The Annotated Gathering: January 2010

30 January 2010

Posts #491-495: 23 April 2000

Post #491, by Falcon24

"Well pogo, ice, let's get going! We have a guardian to defeat!" Falcon walked deeper into the cave, followed closely by icEFusioN and pogopunk.

Hmm... sounds suspiciously friendly. He's kind of like Jack Sparrow, or really anyone from any of the PotC films, that way: If he's acting like your best buddy, there's a 90.4% chance he's up to something.

As they made their way to the sanctuary, Falcon became lost in a reflection.

"Hmm...this is all too easy. These gullible fools will help me capture the sanctuary melodies, and then I'll have them all to myself..."

Gasp! Shock! Awe!

As the group rounded the corner they immediately laid eyes on the shining spot. The shining spot pulsed and quivered, eventually taking the form of the guardian.

"Welcome! I am Thunder!"
"And I am Storm!"
"And together we are..Thunder and Storm!"

Thunder and Storm have been practicing their snazzy intro for centuries, finetuning it to entertainment perfection. They haven't had much else to do.

Falcon shook his head "You HAVE to think of a better attack line than that..how weak."

But Falcon24 is not impressed. Falcon24 is never impressed.

Thunder & Storm shook with rage. "How dare you insult us! Feel our wrath!" Thunder & Storm went into a frenzy, throwing bolts of lightning every which way.

Don't worry. Storm tires out awful fast, just like the right head of the two-headed giant that chased Bugs Bunny around.

Falc, pogo, and ice dodged this way and that, avoiding the deadly bolts by mere inches. Suddenly, when coming out of a roll, Falcon found himself face to face with Thunder & Storm!

"Crashing Boom Bang Attack!!!!" The guardian bellowed.

Ohhh, scary. It followed up that vicious volley with... more of the same! From point-blank range! This would be a good time for it to use its very potent 'rushed in and intertwined with you' attack--you know, the physical one--but that would be smart and might make Falcon24's AC look bad.

Post #492, by EBPoo

"Now, what to do? What to do?" Suddenly, Poo receives a phone call. The caller ID says "Dalaam, Palace of Poo". "Hello?" greets Poo.

"Your highnessness! A bird-like person just came and bashed my face in!"

I'm almost positive there was a specific rule saying that you can't use an EB character as your AC, which Poo has just definitively done. It was one of the Tengu Rules, invoked to prevent Tengu from claiming singular domination of Paula as a character. He still treated Paula like his AC, mind, it was just that the usual AC protections didn't apply. Other people could yank her around if they wanted.

"A bird-like person...FALCON! GRRRR!" With that, Poo heads into Dr. Andonuts's lab. Poo bribes Dr. Andonuts with a dozen donuts, so that the good doctor would help him. Within hours, the doctor has completed the Skyrunner II.

Wait. He sold the Sky Runner for a box of donuts? He's quirky, man, but he's not retarded. Even Apple Kid demanded $200 and some ketchup for his services.

"Coolio! I'll show that no good unnature fooding Falcon!" yells Poo as he boards the aircraft and flies to the Lost Underworld.

Which is deep underground and certainly in no way accessible to aircraft. My memory could be failing me, but I'm fairly sure in most IF the general rules of EarthBound geography were respected. But in the Gathering, these guys just don't care anymore. They're doing whatever they please with no regard for consistency at all.

Also: That no good what now? Must be a long since forgotten inside joke.

Poo walks around until the spots the second Tenda Village. After tricking the Tenda with Tendakraut, Poo runs into their little town and steals all the Luxury Jerky. Then Poo threatens the talking rock with a hammer and chisel until the rock hands over and exact replica of the Sound Stone. With that, Poo runs into the Fire Springs Sanctuary area.

I'd love to hear how a rock handed over anything.

After battling numerous fire enemies, Poo finally makes it to the top. On the way, he sees the group of Darth. "Hahahahahahaha! I made it up here first! Neener neener neener!" taunts Poo.

Remember what I said earlier about the dangers of declaring your plans but not finishing them immediately? Case in point.Too bad for Poo he has really f---ed with the wrong guy this time.

At the top, Poo walks up to the shining spot. "Oh, you know the beginning of this. Take it from me, if you dare," challenges Carbon Dog. Poo renders Carbon Dog helpless as he puts him on a leash. Then, at the speed of light, Poo runs into the Fire Springs. Holding out the Sound Stone replica, Poo absorbed the power of Fire Springs. Suddenly, without warning, Poo finds himself in Magicant.

That's not how it works. You have to get all eight first. It is possible to skip four of the first seven Sanctuaries (Lilliput Steps, Milky Well, Magnet Hill, Pink Cloud) and come back for them after you grab Fire Spring (not 'Springs'); if you do so, you'll go to Magicant from whichever Sanctuary you did last, of course (though you'll still inexplicably wake up at Fire Spring after you serve Ness's Nightmare's ass to him).

It seems unlikely EBPoo has even played EarthBound all the way through, certainly not more than once.

[This message has been edited by EBPoo (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #493, by pogopunk

unaware of falcons treachery, pogopunk dived in with his pogostick, deflecting the crashing boom bang attack. "wow, this stick is almost like a franklin badge."

Well, it has a rubber stopper at the bottom of it, you know.

falcon thanked pogopunk and rolled behind thunder & storm, got his hall of fame bat, and smaaashed the guardian.

"oof!" it exclaimed. whirling around, it picked up falcon and reared back. falcon tried every maneuver possible but couldnt escape. preparing for the final blow, thunder and storm reared back and began to cast psi thunder omega and a thunder punch. pogopunk closed in to save him, when he received a psychic call.

[pogo! falcon is nearing your location! beware, he has the sound sappper that can destroy the sanctuary. you must stop him before he can use it! he's evil i say!] called nathan. pogopunk, startled, stopped and looked at thunder & storm before deciding what to do..

[only for ice or falcon to decide whats next]

pogopunk is attempting to freeze the story's villain in time, as it were, until he does what he obviously is going to do (annihilate T&S in totally awesome fashion and grab the Sanctuary). My guess is Falcon24 will post again very soon, but supposing he didn't come back for two days for some reason? We might have had a situation there.

Post #494, by PsycoPyro

[[ ] ]]

There was originally some kind of emoticon in there, but my archive doesn't preserve emoticons, so I couldn't guess at what it was.

"Hey wait a sec!" I said as I pulled out a compass. "Maybe we aren't stuck in Onett. But first let's make a trip to twoson and get us some gear there."
"Like what stuff?" Jenny said.
"Follow me."

Apparently Matt's mind control has worn off. Amnesia is the cure for mind control!

we run to the cycle shop in twoson and find two bikes that are left outside of the store. I start to tke one.
"Go get a bike." I said.
"That's stealing Matt!" Jenny said. "That's not right!"
"Yea well, it wasn't right of you to mess up up. So just steal the bike."
"Me? You got messed up? And what are we going to do with that mani mani statue?"
"We aren't going to take care of it ourselves. Besides, you don't have guns like I do. You aren't cool like I am."

That was directed more at you than it was directed at QC.

"Whatever . Fine! I'm stealing the bike! Watch me."
Jenny takes bike and the store owner comes out.
"What ARE YOU DARNED KIDS DOING?!!" The store dude yelled at us. The Twsoners stared at us.
"Quick Let's bail to the Harbor! We'll take your boat to the Deep Darkness!"

Harbor? In Twoson? There's no water until Fourside, dumbass.

We peddled away as fast as we can. We left the towns and with the help of my compass, me made it to the beach./harbor. We dumped the stolen bikes into the boat, started the boat and sped ino the ocean waves. Within hours, we rode through the Deep Darkness.

If it were that easy to get to that side of the world, you'd have thought Team Ness wouldn't have gone to all the trouble to fix the Sky Runner, fly it back to Winters and fix it again, all just to get to Summers. Then again, Summers is supposedly a tourist paradise; but if people from Eagleland can't get there without going to extraordinary measures, where are all the tourists from?

We headed to the entrance of Tenda Village.
"I have a feeling we'll find someone at Tenda Village." I said to Jenny.

Probably some Tenda, if I had to guess.

We anchored the boat and went into the Tenda Village to find....

((I hope that helped, QC))

Post #495, by Tengu Man/Makron

Darth's group climbed the ladder to Carbon Dog.

Ness laughed as he saw the energy leash on him.

"That guy must've done our dirty for us..." Darth smiled, then growled, "But he probably has the melody."

"Don't worry. All santuaries have unlimited music. Even absorbed ones will return eventually[meaning Magnet Hill's melody should now be back for usage]." Paula explained, having past knowledge of the santcuaries.

Dear Falcon24,
F--- you.
Love,
Tengu Man

I'm starting to suspect these two chaps might have a disagreement somewhere down the line.

However, Carbon Dog broke free of the leash, and lunged at Jeff, but met a Multi-Bottle Rocket to his face. He flashed and became Diamond Dog.

Diamond shook his head furiously, "What happened, am I normal again?"

"Yeah, you're okay." Ness knelt down and pet him.

And then shrieked in agony and hastily cast PSI Lifeup and/or Healing on the tatters that five seconds ago comprised his right arm. What part of diamond is confusing you, Boy Genius?

"Thanks Ness, everyone. I guess I'm in your debt."

Diamond Dog joins the group.

You know, there was an SM.Netter around this time who called himself Diamond Dog; he was a frequent prize winner in the most sensational contest in SM.Net history, guruzeth's EASY Trivia. I don't recall him ever being involved in IF, and he's been gone for going on ten years now.

They enter the cave and gather in front of the lava spring. The sound stone Darth has absorbs the energies, but so do everyone in the group.

"Hey... I think this stuff gave me PSI!" Darth exclaimed.

Darth learned PSI Bomb Alpha.

Golly, a spell with such a grandiose name must be f---ing awesome.

Ness learned Shield Sigma[which he never learned in the old game]

Well, that would be because it doesn't exist in the old game any more than PSI Bomb does.

Paula learned PSI HP Drain[from the techs IF thingy, whatever].

Mani learned... [Mani's choice]

They then teleported back to Twoson...

Tengu's opened a pretty fun can of worms there. Let's see what new PSI powers everyone else confers upon themselves.

Posts #486-490: 23 April 2000

Post #486, by PSIOsman

"Hmmm... Where should I go?" Thought PSIOsman. He looked at his Diamond Scimitar. It was four feet long, and curved gracefully, but not grotesquely as seen in the movies.

And it was preposterously stupid.

"I wonder where Poo and Falcon are? Maybe I should try and hold one of them up or something...

Why? Are they carrying lots of cash money on their person? And even if they are, why would you want to hold them up for it? You can afford a diamond scimitar, after all.

Actually, I should worry about them later. SirMontyG, Chris, and Juliana probably need my help, and I think I better check out Doc Andonuts' lab. And I need some slashing practice. I have a feeling that I may get into some Star Wars-type duels afterwards..."

'Veiled shot at Tengu?' was my first thought, but this was 2000. Star Wars was on all the kiddies' minds.

Osman starts after Sir, towards Winters, Stonehenge, and Andonuts' lab...

The action is swiftly converging at the Stonehenge base now. Hard to say why exactly, but it's a fair indication that the sanctuary quest is already petering out and people are looking for something else to do.

Post #487, by Little Yoshi

"I sense Falcon is nearing Pink Cloud, we can't let him get 2 melodies!" Tim said."I'm not sure if Pogopunk can stop him alone, but I need to help save Chris!"
"You can't go alone, I'm staying here." Juliana said.
The other decided...

So... he just wrote this post by say of saying 'f--- you' to Falcon24? Doesn't seem like those two are getting along so great.

Post #488, by pogopunk

battling through the cave of pink cloud, and also falling asleep several times because of the tangoo, pogopunk started to find himself in familiar territory. the hairs on his neck raising, he edged closer and closer to another corridor that he thought would lead to thunder and storm. strafing through it, he readied his pogostick to bash whatever popped out. "ai-YAH!" he screamed, about to smaaaash an enemy. however, he suddenly stopped when he saw what appeared to be falcon24!

"AIEEE!" screamed falcon, when he saw he was gonna be bashed. after quickly recognizing who it was, falcon appeared to blush and put on his gruff attitude. "oh, its you, what are you doing here?"

Yeah. Pretty sure Falcon24's endlessly cool AC is not about to get a fright put in him like that. That probably motivated Falcon to add a line to his 'Something I Would Prefer You Follow When You Use My AC' list. (Yes, that was an actual and very important IF thread, started by Anthadd.)

"what am i doing here, what about you?" pogopunk replied, "and whats that in your hand?" he asked, motioning toward a black glowing stone in falcons hand. he could feel the evil aura surrounding it, and thinking about it made him shiver.

"oh, why this.." falcon started off, and his voice sounded slimy and soothing, "this is just a soundstone i got. i uh, sorta made it fall in uh, tar pool, yeah, a tar pool, so now its all black. nifty, eh?" he said. "so, you wanna help me reclaim pink cloud, i'm sure our combined power will win it back for us" falcon proposed.

"hmmmm..." pogopunk began to debate for awhile, before choosing what to do.

"mwehehe," falcon laughed.

"what was that?"

"oh nothing, nothing, AT ALL."

This is very bad IF form, bad enough to get you banned from some forums. Forcing another AC to happily accept you into his team with open arms without his approval is very much the Wrong Thing. And he didn't pick the best target for it, either. There's a fair chance of a nuclear detonation in the near future. Well... maybe not that near. Falcon's probably OK with having mindless followers, as long as they stay mindless, so he might--might--try pogopunk out first.

Post #489, by Queen Catherine

I ran for the Onett Police station as Matt was trying to Kill me.

Not merely kill her, mind. He was trying to use PSI Kill on her for the totally sweet bonus.

I didn't know what his problem was, but there was something wrong with that boy.

You've known him a while, haven't you? Then why are you the only person who took until now to notice there's something wrong with him?

As I was about to run into the building, I looked behind to see Matt suddenly stop running and gasp for air. He looked at me with fear.
"Jenny..." He said. "Help me..!"
I shot him a puzzeled look. All he was trying to do was to kill me, and now he's begging for help? Was it a trap? I couldn't know.
I walked to him and he fell to his knees. Beads of sweat dripped from his face as he stared at me.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Something's back there." Matt explained. "I heard a voice... 'Mani Mani statue' was talking to me... controling me. It was controling me to kill you."
"Hmm.. let's go back for the others."

Totally cool reaction under pressure. Not 'get away from me, you freak!' like a sane person. Just, 'oh. Cool. Let's go back for the others.'

Personally, I'd kill him and see if that solved the Mani-Mani problem.

We walked back to the site where Giant Step was and Mog, Pikachu, and the rest left us behind.
"WONDERFUL!" I said. "They must've teleported without us!"
"I don't think they woud do that."

Oh, I do. I totally do.

"Then where would they be?"
"I dunno."
"This is peachy. We don't even have PSI powers to teleport or something to look for them."
"So that means..."
"We're on our own! Left in Onett alone."
"GREAT! That's just great! Now what are we going to do? We lost our group, we don't know where the way back to the beach is or anywhere. We're screwed."
There's always Beak Point. You can enjoy the sights and then do us all a favor and leap off the edge. It'll be fun! I promise! ((Matt, help me out on this))

Through it all, QC/PP continues to operate his two accounts and mostly interact only between the two accounts, only occasionaly brushing up against other AC's. Why he's doing this is beyond me.

[This message has been edited by Queen Catherine (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #490, by Dr. Andonuts

Nathan, Pikachu, Dave, and Poryhedron were almost to the top of the Giant Step cave when suddenly a beeping noise came from Nathan's pocket.

I still don't know why the hell SS/MB continues to get away with operating two AC's, or why the hell Tengu hasn't called him out for it. Maybe he's planning to wait for a good spot to try and press the issue.

Pikachu and Dave jumped into the air, but Nathan just reached into his pocket and pulled out a palmtop. He opened it up and said, "Thats my teleportation alarm. It means that Falcon teleported somewhere." He hit a few buttons and said, "He is by Pink Cloud. I hope pogopunk can stop him."

Hopefully at some point Major Asshole will live up to his name in a different way by applying the Spaceballs meta-shtick and saying 'I'm reading the other posts on the IF thread we're in, and Falcon24 is now in Scaraba!' or whatever. Same effect as what Andonuts and pretty much everyone else is doing, but it's more amusing.

They reached the top of the cave, went out into the daylight where there is usually a magic butterfly, and sudenly encoutered a enlarged Titanic Ant.

I'm pondering the possible meanings of 'encoutered'. Some of them are quite disturbing.

Posts #481-485: 23 April 2000

Post #481, by SirMontyG

"Wait, that's not right.."
Sir looked at the ladder up to Magnet Hill, but didn't see the Doom Rat.

"Alright! Free melody! Let's go!" Shouted Kiyo

I'd like to think he left the period out of that sentence (and numerous subsequent sentences) to make fun of loid.

"It's not quite that simple" Anthadd replyed as they peeked their heads out of the sewer, all they saw was the backyard of a large Fourside building. No magnet, no music, just grass and the ladder back into the sewer.

"Wha, what the?" stammered Psiosman

Sir reared back and yelled: "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO DID THIS?!?"
Soon, a man on the 23rd floor of the adjacent replyed "Ya, some crazy looking bird used a crazy looking device and took out that crazy looking piece of metal. Crazy I tell ya."
"Well, at least I've got something to fight for..Let's see if we can't meet up with Chris and Juiliana again. Shall we start for Saturn Valley?" Sir was ready to head out.
"Wait!" Psiosman held his head and fell to his knees.
"Are you alright?" Asked Anthadd
"Stone....stone...Stonehenge! They're in the Stonehenge base!"

If I charged $50 each time someone's AC knows where someone else's AC is for no reason, I'd be able to afford a beach house in Key Biscayne by the time we're done here.

"Whoa, trippy.." Said Sir "Ok, how should we get there?"
"I've got an idea..." started Kiyo..

~meanwhile at the top of the Monotoli Building~ "zzz...I'm yound and veril...zzz.." Mr. Monotoli was sound asleep. "Wha, What was that?" He sprang to his feet and ran to his helepad. "Hey, give that back!!"

Can't help but wonder what the elevator man's doing at the top of the building.

"We're just borrowing it for a sec! We'll bring it back better than new!" Sir yelled over the sound of the rotating blades

I'm surprised Major Asshole didn't go with Pokey's tried and true, 'Geldegarde, you pin-headed idiot, you're just a half step too slow!'

Soon, the four were landing in the lab outside of stonehenge base. After talking with the Dr., taking the Instant Revitalizing Device for a spin, and stocking up from the cave man, the four go into the small hole in the center of the stone pillars where they quickly meet up with an AC, guarding the enterance with a sound stone in hand.

Usually people say 'meet up with ____' but 'an AC' cuts to the chase pretty well, too. It's still bad writing; you're supposed to just go do something, and if someone else wants to join up with you, they will. But f--- that, because Tim and Juliana probably are going to pay no attention unless you force them to.

Also note the recurring theme of Major Asshole following Chris and Juliana around.

Post #482, by Little Yoshi

"Hey Juliana, I'm over here!" Tim shouted.
"Hey Tim! Found anything out yet about your brother?" Tim hung his head low
"I was gonna wait for you before moving on, but now that you're here, let's go!" Tim said, and the two proceded deeper into Stonehenge Base. They had to battle Starman Pluses, and Mook Jr. who seemed much stronger that Mook Senior for some wierd reason.

They're not. Mook Seniors use PSI Fire, which is nasty.

Tim then saw a new model ahead. It appeared to be a "Superb Starman" , and it had very long range attaks.
"Hey, guys!" Tim said, seeing Sir and co. approaching. "I think Falcon went to Pink Cloud, Pogopunk's the only one there, so that might mean trouble."
(Sir and co. can either help Tim and Juliana, or help Pogopunk[who is on his own, might I add], their choice, unless Juliana argues)

That's a lot of hoops to jump. The smart money says Major Asshole is going to nix your cunning plan.

[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #483, by SirMontyG

"Anthadd, Kiyo, Psiosman, It's your call where you want to go, but I bet it's gonna be tricky down here, so I'm going with Tim and Juliana. Chris said he's hosting an improv show when this is over and I can't let him back out of that now ;)"

Aaaand the smart money wins, as usual. That's why it's smart!

Major Asshole's primary purpose in the Gathering appears to be to follow Chris around and torment him.

Post #484, by Falcon24

"What?? That's strange..."

Falcon was violently thrown out of the temperal rift, and unceremoniously dumped on top of a Dalaamese shack. After spitting out mouthfuls of hay and straw, he looked up and took in his surroundings. He had landed about halfway up the mountain village, very close to the Cave of the Pink Cloud. Many villagers had gathered around the shack and were staring at him.

"What are YOU looking at!? Get outta my face!" Falcon jumped down from the shack and pushed his way through the crowd. Suddenly, an elderly Dalaamese man stepped in front of him.

"Welcome, stranger, to the Kingdom of Dalaam. I am the elder of this village, as our Prince is away at the moment. Please make yourself at home, all othat is ours is yours as well." Falcon pondered this for a moment. "Who is this 'Prince'. The elder piped up proudly "Why, the great Prince Poo! He had left recently regarding some sanctuary melodies."

Falcon's eyes lit up with a morbid glee. "Ah..Prince Poo. Well, if you don't mind, can you give him something for me?" The elder nodded. "Of course. Err...what is it?"

Falcon lifted an arm and bashed the frail little man with all his force, sending him sprawling to the ground. The villagers gasped. Falcon merely grunted and stepped over the little man, proceeding to the Cave of the Pink Cloud.

In tropedom it's called kicking the dog. You do it for teh evulz, just to establish that you're a bad guy. Although Falcon24 probably just did it because it's fun!

"Ah, at last..the cave." Falcon squinted into the dark cave as he entered, trying to distinguish what he was about to head into. A light ball zipped around the corner and smacked into him. "What the!? A Thunder Mite!? Why you little..." The Thunder Mite whined in a high-pitched sound and let loose with a volley of lightning bolts. Falcon dived out of the way and nearly tripped over a nearby giftbox. "...what's this?" Falcon opened the box and found a Sudden Guts Pill! He swallowed it quickly and felt his courage heighten.

I think right around this time someone patented the Sudden Guts Pill, and it now sells under various brand names, most notably 'Viagra' and 'Cialis'.

He lunged at the Thunder Mite, equipping a Hall of Fame bat and slugging the thing in the side.

It's unclear, given his equipment and the fact he's a bloody AC, why the Anti-Impotence Pill was necessary.

the Thunder Mite squealed in pain and fled, dissappearing around the corner. "That was a close one," Falcon thought.

Yeah, we were on the edge of our seats. Who's going to win, the AC or the Thunder Mite? Whew! Please give us some time to catch our breath.

Suddenly, he stopped. "Wha-what's this?? ...there are others here, I can hear them!" Falcon looked around for a moment, frantic. Quickly this turned to anger. "I can't believe this! Now I have to get that melody before anoyne else does!!"

Falcon dashed down the tunnel eager to make it to the Pink Cloud sanctuary before anyone else could.

This shtick is getting old already. Falcon24's as easily bored as I am, so I can't see him sticking with it a whole lot longer.

Post #485, by icEFusioN

Finally, after waking up from his plane crash, icEFusioN woke up!

"Finally, the FusioN, has come BACK...to Eagleland!" he said.

And there was much rejoicing.

As he looked around, he realized he was in Dalaam! He walked around for a bit, then heard some noises coming from the cave.

He went in the cave, trying to find out what was making the sounds.

"BOO!" -- Out jumped Falcon24 from a hidden area behind him! "HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled ice. "I about wet myself Falcon" Ice frowned.

"Sowwy" said Falcon. "What are you doing here, anyways?" Asked ice.

If icEFusioN actually gets involved, you can kiss goodbye to Falcon24's efforts and semi-seriousness. Big time.

Posts #477-480: 23 April 2000

Post #477, by Falcon24

(alright everyone, I wanted to use my Sound Sapper idea anyway(the device which records a melody and then subsequently destroys the sanctuary, making it impossible for anyone else to take the power of that sanctuary. If anyone has any objections to this please say so and I'll change my post. also Note: I don't exactly recall if Magnet Hill has been taken, please correct me if it has been.)

See, I tried to warn those guys that this kind of thing would happen, that someone would jump in ahead of them. One of the worst mistakes in IF is to declare your plan, but not finish the plan in the same post; you make it practically certain, if there are oppositely aligned writers, that one of them will jump in ahead of you and ruin your plan. This can get amusing when genre-savvy writers start facing off against each other:

Writer 1: Writer 1's plan is this, and he starts setting it in action...
Writer 2: Writer 2 cleverly jumps in, steals the Macguffin Writer 1 was about to acquire, and absconds!
Writer 1: Pleased that his daring and brilliant ploy to trick Writer 2 worked, Writer 1 now goes and gets the Macguffin he was really after.
Writer 2: ...only to discover Writer 2 had already switched it with a fake!
Writer 1: Even more pleased that Writer 2 fell right into his trap again, Writer 1...

And so on.

Falcon tosses a large handful of snow at Poo as he dissappears in the distance. "Forget you too! I could've gotten that sanctuary a lot faster if you didn't slow me down!" Falcon stands there, thinking for a moment.

"There has to be one unclaimed sanctuary...if I could get it, I'd gain the upper hand..." Falcon ponders for a while. Then he snaps his fingers. "Yes...wasn't there a sanctuary in Fourside? Magnet Hill, I believe...Why, I could just hop the wall and get it, no need to go through that stinky sewer!"

He's got a point there. Why in hell didn't Team Ness just jump the damn wall? What, he thought slogging threw a goddamned sewer would be more fun?

Falcon pulls a device out of his pocket. "It's a good thing a 'relieved' Luna and co. of this little thing, it proved useful."

Falcon aims the device at a wall just outside the Rainy Circle cave, and a large blue temperal rift appears. Falcon walks towards it, and dissappears.

It's just so much more badass than PSI Teleport.

He arrives almost instantaneously in Fourside, right next to Magnet Hill. "A quick hop and I'm there!" Falcon digs his claws into the wall face and pulls himself up. "Yes! Made it! I can already feel the power!" Just then something large and dirty smacks him in the forehead and he falls onto the other side of the Sanctuary, where the Plague Rat of Doom awaits.

"So, you have come to claim my power! We shall see..." The rat bellowed. Falcon simply laughed. "Don't try to frighten me, you pathetic excuse for sewer scum! I'm a LOT more evil than you are, that's undisputed." Falcon maneuvered behind the cumbersome rat and lit a Multi Bottle Rocket under his rear. The Rocket went off!

This is what NPC's are for. You taking notes?

"Bai bai..." Falcon waved as the Plague Rat of Doom sailed into the distance. Falcon approached Magnet Hill. "Wow!! What intense power...I can feel it pulling me in! Now...how to absorb this?" Suddenly, the receiver phone rang. Falcon answered it. "Hi! This is the Kumquat Kid, Apple Kid's evil twin! I created a great invention! It can absorb the power of sanctuaries, just like the Sound Stone...although it has the drawback of totally devastating the sanctuary itself. I call it the Sound Sapper! What do you think?"

The... Kumquat Kid. Right. Every time I hear the word 'kumquat', I immediately think of the weirdo escaped murderer dude in Problem Child (I think), played by Cosmo Kramer. That was awesome.

"Excellent, send it right over." As soon as Falcon closed the reciever phone an Escargo Express delivery man rushed in and delivered the Sound Sapper. "This is great!" Falcon exclaimed. "Now the power of the sanctuaries will be mine!!!"

I'm starting to think he's quoting lines from the Clichéd Villains Handbook on purpose.

Falcon thumbed a switch on the side of the small device, and it began to hum. The tranquil sanctuary music around him began to fluctuate and become distorted. A large gust of wind followed, and then all was silent.

Falcon checked the Sound Sapper. It registered that the melody of Magnet Hill had been recorded. "Yes...it is mine. Now...on to Pink Cloud." Falcon opened another temperal rift and passed through it. As he trancended time and space to his next destination, he could here the mezmerizing hum of Magnet Hill fade behind him as he was sped away from it.

And then, Magnet Hill stopped glowing, and all things magnetized around it came crashing to the ground...

You know what we're still lacking? Any kind of explanation for why Falcon24 (a) wants to thwart the activities of the rest of the AC gang, beyond being antisocial, and (b) why exactly he wants melodies. He's an AC; he's already infinitely powerful, and can make up any reason why that tickles his fancy.

By the way, this long post followed EBPoo's post by 15 minutes, making it all but certain their separation was indeed staged.

[This message has been edited by Falcon24 (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #478, by PSI322

Juliana walked up towards the old graveyard and happened upon the remains of the old Sky Runner. With a little help from the locals, she was able to repair it and use it to fly to Winters, where she crash-landed near Stonehenge. Anxiously, she stepped out and brushed herself off. It was time to enter Stonehenge and look for Tim and whoever else was around.

This is how you get to the point, Chris. No need for three paragraphs of boring dreck about the specifics of how to repair the Sky Runner or fly it.

Juliana went into Stonehenge slowly, taking her time as she came down the ladder. She started to look for Tim...

[This message has been edited by PSI322 (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #479, by loid

This post is pretty short, too, but what the hell, we'll count it. It'll help keep his averages down a little, make him look better.

"Ok, since we cant tell where we entered from, we'll have to split up." said Sir

'Okay' or 'OK', not 'Ok'; 'can't'; no period, once again. loid doesn't really do sentence-ending punctuation that much. That's 1 and 2.

"I'll go across the ledge there, Psioman will go through that corrido there, Kiyo will grapple across the celling over that barrier, and that leaves anthadd who will slosh through the raw sewage"
"Ah nuts"

PSIOsman, not Psisoman; 'corridor'; 'ceiling'; 'Anthadd'; missing comma that should be after 'Anthadd'; two missing periods. That's 3 misspellings, 9 errors.

while everyone went in different directions, kiyo attached giant suction cups to his hand and feet to stick to the ceiling, that way he was able to go over a stack of barrels.

He established in the last paragraph (and elsewhere) that 'Kiyo' should be capitalized, but since it's his own AC's name I won't ding him for going back and forth on it. That said... no capitalization; comma where there should be a semicolon. That's 3 and 11. I overlooked like three or four other things I could have dinged him for. Can you spot them?

"ROAR!"
"What was that?"
Kiyo saw the rat clearly, but it didnt see him. He got his pistol, turned on the laser light thingy, and aceently flashed it in the rats eyes.

'Didn't'; and I don't know what 'aceently' is supposed to be. 'Accidentally', maybe? That's 4 and 12.

"Uh oh, its pretty ticked off now. What the... AHHHH! (SPLASH). Ewww, sewage"
(A little help here?)

'It's'; the period should be inside the close-paren; no period. Final tally for this post: 4 misspellings, 15 grammatical errors. His totals to date: 8 posts; 34 misspellings (4.25 per post); 114 grammatical errors (14.25 per post).

This was posted 7 minutes after Falcon24's post, so it's clear loid didn't see Falcon24's post before he started working on his own, as Falcon24's post is very long and thus would have taken loid more than 7 minutes just to read. I'm going to hazard a guess Falcon24's going to win any arguments.

Post #480, by PsycoPyro

After fighting something while leaving the Giant Step, I suddenly feel weird. A voice inside my head...
"... destroy everything you see..! Mani Mani Statue owns you!"
I looked at Jenny strangely and tried to stop. something evil slips into my mind and I am no longer able to control of myself
"Jenny!" I shouted and choked weakly. "Run!"

That sounds like something you'd say if you were at least partially in control of yourself.

Also: Ripping off Liyoshi's idea? Really?

"huh?" She said and I darted after her.

We ran out of the caves and into the street of Onett. I was crazy, but never this crazy! something was wrong as if I was brainwashed. i held a deadly mind and I was willing to attack my own friend... my other side of my mind (the good side) that was suffocating wanted to stop and cried out. the voice that told me to stop only echoed. I ran after Jenny insanely as she screamed for help. but I was the one who needed it and I knew what had caused the Brainwash...

OK, whatever, kid. You go ahead and deal with that. Meanwhile, the rest of us are going to just continue on as if this post never happened.

Posts #472-476: 23 April 2000

Post #472, by PSI322

(Note: This is what we call INTERACTIVE Fiction, which means that anything you want can happen. That's why it's interactive. There seems to be some problems involving who is allowed to absorb a sancutary's power around here, and I say that anything is possible. This is FICTION, after all, not real life!)

~PSI322, Administrator - Starmen.Net

I so called it.

[This message has been edited by PSI322 (edited 04-23-2000).]

Guess I have to ban her for not posting any content. :(

Post #473, by Chris

Chris is just forging ahead, not waiting for PSI322 to post. Note that PSI322 posted an admin edict, but no story content, a pretty clear indication that she's intentionally not posting right now.

When Chris awoke, he found himself in a place he didn't expect. Instead of in a green glass tube, he was in "the next room," the room where Starman Deluxe commanded the base. In front of him was a Starman, as well as a shadow in the background he couldn't make out.

"Now, *whirr*, tell us why you are here." the starman said, in a metallic voice.

"Well, I don't know why I'm here in the Stonehenge Base, but as to why I'm--"

He was cut off by the Starman, "How do you know that you are in Stonehenge! You know too much, *beep*, and are too dangerous. Guards, take him *click* away."

And with that, he found himself where he originally expected: In a green glass tube. On the inside was a timer; Chris soon realized that he only had, at best, a few hours of air. He could only pray that someone get to him quickly, before he suffocated.

What, did he buy 3164's personality off of EBay or something? His cries for attention are getting pretty annoying. I say let him suffocate. Who's bloody with me!?

[This message has been edited by Chris (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #474, by PSI322

Juliana continued her psychic call to Tim. [I'll be in Winters as soon as I can. I'm in Saturn Valley presently, but I'll find a way to get there.]

Tim nodded, even though he knew that Juliana couldn't see him. [All right, I'll see you soon then.]

Juliana packed her things and fled Saturn Valley immediately. She feared for Chris's life, so she knew it was imperative that she travel quickly. She ran over to Threed and wondered how she would get to Winters from there...

Not much of a post, just kind of a 'Yeah, I'm coming, don't kill yourself just yet' notice for Chris.

Post #475, by Little Yoshi

Tim decided to go ahead and try to start his way in. After decending the lader into the base, he walked along the neon path until he found...an iron eraser-shaped statue!

Maybe he should start his way into the Webster's Dictionary, ne?

Tim whacked it with the Masamune,

Unintentional or intentional double-entendre?

but that had no effect. He repeated this a few times, not getting the response he wanted from the statue. In his rage, he threw the pencil-eraser at it, but that had no effect. Finally, he Leap Slashed it. Still didn't work.
"Duh!" He said, and Leap Slashed over it. from behind, he found a button that was labeled "Lower". He pushed it, and the statue was lowered. Then he was lowered to the ground by a crushing blow from behind. The guard, a Starman Plus, had attacked him.
He sprang up, and felt a gun in his back.He then thought to himself "So I'll be captured along with Chris?" He then murmered" I need the power of Rainy Circle!" The Sound Stone started to glow. A water blast hit the guard in the back, and he was defeated. Tim then decided he'd wait there for Juliana, unless she told him to do something else.

See, this is how IF works, SS/MB. You just make s--- up as you go along and to hell with how EarthBound says stuff is supposed to work.

Post #476, by EBPoo

"GRRRRRR!" growls Poo after Tim steals the Rainy Circle melody. Poo and Falcon meet outside at Stonehenge to discuss what just happened. "Jeez, Falcon! If you were quicker, we could've gotten the spot. But instead that Fobby guy and Tim took the spot! I'm tired of working with you. I'm leaving, ya dumb bird." With that, Poo shoves Falcon into a bank of snow and walks into Dr. Andonuts's lab with anger in his eyes.

That was, um... interesting. Staged? My gut tells me it's staged.

Posts #467-471: 23 April 2000

Post #467, by Little Yoshi

(uhhhh, Falcon, you could just go after your sanctuary #9, but if you want to leave, we won't stop you, or at least, I won't)

I don't know what this is in response to. It seems like it's in response to Falcon24's post #467, below and ten minutes after this one; but there's no indication it was edited. That said, the edited message indication didn't always appear.

Post #468, by Falcon24

(I have a question...what is to say that more than one person cannot absorb the power of the sanctuaries?

Those of you who purchased 'ignore Liyoshi and tap some power himself' tickets, please come to the counter! Falcon24 already tried rips--- pissed off once, so this time he's going with rules lawyering. Solid move.

This is supposed to be an island resembling Eagleand after all, this isn't the real Earthbound.

Tell that to Tengu Man, who decided and dictated like 200 posts ago that it is.

If it was, no one would be allowed to absorb the sanctuaries, because if you recall ever going to a shining spot without Ness it says "Only Ness can absorb the power of this place."

Yep. Been there, said that, got the T-shirt, at least 100 posts ago. You are precisely correct.

Therefore, this is a matter of a technicality. Can anyone clarify this?)

Why, yes, Falcon24 is now a professional lawyer. Why do you ask?

Sadly I wasn't around at this time; if I was, I very well might have ruled that Falcon24 is correct and everyone will have to find something else to do. Seriously, I might have, even though it would have meant the end of the Gathering and gotten PSI322 incredibly pissed off at me. I mean, it's been ten years now and I'm still mildly irritated about the whole thing. If PSI makes any ruling at all, it will of course be that, well, it doesn't make sense, but that's what's happening now so you're just going to have to run with it.

Remember that, while Falcon24 is clever, he's an IF n00b. An IF veteran knows that it's far wiser to just go ahead and do what you're questioning (take the power anyway, in Falcon's case), because by the time the admin gets around to seeing the question, you'll be deeper into the storyline and it will be more difficult to reverse. That goes quadruple for a thread moving as fast as this one.

[This message has been edited by Falcon24 (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #469, by loid

This is a very short post, so we won't be counting grammar mistakes. Although as you're about to see, if we did, it wouldn't hurt his average much.

(Oh he's coming back, probobly)

Referring to Falcon24. Now I understand based on this and #466, Falcon24's original #467 surely was another rip---- pissed off rant and threat to leave; and after a couple of posters responded to that, 'don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out, and good riddance', he changed tactics and edited the post to an appeal to PSI322.

Like the vast majority of four-year-olds, when Falcon24 is throwing a tantrum, his faculties are actually completely under control; he's making a calculated move aimed at getting what he wants. It's a very smart and very effective tactic. Too bad most of us are too timid to employ it once we're past the age where tantrums are considered normal.

It was about midnight and while everyone was asleep, a dark figure jumped off the roof of the fourside museem on a bunnge that stopped at the correct floor, he then got a laser cutter and cut through the glass. Inside was the room with acees to the sewers

ACES!!!!

but before going for it he droped a smoke bomb reveling dozens of invisible laser alarms. After ducking through these he entered the sewers, took off his helmet and....
"Phew! Just like in "Entrapment!" said kiyo.

Shorter, better version of this post: 'kiyo snuck into the Fourside sewers via the Museum late at night, the same way the heroes of 'Entrapment' did it.' But again, though he's bad at it right now, loid is plainly spreading his wings and trying to make a writer of himself, so cut him some slack.

Post #470, by Little Yoshi

(Falcon, I have no authority, but it sounds quite possibile for multiple beings to have Sanctuary power)

Wish I were there to just delete every post that contains no story content. Here Little Yoshi is yielding to Falcon24's formidable will, which, since his beef was with Liyoshi in the first place, effectively settles that question. That means that the story suddenly has no foundation; its foundation had been 'race to get the melodies before Falcon24 does!' Now, if it wants to stick to the same general idea, it has to be 'kill Falcon24 before he gets the melodies!', which is of course impossible. So it's eventually going to have to go a whole new direction, but I expect for now everyone will put off dealing with that problem, and continue happily collecting melodies.

As I've mentioned before, I recollect from when I was actually there that there was a big to-do about Falcon24 summoning Lavos and everyone trying to fight him, so I presume that's how this problem was eventually solved.

Post #471, by SirMontyG

After hitching a ride from Summers to Fourside (we made a call to a helecopter service, or something, you're smart, you make up something )

Haha. Once again, I find myself chuckling at Major Asshole, who seems the closest thing to the genre-aware IF poster I dreamed of earlier. He makes no bones about his Deus Ex Machinae.

Anthadd, Psiosman and Sir ready the bungee set up on the Monotoli Building.
"Ready, guys?"
"Sure, why not?" Was the reply given to Sir.
The three lean over towards the museum's roof and let gravity do the rest. After about 5 seconds of freefall, the three launch a Grappeling Hook towards Fourside Museum. Pulling themselves in, they cut their cords and break through the ventilation shaft on top of the roof.
"Phew! Just like in Goldeneye!" Said Sir.

LOL @ deliciously assholish parody of loid's post.

"Alright, let's make our way to the sewer enterence." and after a bit of espionage, they make it to their checkpoint. "Good, now make sure not to be seen. This whole ordeal is getting real complicated, so consider anyone your enemy, right Kiyo?"

"Right, Sir!"

"Ok, now when w...wait, Kiyo? What are you doing here?"

"Probably the same thing you're trying to do. I got a message from Pikachu and a piece of the sound stone telling me to get the melodies"

"Did he tell you why?" Anthadd asked

"Nope. But I'm doing it anyway, why? Is Pikachu bad or somthing?"

No, just emo. It's a subtle difference, but there's a difference.

"No, Pikachu's good, I think. Falc and Poo are the evil ones, or so I've heard, but then again we really can't tell either way. Ugh!" Sir holds his head in pain "I just don't get why we're doing all this! Who are we fighting? What's the point?!?"

Who the hell cares who's supposed to be 'evil' or why? I'm with Major Asshole on this one.

"Whoa, calm down Sir!" kiyo said "Let's just get this melody and then we can figure out what to do with it, okay?"

"Oy..alright. You said you had a piece of the stone?"

"Right here!" Kiyo showed the three a small, humming orb

"Cool, lets see what happens when ya put the peice with the 7th melody on it with yours. We just got back from the hall and Chris and Juliana took half a piece and so did we." After so many splittings the stone that Sir had was no bigger than a golf ball, but when it came in contact with Kiyo's, it combined and became a little bigger than an average piece. Osman noticed something odd about the stone: "Look! There's a Ninth Sanctuary somewhere!"

"Man, this is getting interesting!" Said Sir

And by 'interesting' he means 'uninteresting.'

No, actually, the Gathering has always been, and still remains, quite fascinating. They should be able to milk quite a bit of amusement out of the Ninth Sanctuary business.

[This message has been edited by SirMontyG (edited 04-23-2000).]

Posts #461-466: 23 April 2000

(NOTE: I screwed up the numbering here and only realized it when I reached the end of the page. It's a lot easier to just run six posts here and four on the last post of the page, rather than copying/pasting crap to fix it, so there you go.)

Post #461, by Dr. Andonuts

"Pikachu, as long as you are making Sound Stones, you might as well send one to Tim," said Nathan. "You never know, he might find a Sanuary Location."
Pikachu broke the Sound Stone in half and sent one of the halfs to Tim.
"Now we can continue on towards Titanic Ant, if everybody if here," said Nathan.

How did he send one to Tim? Magic? And if your magics are that conveniently useful, why do you even need the damn things?

Post #462, by Tengu Man/Makron

Ness, Paula, Jeff, Darth and Mani thanked the lower village elder and proceeded onto the Fire Springs.

Onto the Fire Springs? That's gotta hurt.

"I don't understand how Diamond Dog could be neutral in this." Ness pondered what Darth had told him about Carbon Dog earlier.

Look at me look at me! I know something Ness doesn't know! Aren't I cool?

I have to begrudgingly admit: Tengu was pretty good at the IF game.

"Maybe we'll find out soon enough." Mani said as they enter the cave of the Springs.

Tense fail. Go with either 'says as they enter' or 'said as they entered'.

Many of the monsters were actually pretty easy, even for just Ness, Paula and Jeff alone, unlike those in some of the other sancutary caves.

"Is it me, or have they become easier than I thought?" Darth was ponderous on the situation as they climbed the rope to Carbon Dog...

Tengu's way of saying 'f--- you' to pogopunk and anyone who pays attention to his nonsense about the enemies being stronger.

Post #463, by Chris

"Incredible! It's even more amazing than when you see it in the video game!" Juliana exclaimed.

Yes. Even with modern graffix, real life tends to look even more realistic than video games.

"I know. What should we see first?" Chris replied.

"I don't know. Everything!"

And so, the two started exploring Saturn Valley. They visited the doctor, the hotel,and the shop; they entered the cave where the Mr. Saturns sometimes like to talk; they stood on the little mound above Saturn Valley.

Sometimes the Mr. Saturn (the plural is Mr. Saturn, not Mr. Saturns) don't talk at all, and instead stare at you with a distant, vaguely psychotic look in their eyes for hours on end. Just depends which day you show up.

They visited the hot springs and drank Saturian coffee.

Saturnian, one presumes he meant to write.

Finally, it was time to set off to face Trillongage Sprout.

Trillionage. F---, is everyone taking classes at the Loid Academy?

Soon, the two of them were fighting Ranboobs, Tough Mobile Sprouts, and the like.

Which makes no sense because they all disappeared when Ness whacked Trillionage Sprout a long time ago. Well, I suppose it makes sense, if you accept the premise that (a) Trillionage Sprout is back now and (b) This has something to do with Chris/Juliana/Assorted Other AC's, that the Ranboobs, etc. would also be around.

I guess I ought to quit bitching about this and just accept it as it is.

They fought their way through the cave, and out into the narrow valley beyond. There, they encountered more enemies, and started weakening.

"Well, I'm glad I picked up a few peanut cheese bars back at the shop." Chris said.

What we need is an AC with some genre awareness. 'Well, I'm glad I'm an AC!'

They stopped and ate for a minute or two, then continued on. They entered the final cave, and found a Coin of Slumber that Chris took and equipped.

OK, sorry, but I really have to bitch again. Ness took that Coin of Slumber a long time ago. WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT IT BACK?

They saw a Shining Spot ahead, and, after wishing each other luck, spoke to it.

Suddenly, an explosion of color surronded them. When the color cleared, they found themselves face to snout with a living landfill. THIS was Trillongage Sprout.

He did it again! He apparently really thinks it's spelled 'Trillongage'.

The battle was difficult, but Juliana and Chris emerged the victors.

To be honest, I like this a lot better than reading a page full of 'Chris dodged quickly! Juliana attacked! 118 HP of damage to Trillionage Sprout!' You're AC's, we know you aren't going to lose (or if you do it won't actually harm you in any meaningful way), let's just say 'we win' and move on with it. I can respect that.

Ideally you'd write a compelling battle scene, but that's beyond the grasp of this crew, so Chris's way really is best.

They stepped beyond the cave, and approached the Milky Well. The Sound Stone absorbed the melody, and they drank from the well to recover themselves. They returned the way they came, through the caves, and returned to Saturn Valley.

During the night, while most of the Mr. Saturn's were asleep, Chris left the hotel to take a walk around the village. It was such a peaceful place; so beautiful, so quite.

Here you should think of Tim the Enchanter saying, 'Quiiiiiiiiite.' and then setting off a bunch of explosions.

A wonderful place to build a home. Perhaps, when this little adventure was over with, he would live here, in Saturn Valley.

I'd reckon the Saturn Valley Zoning Board had better start preparing for one hell of a population explosion. Also: Whatever happened to all the angsting about staying at the island or going home to your dear worried friends and family? Seems like at least Chris got over it and said to hell with the friends and family pretty quick.

It started as a rustle of wind, and Chris didn't pay any attention to it. Soon, though, he noticed that none of the trees were moving, yet the sound was getting louder. He turned around just in time to see a Starman grabbing him and taking flight through the air. "HELP!!!" was all he managed to get out before Saturn Valley was out of sight, and Chris realised that he could only be headed one place: The Starmen Operation Base, directly beneath Stonehenge.

This would be a great time for PSI to develop selective amnesia and forget he exists. I'd love to see how Chris would react to that.

Post #464, by Little Yoshi

Tim quickly ducked behind the Foppy King with the Sound Stone, and recieved the power of Rainy Circle!
After that, he ran for his life, thinking Falcon and EBPoo would not be pleased with him getting the power of Rainy Circle.

This guy really fails at IF. That's just god-awful. F--- Falcon24 and EBPoo; more to the point, you can't access Rainy Circle until you've ended the existence of Shrooom!, who is kind of blocking the way to it. (Unless you tunnel through the wall, perhaps.) It's more or less even money whether Falcon24 just ignores him and takes a hit of that power himself anyway, or gets rips--- pissed off and throws a tantrum.

He suddenly, got a psychic call
[Tim...Tim! Chris was kidnapped by a Starman, and has probably been taken to Stonehenge Base. Your in Winters, right? You need to help him!]It was from Juliana.

Who there is no evidence at all can use telepathy.

[Will do! Hey, are you gonna help me?]Tim replied.(only for Juliana to decide)

The sad thing is you kind of needed those apparently idiotic tags, to prevent some moron from trying to make the decision for you. However, what I don't get is how, say, Chris can decide on Major Asshole and Anthadd's behalves that they want to split off and form their own group, with no input from them. Why's that OK, but for, say, EBPoo to drop in and decide whether Juliana wants to help Chris is not? Anyone?

[Luna, just wanted to suggest that once you're done with Lilliput Steps, you should go to Pink Cloud, since you have the Frankling Badge.]

These were the days before private message systems on forums. I can only imagine the way people would plan things out pages in advance if we had those, but back in 2000, there was no easy way to contact people who didn't provide contact information (and most people didn't).

Post #465, by SirMontyG

"Hee hee, I wonder why Chris and Juiliana wanted to go one there own..."

*NO ROMANTIC INUENDOS IN THE IF FORUM* stated the booming, omnipotent voice from above.

"Sorry, sorry!" Sir repented. "Okay, so they want us to take out the Plague Rat, easy enough, but how do we get there?"

Hahahaha. He wasn't given much choice in the matter, but that's a pretty good riposte by Major Asshole. It's just enough to irritate PSI322 while giving her no clear opportunity to respond, either as the forum god or as an IF writer. Chris is too timid to respond to any such attack anyway, so he doesn't matter.

"If my engine hadn't gone out I'd use my starship" Osman stated

"And none of us know PSI teleport..." Anthadd added.

"What about Dungon Man's sub? No wait, that's in Scarabia.." Sir thought

"We could call for help, oh wait..Specter took out the Weird Junk stuff which included the phone.." Osman pondered

Again, you can tell this is pretty old, because no mention at all is made of cell phones. It was only ten years ago, but cell phones were not really known technology to 13 year olds then. If this were written today, at bare minimum you'd get 'I can't get a cell signal here' or 'looks like Electro Specter trashed my phone.' And instead of constant telepathy spamming, you'd get txtn.

"We could ask for a ride telepathicaly, but that could take forever.." Anthadd tried

"Well, we've ruled out just about eveything, heh, we could swim for it.."

"Across an ocean? That's crazy, Sir!"

"Hmm, any other ideas?" Anthadd asked

"...
WAIT! I think, yes they are!" Sir took a flyer out of his back pocket
"Lets see, April..April...here we go: Runaway 5's No Running Back Tour stops in Deep Darkness April 19-23! They could still be there!!"
Hurring out Tenda Vilage, the three headed to the civilized portion of Deep Darkness.

I have to admit, that's fairly creative, coming up with some semi-important portion of EarthBound nobody's snagged yet. His spelling is still god-awful, though.

"...but freedom, freedom's what we've really sought! Woo, baby! oh ya!" Lucky scremed at the end of the song. The croud of monkeys and legit busnesmen erupts with applause
"Well, it's been great, but we're outa here, baby! Catch us next.." "Waiiitt!!" A distant cry is heard

*Pant* Pant* "whew, you guys are lifesavers, you know that?"
"Scruffy! what yall doin down here?" the Drummer asked
"Scruffy?" Andthadd and Psiosman in unison
"uh..heh, that's just my nickname..urAnyways, We could really use a lift, think you could help us out?"
"Sure, man!" The sax guy said, "but we're only headed to Summers, would you need to go there?"
"It's better than staying here!" Anthadd said "Besides, from there we can get supplies and use a phone."
"Then let's get movin! oh ya!"
The Runaway 5, plus the three guests all piled into the black bus and headed for the water.
"Ok, guys roll up your windows, I bet it's gonna get a little damp.." and with that, the tour bus zoomed into the ocean...

"Ugh, being an indain is so boring.." Thought the man looking southward into the purple sea.

Noble Warriors are not Indians.

*vrrrrrr* "Hmm, what the?" *SPLASH* all the indian could see was the bottom of an odd vehicle flying out of the water and over his head.
"Man, I knew I shoulda built that casino.."

Veering into some very non-PC territory here. Major Asshole is living up to his nickname yet again.

"WOOHOO! Turn the volume up, baby!" and the bus blasted through the desert, bass blasting and dune hopping. The vehicle has remarkable handling and suspention for a busfull of musicians and equipment.

"Um, Sir, how do you know these guys, anyways?" Psiosman inquired

"Oh, I met up with them before you got here, I played a few gigs with them before the whole beat the sanctuary boss thing came about. Heck, I said goodbye to these guys so I could talk Chris into getting of his rock and go out adventuring with Juliana! Heh, duleing saxes will always sound awesome, isn't that right?"

It's no more ridiculous than what Tengu's doing with Team Ness.

"I can still take you any day, Scruff." the Sax man replyed with a smile

"Heh, after the fighting's over I'll hold you to that!"

After making it through the second ocean, the tour bus drove up on shore of the resort of Summers. "Well, we're playing at this new blues cafe they've got put up here. Took out an old Truck Stop to put this in, I think the kids here will like it." The secondman of the group said

His name's Gojasu, which translates, basically, as 'Gorgeous'. He's the one played by John Goodman.

"I'm sure of it! Well, I really owe you guys one thanks!"
"Forget it, Scruff. Good meeting you Ant, Osman. Come see us play sometime, allright?"

To be honest, I'd already forgotten Osman was here.

And with that, the bluesmen walked into the cafe.

Post #466, by Dr. Andonuts

Nathan had been fiddleing around with his sound stone as they walked towards Titanic Ant. Suddenly he held it out to Pikachu. "Pikachu, look at this," Nathan said.
[Yeah, its a sound stone, so what?]
"No, really look at it."
[Its just a sound stone. Now can we go back to...]
"Didn't the orginal Sound Stone have 8 spaces for melodies?" interupted Dave. "Then how come this one has 9?"
"You guys know what this means, right?" said Nathan. "There is a 9th your sanuary location out there that wasn't in the game. And we have to find it. Pikachu, you had better tell everyone to be on the lookout for a 9th your sanuary location."

Oh yeah? Well, my Sound Stone has 68 spaces!

[Notice to all SM.netters: There is a 9th your sanuary location out there somewhere. Be on the lookout for it. We need to get it before Falcon and EBPoo do.]

Man, this was written for Tengu Man to hijack if anything ever was. Of course, if I know him, he will turn his nose up at it and come up with something else to do that renders it moot, if he can.

29 January 2010

Posts #456-460: 23 April 2000

Post #456, by EBPoo

"I don't believe this! All the others are out to claim the powers of the Sanctuaries too. Those greedy thieves! But little do they know of our master plan..." says Poo to Falcon.

It's like he's reading directly from the Standard Bad Drama Clichés Handbook.

"Are we going to battle this stupid mushroom, or what?" asks Falcon impatiently. Poo and Falcon walk up to the shining spot where they were greeted by the speech that all monsters guarding Sanctuary spots gave.

To wit, "Only Ness can absorb the power of this place." And you can do nothing else except leave. This is what happens when you talk to Shrooom! without Ness in your group.

Poo punched the devious mushroom a couple times while Falcon kicked it. Soon it sent out two little mushrooms to attack. "Ack, what do we do now? We have to end this battle quickly and head for the next Sanctuary spot," whispers Poo.

"Hmm..." thinks Falcon.

Very mechanical writing, and yet it feels almost refreshing. Point A -> Point B, done.

Post #457, by Little Yoshi

The fierce battle with the Evil Mani Mani Statue raged on, but Tim couldn't face it very well.
"Special Omega!" The Starue said again,

Which Evil Mani-Mani can't use.

nearling K.O.ing Tim.Tim couldn't get up before facing his final blow, PSI Special Beta. And with that, Tim was not only knocked out.

Not only knocked out, but...?

"Pitiful fool..." The Statue said, preparing for the deathstrike."No!" it said, interupting itself. "You may be of use to me.

Apparently the Standard Bad Drama Clichés Handbook is being passed around today.

I need you to claim Rainy Circle before the other evil does. Otherwise, the Apple will not consider it a fair duel, and I will cease to exist.

So all I have to do is... do nothing, and I win? Cool.

Go now, and take Rainy Circle from Shroom! you must have Sanctuary power to engage in a fair fight with me...alone. Also, I must be the only evil in this world, therefore, I may work on stopping Falcon and EBPoo, though I can't kill them, I can hold them up. Go now, for you and your friends' sake."Tim vanished from the downstairs and appeared right behind Shroom!

"How did you get here?!" Falcon yelled.

By being an atrociously terrible IF writer bouncing from place to place doing whatever he pleases. This post is a train wreck even by Liyoshi's standards. Good god.

"I...don't know." Tim replied.
"Get outta here now!" EBPoo shouted, finishing off a small mushroom.
Tim stayed anyways, battling Shroom! While hoping not to be attacked by the two evils that The Mani Mani Statue was talking about.
"I just hope Pikachu sends me a Sound Stone before they get their hands on something like that..." Tim thought to himself, dodging Shroom!'s spores.

Such. Awful. Writing. Gaaah. I'd rather read 3164's writing.

And how the hell do you dodge spores? Seriously.

[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #458, by michael_cayer

(Any Sanctuaries I can help with? And no, I'm not new to this story. I appeared once on page 5. )

Instant ban. Go away; don't come back. READ THE F---ING THREAD AND JUMP IN, YOU LOSER.

I'm not really as bitter as I sound, but (a) this is an especially bad batch of posts, and (b) lazy people trying to get involved in the cool IF story by getting someone else to do the actual work piss me off.

Post #459, by Foppy King

After a blast of psychic power, SHROOOOM! was defeated.

Shrooom!, actually. Only three O's, only one capital letter.

"Finnaly!" cried Falcon.

Finnaly was a short-lived nation state (1733-1741) when Italy, under the direction of Pope Tyranus VIII, annexed Finland. It ended badly when two Finns, named Miika and Sami, marched right into Italy, slaughtered some 17,000 poor misguided souls who got in their way, and personally buried Tyranus VIII under a 14 foot high pile of snow they hauled all the way across Europe themselves.

And thus all western civilization learned what that stubborn bastard Josef Stalin insisted on learning the hard way: Do not f--- with Finland.

As they walked toward Rainy Circle another battle swirl apeared. "Huh?" asked Poo. They searched for the enemy and eventualy looked down to see a Foppy with a crown on his head. "Who are you?" inquired Falcon. "I have come to stop you! I am the FOPPY KING! GWWAAARRGG!!" "You think you can stop us? You're just a stupid Foppy," Poo taunted. The Foppy King became very angry and grew to a size bigger than the Sky Runner. "GWWAAARRGG!!" he repeated.

Time to break out the Summon Gallagher materia.

Post #560, by Little Yoshi

"Are you going to fight me too, Mr. Foppy King?" Tim asked, wishing he had a Sound Stone to absorb the energy of Rainy Circle.
[Pikachu, Luna, please! I need a Sound Stone so I can get Rainy Circle before it falls into enemy hands!]

This hideous bawling for attention is painful to watch. I'm sorry for putting you through it.

Posts #451-455: 23 April 2000

(IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: I just discovered that I miscalculated the total post count of the Gathering, because it turns out that for whatever reason, Thread 2 (eight pages) is duplicated under a different URL set in my archive. That hacks 320 posts off the total post count. Once believed to be 1800-1900, the post count of the Gathering is now known to be in the 1500-1600 range. That means we're around 30% done in post count, perhaps 20% done in word count.)

Post #451, by SirMontyG

"Well, we just picked up this little number" Sir showed Osman the Sound Stone "And now we're off to Sanctuary #8, hopefully geting two of the melodies before Falc and EBPoo can get their hands on them."

Your premise lacks tension because I don't know why it matters whether Falcon24 and EBPoo get their hands on two melodies or six melodies or eight melodies.

It would be funny if someone posted, 'hey, who cares? Let them have all the melodies! Let's go do something more interesting, and if we need the damn melodies we'll figure something out later!' That would make interactive fiction interesting.

"What's wrong with those two?" Psiosman asked

"Didn't hear that part, all we got was a quick telepathic message telling us to collect the sounds before they do. Meby they're trying to take over the world or something.."

Doesn't sound like that big a deal to me. I mean, Falcon24 did take over starmen.net eventually, and it's still doing OK.

"Take over the world with music? That's pretty unoriginal, especialy the way pop music is going these days..."

Major Asshole fancies himself a musical critic. At like age 14.

Post #452, by loid

Hooray, a loid post! Hold on while I go grab my loid totals...

(Noone wants to join/help me soooooo...)

That's because you're obviously ten years old, and rather boring. 'No one' is his first misspelling.

Kiyo just reilized he was stuck in the quicksand, after a minute of thrashing and screaming, all went black....

'reilized' is two misspellings. The lack of a conjunction after 'quicksand,' and the four dots instead of three for an ellipsis are two additional errors.

"Woof!"
Kiyo got up, woken up by the dog's woof.
"Snowmist, is that you boy?" said Kiyo after noticing his familiar Alaskan Husky

I'm being lenient and forgiving the comma that should be between 'you' and 'boy'. The lack of a period at the end makes five grammatical errors.

"(Yup! I found you in the desert, you almost died!)" said Snowmist which Kiyo dechiphered telepathicly.

The quotes should be inside the parens technically, but since it's a reference to the way animals talking in EarthBound was denoted with parens (because Ness was actually reading their minds, not listening to them speak), I'll overlook that, too.

But the comma inside there should be a semicolon or period/new sentence. Not overlooking that, or the comma that should be there after Snowmist, or the butchering of 'deciphered' and 'telepathically'. (Hey, give him credit: he's not afraid to hang it out there and take a shot at the tough stuff. He may well have become a good writer when he grew up.) So that's four misspellings, nine total errors.

"Woah, that happens alot, where are we now?"

'a lot' is two words, and that should be a semicolon/period, not a comma. That's 5 and 11, respectively.

"(On a helecopter that'll take you to fourside hospital, and guess what, I was on the news! Dogs save kid from quicksand! You see I had a little help from King)"

Helicopter... Fourside... comma after 'You see'... period at the end. That's 6 and 15.

"Wait whats this?" Kiyo saw a small stone with a note tied to it:

Comma and apostrophe inside the quotes. 6 and 17.

____________________________________________
____________________________________________
To Kiyo and Snowmist, I found out a while ago that we need to get to the sanctuary locations to save the world, I'll explain later but since I know your a good fighter, I'm entrusting this Sound Stone peice to you.

Run-on sentence (should be a sentence break at the second comma)... missing comma after 'later'... 'piece'. 8 and 20.

I hope your dog gets you this message.

~Pikachu3186

3184, actually. That's 9/21.

P.S. Thanks for saving me from those poke bashers.
__________________________________________
_________________________________________

"We have to go to the sanctuary there, mangnet hall or hill or hole or whatever. But wait, we cant go alone, we'll need help...."

'Magnet', not 'mangnet', and it should be capitalized. I'll be lenient, AGAIN, and only count that as one error even though it's really two. 'Cant' needs an apostrophe. An ellipsis consists of three periods, not four.

loid's final tally for this post is an amazing 10 misspellings and 24 grammatical errors; I believe both are loid records so far. Updated totals: 7 posts; 99 grammatical errors (14.1 per post); 30 misspellings (4.3 per post). Let's give him a big hand, ladies and gentlemen!

Post #453, by pogopunk

The posts are starting to get long. Not nearly as long as they're going to get, but they're slowly moving in that direction.

As the posts get longer, the annotations are going to get a little sparser. I've been in the habit of annotating pretty much every paragraph (frequently creating paragraph breaks that aren't in the original text for the sake of annotating mid-paragraph), but with the page-long posts I'll just annotate every couple paragraphs, probably with generally longer annotations. In other words, the absolute amount of annotations will probably stay about the same, but since the posts are getting longer, there will be relatively fewer annotations. Got it? T-O-O BAD!

[i suppose i'm on my own to fight thunder and storm. i gues someone could help me later on or something.]

Look, no offense, kid, but no one knows you, no one cares about you, and you've done nothing to distinguish yourself from the hordes of J. Random 12 Year Old Posters. If you want to change that, you're basically just going to have to write on your own for a while, and eventually people will get used to you and start including you more.

pogopunk had spent the last couple of hours exploring dalaam. after speaking to the girls, he was beginning to understand why poo ignored them. not much different from valley girls, they were ditsy and carefree.

Probability pogopunk in reality drooled over the cheerleaders at his school and quietly seethed in jealousy of the football players: 87.8%.

he had stopped to talk to some, and they gave him presents to take on his way.

Heh. Make that 91.1%. Very much wish fulfillment! Thank you!

thanking them, pogopunk moved to the bottom of dalaam. talking to a man near a lone hill, he asked the man what was on that mountain.

"why, the place of moo of course."

"um, isnt that place of mu?"

May I ask how exactly those two words are pronounced sufficiently differently that you can easily tell the difference? Or am I making a bother of myself again?

"eh, whatever, anyway, go up there if you dare, you will gain powers, but at a price.."

always up for a challenge, pogopunk began to scale the mountain.

I like to think it's metaphorical for his effort at getting people on the IF board to notice his existence.

"thank goodness for these ropes" he thought as he began to climb. after climbing for a long time, he finally reached the top. admiring the view, he sat down and began to meditate. he heard a shout that startled him.
"poo's master beckons you, come traveler" shouted a girl from across the mountain. ignoring her, pogopunk went into a deep meditation. soon, he felt like he was in a dream-like state, and a forlorn figure melted before him.

"hello you, i am a spirit of poo's ancient lineage. i dont know who you are, but its always fun to test fools..mwehehe" it said. "first, i'll take away your arms and limbs, is that ok with you?"

Oh god, are you really going to re-enact that entire goddamn scene that we all already have read/seen many times? You fail IF forever.

noting that he hardly used them, pogopunk agreed, thinking to himself "still got my pogo stick"

Good luck operating that with no arms. I'd pay to see you try.

Coming Soon: I Have No Arms And I Must Pogo Stick, by pogopunk.

"next i will take away your eyes, ears, and brain. so basically, i'm killing you. do you wwant that?"

"WHAT?! you juss take away my entire body and expect me to be happy about that? well T-O-O bad 'cuz no mu training is worth that. pssh, pssh, i'm assertive, i'm cool, i'm RECKLESS, i'm YOUNG!!!

I'm ANGSTY and LONELY and ANGRY!!!!

now if you have nothing else to do with me, i'll be on my way. good day!" pogopunk exploded in a fit of rage.

taken back, the spirit seemed to shrink down "wow, the ancestors never told us about anything like this. they usually just respond with a yes or no or something. this one is strange and different..hmm, i should bless this one, it could prove useful," it murmured to itself. speaking aloud, the spirt regained confidence and spoke "the ancestors have foretold that you should be blessed with powers. i shall grant you better powers, but use it wisely. plus ya still gotta learn psychic powers yourself..hhehe" laughing more goofily than evilly, pogopunk felt a surge of power, more than he'd ever felt. "oh yeah, and have this new pogostick." out of nowhere a shiny gold stick fell and hit his head..

Whatever. Operating various Deus Ex Machinae to jack up your AC God Mode powers is not going to make you popular. Nobody will ever care. I am, I am confident, the very first living soul to read every word of this post, and I am confident I will always be the only living soul to have done so. Don't pretend you did. I know you didn't. And even now you're not going to, because it's boring as hell. You may try, but you'll get three lines deep and say the hell with it.

"owwww..stupid ghost," pogopunk grumbled and began to make his way back to pink cloud...

Post #454, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

I was just thinking, 'you know, the Gathering could use some more Hyperactive 8 Year Oldosity.'

(Just to note, I'm with Pikachu!)

(Just to note, the reason nobody has mentioned you in a hundred posts is because nobody cares!)

"Yo, Pi-kahuna!" said Dave. "Wuzzup?!"
[I'm no Surfing Pikachu!] exlaimed Pikachu. [Nor am I a Flying/Balloon Pikachu!]
"Sorry!" said Poryhedron, in his electronic voice. "We heard you call. I'm following you wherever you go!" Then he privatly, and psychiccly, added, [And Dave will follow me wherever I go.]
Pikachu started laughing out loud, in a laugh only a Pikachu could use.

To an 8 year old, this is awesome.

[Listen,] said Pikachu, [Let Poryhedron read this note!]
Poryhedron used his Psychic Pokémon powers to grabbed the note and read it word for word. It read:

(The following is inside [quote] tags, which is why it's indented the way my annotations usually are.)
To Pikachu and Poryhedron:
Although we have never met, we could be considered family. I am Mewtwo, most powerful of all Pokémon. I was created by Team Rocket, too, from a fossil of Mew. Eagleland is in grave danger. 2 villians are out to absorb
the power of the Your Sanctuaries. If they ever manage to absorb the power, the Earth will be doomed. You must go out and absorb the full power of at least one of these sanctuaries. By doing this, the 2 villians will be stopped. To do this, I have attached a Sound Stone to my note. Now go save the world!
Mewtwo

This is the dumbest s--- I have ever heard of.

P.S. I can't help you because if even one more AC is added to this story, things will get even more confusing. Plus, there's the 1 AC a user rule set by PSI.

There will be many more AC's added to this story yet. And your bitching about the one AC per character rule is going to fall on deaf ears. Come to think of it... that's what happens to everything you write, so I suppose I have no point.

"Okay!" said Poryhedron. "Let's stock up on supplies and move out! I have the supplies Dave says he has in IFs, which includes:

Picnic Lunches
Brain Food Lunches
Jars of Delisauce
Piggy Jelly
his weapon, the Lazer Sword
his Palmpilot to keep a journal on his adventure
batteries for Palmpilot
a keyboard add-on for the PalmPilot
and the Comm. Antenna which he uses to have silent conversations with robotic ACs and send, but not recieve, telepathic messages to non-robotic ACs.

Yeah, sure, whatever. Yet another chunk of text I am now the only person alive to have wasted his time reading. Everyone else understands that they can Deus Ex Machina into their ACs' hands whatever equipment they need whenever they need it; there's no need to bother making a list of crap you may or may not use, when, if you encounter a situation requiring something not on the list later, you're going to Deus Ex Machina it into your AC's hands anyway.

Piggy Jelly is, like Peanut Cheese Bars, are a Saturn Valley Delicasey! Much tasier, though, so it replenishes more of your strength."

Holy s---. loid just called. He's embarrassed by that sentence.

Poryhedron equipped the Comm. Antenna.
Pikachu smacked his lips.
Pikachu said, [Well…]

Post #455, by Chris

"Okay, now, we've beaten Electro Specter, but there are still several more sanctuaries. I've got an idea.

Let me guess let me guess let me guess! Your idea involves... you and Juliana going off in some different direction, just the two of you! Am I right, am I right?

Sir, Anthadd, and PSIOman, you guys go see what you can do about Plague Rat of Doom. Juliana and I will go take care of Trillongage Sprout. We'll then see if we need to go help anyone else out at another Sanctuary." Chris said.

You're not gonna believe this, but I swear I didn't read ahead before I wrote the previous annotation.

"Okay, sounds good." Sir replied.

No way in hell Chris is going to give Major Asshole a chance to refuse.

"Let's go!" Anthadd added.

This is such bad writing. 'Okay, sounds good.' 'Let's go!' Yuck. And this is one of the best writers in the Gathering.

And so, Sir led the way to Fourside, while Chris and Juliana stepped out of the Tenda Cave.

"So, how exactly do you plan to reach Saturn Valley, Chris?" Juliana asked.

"I'm not sure. Let's go back to the teleporting monkies and see if one of them can take us there." he replied.

'Teleporting Monkies' would make a good name for a rock band, especially if you spell it that way. Although I suppose you'd get accused of ripping off the Monkees, but whatever. The Monkees sucked.

Once again, the two made their way through Deep Darkness (which was now becoming familiar territory). Soon, they found the patch of land that formed the northen-most part of Deep Darkness, and found the teleporting monkey.

"Kikeiyokia! (Sure, I'll teleport you to Saturn Valley!" one of the monkeys said. Within seconds, Chris and Juliana found themselves standing right in the middle of place they had only dreamed of until now.

They were standing in front of the pond in Saturn Valley...

You know... this is one of the problems with IF that I don't really know what to do about. The previous three paragraphs were boring, and you wish you hadn't wasted your time reading them, right? They're basically filler to make Chris's post look long without accomplishing too much (because he wants PSI322 to follow up on it, and because you can't write too much plot in a single IF post without starting to railroad other characters. You know, like what Chris just did by banishing Major Asshole and Anthadd without their input.)

Ideally, if he didn't intend for anything interesting to happen during their recrossing of that god-forsaken swamp, he would have simply written, 'They recrossed the Deep Darkness and enlisted the help of the friendly monkey.' Done. But then... that makes for a short and equally uninteresting post, so whatever.

The Annotated Gathering

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