The Annotated Gathering


Then you're probably confused as all hell as to what's going on. Click here to read the introduction. Then feel free to browse the archive; take note that this blog runs in reverse chronological order, so if you're starting from the beginning, that means you'll start from the oldest posts.

13 June 2015

Posts #1136-1140: 23-24 May 2000

Post #1136, by Foppy King

After attempting to comprehend what the heck is going on, the Foppy King was drivin to insanity.
Finnaly, Foppy King spontaniosly combusted.
There's an emoticon I can't see called nuke.gif, just to give you the extra flavor there.

Foppy King just drops by once every hundred posts or so to bitch that nobody cares about him. Nothing different here.

I'm surprised at how many of the kiddies think it's spelled "finnaly." 

Post #1137, by Falcon24

Falcon, still getting acquainted with his new friends, was not accustomed to being around other human beings. "I think I'll take a walk you guys. I'll catch up with you later." He knew he had some things to ponder.
He just got done going out of his way to join himself to the SixSeven Friends, so I assume he's not immediately absconding. Though it would amuse me if he was. More likely there's angsting incoming.
Falcon strolled casually through the thicket of trees, whistling a light and jaunty air. He suddenly realized that this was perhaps the first moment of true peace he's had since his arrival on the island. "Some vacation...I get controlled by evil beings, summon a great evil, then I get killed and brought back to life somehow...and NOW I finally relax."
Well, you seemed to be enjoying yourself at the time. So much so that anytime anyone else tried to interfere with what you were doing, you strenuously objected.
Relaxing was never really Falcon24's thing. One man's relaxing is another man's boring.
His thoughts then turned to his new companions. Of course he had known them from his daily chat sessions online in #earthbound, and his routine scanning of the forums...but what did he really know about them?
This is kind of funny when you consider that he spent most of his Gathering time heretofore trying to murder the very people he'd spent daily chat sessions with in #earthbound. Well, murder or enslave them. No point killing everyone; then who's left to worship you and do your bidding? 
"Well, they DID rescue me, and take me to a hospital, so they have to be nice people..." It occurred to Falcon that throughout his life he had rarely seen any true displays of kindness such as he had witnessed here. Perhaps not all people were bad people...and perhaps Falcon was too defensive for his own good.
It would be so awesome if guruzeth or diospadre showed up in their next post to present Falcon24 with a bill for their services."What, you thought we were just doing it to be nice?"
The notion of Falcon24 being defensive is funny. Yeah, yeah, psychoanalysis he's such an asshole because of his insecurities and he's actually very defensive about himself blah blah. Falcon24 was and is all offense, all the time. This is not a guy who plays defense.
"All I know is that this island was supposed to be a nice vacation, and now it's turned into the center of a struggle for the future of the human race...way too much pressure for a bunch of teens trying to vacation.
He says that like it's a huge surprise. And also as though he himself wasn't the one who decided partying was for kiddies and what this thread needed was everyone fighting crossover villains.
Falcon decided that he'd do just that -- vacation, let other people worry about this Lavos thing. He looked at his watch.

"Wow, time sure does fly! I've been walking around here an hour or more. I'd better find the others." He searched for the closest way out of the forest. When he did eventually exit the thicket, he found he was in front of a small al fresco diner. He saw guru, Tracy, Poo, Chris, and Juliana sharing a Picnic Lunch at one of the tables, while dios was arguing with a gas station attendant just next to the diner who had scratched his Ford Explorer while filling the tank. He ran over to join them.
Falcon24 was from New Jersey (try not to act too surprised), where until very recently it was actually illegal to fill your own gas tank; it was the last U.S. state where a gas station employee filled your tank for you (and you were expected to tip). You also see that diospadre's love affair with his Ford Explorer was not just something guruzeth made up. Yes, I know it's just a f***ing Ford Explorer, but just having your own vehicle is a very big deal when you're 16. It instantly made diospadre cooler than everyone else. And he was not at all above reminding everyone of it.

Post #1138, by guruzeth

"OOPS?! I'LL SHOW YOU OOPS!" diospadre said right before slugging the gas station attendant, which set off a brawl. Falcon, guru and the gang ran over to break it up, with the attendant bloodied and diospadre fuming. "YOU TOUCH MY CAR AGAIN AND I'll KILL YOU! KILL YOU!"
I can appreciate running a good joke into the ground as much as the next guy, but that's a tad bit far. Unlike other parties I could name, diospadre wasn't a hot tempered guy.
If he WAS hot tempered, having his AC do this would be accurate--but it would also make the actual diospadre blow a gasket about somebody making his AC do something without his prior approval. Sometimes you can't win with IF. (If guruzeth wanted somebody assaulting the gas station attendant, he should have done it himself.)
"Whoa, dios!" guru said. "Calm down man, it's just a scratch."

"Twenty years for murder isn't worth the scratch..." said Poo. diospadre continued kicking and struggling, so the other six in the group dragged him back to the picnic table at which they were eating and set him down there.

"Such a... beautiful day!" said Juliana, trying to add cheerfulness to the situation. dios said nothing.

"I hope it stays that way," said Tracy as they settled down and dios cooled off a little. "Can't we even relax for a flippin day?"
Well, you're not doing much of a job of it so far. I like the meta here--guruzeth's complaining that they can't relax, while he himself is introducing plot elements that prevent them from relaxing. It's almost like he's just a dumbass.
They did manage to relax for a few hours. After finishing their meal, they decided to go wandering around the town to see what they could see. Unfortunately, as the evening dragged on, they were in a small shop when two police officers strode in. "Which one of you is diospadre?"

"He is!" dios pointed at Chris.

"What?! No, he is!" said Chris, and the others rolled their eyes and confirmed who the real dios was.
OK, that made me chuckle. I admit it. 
It would have been supremely funny had guruzeth actually followed through with sending Chris to the clink for nothing.
"I'm afraid you're under arrest for simple assault," said one of the officers as they turned him around and slapped on the handcuffs. "You'll have to come down to the station."
That's, uh, not exactly how these things work--what the hell cop would say "simple assault"?--but cut the kid some slack here, he was 17. At least he did leave it open for diospadre to follow up and decide what to do about it. Doesn't forgive the sin of forcing his AC to commit a crime, but it's something.

Post #1139, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy
He opened this post by quoting Pikachu3164's last post in its entirety, which is an atrocity in IF and now widely regarded as a bannable offense.
Mew found where Poryhedron's dead body was. It was quickly fading away from the magnet. Mew grabbed it and used PSI Teleport to teleport to Winters.
--At Dr. Andonut's lab--
A warp hole opened, and Mew, with Poryhedron's body, came out.
"Hey!" said the Doc. "It's a Mew!"
[Poryhedron!] shouted Pikachu.
[It's too late,] said Mew. [He died of overexposure to magnets. He's losing polygons as we speak. I'll throw him into the computer. He'll be reenergized and he'll find his way to someone's computer, but he'll never be able, or want to, come back.]
Mew did as he said.
Pikachu was in a crying fit.
Hahahahaha. Oh SS/MB, you never cease to amaze. I can't wait to see how 3164 is going to take this. I'm like 92% sure SS/MB is just trying to be friendly here.
[There, there,] said Mew. [We all think life isn't fair, but we gotta deal with it. I should know. Team Rocket gave me so many gifts, but when Jamie Chan told me they were going to use me for evil, I was so angry and dissapointed. Dissapointed because they were pampering me, but I was no tool for evil. I bet you know why I was angry.]
Pikachu nodded.
[Then stop crying!] said Mew. [Ya gettin' your fur all wet, and you'll hurt yourself with your electric attacks!]
Talk about Jeckle & Hyde! thought Pikachu.
[Remember, Pikachu,] said Mew as he landed and walked upstairs, [I'm a Psychic Pokémon, so I can read your thoughts. I know what you think of me.] As he walked upstairs, his tail waved in an odd style.
Pikachu snapped his fingers, and then wiped his eyes. Then he said, to Dr. Andonuts, [So how about that antidote?!]
And now we return to our regularly scheduled EarthBound IF'ing. This post is a good example of why the pokémon kiddies were so widely loathed at SS/MB is harmless, but whereas 3164 has at least intermittently tried to post some EarthBound content, SS/MB has posted none at all. His posts are invariably all pokémon, all the time.

Post #1140, by PSIOsman

The four Lavos Spawn were growing steadily, as they fed off the energy of anything that accidentally got too close. Osman, Siris, TsuramiSea, and Alan followed at a safe distance, waiting for some sign of weakness.
These kids will never run out of new ways to make their opponents seem invincible. Invincible right up until my AC rips out the Super Ultra Deluxe Totally Kickass Final Attack of Doom and kills them dead, and then has his way with all the women. No, of course your AC isn't strong and cool enough to do that.
The Spawn crept through the city in a straight line, as though toward one goal. The Spawn then left the city and started into a forest. They cut a wide swath through the trees, leaving blackened husks behind.

The group trailing the Spawn stared at the remains of the Lavos Spawn's feeding with growing apprehension. Though the Spawn moved slowly, they crawled any obstacle as if it didn't exist.

They soon saw a clearing ahead. That meant... The Spawn were heading for another populated area...
"Through a forest and into a populated area" means the kiddies aren't giving up on hounding guruzeth just yet. Hilarity is doubtless going to ensue.

17 May 2015

Posts #1131-1135: 23 May 2000

Post #1131, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

    quote:Originally posted by PSI322:
    (Did I just hear someone say "new AC"? I hope, then, that this is your ONLY AC, seeing as the rules allow for only ONE. If this IS, indeed, your only AC, then ignore this and don't be mad at me. Thanks.)

    ~PSI322, Moderator of Interactive Fiction

(Didn't you see "…raming Poryhedron next to Magnet Hill(We know what happens from that.)." Poryhedron is made of computer code, and gets deleted, or killed, when near magnets.)

SuperSpeedy retconning his last post into killing Poryhedron off when he introduced... whatever his newest AC was. Shock Bird? Yeah, I think it was Shock Bird. Poor kid. The Man (well, The Woman) is cramping his style.

Post #1132, by guruzeth

After a few minutes, they finally arrived, as Chris had predicted, in a small town.
Isn't it sweet of guruzeth to let Chris be right once in a while?
"I don't see the park anywhere around here..." said Tracy.

"Neither do I, but at least we're somewhere," said guru as dios parked his car and the group hopped out.

"Should we warn the townspeople about those Lavos spawns?" said Juliana.

"You crazy?" said Falcon. "If we wander around warning everyone that they're gonna get attacked by giant porcupines they'll lock us in the loony bin."
Well, they probably would, come to that. Probably the wisest play is to go through town warning everyone a tornado or something is headed their way. At least then some people might get in their basements and avoid the wrath of the Stupid Crossover Villains.
"Besides, who cares?" said dios. "I need to find somewhere to get my wheels fixed... and the next time my car gets hurt, I SWEAR I'm gonna kill someone." He glared at guru, Falc and Tracy. They chuckled.
diospadre's love affair with his Ford Explorer was something of a running joke at the time, and there was no one quite like guruzeth for overplaying running jokes after they've already played themselves out. More on this soon.
"Well," said Poo, "we could at least ask someone for directions here... I'm hungry, let's get something to eat before those things show up and we have to leave. I hope someone takes care of them..."

So this is--stop me if you've heard this before--yet another "I don't give a damn what happens here but I am not getting involved in Saving the World, do you hear me!?" post from guruzeth.

Post #1133, by Anthadd

Anthadd and Sir were sloshing through Deep Darkness, and Anthadd was freaking out like there was no tomorrow.
"If only I hadn't come to this stupid gathering," he muttered, "this wouldn't be happeing." Anthadd continued to ramble on about hydrophobia.
Anthadd must REALLY be freaking out, like legitimately going crazy behind his keyboard, to have misspelled "happening" and failed to notice. Treasure this moment, Gathering fanatics: An Anthadd typo preserved for posterity is a rare sight to behold.
"Hydro: water. Phobia: Fear. Figure it out from there."
A zapping sound alerted the two to outside influences. "A Zap Eel?" Sir offered.
"Most likely," Anthadd replied.
Zap Eels are actually one of the very few enemies in EarthBound you have to pay special attention to, for if you don't they can and will f*** you up. Of course if such a thing existed it should be able to fry a person without getting within 20 feet of them. Have you ever pondered the absurdity of kids with bats, frying pans and guns trying to kill an eel slithering around them in a swamp? Do you know how fast eels are in water?

Post #1134, by Gauntlet Wizard

"Ah!" Siris gasped. "Can't... move..."
Siris's body had been slowed, and the Lavos Spawns were still slowly approaching the city. Siris focused his mind and concentrated on a high powered healing spell. After a few seconds, the groups' ailments were mostly healed. "We need to stop those Spawns!" Siris yelled...

(I don't have time to finsih, carry on Osman or someone)
 I have to at least give Gauntlet a little credit here; his character actually at least did something in this post, however minor and inconsequential. Of course, being Gauntlet, he ends the post with another cry for attention. It's been fifteen years and it hasn't been answered yet.

Post #1135, by Pikachu3164

[PIKA!] Electricity formed, and Pikachu released a gigantic Thunder attack. It destroyed two of the Lavos Spawns and severely damaged the remaining. [Nathan!]


[You finish the him off! I need to go do something!]

I checked, and there is a gap of about 45 minutes before this post and it's predecessor. So yes, there's a pretty good chance 3164 is mocking Gauntlet here. The kid has a smidgen of cleverness about him.
Pikachu used PSI to grab one of the dead bodies and Teleported to Andonuts Labs.

"Hey! It's a Pikachu! And he's carrying one of those things that had attacked the lab earlier! Want a donut!?"

[Nope. Let's make this simple. I want you to make a repellant designed to repel one of these Lavos Spawn.]

"A Lavos Spawn? Jeff told me about those earlier...."

Well, Pikachu went on to tell Dr. Andonuts the story of how Lavos had fell on someone's head earlier, and everyone went on a quest to gain melodies to destroy him. Lavos was on the edge of life at this point, but the Lavos Spawn were still on a rampage, destroying Eagleland. They were as serious as Lavos himself, and he needed a way to stop him.

"Well, I suppose we could use the basic cells remaining in it's body, extract the...."

[Whatever. Just make the repellant, and a vaccine for me. I have a friend who happens to be one of these.]

"Okay. As soon as I have a donut."
I did chuckle at the "as soon as I have a donut" line (presumably he has donuts now; he didn't when Jeff showed up at his lab in-game.) 

So 3164's idea is apparently to use Lavos Spawn Repellant to make the moronic things go away so they can go back to having fun. A noble cause, my young friend, but you'll as soon sell sand to an Arab as sell your compatriots on that idea.

14 September 2013

Posts #1126-1130: 23-24 May 2000

Post #1126, by Falcon24

Falcon's eyes shot open. He looked about himself, trying to take in his surroundings, when he noticed he was floating!
You really cheapen exclamation marks by using them too much!
He kicked his feet wildly. "What the heck!?" The green light intensified. This was followed by a bright flash.

As the flash slowly faded away, everyone could now see that the room was a mess. Bottles and viles of medicine lie shattered on the floor, and all sorts of medical equipment lie in dissarray around the room. Everyone was covered with a dark substance, similar to soot.

Falcon was lying on the floor, face down near some broken equipment. He struggled to rise, his face covered with the same sooty substance as everyone else. He stood on one knee, and coughed out a mouthful of the black dust. "Um....ow.."
Falcon24 never read any of Traceh's posts, but even if he had he would likely have handled this post the same way. He's unique, dammit, and the healing bugs are going to have a much more spectacular effect on him than on some pissant like guruzeth.

I calculate we're in for a lot of fun as he and guruzeth try to one-up each other on the Look At Me I'm Important scoreboard.

Post #1127, by guruzeth

A few hours later, Falcon had been released from the hospital with no wounds and the doctors' wide open mouths, and the group was sitting in the hospital lobby discussing their plans.
Setting aside what an atrociously badly written sentence that is, we can appreciate guruzeth jumping right in and skipping the timeline ahead to trivialize Falcon24's attempt at making himself important. Yessirree, we are in for some entertainment with these two.
"We should still head for the amusement park, I think," guru was saying, "just so long as there's water rides, or at least some method of getting wet... and provided it's still there. If these Lavos things keep coming, we'll have to get off the island probably."
In English, guruzeth is saying "keep your violence far away from me or I'm so out of here. Stay tuned; he's just getting the Angst Machine warmed up.
"Yeah, I hope they stay away," said Tracy. "It's about time we got to relax!"

Unfortunately, just as she finished speaking, there was a low rumbling outside and panicked people burst into the hospital. "There's giant porcupine-things out there!!"

The whole group simultaneously shot to their feet, looking around at one another. "dios!" guru said. "Let's get outta here now! Head for the park!"
Odd; I don't remember any other writers sending Lavos Spawn after the Seven Friends. Do you? Why would guruzeth inflict it on himself, other than to draw attention to himself as he angsts?
"What?! I just spent three hours cleaning my car!" diospadre cried. "And now you wanna screw it up AGAIN?! Why don't I just let them kill me instead and end my suffering?!"
guruzeth was trying to make jokes based on diospadre's well-established (elsewhere on the forums) love affair with his vehicle. guruzeth was never very good at making jokes.
Everyone else just shook their head and dove into diospadre's wheels, and dios fired the engine and took off.

"Well, at least the scenery is nice," said Juliana, gazing out the window at the swaying palm trees as they shot across the island at about 50 MPH on an unpaved road.

Suddenly, the air was pierced by Chris's scream. "DIOS! LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE!"
I guess he wanted Chris to feel included--you know how important that is to Chris--but I have to be honest: I've read better cliffhangers.

Post #1128, by Anthadd

(You actually defeated Diamond Dog and absorbed the power of the Fire Spring without my powerful weaponry?) asked the rock, aghast.
"That's correct," Anthadd replied. "Sometimes it takes brain, not brawn to solve a problem."
(Pfft. You're just lucky.)
They're ACs, so brawn doesn't even enter the equation.
"I seem to remember Anthadd commenting that you'd give him something if he returned," Sir pointed out.
(Oh, very well. Take the ability.) The rock was visibly agitated.

Anthadd learned PSI Teleport Alpha!

"Let's return to the Tenda Village, Sir," Anthadd said, charging up a teleport, and they disappeared into the sky.
That's too bad; I liked Anthadd being among the last holdouts without teleportation. I think the charter members of the Four Friends (guruzeth, Traceh, Chris, PSI322) are now officially the last four ACs left that have never invoked teleportation after some fashion or another. (Though PSI322 and Chris somehow managed to get from Deep Darkness to Winters by walking, which sounds more than slightly suspect to me.)

Post #1129, by Traceh

"Chill out Chris, he isnt George of the jungle ya know," Tracy spat. They all gripped eachother as dios made a hard left turn, scraping the side of his 'friend' on the huge tree trunk but not seriously injurying anyone.
I actually laughed. By itself it's a lame joke, but playing off the asinine way guruzeth ended his last post it's funny. Nice understated smackdown of guruzeth there (and though the bad line is attributed to Chris, everyone knows guruzeth wrote it).
"Woo! that was close!" called Poo from the back. The vehicle came to a screaching halt a few feet away and they all watched in disbelief as dios ripped through the door and circled the car. Hey let out an 'oooh my poor baby!' and hugged the dent with a look of pain in his eyes.
See, it wasn't just guruzeth that picked up on the "diospadre loves his car" thing.
Juliana looked at them. "Well, we have to do something, dont we?" She opened the sliding door and edged around the car to console the greif-stricken dios. "We can fix your car when we get somewhere...but if you dont mind, we are in the process of running from an evil force. Do you really want your precious baby to be eaten by a giant porcupine?"
Traceh also picked the right person to do the consoling; this is exactly the kind of thing PSI322 would do, as you know if you've read her moderator-duty posts in this very Gathering. Traceh is a sharp poster.
"I guess you're right," he said with a sigh. He patted the dent, slowly backed away, and got back into the driver's seat.

"Alright," said guru, "back on track. Hand me that map please, Chris." Chris took the map from the dashboard and tossed it back. "This map says we are somewhere....and thats about it. I guess if we keep close to the beach and follow it for a while, we aught to end up at our destination."
Was it ever actually established what their destination is? As best I can recall, the only thing concretely stated about their destination was that it was away from the beach.
Chris looked out through the front window and studdied the forest. "Well, Ive been noticing the trees are becoming less dense. You know what that means....a town isnt too far. At least I think thats what it means. Heh."
I imagine that's probably what it means. Though I suppose it could be a crude tribe of cannibals; wouldn't that beat all?
"Letts find out!" cried Tracy. "dios, are you gonna show us just how cruisin this Explorer is?" With that they were off, faster and faster (and yet at a somewhat safe and reasonable speed) through the remainder of the forest. But where were all the animals?
Safe and reasonable? She must not know diospadre very well. Also I'm pretty sure animals, having honed their survival instincts over millions of years of evolution, are doing a fine job of staying the hell away from the speeding two-ton death machine.

Post #1130, by SirMontyG

After a few missattempts, Anthadd and Sir teleported back to the Tenda Village.

"Whoa.." Sir said, a little dissy from the teleport, "What a rush.."
Major Asshole definitely likes to diss, but I see no diss there.
"Anthadd! Sir! Welcome back!" Said the Tenda leader. "Shall we discuss your journies over a cup of tea?"

"Well, alright" Said Sir, ready to reminise..

From what I can remember, I came to this island only to stay for a short time. A few days for the party. After a rough journy, I was met by Tim, who showed me the nearby hot springs. I fell asleap in the springs, only to awake to see dozens of others ariving, starting up sand castle touniments, water races, dances, and even building an amusement park. I met a few friends, and accidently ticked off Mani and Pikachu, something I still regret.. Anyways, a group of AC's decided to explore the interior of the island, and boy did that start up some excitement! I tried to tag along, but I was either ditched or got lost and ended up wandering into a quick adventure with Chris, soon to be put here in the village. That's the first time I met Anthadd as I recall.. Gosh, that's good tea. Can I get another cup? I'm not boring you, am I? Well, hang tight, I'm halfway done.
Not boring me at all, actually. If Major Asshole wrote a stream-of-consciousness book I would read all 300 pages in one sitting, even full of typos.
Anyways, Chris and Juliana came back to help us out with the electro specter that desided to attack the village, and I got a new weapon: the lightweight bazooka! From there, I traveled with the runaway 5 to Fourside, only to find Falcon had destroed magnet hill. I confronted him later in Scarabia, nearly killing myself by touching the sound sapper. If I would have been there a few seconds earlier, I could have stopped Lavos from being awakened, although destroing myself in the process..Well, I traveled for a while, actually meeting up with Lavos, and for a second we shared the friendship we had in the past.Unfortunatly, he had a battle to attend to, so we went out seperate ways. Ran into Chris again, went on a quick trip with a few other Knights of Nee, and even defeated my indesiciveness in a cool action sequence in my mind. After that, I attempeted to summon all the AC's together to battle, but that one kinda bottomed out after I learned Lavos can only be defeated by the chosen four. That and the fact many just wanted to have the vacation we started earlier instead of fighting. Then I got a call from Anthadd, I rented a beamer, helped Anthadd get his melody, and wound up here.

Sir noticed that, due to his rambling, he had finished off 4 cups of tea.
"Heh, kinda got carried away there, huh?"
he would have gotten a responce, but everyone in the village was dead asleap.

I don't know what motivated him to post a summary of all his activity in the Gathering, other than perhaps wanting to see it on his screen for his own amusement.

07 September 2013

Posts #1121-1125: 22 May 2000

Post #1121, by Chris

Most everyone was sitting in the hospital waiting room, waiting to find out what had become of their mysterious friend.
You have to admire how accepting the newly minted Seven Friends are. Some random dude, who for all they know is just some wino that wandered into the woods, gets run over by their car and instantly they assume he's their friend. D'aww.
Chris had gone out to get a few sodas for the group, but everyone else was seated silently in chairs, awaiting news. A few people were reading, others were staring at the the wall.

The silence of the hospital was broken by Chris's return. He had a few drinks in his arm, as well as a bag of chips for anyone that was hungry.

"Any news?" he asked despondently.

"Nothing." guruzeth replied.
He doesn't even know Falcon24 in-story, so we can only assume he's despondent because he knows he won't be getting any further attention from Juliana. Even proving he knows what 'despondent' means and how to spell it isn't helping.
Chris joined the crew in chairs, and picked up a magazine to read. He flipped to an article titled "How to Make the Most of Your Eagleland Vacation." He read for a few minutes, then put it down, deciding that he didn't want to think about the adventures here, now that someone had almost (indeed, had) died as a result of the "adventures." While he sat there contemplating this, he began to doze off, and soon was sleeping in his chair in the waiting room.
Yeah, we're all certain this is the absolute truth, and his sudden lack of interest in "adventures" has nothing at all to do with the fact he can't solo with Juliana anymore.
You'll notice this was another medium-sized post in which nothing happens; we're in a holding pattern here because the writers involved are understandably leery of deciding what happens to Falcon24's AC.

Post #1122, by diospadre

diospadre was't able to sit in the lobby any longer. He hated hospitals, the thought of dead bodies made him noxious. He decided he would go clean his car out, after all there were 5 muddy kids in there a little while ago.
Won't there be 6 muddy kids in there in the near future, though?
dios turned on the cd player in the car and began scrubbing away at the dirt. Then he came to the bug he had spit out earlier. An idea suddenly struck him. "guruzeth said these were healing bugs. I bet this could help our new friend."
The grand prize goes to diospadre for being the first to remember that Traceh has a jar full of healing bugs! Let's give him a hand.

Seriously, you have to hand it to him for being the one guy in this whole thread that actually has been reading at least the posts of the people he's plotlining with.
dios grabbed the dead bug from his expectorate and ran into the hospital. He quietly snuck into the room where the unconcious boy lay, and put the bug in his mouth. He then poired some water into his throat to make him drink. Suddenly the boy was lifted from the bed, surrounded by a strange green aura, opposed to the blue one he and guruzeth had experienced earlier.
Further proving he actually read Traceh's posts from quite a while ago; he knew what color guruzeth glowed when he was experiencing Deus Ex Machina.
Suddenly a doctor and diospadre's friends rushed into the room. "What's happening!?" the doctor yelled.
"Nothing much, doctor, I swear! I was just shoving a giant beetle down this unconscious kid's throat and pouring water down... I mean... hey, wait! LET ME GO!"

Post #1123, by Little Yoshi

Tim did a Leap Slash over the Lavos Spawns, and struck the machine. It made a noise, and then exploded into pieces. The ice barrier fell, and Tim without thinking casted an Ice spell on everything. The shells all retaliated, and Tim was not undamaged after being hit by 8 Needle attacks. He scrambled to his feet, and chopped off their heads one by one. Then, he hadn't been noticing where he was going, he bumped into something hard. It was Evil Mani Mani, again.
"Let's go," Evil Mani Mani said, teleporting them to an icolated(sp?) arena.
Liyoshi, alone still proudly doing exactly what he was doing almost a thousand posts ago. Everyone else, not alone, still proudly not giving a s---.
[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 05-22-2000).]

Post #1124, by Traceh

Tracy looked up from the magazine she was reading. She had never been that fond of hospitals, especially the part about blood. Ugh...blood. *cringe*. Her eyes wandered and she noticed diospadre get out of his seat, a look of disgust on his face, and walk out. She stood up and wispered "I'll be right back, mmmkay?" and started on her search to find a drinking fountain.
Whispered to who, and why is she whispering? Is it supposed to be a secret that she's gone?
About half way down the hall she spotted one, and made a bee-line towards it. After exaughsting her stomach's capacity for water, she wiped her mouth with her sleeve and was about to head back to the others when she heard a noise a few rooms down.

Peaking around the corner she saw a strange green light eminating from a room a ways down the hall. Being as quiet as possible she tip-toed down the hall and glanced into the room where there an unexpected sight met her eyes. There he was, the stranger they had pulled out of the rain, glowing a greenish light. To his left was a smug looking dios and a verry frightened looking doctor.
She's not diospadre nailed, no doubt of that. Though I doubt the doctor would look frightened. Instead he'd be saying some Latin words and explaining that it's perfectly normal given his symptoms and course of treatment that he is levitating and glowing like Slimer.
Tracy ran into the room and tugged on diospadre's sleeve. "dios..what have you done? What's happening to him? And how the heck are we supposed to explain this little predicament to the doctors...let alone the creepy people the doctors work for!?"
Wow, she hit the nail on the head about hospital administrators. That's especially impressive given it was 13 years ago. You ain't seen nothin' yet, Tracy...
By then the others had noticed the light and were at the door, along with a few curious onlookers who were no help at all. She ran down the hall, grabbed her bag, and wrapped the purple egg-filled bottle in a sweater and shoved it to the bottom of the bag where it would hopefully be safe. She slung the bag up over her shoulder and ran back to the room.
So far the Seven Friends are doing an admirable job making interesting things happen while avoiding, as they must, deciding what happens with Falcon24's AC.
[This message has been edited by Traceh (edited 05-22-2000).]

Post #1125, by Pikachu3164

Pikachu started to get impatient.
Well damn, I never would have imagined that could happen.
It was almost dawn, and he wqanted to get back to the hotel. [Ah, I don't want to wait another minute! I just want to get back to the hotel!]

So, Pikachu used Teleport Omega and arrived at the Eageland Hotel. There, he saw a bunch of Lavos Spawn.

[Oh for crying out loud! When do I get to take a vacation!]

Pikachu ran up to the Lavos Spawn and created a Light Screen. Then, he immobolized them with a Thunder Wave. Then he used Swift, Thunder, and other various moves in an effort to get rid of them quickly.
You have to imagine he called it merely an 'effort' because he knew it was doomed. It's odd the way some of these kids never seemed to have even considered that it's Interactive Fiction and so they do have some power over what their ACs do, and could forcibly take a vacation if they really wanted to. That, or violence was truly what made them happy, whatever they may say. That's the story of human civilization in a nutshell right there.

08 December 2012

Posts #1116-1120: 22 May 2000

Post #1116, by t0nberry22

(Which Portal are we talkin about? The one I made?)
Consider it a polite request for official acknowledgment. Which he won't receive, needless to say.
(Plus, Kiyo, my Character doesn't have a clue about the Randites, and he wouldn't be scared if something he has no idea about, so edit your last post, please.)
Remember a loooong time ago when I mentioned that people would be pissy about any use of their ACs by other posters without prior written authorization? Yeah.

Post #1117, by Dr. Andonuts

(I'll leave too.)
The kiddies are absconding from Tengu's jerkoff of a final battle like it's a fresh crime scene.
"Yay, back to the vacation. Cya guys around." Saying this, Nathan proceded to disappear. First his body up to his neck, then his head, then finally his eyes. He reappeared near the orgiganal hotel, wondering where his 64 player SSB had gone. Then he saw the Lavos Spawns. "Ahhh, where did those come from?!?" he screamed. He hurrdily put up a shield with his computer.
This post leaves me unable to figure out if he wants the violence to continue or not. Possibly because he doesn't know or care about that himself, and this post's purpose is to get someone else to declare their violence/nonviolence intent so he can then join in.

Post #1118, by Little Yoshi

Tim hesitated as he started to jump into the portal.
"Come on!!" The others shouted, wanting Tim to hurry up.
"Guys...I'm-I'm stayin' here...fe-fer now," Tim stuttered.

Tim leapt into the air, in the direction of the awful machine."So, you're producing all those Lavos Spawns, are you? Well, take this!" Tim shouted, attacking the Lavos Spawn machine with the Masamune. A Lavos Spawn dashed in just in time to absorb the blow-on its shell. It countered with its needle attack. Tim was quickly surrounded.

Suddenly, the machine glowed. An ice barrier formed around the Lavos Spawns. Tim was outta luck, but not hope.
I don't mean to disappoint you, but I honestly ran out of fresh things to say about Liyoshi posts a good 700 posts ago. He's just continuing to do exactly the same things he's been doing since the very beginning, Although that'll change right quick if he draws into proximity of Team Tengu (consisting of Tengu, Tengu, Tengu and their sidekick, Tengu) like he's fixing to do here.

Post #1119, by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy

(I'm introducing a new AC to this IF.)
That means you're removing your current two ACs, right?
Suddenly, a portal open behind Poryhedron. A Mew flew out, raming Poryhedron next to Magnet Hill(We know what happens from that).
said the Mew.
Mew used Psystar! Lavos lost ¾ of his current HP!
(See Something I Perfer…)

So SS/MB casts aside his vaguely characterized custom Porygon in favor of switching on no-doubt AC God Mode. It'll probably wear off pretty quickly.
[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-23-2000).]

Post #1120, by PSI322

(Did I just hear someone say "new AC"? I hope, then, that this is your ONLY AC, seeing as the rules allow for only ONE. If this IS, indeed, your only AC, then ignore this and don't be mad at me. Thanks.)
Well... I don't think he ever officially removed his own avatar ("David", I think, right?) from the story, but I also don't think he's even referenced said avatar in hundreds of posts. So PSI322 may be technically justified to slap him, but in practice it doesn't really matter. More of a preventative measure and Reminder to Tengu, really.
~PSI322, Moderator of Interactive Fiction
The sig line was her way of making it known she was posting as moderator, not in-character.

04 December 2012

Posts #1112-1115: 21 May 2000

Post #1112, by EBPoo

[Well, Part 3 met the same fate as the other parts (it got messed up), so here's Part 4. By the way, Part 3 has been added to the archive, so go there if you need to read the latest]
Sadly, we didn't get to see the Forum Mini-Ghost make an actual post this time.

Thread 4 is the last full thread in the Gathering. Thread 5 is only about a page and a half (70-ish posts) long, and that's it! We're actually rounding the final turn and driving for home, boys and girls!
"Quick! Wheel him into the emergency room!" commanded a doctor. So, while doctors and nurses were busy with the strange figure they had picked up, Poo, Juliana, Chris, diospadre, guruzeth, and Tracy waited in the waiting room. "I KNOW I've seen that person somewhere before," Poo said to the others.
Granting that everything up to and including trees are people too, Falcon24 is less of a 'person' per se and more of a giant bird-thing, if I recall. Or maybe he morphed into a human when he fell unconscious onto diospadre's windshield, I don't know.
"I know. I think I've seen him from somewhere too," commented guruzeth. Finally, the light went off and the doctor came out. "The patient is doing fine. He's recovering gradually. But, the weird thing is, his molecular structure seems to be affected by a strange circumstance."

"English, Doc?" said Chris.

"Well, it's almost as if he died and then came back to life," said the doctor.

"Uh...?" said the group bewilderedly.
Look, I don't know how death and resurrection changes your molecular structure either, but it's fantastic fiction, just roll with it. 
By the way, Traceh has healing bugs in a jar. Why did they take Falcon24 to a hospital? Even stranger since the hospital thing was Traceh's idea. It would at least be understandable if, say, PSI322 took the party to the hospital because she wasn't aware Traceh had healing bugs. Maybe the bottle is labeled FOR GURUZETH'S USE ONLY, I don't know.
[This message has been edited by EBPoo (edited 05-21-2000).]

Post #1113, by Pikachu3164

((Part 4. Yikes. That's a lot of posts...))
I know, right? One thousand one hundred and twelve of them, to be exact.
((Oh, and we don't know what the final melodies sound like, Ton. Just use your imagination.))
And that is the only response t0nberry22 will ever get.
[Well, if you put it that way, I think I'll super-attack him and leave, kay? Kay.]
Maybe t0nberry22's generous offer will be taken by some parties as a good mechanism to get away from Lavos, who has now become boring.
So Pikachu used his super secret attack that I've hinted at about twice, Earth Alpha, his reward for collecting the 10 melodies. It did quite a bit of damage, but he had no PP left anymore, so he had to leave. [Okay. Bye bye.] Pikachu jumped through the portal, and ended up just outside Lavos.

[Yeah! Vacation! Finally! Woo hoo! Let's see here... Eagleland Resort should be west of here, so I should go... That way.]

Pikachu walked out of Saturn Valley and came across the Yoshi. [Or, I can wait for my friends in here!]
The Yoshi is Liyoshi's invincible ship, isn't it? I'm a bit confused about this, but no way in hell am I reading any Liyoshi posts to figure it out.

Post #1114, by diospadre

(WARNING! WARNING! A plost hole the siz of a mack truck is about to be fixed up! The events of this flashback take place dierectly after my last post, where the group jumped into my explorer.)
I honestly don't know what plot hole he's referring to, so it can't be that large.
As diospadre sat with the others in the hospital, he recalled the events which gave him back his life. He rewinded his mind to the fateful question guruzeth had asked him back in the car: Who was he?

"Well, my name is diospadre, and I *was* the manager of that beautiful ho-" he was cut off by the stunned looks of the carload of people. "What..? Is there something in my teeth?"

"I was right!" guruzeth exclaimed. "You are dios! But aren't you...dead? Your little brother emailed reidman months ago saying you were lost at sea..."
Ohhhh. The plot hole diospadre is referring to is the fact that the Five Friends immediately acted like they'd always known who diospadre was. diospadre was expecting more of a "wait, who are you?" and a big reveal, and the Five Friends disappointed him. He's doing it retroactively anyway, like a Game Master who wrote out five pages of NPC backstory, only for the PCs to immediately kill the NPC as soon as they meet him. The GM will always find a way to work that backstory in somewhere, sooner or later. And so does diospadre.
"Well, that would explain something. You see, three months ago I woke up in a hospital in Toto. I had no memory of anything. Do I know you from before?" dios asked.

Traceh pulled the small bottle from her bag. Sure enough, a few of the eggs had hatched. She took one of the tiny blue bugs and held it up to dios. "Yes you do know us, but I think you should eat one of these. I think it will help you regain your memory."
Right, the magic healing bugs Traceh carries around. Even diospadre remembered them.
"Eat...a...bug? But I'm a businessman! I'm not going to do that!" dios proudly stated.

"You're not a businessman, dios, you're a high-schooler. And I also remember seeing you in a bellhop's uniform only yesterday." guruzeth replied.

"Well, okay. If I remember, then I'll do it. " dios took the bug from Tracy and popped it into his mouth. After gagging and spitting it out, he took another one from her and succesfully forced it down.

Everything suddenly came rushing back to him. His family. Chicago. His house. EarthBound. Then the Spring Break Cruise. This was the hardest thing to remember, and was being replayed in his mind like a movie.

diospadre remembered the day he won the ticket to go on the cruise. It was a political fantasy cruise, with all the top lawmakers and enforcers (and yes, the interpreters) of the country. He could picture the shade of green guruzeth had to be wearing when he was informed of his luck.
diospadre and guruzeth were both planning careers in law and politics at that time, you see. diospadre is now a lawyer, and guruzeth is writing annotations no one reads about a thread on the internet twelve years ago. You do the math.
The cruise didn't turn out so great, though. While playing shuffleboard with Al Gore, the two became embroiled in a heated deabte. As dios won both the debate and the game, Gore smacked dios on the back of the head with the little shuffleboard stick, who proceeded to fall overboard, unconcious. And now he was here, driving around a carload of kids he didn't even know, on an island that...was EARTHBOUND!?

Now it was guruzeth's turn to do a little explaining. First he told dios of the origins of the island, then he introduced himself and the group. dios once again felt whole, but for how long?
If you don't think that was the most awesome backstory you have ever read, get the hell out of my site.

Post #1115, by loid

(AHHHHH! Part 4?!! I've said it before and I'll say it agian, this IF is cursed. And thanks for de-paralyzing me pikachu13825whatever)
It's not cursed, it's just very, very long. (That's what he said.)
"You just don't get it. Do you?" said Randite to Ton
"What do you mean Kiyo?" asked T0n

"There, you still think I'm Kiyo, don't you? I'm not. I'm Randite, I'm not going to listen to anybody, tell me who or what to be, not trying to be like anybody, tired of playing make-belive."
"Cool!" said Ton. "That ryhmes! You got a poem thing like team rocket now!"
"Still dont get it huh? Take this!"
Ton tried to cast everyone's grudge but since alot of people here were glad that Randite beat the Lavos Exterior it didn't have much effect.
"We'll meet agian Ki- I mean Randite!" Ton jumped through the portal and left, Randite jumped in after him.
I'm sad because I expect so much more from a loid post, and he's been letting me down lately. :(
[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-22-2000).]

03 December 2012

Posts #1106-1111: 21 May 2000

Six posts today instead of the usual five, because this is the end of the thread! Next blog, we will commence the fourth page of the Gathering. The horror.

Post #1106, by Traceh

After all the proper introduction they all started to calm down a bit. Following a certain ammout of silence (except for the rustling of leaves and tree stumps they were no doubt plowing over), Poo called out from the back of the Ford.
See, Traceh read diospadre's post. She knows it's a Ford.
"Hey..where the heck are we? Do we have any idea whatsoever where it is we are going? And it's bumpy and stuffy back here, can ya turn on the fan please?" Poo and Tracy had been the last ones in, hopping into the open trunk-type thing that joined with the back seat. Juliana and guru in the back, and Chris was up front with diospadre carrying on a conversation.
Nicely played, except that Poo isn't really the sort to say please. You'll notice that naturally Traceh has placed herself as far away from Chris as possible.
"I cant take it anymore!" Tracy said in a somewhat exasperated voice. "I need something to groove to!" She climbed up over the seat trying her best not to step on anyone and made it to the front.
Remember, she's doing this while the vehicle is being driven 40 or 50 miles an hour. Through a forest. Never let it be said that Traceh wasn't totally hardcore.
She searched in the dim light until she found the tape deck and found a tape that she assumed belonged to the owner of the Explorer. She stuck it in, smacking the 'play' button.

All at once the entire car-full groaned.

"Barry Manalow!?" guru exclaimed. "Noone can groove to this! Not even you, Tracy."
I LOL'd. So much I'll pass over my usual Noone joke.
Chris hit the 'eject' button, grabbed the tape, pressed a button to the right of his arm, and chucked it out the window into the surounding forest.

For the first time in a few hours they all laughed, despite the fact that it was only about five in the morning and they were all still tired. They emerged onto a somewhat paved road and it started to drizzle a light rain.
If you don't know what a 'somewhat paved road' would look like, you obviously have never been to Pennsylvania.
Poo looked up just in time to exclaim, "Whats that!?" and everyoneone looked up.

There was a thud and dios slammed on the breaks so hard they all went flying forward.

guruzeth opened the back door and urged Juliana through then followed. "Quick, get out! We gotta check what that was!" The others remained in the car and watched through the windows.
I'm curious how that would work. If Juliana exited the vehicle first, that would imply she was sitting closest to the door in question, which seems logical since guruzeth needed to get her out of the way before he could exit. But then why would guruzeth be reaching across Juliana's body to throw the door open? Did he think she couldn't figure it out on her own? Was the door on guruzeth's side broken and stuck locked shut? Or was this one of those discounted models that only have three doors? Or did guruzeth, sly dog that he is, invite Juliana to crawl over his lap to get out?
Tracy saw the figure laying on the ground a few feet away. Saw guruzeth and Juliana pick it up and drag it towards their transportation. They pulled the soaked figure in and slid the door shut, at which point diospadre once again had the peddal to the metal speeding towards their destination, whatever that might be. They had no time to waste.
So on behalf of the SixSeven Friends, Traceh has accepted Falcon24's membership request. And there was much rejoicing.
[This message has been edited by Traceh (edited 05-21-2000).]
No pink goat named Sarah this time. How disappointing.

Post #1107, by Chris

"I don't know who he is, but he needs help fast." guruzeth said after quickly looking over the strange person they had picked up. They had been driving for several minutes after stopping now, and were quickly sloshing through the back roads of Eagleland.
How exactly the hell did guruzeth get appointed Team Doctor?
"This seems like Twoson. There should be a hospital nearby." EBPoo remarked, and diospadre and the others started looking out the windows for it.

"There it is!" Juliana exclaimed, and they quickly wheeled into the parking lot, guruzeth and Tracy carrying the person into the hospital.
It doesn't make sense to me that the person with incredible strength is the one who dropped out of the Falcon24-carrying duties.
"Someone, we need help!" Tracy shouted as they came in, and a doctor quickly rushed over to them.
This might be the shortest Chris post in the entire Gathering.

Post #1108, by loid

Suddenly Lavos remembered what Randite said, that he could controll Kiyo's body during the night. Lavos emited a strange glow and the Earth turned away from the sun.
"NO! No it cant beEEEEAUGH....FOOL! Lavos you still think I would obey you, don't you? Here you are, dying. Waiting to be detroyed by all these people. Lavos, you may be bigger then I am, but you have a weakness..."
Randite began singing the Melodies from the sound stone.
"stop singing!" said Lavos

Randite continued singing the Melodies from the sound stone.
"STOP singing!!!"

Randite continued singing the Melodies from the sound stone.
STOP! Stop the SONG!"

Randite continued singing the Melodies from the sound stone.
"You puny little worm, STOP singing!"

Randite kept singing, and fired serveral blasts of sound stone energy. Lavos was weak agianst the holy and good powers of the sound stone.
"Guys, if you have any flashy special moves you wanna try, do so NOW!"
This post makes marginally more sense if you've played Mother. If you haven't, well, there's really no point trying to explain it all. Just trust me.

Post #1109, by Tengu Maul

"It's time..." Jack motioned to Ness, who had his Gaia Smash ready. Jack jumped into the air, his lightsaber outstretched. Ness charged it with Gaia energy, and Jack came down on the head with it.

Lavos flashed brightly several time, and Ness felt the sense of Lavos breaking down...
Wait, 'the sense of Lavos breaking down'? Meaning that attack is causing Lavos to go insane?
"Paula, Jeff, Poo... get ready..." he motioned to them. He then turned to the ACs, including Jack and Mani, "We thank you for your help. If we survive, we will come to your victory party... we promise..."
You'll notice how Tengu Man has declared himself Supreme Leader of Everything, and everyone else, including ACs, takes his orders without question. And so smoothly, too. You can read three or four posts into a Tenguthread before suddenly jumping up and shouting, "hey! Since when is he the boss of everyone, anyhow?" But by then it's too late.
Lavos them glowed and turned into his core form, and then glew a bright green. Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo then glowed the same colors, and the 5 disappeared...

"It's about to happen, the final battle with Lavos... good luck you four..." Jack said... ready to face anythng Lavos may have left behind for him and anyone else remaining...
It would make sense for someone to point out (preferably as sarcastically as possible) that Tengu Man is way overstepping what he's allowed to do in an IF thread here. But what does any of this Lavos nonsense really matter? So who cares? He's really not affecting anything anyone else in the thread is doing, if you think about it. He's safely off in his own fantasyland for now.

Post #1110, by SirMontyG

Sir pulled out a keychain and pressed a small button, causing the Z8 he had driven up to pull down the top. The car was parked inside the cave.

"Hurry, jump in!" Yelled Sir as him and Anthadd dived into the BMW. Sir burned out and steered for the exit.

"Stalagtite!" Anthadd yelled, causing Sir to swerve in the nick of time. Instead of being impaled, the car only took some scratches.

"The rental shop's gonna kill me for this.."
Have I mentioned lately that I love SirMontyG posts?
The car hit a bump and ramped out of the cave and back into the lost underworld. Sir pulled a 180 and headed for the village. Anthadd looked back to see the Fire Springs reduced to rubble..
This post should be cited in the textbook Ending Plot Threads That Long Ago Grew Boring.

Post #1111, by t0nberry22

(I repeat the question again, what do the 9th and 10th medodies sound like?!)
You can repeat the question as many times as you'd like, dearie, and you will get the same chirping crickets in response every time. No one cares.
Ton say Kiyo doing a super cool attack against Lavos, and realized this was his chance.
I think he meant to type 'saw' there, not 'say.' Not sure how obvious that is to you.
"Guys! If you don't have a Super-Special attack left, or don't want to fight the Lavos Core, jump in the portal!" Ton created a Dark Portal and fired a Disruptor at it. The portal became a TimeGate.
"Listen! I have a Super Powerful attack, called Soul Flare! It's very powerful, and could possibly destroy Lavos! The only problem is, it might also destroy anyone left in the area! So, choose wisely if you want to stay or leave!"
(Everyone, please tell me if you stay or go.)
((By the way, a Soul Flare is a lot like a Spirit Bomb. But you probably knew that.))
Does he... seriously think anyone is going to choose to leave the scene? Like, "I was totally going to kick Lavos's ass, but t0nberry22 is so much cooler than I am, I can't help but agree I should step aside and let him do it"? This is without considering the Tengu Man post right above this one, which t0nberry22 has not read (it was only 9 minutes ahead of this one; the posts are flying fast right now).

29 September 2012

Posts #1101-1105: 21 May 2000

Post #1101, by Chris

"Me? The name's diospadre. A pleasure to finally meet all of you. I didn't catch everyone's names."

"Traceh, from the forums."

"PSI322 at your service."
I think this is the second or third time Chris has had PSI322's avatar introduce herself as 'PSI322' when in fact PSI322 has been clear that her AC's name is Juliana.
"Chris of the Boards."

"EBPoo or Poo, take your pick."

"And I'm guruzeth"

After the quick introductions, diospadre explained quickly what had happened. The spawns had attacked the hotel and quickly leveled it. diospadre had managed to grab a delivery van and was making his way in search of other SM.netters who were in trouble when he saw the group of five. He quickly had pulled us aboard, and the now group of six had driven off in search of shelter.
Chris really isn't paying attention. diospadre explicitly stated that he picked the Five Friends up in his own Ford Explorer, not some random delivery van. Also I don't know why Chris weirdly lapsed into first person at the end there.
"Guys, I have an idea," said EBPoo. "Most of southern Eagleland and the other continents have been affected, but the northern towns like Onett and Twoson haven't been attacked at all. If we go there, we might be able to find shelter."
Obviously the Kiddie Klub and/or Tengulings will just bring the violence right on the Five Friends' heels wherever they go, but, well, they have to go somewhere if they're going to continue to pursue guruzeth's cunning 'run the hell away' strategy. I think cruising Onett and Twoson is as good a plan as any other.
"But, what will we do once we find shelter?" asked guruzeth.

Post #1102, by Godeg

Mike awoke with a start in the Eagleland Island Hotel. He checked his watch, surprised that he had been unconscious for quite awhile.
He woke up in the hotel that has already been demolished? OK, it's cool, we can assume this is a Ten hours ago... post.
"Holy cow, no more devilled eggs for me... especially ones that are laying on a table with nobody around" Mike thought. "My head is kinda hurting as well... stupid exploding walkers. They tick me off. ...Hmm, i guess i'll go out and try to find other people, since it appears as if my companion has left."
I honestly don't remember who his companion was and I don't really care. OK, OK, asshole, I'll look it up for you. There's no need to be nasty about it.
Godeg's companion was Nathan (Dr. Andonuts), according to an offhand reference in Godeg's last post, several hundred posts ago, which Dr. Andonuts almost certainly never read, which is why Dr. Andonuts never referenced Godeg in any of his subsequent posts.
At almost the exact instant that Mike had thought that, he imagined he felt a rumbling, almost like that of an earthquake. Except, that this earthquake was real. Mike, now kinda scared, ran out of the hotel and onto the beach, to find a giant mass out in the distance. Being one to not stick around when there is imminent danger, especially by himself, Mike took off like a madman, heading in Onett's general direction.
Hi guys! This is Godeg! I'm still here! Apparently Godeg is, for reasons that were only known to him 12 years ago and aren't known to anyone anymore, has decided to throw his lot in with team guruzeth. So the once Five Friends are now the Seven Friends and seem about to become the Eight Friends. By the way, that almost certainly means team guruzeth will split up in the near future; anything more than about five ACs is too many to keep together, especially in a fast moving thread like this one.

Post #1103, by  Little Yoshi

(Sorry if elemental slash was too strong)
Yeah, you sound it.
The grenade worked, but Lavos reactivated quickly. The head used a doom blaze, catching the group off guard. Tim quickly used Lifeup Omega, and then was roasted by a flame attack(and as you should know, Ice is weak to fire) Tim was blown to his feet.
You have to like how he throws condescending OOC comments into his riveting battle scenes. This would probably be more of a problem if anyone ever than Liyoshi himself and me ever read any of his posts.
"You will pay for what you've done to the jellyfish!" Lavos shouted. He used another Doom Blaze, Tim, and damaging the others badly.
"I'm not finished with you yet!!" Lavos yelled, using his Flame on Tim again, who was blown from the battle, and hit something metal.

When he came to, he saw the machine was generating something. Tim, with further examination, notcied it was Lavos Spawns. He observed a coil linking to the robot.
"So this is where all those Lavos Spawns come from," im said, slashing at the chord with the Masamune. Then, he flicked the off switch, and returned to the battle, praying that the others were okay.
I would love Liyoshi so much if I knew he was actually massively trolling the entire thread by actively seeking out things to do that are certain to rips--- piss off pretty much everyone in the thread. You'd think, especially based on this post, that's what he's doing. But no. He was just that selfish and oblivious.

Post #1104, by loid

Kiyo and the Lavos spawn stood in the Lavos crater, formerly Saturn Valley.
You know, that sentence pretty much sums up everything I ever hated about IF, at least as it existed on the forums. How the hell can you turn Saturn Valley into a Lavos crater? How???
"Ok lets go in!"
Kiyo went into the Lavos shell and had several weapons were pointed at the Lavos Spawn and him.
"IT'S OK! This Lavos here thinks I'm Lavos. It's Ok! Put the gaia beam down!"
"So, you return! I trust Randite has already destroyed your mind."
"Shut your mouth."
Kiyo grabed his sound stone is his hand. It started glowing with a very bright yellow light unil it became a pulsating yellow sphere. He rolled it after Lavos where it poped with a sickening blast and a new sphere appeared in his hand.
I can't really follow this post from one sentence to the next. Is loid even aware there are about ten ACs in the middle of a fight with Lavos right now? How is this post supposed to work with all of theirs at all?

Post #1105, by Godeg

After awhile, Mike arrived in Onett.
He waited an hour and a half, dammit, and he cannot wait anymore. (You'll notice how, despite a half dozen posts since they left the hotel, team guruzeth still has not arrived in Onett. Godeg is skipping ahead in time.)
"Holy cow, too much running. Now im tired. And hungry. Maybe there's a vending machine somewhere..."

Mike decided to go find a vending machine, and when he found one, proceeded to buy some chips. But, to his dismay, he had no money. After a quick check of the change slot, he found some cash.

"Alright, im lucky. Time to get them potato chips." Mike buys the potato chips, and starts eating.
Godeg slips into the present tense for no reason.
"Hmm... I wonder what that huge mass was, out on the horizon. Stupid huge thing, made me forget my cash, my weapon, and my communicator. Hmm. Maybe if i wander around, maybe I'll find somebody who can explain, and maybe let me follow them around for awhile..."

Mike starts wandering around, wondering what is going on, since he has been 'unconscious' for a while, hoping to find somebody.
Godeg elects for the tried and true tactic of announcing his presence near the group he wishes to join, and hoping they're nice enough to say "Hi Godeg! We like you! Please join us!" To be fair to him, though, after team guruzeth arrives in Onett (if they do at all; there's still time for them to abruptly change course) he will still have the option of actively latching on to them. 
I think people are actually reading team guruzeth's posts enough to realize that this group contains two girls, which has made it the hot group where everyone who's anyone goes. Even the Kiddie Klub, via SaturnAl, awkwardly tried to merge with them.

22 September 2012

Posts #1096-1100: 21 May 2000

Post #1096, by PSI322

As the little group hurried across rough terrain, passing through what appeared to be a forest, they attempted to remain alert, despite their grogginess. "I'm confused. Explain it to me again, guruzeth," Juliana said sleepily, her eyes still only half-open.
Yes, guruzeth. Please explain to me your f---ing stupid plan again, because I am confused as to why I'm doing something this stupid.
"We're fleeing the spawn of Lavos," guruzeth said, being as patient as possible. "They were attacking Carrillon Beach, and some fighters wanted to enlist us to help them."
Damn, it's so f---ing noble of him to be so patient with our confusion. (Yes, I'm letting PSI322 speak for all of us here.)
Juliana yawned and started to trip over a large rock. guruzeth grabbed her arm just in time and helped her around it.
guruzeth and grabbing girls by the arm is getting to be a Thing here. Are we sure he's not a villain?
"Thanks," Juliana murmured. "I guess I'm still pretty sleepy. I have PSI, you know. I bet I could've used that." She paused for a moment to concentrate. "Watch this. PSI Comet Alpha!"
While fleeing for your life from some kind of alien hellspawn, wasting your PP just proving you can use PSI is not a smart play. I'm afraid guruzeth's Stupid Disease may be spreading here.
With all her might, Juliana attempted to demonstrate her psychic ability by attacking the tree that stood before them.

Nothing happened.

"What? I don't have it anymore?" Juliana and the others stopped moving on. "I don't understand."
I can give PSI322 a golf clap for trying to introduce something resembling dramatic tension here with the PSI322 has lost her psychic powers! thing. It doesn't work, since we all know perfectly well her psychic powers will return exactly when she actually needs them to kick some monster's ass, but she's trying.
"Don't worry about it now," guruzeth said, trying to sound reassuring. "We've got to get moving before those creatures break through!"
Traceh did it first and now PSI322 is continuing with the I feel safe with guruzeth! theme. But if he's such a fearless leader, why, again, are you jogging through the woods late at night with your backs turned to danger? I guess he can be depended on to let you know when it's time to turn tail and run like hell. So there's that.

Post #1097, by Pikachu3164

*tap tap*

"What, the?" Something was tapping Kiyo's leg. Using one giant burst of strength, he managed to look down. There stood the Lavos Spawn that had been following him around earlier, until they were seperated at the Fire Springs. "Hey! It's, Ba, by, La, vos! Can, you, help, me?"

Baby Lavos stared at him, then went to get something. He came back, and gave Kiyo a berry, which healed him of his paralysis.

"Wow! I can finally move again! Thanks! Hey... Wanna go help me beat up Big Lavos?"

Once again, the baby stared for a few seconds, then nodded.
I can't really understand why a baby Lavos Spawn would want to kill its progenitor. There are some weird genetics going on in that alien race.
Together, Baby Lavos and Kiyo ran through the Saturn Valley caves and into Lavos' mouth.

"Hey everyone! I decided to help! Whoa! He's a lot bigger than he looks in the game!"
3164, late to the party and just hoping with all his heart that he's not too late. I do like how he rushes into a fight for the fate of the universe and still takes the time to say 'sup?' to everyone before jumping in. That is one cool cat. Rat. Whatever.

Post #1098, by PSIOsman

(Okay, I'm back. Al, I think you're a bit mixed up there. Our party consists of Osman, Alan, Siris, and Tsurami).
If SaturnAl f---ed up on who's in his AC's party, I honestly didn't notice.
"Darn it! It looks like we're on our own now!"
This appears to be PSIOsman's only reaction to guruzeth telling his teammates to piss off. PSIOsman probably wasn't wild about the idea of teaming up with team guruzeth anyway, as he is the generally acknowledged leader of this crew and would lose any such distinction in the transaction.
At about that moment, screams erupted from the beach. One of the Lavos Spawn had broken away from the battle and was heading toward the crowds of people on the beach. The other three began to follow.

"NO! We can't let them get to the city! They'll destroy everything!" yelled Siris in alarm. The four ran at the Lavos Spawn.
I'm not actually going to ask the whiny question of why the Lavos Spawn want to kill everyone and destroy everything, because that's in character for all things Lavos. He does it for the evulz.
"Remember, attack the head!" yelled Osman, remembering the times that he had played through Chrono Trigger.
In Chrono Trigger, Lavos Spawns come in two parts, shell and head. Attacking the shell accomplishes nothing except a very painful counterattack rammed down your throat. So now you know.
Since the Lavos Spawn moved so slowly, they caught up with them easily as they crawled onto the road in front of the beach. Osman jumped in front of a Spawn and slashed at the head of it with his Scimitar. The Spawn gave a cry and then silenced, not moving. Siris caught up with another one, fired a Beam spell right into its eye. Alan slashed another, and Tsurami hit the last one with his mallet. Osman, Siris, Tsurami, and Alan stared at each other in confusion. It wasn't supposed to be this easy.
Sure it was! You're ACs! That's exactly how it's supposed to work, as long as you're not Liyoshi.
Tsurami turned to the Spawn that he had defeated.

"Uhhh... Guys?" he stammered.

They all turned to the Spawn. The shells of all of them were turning dark, almost black. The head of each started to emit a bright red light. When the light faded, the head of each Spawn had gained something that looked like a beautiful crystalline exoskeleton...

Then they restarted their slow, but sure drive towards the city.

Siris concentrated on his magical ability. He thought on the essence of Electricity. He ran forward and fired a massive bolt of lightning at the lead Spawn. It did... Nothing. The exoskeleton just absorbed the attack. Each Spawn then turned and started glowing.

"Oh, no! Obstacle! Get out of the--" Osman started, too late. The huge wave of energy rolled over the four. Osman became poisoned, and his muscles weakened tremendously. He dropped to the ground, the color of his face changing to a deep purple. Tsurami was frozen in place, on one foot with both hands held out in front of his face. Alan became possessed with an uncontrollable laughter, unable to do anything. And Siris was slowed down so much, he was barely moving.
I don't believe Lavos Spawns have an inflict-random-status-ailments attack. Obstacle inflicts confusion ("Chaos" in Chrono Trigger parlance). I'm pretty sure the humanoid part of the Lavos Core is the only monster in the game that can inflict random status ailments. By doing the YMCA.
And the Lavos Spawn entered Summers...

[This message has been edited by Lavos (edited 05-21-17000 BCE).]
He thought that was clever, you see. It was really PSIOsman editing his post more than once. Boy, I bet you feel foolish now!
[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 05-21-2000).]

Post #1099, by diospadre
I'm giddy for this one. diospadre posts always bring it.
As guruzeth and his group quickly made their way through the forest they became more and more fatigued. Poo was in the front of the group, leading the way. He took a step without watching where he was going and fell face first onto the moist ground, his foot caught by a vine.
He picked Poo to pick on because EBPoo is the one of the Five Friends diospadre was on the friendliest terms with.
This caused a chain reaction, and everybody behind him tumbled to the ground. As Poo looked up, he saw a small brown animal that resembled a porcupine. It was unmistakeable, a miniature Lavos. They were already here. Thankfully, this one was only the size of a small dog. He brushed it away, and the group ran on.
One would presume killing it would be a much better idea, right? But that would violate the Five Friends' pacifist conduct.
Suddenly they all began hearing a low hum. guruzeth spotted a spawn, then Tracy did. Out of nowhere almost twenty of them in ranging sizes had surrounded the group. There was no way the friends could get past Lavos's offspring. Then came the most disheartening of blows. Off in the distance they saw the two glowing yellow eyes, which were rapidly coming closer. It wasn't a tiny spawn, either, it was bigger than all of the teens put together. Before they knew it it was upon them, screeching to a halt. They all shut their eyes and braced themselves.
This would be an example of a good time for PSI322 to remember how to cast PSI Asskicking, and the others to do something AC-like. But no, the Five Friends are going to hold true to their ideals and die pacifists. Handsome men and beautiful women will sing songs about their noble determination for millennia to come.
"GET IN!" diospadre yelled. "The hotel's been destroyed! We need to get out of here!"
Or, there's that. They could do that. diospadre with the Big Damn Hero save and now they can resume running the hell away!
Juliana and her friends thanked the Heavens. The eyes didn't belong to a Lavos spawn after all. They were the headlights of the Hotel manager's Ford Explorer. The group crammed themselves into the car, just as the spawn jumped to attack. But it was too late, diospadre had already floored it and was yards away.
That was actually really good, the way he described the unmistakable "yellow eyes" and then revealed them to be his Explorer's headlights. You have to admit that was an expert play. Some of the best writing of the Gathering, is what you just read.
"Thank you for saving us...." guruzeth paused. "I'm sorry, I don't think we know your name. Who are you?"
It's awkward and weird that diospadre chose to end his post at the point at which his own AC is expected to introduce himself. Now one of the Five Friends has to pick it up with "I'm diospadre you moron" and then move on with the plot.
[This message has been edited by diospadre (edited 05-21-2000).]

[This message has been edited by diospadre (edited 05-21-2000).]

Post #1100, by Falcon24
It's been a long time since I've seen a bona fide Falcon24 post. I had to go back and refresh my memory: his last post was #1023, wherein he was dead, then thought maybe pogopunk could bring him back to life. pogopunk never responded to that, and I gather that Falcon24's had enough of waiting around for him. This should be interesting.
guruzeth and the others quickly fled the scene of the Lavos spawn in the Ford Explorer that diospadre was driving. As they crashed through the underbrush, finding themselves deeper in the forest, it seemed to all is if they had become lost. However, with a fortunate stroke of luck, diospadre found the road again. In the distance, the sounds of battle could be heard.
Yeah, yeah, the Five (Six?) Friends drive for a while, there's a fight going on, we get it.
"We'd best get away from here as soon as possible, -- What's that!?" Poo shouted. diospadre looked up to see a shadowed figure slowly trudging across the road. He quickly slammed on the brakes, but none to soon, as the Explorer made contact with the figure.
Falcon24 was still young (16, I think) at this point and still playing with turns of phrase and figuring out how to use them "None to (sic) soon" is out of place here, as he tried to be fancier than "not soon enough" and failed. But this is a larval stage every young writer goes through, so let's not begrudge him for it.
You can make fun of him for misspelling 'too', though, if you want.
The creature made an attempt to dodge the vehicle, but to no avail. It smacked straight into the grill, toppled across the windshield, and then fell off the hood of the car. Juliana made a mortified gasp.
Again, he tried to move 'gasped in horror' to a higher pay grade and didn't quite get there. But he's trying.
Falcon slid off the hood of the car and fell to the ground with a sickening thud.
I like this for a couple reasons:
1. It's tense. There's actual drama here, and I mean that in a good way.
2. He's correctly identified where the focal point of the action in this story is right now (team guruzeth is doing new things, whereas the kiddie klub is doing basically the same thing they've been doing for 600 posts) and latching onto it.
3. He's challenging guruzeth for supremacy in Horribly Injured Points, which as far as he can tell are apparently redeemable for female attention.

21 September 2012

Posts #1091-1095: 20-21 May 2000

Post #1091, by EBPoo

For the fifth time that night, Poo rolled over on his bed. "Ack, I can't sleep," Poo muttered quietly. Walking out to get a glass of water, Poo bumped into guruzeth who had also waken up. "Hey guru, can't sleep either?"
I have no idea what provoked EBPoo to invest four sentences in engaging guruzeth in conversation. The best logic I can piece together would be: he's bored, but he doesn't want to detach himself from team guruzeth, and he doesn't expect if he goes off and does something the rest of the team will like it or come along (remember, all three forum administrators are in this group and one is mercurial, one is bullheadedly dull and one is an asshole). So this is a way of saying 'hey guruzeth, can't you come up with something other than this stupid amusement park stuff?'

The part of that logic that doesn't quite ring true to me is the 'EBPoo doesn't want to leave team guruzeth' part. EBPoo generally liked to be where the action was, and not much action was likely to take place in this crew. But that's my best shot at it.

Post #1092, by SaturnAl

When Alan was surfing, he did not check behind him.

"WATCH OUT!!!" yelled GW.

Behind Alan, 4 huge creatures, looking like lavos, but smaller, were rising above the water. They were (High pitched lavos organ music plays) Lavos spawns!!!

Engage battle!
There's a saying in the writing world that (paraphrased) anytime the story starts feeling dull, have something attack the protagonists. Well, IF just takes it to its logical conclusion. 

Post #1093, by Traceh
That reminds me: the Lavos Spawn attacking the beach is bringing the Lavos Stupidity into close proximity to team guruzeth, which is actively avoiding it by doing boring stuff. We are in for some grand entertainment when these worlds collide. Oh, boy, are we ever.
" really think so!?" Tracy asked in disbelief. She sat on the pillow and laughed again.

"Well, I dont know, but I'm pretty sure," replied Juliana.
I don't know if Traceh had anything specific in mind that she and Juliana were laughing about--in my mind it's something making fun of Chris, or maybe guruzeth--or if it was just a generic snippet of girl conversation. It could go either way.
She went back to her book and jotted down a few notes. Then she took out a seperate book and started to write, a look of concentration and peace at the same time crossed her face.
This is what made Traceh one of the very best IF writers despite her atrocious typo rate. She was thoughtful. She had read enough PSI322 posts to know that PSI322 liked writing poetry and liked appearing peaceful and content while doing so.
They had decided to stay up for a while and they could hear the guys in the next room up to something, no doubt beating eachother down at Super Smash Bros. Tracy painted her toenails with a weirdish aqua color then offered it to Juliana who politely declined.
I cannot imagine voluntarily investing my free time in something so pointless and boring as painting my toenails. But then, I have zero artistic inclination on a 0-to-10000 scale, which is related to scoring a perfect zero on the artistic skill scale also.
After a while the noise next door died down and deminished.
The Department of Redundancy Department approves of that sentence.
Tracy had the biggest urge to grab a can of shaving cream and molassas and play the part of 'annoying younger sister', but then reconsidered.

"What kind of rides do you usually go on?" asked Juliana, looking up from her book.

Tracy finished her nails and sat up to grab a book. "Well....I like the rides that do a zillion flips I guess. Oh and those water rides, those are like galactic. Heh... lazer tag is gonna be great though. Too bad they play such bad music in there."
Oh, that pounding screaming noise was supposed to be music? I thought it was there to simulate the sounds of a World War II-era battle.
Juliana smiled and closed her book. They mumbled a few things about life, their homes and the way the island and the people there had affected them, then shut off the lamps. They stretched out on the huge beds in the room and drifted to sleep.

It was almost as if the bed was a giant cloud (you know Summers, totally first class and expensive) and Tracy thought she heard voices again in the next room, but thought nothing of it. Dream Land had come for her and for all of them. The five friends had a long day awaiting them.
Is that their official group title, do you think, 'The Five Friends'? What happens when EBPoo inevitably bails out? What if someone else joins them? Do they take after the Runaway Five and keep calling themselves The Five Friends even when they have six members?

Post #1094, by SaturnAl

Alan, Osman, Tsurami, and Siris were trying to fight the baby-lavi. They tried ganging up on one, but the other three would always try and send a spine needle attack. When they tried one-on-one, it was pretty much pathetic for them.

"We need help!" Yelled Siris
I really like this description of the battle. "Whenever the Browns play the Steelers, it's pretty much pathetic for them."
Without telling anybody, Osman sent out a telepathic message to the SM.netters in the hotel.(Guru's group, i forgot who is all there)
[help.....come out to the beach......we are near]
I'm not sure that team guruzeth is going to regard your being defeated as a bad thing, kiddo.
[This message has been edited by SaturnAl (edited 05-21-2000).]

Post #1095, by guruzeth

guruzeth awoke with a start. It was about six A.M., and there was a terrible, low rumbling noise outside and people fighting. "we are near defeat... help us... please..." The words were coming into his head again.

We are not fighters, guru telepathically relayed, even though he had to this point never sent any telepathic messages. We can't help you. Find someone who can...
This is the beginning of what your English teacher would call a Theme for the rest of the Gathering: guruzeth's absolutely pissy refusal to engage in anything that could possibly be construed as combat.
You know, it would have been easier for guruzeth to just say "since guruzeth is not telepathic, he didn't get the idiot's message", but unfortunately other members of team guruzeth are known telepaths. Also that's too indirect for guruzeth's taste. He would rather rip SaturnAl a new asshole for intruding.
"What's going on, guru?" Chris and Poo were also awake. guru shot to the window and saw the battle raging on the beach. He wheeled back towards them and said, "Get dressed. We gotta get out of here. NOW!"
guruzeth issues commands, not requests. 
They threw on their clothes and went next door and pounded the door until the girls awakened, and they hastily dressed as well and the group was out of the hotel, hurrying through the back of the town. The amusement park was on the other side of the island, but would it matter? What if the Lavos spawns made it through? The group knew they couldn't, or wouldn't, fight.
It might just be me because I remember it better than you, but can't you feel the emo oozing through this post, especially that last paragraph? How guruzeth managed to attain such prominence in the community, for however brief a time, with such a gaping lack of understanding of how to be awesome is baffling. 

The Right Thing: Ignore SaturnAl's request and do something funny to belittle it.

The Wrong Thing: Act pissy about it and leave the scene. You're the Supreme-Dictator-For-Life, for f---'s sake, why are you leaving? Why don't you just tell the kid to piss off? I just don't get it.

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