan 3A! Go!"
Lavos's Head cast chaos, his arms used their slicing attacks, and the jellyfish defended the body.
You know what? F--- this. I'm not annotating this. I have already annotated this post about 30 times and there is nothing new to say. I could just repeat exactly the same things I've already said 30 times and only change a few select words here and there... but then I'd be just like Liyoshi. I'll see you next post.
"Wait!" Tim said, and quickly put on Magus's theme."There, now we can fight!" The Left Arm threw it's two chopping thingies at Tim! 384 HP of damge to Tim! "And I thought I was well defended..." Tim moaned getting up.
Pikachu used a swift attack! Jellyfish couldn't block the blow! 12 HP of damage to the Head.
"Pikachu, you're supposed to attack thwe arms first..." Tim said.
[Oh, sorry,]
I'll jump in here long enough to laugh with you at how Liyoshi makes no effort to hide his dislike of 3164.
Porheydron used Blizzard! The jellyfish's shield's blunted the blow! The Right Arm threw two chopping thingies at Nathan! 401 HP of damage Tim used Lifeup Gamma! Nathan's HP are maxed out! The jellyfish attacked with Acid! Tim's defense fell! The head cast Chaos! Tim, Nathan, and Pikachu were confused! Porheydron used Freshen Up! Tim, Pikachu, and Nathan are no longer confused!
In a stunning twist, the item 'Freshen Up' is from Super Mario RPG, not Chrono Trigger. Presumably he went with that only because Chrono Trigger doesn't have any full party status recovery items.
[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 05-18-2000).]



Post #1063, by t0nberry22
You probably think this means t0nberry in fact did start writing a real post right after he posted #1061 above, and posted it ten minutes later. But you're wrong. This was actually posted almost nine hours later. I don't think I even have to look it up to know that 16 and 17 May were Saturday and Sunday, and 18 May is Monday, based on the abrupt lack of posts for nine hours the morning and early afternoon of 18 May. 
OK, I did look it up, and to my shock, 18 May 2000 was a Thursday. So forget everything I said, I have no clue what's up.

Ton and Dark Ton were still fighting. They had started with their knives, but then they tried to whack each other with their lanterns. Now, it had come down to a bout of wrestling.
"Arrgh take that!" Ton dived at DT. DT dodged and kicked Ton. Ton went up... and then landed on DT. They started rolling around, grappling.
"Grrrr!"
"Yaaah!"
Meanwhile, Pika, Tim and the rest were till fighting Lavos.
"Man, this guy just doesn't quit!" said Tim, dodging a beam attack.
Suddenly, Ton and Dark Ton rolled in, still wrestling. Lavos fired a beam at them.
"Whaaaa?!!"

Ton suddenly realized that he and DT were in a different place. They were standing in a river. On one side, there was a beautiful valley. On the other, there was a wasteland.
"Where are we..." said Ton.
Suddenly, Eden Ton appeared!
"This is Limbo, the place between life and death. Your struggle has been so great, it could only be finished here. On one side of the river is life, on the other side is death. Whichever one of you knocks the other into death, wins. Now, are you ready for the final clash?"
"I'm ready."
"You bet!"
Well, they seem fairly upbeat, considering how close they stand to death.
"Alright, let's get ready to rummmmble!"
A small bell appears out of nowhere and sounds out.
[Ding!]
Ton ran at DT. DT dodged and tripped Ton. Ton got up and punched DT in the stomach. DT keeled over. Ton kicked DT away. DT landed and then got up.
DT dived at Ton. Ton leaped up and landed on DT. DT flipped him off his back and got up. Ton landed near the edge. DT jumped on top of him and tried to force him onto the death side.
I know I say it all the time, but how could anyone possibly want to read more than six words of this? 
"Heheh... Now I shall rule! Prepare to die, TON THE WEAKLING!"
Ton thought fast.[What do I do? He's got me pinned! ...Wait, I remember now!]
Italics would really have been better than those thrice-damned greater-than-less-than symbols to express that you're thinking rather than talking. Damn 3164 to hell for introducing those wretched symbols.
Ton raised his hand. "Hey, Dark Ton, look over there! It's a human that's scared of you!"
DT looked back. "Huh? Where?"
Ton grinned. "Oops, my mistake. Just a gullible dark side of myself." Dark Ton whirled around just in time to see Ton flip him over his head. Dark Ton hit the ground. Dark Ton was surrounded by a strange white light.
"Noooooooo!!!!"
Dark Ton was vaporized.
"Yes!" Ton jumped into the air. "I beat 'em!"
Eden Ton talked again. "Good Job, Tonberry! You have defeated your evil self. Now your Magicant is whole again! Unfortunately, you will never get to see it again."
"Huh? Why not?"
"You see, your evil self got the 9th melody while you were getting the 4th, and that means..."
Ton groaned. "I have all Nine Melodies, and I defeated my Evil side!"
"But don't despair! You will have a good hand in fighting Lavos, and you now have 10 melodies! Now, back to the physical plane with you!"
Ton suddenly realized he was much more powerful than he looked, and the heritage of the Tonberry Race was flowing through him, giving him strength for upcoming battle. Ton then realized the powers of his ancestors!
Powerful on an absolute scale, maybe. But not powerful at all on the relative scale. You are God, sure, but so is everyone else.
Ton got 100,000 exp.
Ton went to level 50!
Ton's HP went up by 100!
Ton's str. went up 50!
Ton's def. went up by 50!
Ton realized the power of Disruptor!
Ton realized the power of Healing!
Ton realized the power of Lifeup!
Ton realized the power of ????????!


Ton woke up. Ahead of him, a group of people were fighting Giygas. They had not taken notice of his battle with DT.
I'm not certain if Giygas' sudden appearance here is a screwup on t0nberry's part or an attempt to introduce some kind of Lavos-Giygas-fusion stupidity. Probably a screwup; I'd expect him to be more elaborate with the latter, if he was doing it on purpose.
"Whoa! I better go help them!" Picking up his lantern and knife(Which were both glowing strangely, but Ton didn't notice), Ton headed into the battle.

[This message has been edited by t0nberry22 (edited 05-18-2000).]


Post #1064, by Chris

Slowly, the work began. At first, everyone was simply working on digging up a big enough pile of sand to build from. After a few hours of digging and taking breaks to rest, they had a large mound of sand. Now, it was time to start the castle.
"How should we go about doing this?" Poo asked.
It's extra funny because EBPoo already disregarded Chris's attempts to control him and went to play in the surf. Chris is disregarding EBPoo's disregard. It's the Interactive Fiction metagame.
"I say we use this big pit as a moat." guruzeth replied.

"Yeah, that oughta work. Let's get started." Juliana said.

They started scuplting a base out of their pile of sand, and after another half hour of work, had build a solid foundation. Now, it was time to start building the towers. As they were being sculpted, Chris went in search of a source of flowing water to fill the moat with. He managed to find a hose, and soon, the moat was starting to fill with water. Tracy dug a drain path from the castle to the ocean, and the moat was soon flowing with water.

As dusk began to set on the land, the castle's finishing touches were being added, and tourists had begun coming to marvel at it. 
As far as I know this is the very first mention of any tourists in this entire thread. Naturally they exist solely to worship Chris.
Once the five friends had finished it, they decided to go see about finding dinner. They went back to the hotel, where they hoped to find food at the restaurant. They went in, and found themselves with a much more comprehensive menu that didn't require Chris and Juilana to translate everything. They sat down at dinner, and began to talk about all sorts of things.
Seriously, this is as boring as a Liyoshi post, and for many of the same reasons. It's the second time he's done a sandcastle-building post; he might as well have copied the first one verbatim and dropped a few extra names in. And now he's given us a teaser for his next post: they're going to eat at a restaurant! Again!  
I think this is happening because (a) Chris has established throughout this thread that he wants nothing to do with the Save the World Club, and the only thing he wants is to fantasize about hanging out with PSI322, but (b) the presence of three extra posters, and particularly of guruzeth (who he can't simply ditch for a mess of reasons) has rendered him unable to proceed with what he'd normally do, namely isolate PSI322 and resume the dating cycle. So he's just spinning his wheels until PSI322 or guruzeth decides what new thing. the group's going to do next.


Post #1065, by Mog116

(Uh.. GUYS! I'M FIGHTING LAVOS TOO!)
No, you're bitching. Maybe if you did less bitching and more fighting Lavos, people would remember to include a token 'Mog took 85000 HP damage!' once in a while. You know why they don't? Because they figure--correctly--that all you'd do in response is bitch about that.
Mog put on his roller blades and blasted into Lavos. He shot through, hit Nathan, then started bouncing all over the place, causing about 300 Hp damage to Lavos (totalled), and stopped, on his head, on Lavos' Left arm. Mog flipped over, then drove his Spear into Lavos Left arm. Mog casted Posoin (Sp?) an his spear, and the posoin ran through Lavos Veins. This did about 600 damage, butMog had to rip out his spear, and join the others fighting.
So, are you glued to the edge of your chair for the Epic Lavos Showdown yet? Is your heart racing?

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