"Forget it guys!" guruzeth said. "You can think about EarthBound all you like, but this isn't a bloody video game, and cracking someone's head isn't gonna get you anywhere except in a nize cozy jail cell of your own!"
"There's no other way to get him out!" cried Falcon. "We gotta do it!"
"Just wanna pick a fight..." guruzeth said lowly. "Forget it guys. Do what you like, but I'm not posting your bail after you get tossed in the slammer. I'll be down at the picnic table where we ate lunch, or else in a hotel somewhere if you need me. Don't waste your one phone call on me." He turned and walked out of the station.
Can you imagine being a Six Friends member (other than PSI322, who as we will see was fully on board with this, if vastly less aggressive about it) and reading this post, blinking a few times, and thinking, "what the f--- was that all about?" Especially since, you will recall, it was guruzeth who put diospadre in jail for assault in the first place. Like, what in the hell did he think the rest of the team was going to do? Hold a bake sale to raise money for bail and a lawyer?
This is actually a pivotal post in the Gathering, because "guruzeth throws a temper tantrum and storms off every time anyone suggests anything resembling violence" is going to be a Theme for the rest of the thread (and--spoilers--he's not nearly done injuring his AC yet, either) and watching the rest of his team react to his antics is going to be delightful. If he were anyone but guruzeth they would have ignored him the same way, and for essentially the same reasons, everyone ignored Liyoshi. But since he's the Supreme Ruler of the forums, and since the other Supreme Ruler of the forums who is also the single most popular person at starmen.net at this time (PSI322) follows him around, so does everyone else.
I know what you're thinking: How in the world did such a pissy, foot-stomping child of a poster become so prominent? And the answer is: I have absolutely no idea.
Post #1152, by Dr. Andonuts
Nathan thought, "i wonder what Tim is doing? Oh yeah, i can contact him telepathicly." [Tim, are you there?] Nathan waited, and did not hear anything back from Tim. "Or maybe I can't contact him telepathicly."
I really have no idea what this is about. Liyoshi posted himself getting captured two posts ago, eight hours before this one (the school day intervened, during which only guruzeth, who was a week from graduation* and no longer doing anything at school, posted.) Why Dr. Andonuts is just poking Liyoshi here, I can't fathom.
* Feel free to re-read the above post #1151 and marvel at the fact that--you think I'm yanking your chain, but I am not--guruzeth was the oldest poster in the Gathering. He was 18, PSI322 was 17, most everyone else was 15 and down.
Post #1153, by PSI322
Juliana's gaze followed guruzeth as he stormed out of the police station. His words echoed in her mind, and in her heart, she knew that he was right, one hundred percent.
Being right isn't much help if you're so over-the-top, assholishly sanctimonious about it that most people would rather be wrong just to avoid being on the same side as you.Juliana looked timidly at her other friends and the police officers who were standing not too far away. She felt the sweat beginning to form on her palms and rubbed her hands together anxiously. Deep inside of her, she knew that this was not the real Juliana. The real Juliana, the shy, peaceful Juliana, would never even think of pulling a stunt like this. She could never bring herself to hurt someone, unless they had attacked her first, and even then, it was difficult for her; that was just her nature. She knew that there was no way she could engage in combat with the cops here.
Post 1151 demonstrated guruzeth's way of expressing disapproval of the behavior of his nominal allies. This is PSI322's way of doing the same. Though they are of one mind on the principle in question--namely, that AC violence in IF is dreadfully boring and they want nothing to do with it--it tells you everything you need to know about their respective personalities.
I am pretty disappointed PSI322 didn't call guruzeth out at all for actually being the one to instigate this whole stupid police station plot, though.Quietly, Juliana tiptoed towards the entrance, making sure that the others' backs were turned as she moved across the floor stealthily. Silent as anything, she opened the door and slipped out, completely unnoticed. She didn't care at the time that they would all wonder where she had gone; all Juliana knew was that she had to get away from there. She couldn't fight; she wouldn't fight for anything.
I wonder whether or not she was still thinking of the whole Stonehenge Base thing where other posters had her AC going all Conan the Barbarian on the sorry asses of several dozen Starmen.Feeling relieved that she had made what she believed to be the right decision, Juliana walked away from the police station, wondering if she ought to try to find guruzeth or continue wandering on her own.
So this is PSI322 Gambit #7 on this thread, although this one has a new twist: it's not about escaping Chris this time, it's about following guruzeth. Why, in $DEITY's name why is the alpha female going so far out of his way to follow a guy who threw a public hissy fit over some insignificant thing that he himself instigated, you ask?
Well, cut her some slack; teenagers make suboptimal decisions all the time. But it does cut somewhat back to some of the stuff I noted on Chris posts: that at least guruzeth isn't afraid to tell you exactly what he thinks and go off and do what he pleases, as opposed to Chris's maddening passivity and approval seeking.
Post #1154, by Chris
Speak of the devil! I can't wait to see how he reacts to PSI322's post. Will he follow her as he's done six times before? Or will he write her off for now because she has made clear that from here out she is going to follow guruzeth wherever he goes, and Chris must know how that will turn out for him?Chris was continuing to mull over how to rescue dios. Falcon had spoken of fighting, but Chris wasn't sure if it would work here the same way it had worked in Earthbound.
This is pretty funny if you remember the combat Chris had previously engaged in back when he was dragging PSI322's AC all over the world while she remained silent for several hundred posts. To wit: it worked exactly the same way it worked in EarthBound, only much easier because he was an AC. But yeah, some random NPC cops are totally a major problem.
I have a feeling Falcon24 isn't going to see this from quite the same angle.Plus, none of them were in any condition to tackle a dozen unarmed police officers, much less if they were to use their weapons. On the other hand, the team didn't have any money, and they certaintly couldn't leave dios in the hands of the Eagleand justice system.
I actually think it would be pretty funny, and a subtly clever nose-thumbing at guruzeth to boot, if they did exactly that. Then diospadre could show up a few posts later with no explanation at all for how he got loose."Guys, we can't fight. We can't hope to win. We've gotta find a way to get some money. Any ideas?"
"We could sell lemondade." Falcon suggested.
"Right. 'Lemonade for sale to post bail on our friend.' Oooh, that rhymes!" Poo replied.
LOL. I swear I didn't read this before I cracked the bake sale joke up above. Maybe I subconsciously remembered this post from when I first read it, 18 years ago, but I doubt it."Wait a second. Chris, don't you still have that bat you bought in Tenda Village a while back?" Tracy asked.
"Yeah." Chris said, starting to see where Tracy was going with this.
"So, we sell that, and Juliana's Frying Pan, and that oughta get us enough money to bail out dios!" Tracy finished.
Ohhhh, now that's clever.
For maybe the first time in the Gathering, I am genuinely impressed with something Chris came up with. Selling all the weapons and gear to bail dios out is exactly what guruzeth could and should have come up with, if he didn't want to crack skulls. It would have annoyed the Violence Faction, pleased the Pacifist Faction, and it wouldn't have required him to behave like a five year old.
Ascribing this stroke of genius to Traceh rather than himself is pretty generous, too."Good idea. Hey, Juli--" Chris broke off in midsentence when he didn't see Juliana in the waiting room. "Hey, where'd she go?"
The idea that Chris would fail to notice Juliana leaving the room shattered my suspension of disbelief into a million pieces."I didn't see her. She must have gone outside for some fresh air." Falcon said.
"I'll go check." said Poo. A moment later, he returned. "She's not outside."
"Well, I'm sure she'll show up soon. Probably went to town to get something to eat. Let's go see how much a merchant will pay for this bat." Chris said.
They told dios that they'd be back soon, and left to find a drugstore that might buy the bat.
And so Chris opts to stick with the rest of theSixFour Friends and, for the very first time in the Gathering's eleven hundred posts, not to follow PSI322 or even to angst out about her departure. A landmark!
(As noted previously, Chris knows very well that his pursuit of PSI322 is now over and has failed. She's with guruzeth, both IC and OOC. He bungled it completely in numerous ways I have chronicled in probably excessive detail, but I admire him for trying. He gave it his best shot, and he's gracious in defeat.)
Post #1155, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy
[I understand, Pikachu,] said Mew. [My warp hole opens in random spots! And have you forgotten that my species can learn how to Transform?!]
[I know that!] shouted Pikachu.
Mew shook his head, and started changing. After less then a minute, he changed into Poryhedron.
"I can do whatever the original was programmed to do," said Mew, as Poryhedron.
Pikachu appauded. Then he went back to eating.
Mew transformed back, and said, [Hey! Don't hog the cheesy Saturn bar-shaped Delacacies!]
Pikachu looked confused.
[The Peanut Cheese Bars,] said Mew.
[Bone appiteit, or whatever,] said Pikachu.
After Mew ate one, he washed it down with a bottle of lemonade that he stole from Celedon Dept. Store's vending machine when he escaped from Team Rocket.
[Where'd you get that?] asked Pikachu.
[I stole it from one of Celedon Dept. Store's vending machine when I escaped from Team Rocket,] said Mew.
The Department of Redundancy Department approves of these last three lines.[I store them in Pokéballs I stole from Team Rocket. I knew I'd need some food or drink, and storage for the food and drink, but I'm broke!]
Pikachu looked around like this: ; and asked, [Can I have some?]
[Sure!] said Mew. [Or you could have some Soda Pop, or some Fresh Water!]
[Just the Lemonade!] said Pikachu.
Mew took one bottle out and gave it to Pikachu, who chugged it down.
[Thanks!] said Pikachu.
[You're welcome!] said Mew.
Just then, a Tomato with eyes, which looked like this: ; hopped out. Suddenly, he turned into a cardboard cutout which looked like this: .
[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-26-2000).]
[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-26-2000).]
If you're just skipping the text and reading the annotations, you should cut that out and read the text. It's funnier than the annotations. But not this post. This time, you made the right decision. This is without question the most pointless post in the entire Gathering (thus far) that exceeded five lines.
SS/MB edited this post at least twice a day after it was posted. God alone knows why.
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