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24 November 2011

Posts #981-985: 13 May 2000

Post #981, by PSI322
Oh boy! I don't think I've ever looked forward to a post quite as much as I've been looking forward to this one! brb, getting popcorn.
(I'm sorry that people have been getting angry, but the rules for this IF allow only one AC per person. Thank you.)
Once again PSI322 apologizes for other people being idiots. You know what we need for her? A gong. *BBBBRRRROOOOOONNNNGGGGG* WE ARE TERRIBLY SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU, BUT PSI322 HAS SPOKEN.
Chris and Juliana strolled along the beach leisurely beneath hundreds of thousands of diamond stars and a never-ending night sky. The world seemed to be so still, and both of them walked along in almost complete silence.
Chris is doing a mini-fistpump as he reads this. So far, so good, Chris baby!
Her mind just as active as ever, Juliana slipped into the far reaches of her mind, deep in thought.
...uh oh. Bad moon rising, Chris baby.
What am I doing here, Juliana wondered to herself. This feels so strange to me, almost like I know I don't belong here.
With Chris. Say it together now: "I don't belong here with Chris."

I have a feeling she's not about to let him down easy here.
Eagleland Island isn't my home. Massachusetts is my home, in that little town built beside that little mountain, where my family waits for me and my friends miss me terribly.
All this is probably true, but I have serious doubts Massachusetts is where you're about to take off to.
She looked over at Chris for a moment, and then back at the waves crashing upon the beach. Gently, Juliana sighed, knowing that what she really needed right now was a little time by herself.
I think this is PSI322 Gambit #6, five of them staged to escape Chris. But it's the first one we've seen in like 500 posts, guys! It feels like the good old days all over again. I still feel a little bad for Chris even though he was engaging in creep behaviour and I shouldn't. He DID try. He just can't take a hint now that his best efforts have failed.
Struggling with a million emotions all at the same time was unproductive. She'd need to get out her notebook and her favorite pen, crank out a few poems, and sort them all out, one by one.
Humblebrag. That's right kids, I am a poet. Nobody was ever better at them than PSI322.
Closing her eyes lightly, she spoke. "Chris, I can't be here right now," Juliana managed to say. "I'm sorry."

Chris stopped walking and looked at her. "Why not?" he asked, curious. "Are you all right, Juliana?"

Juliana nodded feebly. "I feel fine, medically," she replied, "but I think I need to take some time alone for a little while."
Chris can't be shocked by this, not when it's the fifth time she has told him that line almost verbatim. It was fantastic while it lasted, though.

If Chris is any good at all at reading tea leaves, he knows this will be the last time, because guruzeth is now active in the thread and all the smart money is betting that's where she's headed.
My memory is fuzzy, but I do know that sometime around when the Gathering was going on--and therefore, based on Chris's posts, I'm assuming it was right when this stuff you're reading now was being written--Chris had an IM conversation with me in which he said, and here I'm paraphrasing but it's very close, "I know you really like Juliana. I really like her too. I'm going to try to start an e-lationship with her. I hope there's no hard feelings. Okay?"
And I just laughed at my screen and said, sure, pal, knock yourself out. Because (and I guess this was not really known, in Chris's defense) she and I had already been e-lationshipping for a few months by then, and even if we hadn't he had no chance. He was a nice guy who was well out of PSI322's league, but wouldn't take a hint and ended up stalking his crush. Hot girls such as PSI322 have to deal with them every day as a matter of course. 
I was insecure as hell back then--I behaved like a complete ass when she went to college and started realizing how fun flirting was, she attempted to dump me but it didn't stick, and it would have been much better for her if it had--but not for a microsecond did I feel like Chris was a threat. I hope he grew up after that and did well for himself. We were all awkward when we were teenagers.
A little concerned, Chris continued to watch her. "Are you sure?" he said softly. It was then that Juliana's face became more visible in the pale yellow moonlight, and Chris saw that tears had formed in the girl's eyes. "Are you crying, Juliana? What's wrong? Anything I can help you with?"
I assume all the crying is just to portray Juliana as heartbroken about running away from Chris, to make him feel better. At the time PSI322 and I conversed quite a bit about how Chris was really nice and a good friend but just wouldn't stop making advances. She tried very hard to gently make him understand she wasn't interested, but... again, a hot girl is usually surrounded by ten of these guys, and hitting them over the head repeatedly with the GO AWAY hammer is the only way they ever get it. PSI322 was WAY too nice to do that to a nice guy like Chris. Hell, she was too nice to do that to Tengu Man.
Weakly, Juliana shook her head. Wiping her cheek with one hand, she whispered "goodbye" to Chris and ran from the beach, not knowing where she was going or how she would get there. She only knew that she had to be alone right now.
Really? I bet I know exactly where she's going: straight toward guruzeth via the shortest available route. (But I'm cheating with knowledge that wasn't publicly known at the time. All Chris or anyone else reading this at the time could know was that she wanted to escape Chris.)
Chris just stared at Juliana as she faded into the distance. Shaking his head, he wondered what was the matter, and if there was anything he could do to help poor Juliana. She looked like she was in some kind of secret pain, and all he could do was wonder why she hadn't told him what was bothering her...
PSI322 is very much using IF to allude to their real-life situation. He did wonder why she wouldn't tell him what was bothering her, which she wouldn't because (a) it was him, and (b) she wasn't going around telling people about her and guruzeth. Chris has been using this thread as a vehicle to make advances on PSI322, and she is now using it, as best she can with kid gloves, as a vehicle to signal to him that she isn't interested.





Post #982, by EBPoo

As Poo's evil side fused with him, Poo's eyes glowed red. His mind was being slowly taken over by evil.
I remain confused as to what he's been up to for the rest of the thread, if it's not evil.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Poo evily. Suddenly, a jolt came across Poo's head. "Owwwwwww! My...head!" yelled Poo. "Head...ache..." Poo's eyes began glowing blue.

"Ah...this power of light," said a voice.

"Who...who are you?" asked Poo, still holding his head.

"You don't know me well. I am your good side," said the voice.
LOL. Well played.
"Good side??? I have a good side?" Poo asked confusedly.

"Well, duh. Anyways, I can't let your mind get taken over by evil. You're going to be good," said Poo's good side.
That sounds very boring. We've got enough good guys here, and they're all boring.
"Nope. He's going to be BAD!" exclaimed Poo's evil side. Poo's head started giving off energy.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! My headdddddddd!" yelled Poo. Poo fell to his knees as he thought. What can I do? Do I go evil and be evil and then take over the world? Or do I go good and save the world? Faced with the hardest decision of his life, Poo ran as far as he could from the Sea of Eden.
Well, if it's an either/or, then taking over the world is a no brainer. But taking over the world, relative to saving the world, is a much higher risk/higher reward proposition.





Post #983, by Anthadd

"I'm trying to acquire the melodies so I can go home, finally," Anthadd replied, his golf club at the ready.
I believe this is the first suggestion that nobody can go home until they've collected all the melodies. As opposed to just flying home, the same way they came here in the first place.
"I came here to get the Fire Springs melody so I could gain Teleport PSI and go to Deep Darkness again."
"Is that so?" Sir asked again. Anthadd had began to climb the cave walls again, after drinking the iced tea. "Wait up! You might collapse again!"
But Anthadd would hear none of Sir's pleading.
It's got to be a bitch trying to climb vertical cave walls while carrying golf clubs.





Post #984, by SirMontyG

"That's the Anthadd I remember.." Sir tried to catch up, and eventualy did.

"Say what kind of club is that, anyways? Looks pretty devistating." Sir attempted to make conversation between battles and constant rock climbing.
It's generally accepted that a seven-iron is the optimal club for inflicting pain and death. I believe that's what Tiger Woods' ex-wife was wielding two years ago this very day. 
"Oh, and after we finish here with the melody, we could really use a hand fighting off Lavos, a coupala randites and a few evil versions of AC's. Gonna be one crazy shindig. Interested?"
I do believe he already said he's working on going home, which would suggest shindigs do not interest him. But hanging out with Major Asshole should interest him.




Post #985, by PikaChan

('S okay PSI, I didn't know. I thought the normal IF rules would apply to this IF as well.)
PikaChan's wrath is appeased by PSI322's supplication. PSI322 had super powers. PikaChan is dead wrong about the "normal IF rules", which made it very clear that the original post of a given IF thread would dictate how many ACs were allowed. (In most non-Tengu fics it was one.)

Posts #976-980: 13 March 2000

Post #976, by PikaChan

( loid: Youse welcomies. I'm a GIRL. >\
Mog: No, one of my characters is me, the other one is my best friend. I'm just using her as an AC.)
That's not how it works. Although if this winds up with the dozing moderators finally waking up and cleaning AC house, I'm going to need to send piakrchn a fruit basket as a gesture of thanks.
PikaChan approached the Shining Spot slowly. LaLa was close behind.
"Looks like we'll hafta take care of Carbon Dog, then we'll get Anthadd to the Sanctuary." PikaChan said.
That is a valid plan because Sanctuaries provide instant and full healing of everything up to and including death.
The Shining Spot gave off a flash of light and Carbon Dog was seen with a grim look in it's fiery eyes. "So.....you have come for the Sanctuary?" it hissed.
For what, the sixth time? It must be one of 3164's buddies. It seems to enjoy pain.
"Yeah! You're not gonna stop us!" LaLa shouted as she took out one of her Pokeballs. "Go, Gyarados!" A big snake-like creature popped out of the ball. It thrashed it's head fiercely and made a large screaming-hissing sound.
"LaLa, don't use Gyarados! It never listens to you!" PikaChan yelled as she reached for one of her own Pokeballs. "Oh well. I choose you, Articuno!" She threw the ball, and it popped open, revealing a large blue bird.
Carbon Dog was unimpressed. "You think you can actually take me out with such puny creatures?" he asked, glaring at PikaChan.
He'd have a better chance of staying alive if he engaged in less chatting and more killing.
"Of course we can! Gyarados, Hydro Pump!" LaLa commanded. Gyarados just looked at her, as if to say 'Yeah right..' It used Dragon Rage instead.
The attack barely hurt Carbon Dog.
Dragon Rage is one of the greatest wastes of an awesome attack name ever. It does a piddly (but guaranteed!) 40 HP of damage. Since Carbon Dog has over 1000 HP, that won't leave much of a mark. 
PikaChan tried next. She turned to her Pokemon. "Alright Articuno, as soon as I use Freeze, you get him with a Blizzard attack. Got it?" The ice bird 'nodded'. PikaChan faced Carbon Dog. Articuno picked her up and started flying. "PSI Freeze Omega!" A blast of ice energy screamed toward Carbon Dog. At the same time, Articuno flapped it's wings, sending a flurry of snow.
"C'mon Gyarados, use Hydro Puuuuuuuuuump!!" Gyarados turned it's head away and sent a Hyper Beam at Carbon Dog.
Hyper Beam's not a bad choice. Plus now Gyarados has a valid excuse to ignore PikaChan for a little bit, if that's what he's so bent on doing. Unless this is pure RBY rules, in which case the KO means he doesn't lose his next turn. (see, I am qualified to ridicule pokemon because I did actually play it a little bit, back in the old days.)
All three energies hit at the same time and created a cloud of cold smoke.
"Did we get 'im?" LaLa asked. PikaChan shook her head.
"Nope, we still hafta beat Diamond Dog."
Carbon Dog's body had turned into solid diamond. "Pretty weak...." Diamond Dog growled and leapt towards the two Pokemon. Both of them fainted.
I doubt even Tengu Man is going to care enough to bother objecting to this nonsense, but Tengu Man appropriated Diamond Dog as one of his cadre of ACs a long time ago. And hasn't referred to him since, but still.
"Oh no! Gyarados, return!" LaLa called Gyarados back and sent out her Dragonite, a big orange dragon.
PikaChan did the same for Articuno. 'Guess it's up to you, Yamikarasu....Eevee isn't strong enough, and Arcanine will just barely scratch him.' she thought. "Go Yamikarasu!!" She threw the Pokeball. This time, a tiny crow popped out.
LaLa facefaulted.
It's an anime word. No, I won't explain it to you if you don't know what it means, look it up yourself.
Diamond Dog blinked.
PikaChan set her jaw, and commanded the next attack.





Post #977, by PSIOsman

(erm, PikaChan, I think we're only allowed to have one AC per person...)
I can only surmise no one except 3164, who ain't sayin' nothin', has been reading SS/MB's posts at all. A wise play, all in all.
Osman, Siris, and Alan heard a huge thudding sound. They all turned uneasily to see a massive stone form with red eyes and glowing claws...

"I doubt that this is a good thing..." commented Osman.
Why do heroes always say stuff like that when confronted with obviously bad things?
"No, Osman, a 12-foot-tall monster made out of stone with red eyes and massive claws is generally not a good thing," commented Siris.
Good man. I wonder where Gauntlet's been, anyhow.
The Randite stepped forward slowly. Before it could attack, Alan took action.

"PSI Tsunami!" The massive surge of water appeared and slammed with enormous velocity into the monster. The entire area was covered with a white foam. When it cleared, the Randite... was still standing.

Then, the three heard Sir's psychic call...

"It never fails! Always during dinner, in the shower, or while battling evil monsters...!"
I know it. I usually just telepath back, I'm washing my balls, can it wait a few minutes?
------------------
You may address me as His Majesty Emperor PSIOsman I.
That's the third time, which in my imaginary totalitarian hellhole would mean instant ban.




Post #978, by Pikachu3164

((PikaChan - you can only have one AC. PikaChan and LaLa are both considered an AC, so you can't have both of them. You can't introduce someone else into the story if they didn't give you permission. Sorry if I sound mean and all, but it wouldn't be fair if you had the privilage to have two AC and everyone else could only have one.))
Good god, even 3164's jumping in on it. I can't fathom why piling on PikaChan is suddenly so popular. Yes, yes, I know she's annoying. But allow me to retort: SS/MB remains untouched. In $DEITY's name, why???
((My group - Does anyone really want to go through a humungous battle with this rat?))
You know, you could just do everyone a favor and throw two half-assed paragraphs at it, or even take a shot at being funny in the Major Asshole mold, but nooooo.
**********

[Well, I'm glad your okay, Tim. Evil Mani Mani shouldn't be a problem for a while, but we have to get that melody and out of this sewer by nightfall.]
Translation: God, would you shut up about Evil Mani Mani already?
3164 is still a spineless bitch for not throwing Liyoshi off the nearest cliff and never looking back. But I guess 3164 can't afford to throw away anyone that's willing to acknowledge his existence.
"Right. Let's go."

The group started walking. They jumped into the sewer water (Gross...) and jumped back out as soon as they could. They smashed some bugs, blasted some ghosts, and bashed a few rats.

Shock Bird was flying ahead of the group. [Okay guys, your approaching the Plague Rat! Get ready!]

"Okay guys. Plague Rat is just a giant version of the Deadly Rats, but get ready anyway.

Pikachu stopped and thought to himself. A few people have beaten the Plague Rat before, right? He shouldn't be too much of a fight. I just hope we beat him before nightfall or before Evil Mani Mani escapes.

Pikachu put on his Star Pendant ran to catch up with the group.

The Plague Rat gave his ever-so-familiar Sanctaury gaurdian speech. "You finally got here." While talking, Pikachu started to mouth off whatever the rat said. "This is the fifth Your Sanctuary location. But's its mine now. Take it from me, if you dare. Oh, and I'm going to kill you for that, mouse."
OK, that was mildly amusing. It makes sense that Plague Rat of Doom would not refer to 3164 as "rat", as it would presumably not be inclined to use "rat" as a pejorative the way the rest of us do.




Post #979, by PikaChan

(Fine then. )

LaLa got hurt and collapsed.
"Oh no." PikaChan said. "I guess we've been beaten. Let's get out of here." PikaChan dragged LaLa's carcass out of the story.
PikaChan kept herself with LaLa (no way she'd abandon her best friend) , so she, therefore, is out of the story as well.

(Happy now, people? Sheesh...)
I am happy now, actually. Thanks for asking, and goodbye.
[This message has been edited by PikaChan (edited 05-13-2000).]






Post #980, by SirMontyG

....um, *ahem* and with THAT MOG SAID....

..
...
*Sir attempts to imersonate Mog's voice*
"Why don't we stay and look out for anyone else that comes and you go after Anthadd, okay?"
I don't think he opened that way to make fun of PikaChan--I think he's annoyed at Mog116's lack of response--but I sure hope he did.
"Okay, Mog, just make sure get everybody some type of wepon, alright?"

*Bad Mog impersination*
"Sure thing, Sir!"
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the real Mog would never say anything like "Sure thing, Sir!"
~Meanwhile, over in the Fire Spring...~

"More Psycos?? Hoo boy.." Anthadd readied his golf club, when suddenly...
Please don't do that. I don't want to risk you accidentally summoning PP/QC back up from the depths of Hell.
*SmmmaaaaSSSHHH!!* a major psycic psyco went flying "Care for a drink?" Sir handed Anthadd a royal iced tea, louiesvile slugger in the other hand.

"How'd you get here so fast?" Anthadd inquired

"Hotel rent-a-car service. You'ld be amazed at what $240 a day can get you..but anyways, mind filling me in on why you're here in the first place?"
LOL. I think he's the only genuinely funny poster in the Gathering right now.

Posts #971-975: 12-13 May 2000

Post #971, by Pikachu3164

[Well, first off, seeing as Tim's sitting right behind you, I don't think finding him will be a proble.]

Kiyo swung around very quickly and saw Tim. "Huh? Didn't you go to get help?"

"I was going too, but the entire ordeal went by saw quickly, by the time I took 5 steps, you were normal again."
Although Liyoshi would likely insist on giving credit to his True Form Shield or something.
"Oh."

[And, I don't know if you'd particularly like this, but I could trap you in a PSI Box or something when nightfalls and hope Randite doesn't escape. Or I could Teleport you to the Deep Darkness for the night... Wait! The only melody I don't have is Rainy Circle! And Andonuts Labs is right there! Maybe Dr. Andonuts can make some invention to hold Randite when night comes, while we go get the last melody! What do you say...?]
These guys must like loid as much as I do, to go to such lengths to keep him around when the obvious thing to do is kill him.
"I don't know.... I don't like the idea of a box, Deep Darkness is just gross, and what could possibly hold a Randite?"

[I dunno. I just want that melody. Maybe all the melodies could destroy Randite.]
I guess 3164's just brainstorming and hoping one of his ideas strikes somebody else as cool. But if he lacks the conviction to think his own idea is cool, why should anyone else think it is?
[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-12-2000).]





Post #972, by Mog116

(PikaChan, are both those ACs yours? Only ONE AC aloud. If they aren't, sorry.
Wait, what? With all the crap SS/MB is pulling you're calling out PikaChan for violating the one AC rule? Why the hell?
[We gotta get back to the Hotel!!]"I know that. You have wings. Can't you fly?" [Can't fly until I'm 28. I've got it!] [PSI Float!] Mog cast PSI Float on them and the flew out. "You have PSI! Why didn't you teleport?" [I was hoping to see some Criminal Caterpillars...] "Well, Teleport!" Mog and ANdrew teleported to the Hotel.
There's no way to know who the hell Mog is talking to until he mentions Andrew (murkkie, I think?) at the very end of the post.




Post #973, by SirMontyG

Sir waited out on the couch of the lobby. He had been sitting there for hours now.
"man, will anyone show up?"
I think Major Asshole is used to this eventuality by now and knows just what to do.
Just then, two figures could be seen floating in..

"Hey! Great to see someone show up! But I've heard that Anthadd's in trouble, and I've got a problem. Should we wait for more people to show, or should we enlist Anthadd's help after helping him out first?"
I forgot what they need Anthadd's help for, to tell you the truth.
And with that Mog said.....





Post #974, by Little Yoshi

(Sorry to object to your posts, guys, but I'm not about to "run for help" when one of my best friends is being killed right in front of me. Also, in case you need to know, I'm obsessed with healing and defense, and with such a low offense, my max MP have risen. I'll take care of any wounds.
Yeah, we're soooooo surprised Liyoshi is going on a bitchy fit. 
Also, did we beat Plague Rat of Doom?I don't think that he'd just give us the melody... I'm going to assume we haven't gotten the melody, therefore I'll have our group, Pikachu, Nathan, Shock Bird, Kiyo, and Tim[is that group right?] go fight the Plague Rat of Doom)
He bitches and whines every single time anyone else causes his AC to do anything at all, and bosses his "friends" around. And he can't figure out why nobody likes him. Total lack of self-awareness really runs in that family.
"Well, now that that's over with, let's get moving!" Tim said. They fought a few minor fights, but Tim's allies easily handled them with their physical attacks(remember, my offense went WAY down after defeating my dark side).
But your Insufferable Nuisance Index went way up. And I didn't even think that was possible.
They turned a corner, and met a golden flash.They were all stunned for a moment, but looked around the cporner to see what caused the flash. When they peeked, there was an immense blue flash, and they were flung up against the wall.
"I didn't know that the Plague Rat of Doom controled Ice," Nathan mumbled, getting to his feet(the blue flash was a severe Ice blow)
This writing is so bad I'm cringing in pain. On so many levels it's hard to unravel them, but let's give it a shot.
1. It's annoying and nonsensical for an established villain to suddenly show up with a new attack and no reason at all to be offered for it. Especially when we all know said villain is doomed and it will make no difference.
2. The narrative itself is where you explain things, not in parenthetical comments. Don't treat your reader like an idiot if you want to have readers. (There are myriad good reasons why Liyoshi does not have readers.)
3. Quit writing to masturbate. Other people trying to participate (this is interactive, remember?) hate it, since you're getting off at their expense.
There's more, but I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader to tease it out.
Pikachu noticed that Shock Bird wasn't awake yet, probably because Flying Pokemon are weak to Ice,Pikachu thought.
That is going to piss 3164 off so much. It seems like this entire plotline is dissolving into infighting.
Kiyo got back on his feet, preparing to cast a powerful spell, only to be knocked out by another blue flash. This time, however, Pikachu and Nathan were K.O.ed too. (I'm not saying that I'm super strong and that you guys are all puny, I'm still up, because I absorb Ice attacks) Tim walked forward, and saw the figure. It was Evil Mani Mani.
If these guys respond to this in any way other than punching him in the face and kicking him out of their plotline for good, they are spineless bitches. In fact, guruzeth is a spineless bitch for not banning him from the thread. This is the most pissed off I've been reading the Gathering yet. Liyoshi is a colossal asshole and a selfish prick and it makes my mind reel to think that anyone would tolerate his presence. (This being the internet in 2011, in before "lol assburgers".)
"So we meet again, Tim," Evil Mani Mani said.
Yeah. Just in case you thought I was being too harsh on him.
Tim took a moment to whip out a weird device that played musc, and switched it to Magus's theme.
"I see you're with a group. A little yella rat, a frozen bird, a human under our control sometimes, and another human that..." Evil mani Mani couldn't think of an insult.
"Anyways, my mission is now to annihlate all party people from this isle, then to take over the world. How's that sound? Bwa ha ha!" Evil Mani Mani shouted, running in for the kill on Tim's uncounsious friends.
"NOOOOOO!!" Tim shouted, and ran up to Evil Mani Mani and teleported them both out of the sewer, just before he Evil Mani Mani struck Nathan.

"Is it just me, or are these sewers getting unbearibly cold?" Nathan said, shivering from the repeated ice attacks
"Nathan, maybe it is just you, but don't you remember those Ice attacks from that Golden Statue?...!I mean,-" Kiyo started.
"Evil Mani Mani!" The four said, all awake now.
[Hey, where's Tim?] Pikachu asked.
Because damn, I wanted to kill that asshole with my bare hands.
"Hmmm, he WAS here just a second ago..." Kiyo said.
"Remember? He absorbs Ice! He wasn't knocked out by Evil Mani Mani's attacks!" Nathan remember.
[Then where is he?] Shock Bird asked.
[Here's a note, let's read it,]Pikachu said, and read the note using PSI
(Pikachu reading note)[Gone to fight Evil Mani Mani. Be back soon. your friend, Tim, the Yoshi-obsessed guy]
"Well, let's go ahead and beat The Plague Rat of Doom, then find Tim!" Nathan said. they started walking forward, until someone teleported in front of them.

It was Tim, who was in bad shape.
"I-I *pant* sealed him temporarily in a po-*wheeze*portal, but he'll be back. Those R-Randites are very strong," Tim said.

(If you need me to edit this post, just tell me, and I will!)
I need you to go away and never pollute the internet with your selfish prick rantings again. Can you do that?




Post #975, by Carbon Dog

this place is preaty liveley!
It's a good guess that this guy was preaty drunk when he wrote this.

Posts #966-970: 12 May 2000

Post #966, by Chris

After a minute or two, a waiter showed Chris and Juliana to their table. They sat down, and soon another waiter had come. After placing their orders for drinks, the two began to converse.

"Well, who would have thought that I'd find myself in a restaurant in a video game, having dinner with a good friend from far away?" Chris said.

"Yeah, I can't believe I'm here too. It's incredible." Juliana replied.
Except they're not actually in a video game... well, it's complicated.
The waiter returned with drinks, and took their orders. Chris ordered a Pasta d' Summers, and Juliana ordered a Kraken Soup. Within a few minutes, the waiter returned with their food, and the couple soon was enjoying the cuisine of Summers.
I bet Chris repeated that sentence in his head at least 200 times after he posted it. The couple. The couple! Give the guy credit for this much, at least he's taking a shot at the prize. He swings for the fence.
Also, it's Pasta di Summers, actually, The Help! description of that item is classic. I think I mentioned this once before.
After about a half hour of eating and talking of all sorts of things, the waiter came by with a dessert menu. Chris and Juliana looked over it for a few minutes, then they ordered a wonderful mix of chocolate and vanilla ice cream with whipped cream. When they had finished dessert, they tipped the waiter and payed the fee, then left.
I don't think Chris expected anyone to care about his play-by-play of his dream date, but still: ugh.
"Chris, I wanna take a walk on the beach. I hear it looks so beautiful at night time."
You can see the sparkling stars in Juliana's eyes as she says this line, in Chris's dream.
"Sounds like a plan. Let's go."

The two walked down the boardwalk, and soon were strolling along the moonlit beach...
I lost count, but this is eight or ten posts Chris has made now describing his wildest dreams with Juliana since the last time PSI322 made a peep. Go easy on his tender heart when you finally return, PSI322 :(




Post #967, by PikaChan

"Well how was I supposed to know that Magnet Hill would make my Magneton faint?" LaLa whined as Nurse Joy handed her her Pokeballs.
"That's just it. MAGNETon. It's a MAGNET Pokemon," PikaChan explained as she recieved her own Pokeballs. Suddenly, she felt a tinge of danger.
I don't think that's exactly how it works. As far as I know magnets don't shut down other magnets.
"HUH? I'm.....recieving a call....it's saying something like 'Anthadd! Fire Springs! Help!' or something!"
"Uh oh. Anthadd's in trouble. Let's go." LaLa said as the duo teleported to the Fire Springs.

PikaChan looked forward. They had made their way around dinosaurs, Ego Orbs, and Major Psychic Psychos. Now they were at the Shining Spot.
"Well? Where's Anthadd?" LaLa said impatiently.
"........"
She definitely never read the Gathering. She acts like she's the first person to show up in the Lost Underworld when she is in fact about the 14th. But at least give her credit for powering through the boring descriptive stuff.
[This message has been edited by PikaChan (edited 05-12-2000).]





Post #968, by loid

(Kudos to Pikachan for reading through all those pages! unless he got the condensed version from a friend...)
1. She. 2. If you had bothered to read PikaChan's posts, you would see it's patently obvious she didn't read a damn thing.
It was almost dawn as Randite stormed into the museum. He walked through the newly installed metal detector and
(BEEP BEEP)
"Sir, do you have and watches, jelerwy or..."
Randite opened his silk coat revialing several guns
"WHAT THE?"
"OK, everybody does what I say and noone gets hurt, open up the sewers, oh and give me all your money in a paper bag."
Deep down in his mind, his magicant, Kiyo saw, heard and felt everything Randite did.
Flagrantly rip off iconic movie scenes? Next thing you know old Randite will be claiming to be Mr. Spoon's father.
[Tim, I have this strangest feeling that were being...]
"Followed?"
[Yeah. Thats it Tim.]
"But I didn't say that."
"I did" said randite, pulling on black leather gloves.
[Oh hi Kiyo! what are those gloves for?]
"This."
[Huh? What are yo-GACCCKKK*
"AUGHHHH! Burning, too, much, electricity."
Randite looked down at his gloves and noticed they had holes and marks in them.
[Tim! You go for help! Well take care of this scumbag!]
"I wont give up this time!"
Randite choked Pikachu agian, grimacing from the blinding electracal pain and attempted to chokeslam him. All the while Kiyo was watching deep down in his mind going NO! NO! NO!! STOP THIS!! deep down, screaming, suffacating. The real Kiyo was violently strugling to escape until...
Trying to choke 3164 to death? I like this guy more and more all the time. I've been wanting to do that since about Post 50.
"What?" said Randite. "Why am I in magicant?"
A voice then spoke,
"The balance of Eden was disrupted, too much evil, not enough good. So I will give you both controll of this mind, Kiyo by day, you by night."
"AUGGGHHHH!!!"
That means clearly the correct thing for Kiyo to do as soon as he has control of said body is kill himself. If he wants to be heroic, that is.
[Kiyo, why? What are you doing?]
Kiyo heard everything the voice said and was now in controll of his body, for the time being.

He also noticed it was now dawn.
I guess that's going to turn out to be important in his next post. Tune in next week, boys and girls!



Post #969, by Pikachu3164

Kiyo immediately dropped Pikachu.

[Ohuch. Great. Now my minds wondering. Anyone have a healing item or something? My healing PSI stinks... Wait... Who were those two girls that ran by before Kiyo attacked me? And why didn't they even notice us? Were they SM.Neters? Why am I wondering about two girls when I'm about to die?
You're continuing the tradition of countless thousands of males in the annals of history doing that, 3164.
And doesn't anyone have something to eat? Food heals. Food will save me. I feel like I'm on the verge on dieing.... Someone feed me. Great. Now I sound like a baby.]
"Now"?
"Pikachu? I'm sorry... I had no control over myself."

[Yeah. That's nice. I'm dying here. Would someone help me!?]

Nathan ran up to Pikachu with a croissant he had found earleier. "Here... This croissant will do for now..."

Pikachu ate the croissant and felt a little better... [There. What were you saying, Kiyo?]

Kiyo tried to remember what happened. "I had no control over my body... Randite stole it from me. But, because the balance in Eden was so disrupted, someone gave me control, but only during the day. Night falls, and Randite gains control."
Is this a bad time to point out again that Kiyo's death neatly solves this problem?
[Yeah. Sure. Let's go. Maybe Magnet Hill will heal you or something, I don't know. I just want to get out of this sewer...]
I think 3164 is expressing annoyance at loid's new twist, presumably because it involved attacking him.
[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-12-2000).]



Post #970, by loid

all of them went to magnet hill to get the melody, rest and think.

[But what about Tim? Didnt he go for help? and what about those two girls?]
Boy, the two girls instantly have everyone's attention. This is why I'm 90% sure no one but guruzeth has yet read a Traceh post.
"Yeah, and what about these clothes randite picked out? I look like Edge! And what about Lavos, Darkt0n and the other Randites? I mean I came here to party not save the universe from these guys, and what are we going to do when night falls? The apple of enlightenment seems to give me power of my body only during the day and its not like you guys can burry me during the night, I mean Randite knows powerfull PSI and magic!
I know this is three times in a row now, but it should be very obvious and loid here ain't getting it: kill yourself.
[Well think about stuff later. Lets rest now.]

"And if Sir sees me he'll probobly mow me down with his car after I tried to_"
That's because Major Asshole, almost uniquely in this crowd, has a flair for getting s--- done.
[I said think later! wait a minute, I have an idea....]

Posts #961-965: 12 May 2000

Post #961, by guruzeth

When guruzeth and Tracy emerged from the Pyramid, they realized quickly that they were now on the opposite side of Scaraba from the entrance. "Umm, guru," said Tracy, "how are we gonna get back to civilization?"

"We'll probably have to swim for it..." said guruzeth. "The river that divides the two continents isn't very wide, but the current runs really fast. We'll probably have to ride the current to the ocean, and then ride the tide back to shore."
I'm pretty sure that if you did some actual, whatyacallit, swimming, you would reach the far shore before the current carried you to the ocean. Also you fail understanding of tides and currents forever.
I do admire guruzeth and Traceh for declining to teleport around like everyone else does, though.
"Sounds kinda dangerous... but jumping in some water sounds like a great idea right now," said Tracy; they were already getting sticky from the searing heat.

"You know," said guruzeth, "now that I think about it, Dungeon Man is still stuck in some palm trees a couple miles to the south... It'd be awesome to go check it out, but we'd have to wait for nightfall to walk there."
Obviously guruzeth did not read Chris's posts from back well before guruzeth showed up.
"Ugh, I just wanna go inside somewhere, and cool off," said Tracy.

"It's about a mile's walk to the north to find the river to North Scaraba," said guru. "Let's try and find some water or food around here. I think there's a merchant somewhere..."
A mile is a dangerously long way to try to walk across a desert in the middle of the day.
They began walking to the north, and before long they found the merchant they were looking for. "These prices are outrageous!" said Tracy.

"What do you expect, he's the only guy out here..." said guru, pulling his already depleted wallet. "We need a couple bottles of water, and a couple Picnic Lunches."
I don't believe that guy sells Picnic Lunches, but whatever.
"Alright, that'll be $448!" said the merchant. guruzeth shook his head and handed over the money, and they took shade under a tree to partake of their brief meal. "That's about it for my money," said guru. "And my ATM card is gone since that shipwreck. "We gotta get back to the mainland so I can call the bank and get a new card."
I would love to hear how that shipwreck deprived you of your ATM card but not your wallet. You keep your ATM card somewhere other than your wallet, Boy Genius?
"Sounds good to me," said Tracy. "I'd still like to know where everyone else is, though. I haven't seen anyone in a long time, except you..."
Now here's something unexpected: guruzeth, not Traceh, is the first to announce (subtly, but still) that he's grown bored with this exclusive plotline. (Actually, with behind-the-scenes knowledge I can tell you this is because he and PSI322 are conspiring to get their ACs together as expeditiously as possible, leaving Traceh as the Unlucky Childhood Friend of sorts. Which is too bad, she's an excellent poster and deserves better.)
"They've gotta be somewhere in Eagleland, is my guess," said guru. "Let's wait here until the sun gets lower, then we'll set off to get back to North Scaraba, and then we'll decide where to go next."

Four hours or so later, guru awakened to see the long, late-evening shadows. They had both fallen asleep at some point. He shook Tracy awake. "Alright, we need to get going now," he said when she awakened and sat up. They set off to the north, with the setting sun to their left, in the waning light.

Little did they know how cold the desert night could be, and they both were shivering when they made it to the shores of the river.
It's true, as I said in my last post. Desert nights can be chilly.
"I'm flippin freezing!" said Tracy. "I'm not getting in that water now!"
+1 to guruzeth for knowing 'flippin'' is one of Traceh's modifiers of choice.
"Fine, we'll wait for daybreak, and get some sleep in the meantime," said guru, finding a good place to lie down near a tree.
Didn't you just get done sleeping four hours? Man, I want that Sleep At Will feat.
"When it gets hot, the water won't be much trouble." He turned over and went to sleep almost immediately, and Tracy did the same a few yards away, taking shelter in some brush for warmth.
That's hilariously stupid. Brush is not warm.





Post #962, by Pikachu3164

Pikachu, Tim, Nathan, Poryhedron, and Shock Bird jumped into the museum, paid 25 dollars admission fee, and ran into the museum.

"Hey! You canit go into that room! Staff only!" Mr. Spoon yelled. Or is Mr. Fork the Fourside guy... I can't remember.
Right, because you only played EarthBound once and that was a couple years ago. You've been playing pokemon nonstop ever since. (It's Mr. Spoon.)
[Good thing I prepared! I'll give you a signed Pepsi can! Venus' autograph!]
Well, points to him for remembering that detail.
"Go right in!"

After leaving Poryhedron as a guard at the ladder into the museum, the four walked and swam in the sewer.
...swam in the sewer? I can't even... no. Just no.
Then, they heard Sir's voice on the Telepathy System. [I repeat, all SM.Net members rendevous at the hotel if you want to return to your vacation...]

"Whoa! That sounded like Sir! What should we do?" asked Nathan.

Tim replied with the only logical answer. "Let's get Pikachu this melody, and go back to the hotel."
I weep for your team's fate if Liyoshi is its designated logician. I weep until my eyes run dry.




Post #963, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

(Because of that, let's say Dave checked out and left home for New Jersey, leaving a note for waffle appologizing that he couldn't stay longer.)
Because of what? I'm not complaining. I'm just confused.
[Good thinkin'] said Shock Bird. [But when we battle the Plague Rat, watch out for my Big Thunder attack. It hurts, and can hurt anyone but me. The only way for it to indefinatly hit the Plague Rat is if you all get KOed or become unconsious.]
So clearly the right play is kill everyone on your team, deep fry Plague Rat of Doom's ass, then get the melody and revive the rest of your team later. (That last part is optional.)
~~back with Poryhedron~~
Should I leave for the hotel? thought Poryhedron, who just found a crossiant. He was holding it between his feet that doubled as hands. He was still moving because of his anti-grav systems. I promised Pikachu to guard for him.
Yeah, this split-the-party thing is exactly why "one AC per writer" was canonical. Otherwise Tengu would work however many ACs were necessary to control every plotline. With the one AC rule, the best he can do, as you've seen several times here, is try to control other plotlines with out-of-character comments.
A Stinky Ghost ran by, but was literally frozen by Poryhedron's Blizzard attack.
A Deadly Mouse ran by, but he was forced back to normal by Poryhedron's Psychic attack.
Poryhedron knew Pikachu wouldn't like a regular Crossiant, so he went online through the museum's phone line by plugging his tail into the museum phone line. He went to the Starmen.net message board and downloaded a recipe for homemade Peanut Cheese Bars using cheese and chunky peanut butter. He, at light speed (using Agility), bought the ingredients, unraveled the crossiant, followed the instructions up until the instructions where you roll up the cheese with peanut butter on it. Poryhedron rolled up the crossiant and made a treat for Pikachu, to give to him after the battle: the Peanut Cheese Crossiant Bar!
My god. It hurts. It hurts. Make it stop.
He then stored it inside his chest as data, to be pulled out in its physical form, just as it was.
I'll stay! thought Poryhedron.
~~back with Pikachu and the gang~~

[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-12-2000).]





Post #964, by PikaChan

New poster alert!
PikaChan was yet another certified female. And she was crazy. I don't mean she was different or out there. I mean she was certifiably insane. I believe she was about 11 or 12 in 2000.
'I love this place....' LaLa read.
'Me too.' she replied.
'It's a lot easier to come here when we want to talk. The melody is so soothing too.' the thought on the wall read.
I actually like the way she just drops us into the action.
PikaChan and her best friend Princess LaLa (who everyone called LaLa) were sitting in the middle of the Lumine Hall, having a "conversation". PikaChan yawned. She stroked her Eevee's head as it slept in her arms. Eevee always slept so peacefully. LaLa's Meowth was sleeping too.
Yet another pokemon kiddie. And yet another person who could not care less what the rules are. And yes, it was perfectly standard for PikaChan to work her imaginary friend into her IF writing.
'Tired?' LaLa's thought read.
'Yeah.....' PikaChan replied.
'Heh heh...'
'I feel a strange power coming from this place. It makes me feel reenergized.' PikaChan thought.
'Yeah. And that beautiful melody.....it sounds like something from EarthBound!'
PikaChan jumped up, still holding Eevee. She returned it to it's Pokeball. 'Hey! If this really IS EarthBound, then there are 7 other places just like this!!!'
Are you getting the sinking suspicion PikaChan hasn't read any of the Gathering at all, and is just jumping in because it's huge and everyone's talking about it? Good. I'm glad it wasn't just me.
'Hey yeah! Let's go to Magnet Hill or something!' LaLa called her Meowth into it's Pokeball.
PikaChan nodded. 'Yeah. Waitaminute....what if we hafta battle that Plague Rat?' she thought.
'Well, we'll just trash him like we did Electro Specter..' LaLa replied.
It's a pretty good answer, really.
The two friends quickly jumped in the hole into the Lost Underworld, then teleported to Fourside.

[This message has been edited by PikaChan (edited 05-12-2000).]






Post #965, by Anthadd

Darting to and from each nook and cranny, Anthadd, the youthful golf-club wielder, tried to discover the least danger-fraught path to the Shining Spot deep within the Fire Springs.
There is in fact only one path that leads there, so you don't have any say in the danger level.
Avoiding, in particular, the Psychic Psychos, he climbed many of the rock faces, and, at times, ended up having to catch his breath.
Unwrapping one of his last granola bars, Anthadd savoured the taste, thinking it may be his last.
I would hate for my last snack to be a granola bar. He should have packed Swiss cake rolls.
Nearing the Shining Spot, he began perspiring faster.
"Must be there...soon...need milk...water...anything..." And he collapsed again, before sending a plea for help. (Anthadd! Fire Springs! Help!)

(Note: if you think I'm overdoing the comas, I don't care.)
I'm actually more concerned that you're overdoing commas, truth be told. But thank you for informing us of your disinterest. I assure you we do not care about you, either.
I really have no recollection of Anthadd being this needy. But hey, we all were when we were 12.

Posts #956-960: 11 May 2000

Post #956, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

"Well," said Poryhedron. "I'll come, but the farthest I'm going is the enterance/exit ladder. I'll stop some bad guys from coming to get you, but I'm not moving away from the ladder. Any further, within 2¾ miles of the magnet in Magnet Hill, and I'll be corrupted and sent to the closest computer to be put in the virtual Trash or Recycle Bin and deleted. It's 3 miles of sewer, for crying out loud! I might, however, see if a real trash can wasn't deplated, by Ness and his gang, of a Croissant."
I think he was going for "depleted" there, even though it doesn't make sense in context. I can think of no other possible word that even makes the slightest, most twisted sense.
Shock Bird then flew in the window.
"Besides," continued Poryhedron, "my pal Shock Bird will be with you!"
shock Bird crowed and said, [Don't you forget it! Y'all ready?]
[Yep!] said Pikachu.
"Yeah!" said Tim.
"Sorta," said Poryhedron, uneasily. "But I won't help you with the Plague Rat!"
[OK!] said Shock Bird. [Hop on my back and guide me to the enterance. I try to fly straight to the santuary and it's 'Bye-bye, Poryhederon, FOREVER!!' Plus, some force will push me back. Giygas put a shield around, but not under, Magnet Hill, according to my inspection. Not even my PSI Shield Steal could get it from the hill!]
They hopped on Shock Bird, and…
You see, this is why pokemon and its legions of 10-year-old fans were so thoroughly detested by the more vocal half of the EarthBound community at the time: because they would not stop polluting forum threads--everywhere, not just in IF, though the problem was keenest on the IF forum--with nonsense muck like you just read here. Pokemon was all they ever thought about. 




Post #957, by TsuramiSea

The bus to Fourside cruised along through the long and hot desert road.
He feels the need to point out the desert is hot despite the facts that (a) it is common knowledge that deserts are hot, and (b) his AC is presumably sitting inside an air conditioned bus and would not notice.
TsuramiSea sighed, sitting somewhere in the middle of the bus. There were some pretty creepy people on there, so he just kept quiet as the vehicle sailed along.
Heh, pretty creepy people. Says the Tenguling.
"Well, well, well.... hope I get to Fourside soon. Then maybe I can find a boat to Chommo, yeah...." He shifted around, trying to get comfortable in a sitting position.
His assertion that sitting is uncomfortable is curious. Many people, including myself, seek out opportunities to be in a sitting position because we find it comfortable.
He checked his goods. He had plenty of food, and his mallet, and the bracelet he had bought. He had notebooks and pencils and pens for writing and drawing, and a book or two to read. He considered himself ready. But maybe, just maybe, he'd buy a bicycle helmet in Fourside to wear for extra protection.
You have to weigh the defense bonus (+2 at default) against the increased likelihood that wandering around a major city looking like a total dork will get you unnecessarily attacked.
Riding along towards Fourside, TsuramiSea hoped to meet some more friends from SM.Net....
He closes every post with that line or something very close to it, almost ritualistically. I think it's a combination of "wants to make e-friends" and "doesn't want to participate in the Lavos stupidity right now". Even Tengulings have a little bit of free will.




Post #958, by EBPoo

After defeating three Krakens, the leader of the Krakens made a compromise with Poo. "If you don't attack us anymore, I will give you the Gutsy Bat," said King Kraken.
It's not that much of a prize. Apparently the Nothing Blue Drugstore stocks them these days.
"What do I do what a bat? I'm experienced in using my sword," Poo replied.
It's a good point. In EarthBound Poo can't equip anything but the Sword of Kings without losing a substantial amount of Offense.
"Well, take it anyway," King Kraken said before submerging beneath the water. Poo took the bat and threw it away.
LOL. I have to admit, I love pointless-but-entertaining posts. Almost as much as I loathe pointless-and-boring posts.
He then went up a little platform. A dark, black figure was hiding in the shadows. "So...Poo, you finally made it," said the figure in a low voice.

"Yes, I made it. So who are you?" asked Poo.

"I...am...your evil side. I was the one who talked to you when you came here," replied the voice.

"Oh. So you're my evil side...how's it going?" asked Poo.

"Nevermind that! We're out to take over the world. With my power and your intelligence, the world is ours!" declared the voice.

"So...reveal yourself already," commanded Poo. The figure stepped out of the shadows and revealed himself to look exactly like Poo. Except he was dressed in all black. "Cool look," complimented Poo.
I would think EBPoo, being villainous, would have to conquer his good side. Which would be a brief curbstomp battle, but still. Formality and all.




Post #959, by Traceh

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" they both screamed in unison. guruzeth stood and pulled Tracy to her feet, just in time to see the hyroglyphs come at them once more.
Seriously, the first couple times I was willing to write it off to coincidence, but it seems like there's just a little dab of touchy-feely in every guruzeth/Traceh post and it's starting to make me uncomfortable. Please to stop?
"Letts get out of here!" Tracy yelled.
Traceh is not about to be sucked into pointless battling. Good for her. Well done.
guru gave the monsters a look an said in a calm voice, "We already fell down the hole in the pyramid, if I remember correctly there are just a few more rooms in here before the hall that leads to the exit!"
No, I can't fathom why she thought it was necessary to point out how calm he was either. It's probably because, as a side effect of the Magic Insect, he's now stoned out of his mind.
guruzeth grabed her wrist and yanked in the direction of the small door.
See! There she goes again! And nobody's fooled by the wrist-not-hand maneuver. It's like she has trouble moving if her wrist/arm isn't being held.
Tracy had just enough time to toss the egg-filled bottle in her bag before they took to their heels and into the next room and down the hall, being as quiet as they could so they didnt wake up any more unwanted company.
It would make me so happy if some random poster would write "suddenly Darkton jumped out of the shadows!" Ahh, if only anyone ever read anyone else's plotline...
At the end of the tunnle they were covered in scrapes and bruises but were, for the most part, still alive.
But for a small part, dead. But only in a small part mostly dead.
Tracy tied back her hair and they looked up at the door a few feet away. "At least we got to see them!" she said. "Now I know I wont be visiting any more pyramids any time soon."
Hey, it's important in life to experience new things and learn valuable lessons. Even if most valuable lessons have to be learned the hard way.
"Say goodbye to the ancient pyramids...." guruzeth wispered.
Because they're still trying to keep quiet, I think, not because he's being dramatic.
He was not looking forward to the outside air, the sun beating down on them like an ocean of heat. Neither was Tracy, to be honest.
That actually would not bother me all that much. I have never paid much attention to temperature extremes while outdoors. Indoors, however, I am a bitch and get cranky if the temperature isn't between 69 and 71 degrees. It beats the heck out of me why.
Slowly they walked up the small flight of stairs, still quiet if only for the small sliver of a chance of danger that still lurked, emerging into the sunlight and the humid air.
You know, I wonder how long they were in that Pyramid, exactly. It was broad daylight when they entered it. I would think there's a pretty good chance it would actually be night when they walked out. In which case, as is normal for deserts, the air would actually be somewhat chilly.




Post #950, by SirMontyG

(Thanks for clearing that up, Osman)

"Well, let's see, if I'm gonna stop that Randite in Kyio's body and DarkTon, I'm gonna need some help.." Sir said, walking out of the spa and to the lobby.

*Ding* "Hmm, yes sir?" The man behind the counter asked

"hey, how'd ya know my name? Umm, anyways, I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how I could contact everyone on the island at once."

"Well, the PA system would be a good bet, but it may not reach everyone on the island. You could use our complimentary telepathic servace, free with the stay."

"Wow! How do I do that?"

"Just go up to your room, Turn on the TV, and turn to channel 12 1/3, and speak through the telephone."

"That's incredible! Can I get HBO?"

"No, that would cost extra."

"Okay, well thanks a lot!" Sir left a buck in the tip jar and ran up to his room.
I can't stop chuckling while I'm reading this. Major Asshole's genius is the ease with which he parodies (and skewers) ancient If traditions like Instant Telepathy.
[[SHHwhurrrrr*Click*! Is this thing on? Oh, great. *ahem* Attention all AC's! This is Sir! I'm calling for help on destroying the evil on this island so we can get back to the party we originaly started!
See, if he wanted to do that, shouldn't he just ignore all the evil and get to partying? A wise man once said, "when times are at their darkest, pal... it's a brave man that can kick back and party."
Please, if we all ban together we can destoy lavos, the randites, and an evil figure roming the island named DarkTom who promises to be quite a threat.
Ban together? guruzeth will approve of that plan.
Roundevou' at the hotel to prepare. This can be one of SM.Net's greatest moments! And remember, there's no justice like angry mob justice..Thank youwrrrrrrSSHHHH*Click*!]]
Rendezvous is the word he failed at.
As for me, I was invited to a meeting where forming a Neighborhood Watch program was being discussed. I stood up and said such a program was a waste of time and resources and would never accomplish anything useful, and instead we should form a Vigilante Mob program.
I wasn't invited to any further meetings.

23 November 2011

Posts #951-955: 10-11 May 2000

Post #951, by SirMontyG

(Wait a minute..I thought Falcon summoned Lavos..)
You are correct; he did. But now I ask: who cares?




Post #952, by t0nberry22

After sending his telepathic message, Ton decided to leave Fire Springs and head for Magnet Hill, being the only origional melody he hadn't gotten yet. Ton used Teleport alpha to head to Fourside.

Meanwhile, DarkTon had been heading toward Lavos. "Heheh!" he laughed to himself. "If I get Lavos's power, then Ton will never be able to beat me!" Suddenly he stood still. "Hmmm... but if I give Lavos power... then he'll be Invincible! Because Ton is the only one who can beat me, and the Chosen Ones are the only ones who can defeat Lavos!" And with that, DarkTon started off again.
I was about to remark that it's sad that DarkTon's ambition in life is "prevent Ton from beating me". But now I feel better about that.





Post #953, by Little Yoshi

(Alright, I'm assuming from now on that Lavos lurks in the Valley where the Mr.Saturns Live)
EarthBound is pretty clear that the plural of "Mr. Saturn" is "Mr. Saturn". The word "Saturns" does not appear in EarthBound.
"Pikachu, all rested up?" Tim asked the yellow mouse.
[Yep! Let's go!]
"I'll take us back to Fourside," Tim said.
"Porheydron, what are you gonna be doin' while we take on the Plague Rat of Doom?"Tim asked.
He's just chillin' with this friends. It's just as new an experience to him as having a girl pay attention to him was for Chris. (Though she has now stopped and Liyoshi's friends may disappear before long, you have to enjoy the moment while you're in it.)




Post #954, by loid

(ok theres been ALOT of confusion so just reffer to my AC as Randite from now on since his body was taken over by one of Lavos's evil Randites)
Damn, I don't remember that happening. ...oh, wait, yes, I do. He ended his last post with announcing he was going to try his hand at being evil. Sounds promising.
"Randite, the reason I had you take over thiss body is the sound stone he has, he never reilized the power of the melodies it hass, use it and you will be invincible. Now stop the ones named Pikchu and Tim, they have sound stones as well."


"Yes master. Hmmph! I asked for decaf! Throw it in the dungeon!"
and with that order, some goons threw a slave Mr. Saturn in the dungeon. Randite then left for fourside.
It would appear he enslaved that random Mr. Saturn for the evulz. He's off to a sound start.
"I just have to get out of these tacky clothes! This Kiyo fellow has such bad taste! Lets see, Gap, Old Navy, Armani, ah here we are, The Gothic Emporium!"
LOL @ Gap, Old Navi, Armani. One of these things is not like the others.
and then randite(in Kiyo's body remember) walked out wearing a leather cape, white silk coat and causing many people to stare at him as he went. He left to hunt down Pikachu and Tim.
If you're going to make yourself conspicuous as you walk about, you had damn well better be able to back it up with godlike power. Which obviously loid can, being an AC and all. But if you ever actually try being a villain, take my advice and keep a low profile. In the criminal underworld the guy no one sees coming is the last guy alive.
[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-11-2000).]





Post #955, by PSIOsman

(Sir, we found out that Lavos was actually controlling Falcon's mind. Lavos was actually summoned by the four Randites.)
I really don't remember anything about four Randites. Was there a deleted post back around #300 or something?
------------------
You may address me as His Majesty Emperor PSIOsman I.
Sig block again. As if you needed any further confirmation of his Tengulingdom.

22 November 2011

Posts #946-950: 10 May 2000

Post #946, by Pikachu3164

STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING NOW!
Yikes! OK, OK, I put down my orange cookie. What's on your little mind?
Okay. This isn't part of the story, but I'm confused. I'm seeing some people say Lavos is in Fourside.

I've seen people say he's in Saturn Valley.

WHERE THE HECK IS LAVOS? IF IDON'T FIND OUT SOON, I'M GOING TO GET MAD!
No! PLEASE! ANYTHING but that! Don't get mad please we can't bear it :(
...or something? I guess? I'm not sure exactly what reaction he was hoping to elicit from his readers. Assuming there are any.
If he had obtained enlightenment by now, he'd realize it makes no difference where Lavos is.




Post #947, by Anthadd

After grimacing over the Mammoth Burger he was forced to eat, Anthadd pondered the ways he could escape the Lost Underworld, being trapped, essentially, with no Teleport PSI users at the ready.
Obviously there is only one way to escape the Lost Underworld: You must learn PSI Teleport. We already know, because you tipped us off in the first, or "topic", sentence, that you are going to spend the rest of the post doing exactly that.
While in the Lost Underworld, he thought it quite a brilliant idea to acquire the Fire Springs, should it be rebuilt by now, had it been destroyed.
That's the first reference to Falcon24's silly "Sound Sapper" I've seen in, I don't know, 500 posts?
Anthadd neared the rock that was, essentially, the prophet of the Tendas.
"You wish to escape, do you not?"
"Are you psychic or something? Yes, psychic ability has been neither proven nor disproven, but I have a feeling that it does exist, as I do believe extraterrestrial life and most of the mythical monsters believed to live in the various lakes to exist."
"You're a mouthful, and then some. And as you so indirectly answered me through another question, I will inform you as to the proper method of escape. By now, the Fire Springs has recovered, and you may acquire its power. Then, return here, and I will bestow upon you the power of PSI Teleport Alpha."
Ohhh, a fetch quest! I love those!
Anthadd set off to leave, but the rock spoke once more.
"Wait. I have hidden below me weapons and defensive items. Take them. Your acting alone suggests you require them."
Oh, come on, just buy the damn things from the guy that's standing like ten feet to your right.
"No. There may be someone weaker than I, acting alone as well, who will have greater need of those items."
"Fine, be that way," the rock muttered. And Anthadd walked off in a southwesterly direction.
My first thought was maybe he's inviting someone else to tag along, but if so he just insulted whoever might do so by calling them weaker than himself. Nobody's going for that bait. Now I guess he's just kind of showing how generous he is.




Post #948, by murkkie

"Well, are there any "Your Santuary" locations left?" Andrew asked. [Well, first we have to get out of this pit] Mog replied as he stared up at the opening of the hole seven feet above them.
Mog's in at least two, maybe three places at the same time right now. I don't know that murkkie's going to make it as an IF poster.
[This message has been edited by murkkie (edited 05-10-2000).]





Post #949, by SirMontyG

"Nowhere to go, Scruffy.." Evil Sir told me in almost a singing voice. I was completly terrified at my own death, and at the hands of myself! But then I remembered what he had told me a little while ago: that I was fighting for my confidence! I understood what to do

"Like heck there isn't!!" That's when I pulled a matrix.
I don't have a foggy clue why Major Asshole suddenly switched to the hideously bad first person narration.
I jumped strait up, grabed the stall's divider, and skimmed the tops of the stalls close enough to jump to the door. Evil spewed lead at an incredible rate, and got my tux a few times, but I made it to the door and ran to the wester wing of the facility unscathed.

"Ahhh, this is gonna be good!" Evil laughed and quickly persued.

"Seeing that this is my mind.." While running for my life, I consintrated on a gameshark code giving me a PP7 that could blast open any door, and it worked! The other half of the bulding was now at my disposal.
He's still treating this like a lucid dream. Wait, is this even Magicant anymore?
Evil Sir, realizing the code after seeing the door blown down at the end of the corridor, desided to make a code for himself
"Ha ha, try consintraiting with THIS! SOUND GLITCH!!!"
Desided? Consintraiting? Did he hire loid on as a special guest writer for this post?
The music changed from Take Five to a garbled version of the game music. I remember seeing this code on the net, trying it once, and never trying it again. Unfotunatly, my bad side remembered that to. This wouldn't be a problem, but the noise is so distracting! I couldn't consentrate, and therefore couldn't change wepons or anything. He was now in control.

"Sirrrr...come out come out...c'mon, nobody likes a COWARD!"
True, but then again, nobody really likes a corpse either.
"NNNnnnn...must concentrate...Ah ha!" I said in a low voice

I then thought about all the ACs who had made this island possible. I realized that this would sound corny, but maybe the island was really only created due to the power of all of our thoughts, goals, and dreams put together..But the poit was, I began to think about all the cool AC's that made all this possible, and realized that, on the physical plane, DarkTon and Evil Kyio would not be easy to defeat. I thought about this, harder, harder, over the music, over the noise, over everything! I could consentrate.

The evil entity walked through the door facing the gas tank room.
"Ahh, James, so glad you could make it."

Evil, being a sport, tagged along.
"It was too easy, Alec."

"Well, half of everything is luck, Evil."

"And the other half, Sir?"

"Confusion!" I clicked a button on my watch, and blew up all the gas tanks in the building, causing a green haze to eminate in the room. "Beaten at your own game, buddy!" and I shimmied out the convaor belt route to the outside

"No! Must...Escape...Wait!" Evil stoped for a moment and concentrated..

On the outside, I looked down to see that I was holding a gas mask. He was going to escape.
I don't know. None of this has the slightest relevance to anything and it doesn't really belong in IF, but it's pretty amusing to read anyway. I'd be more minded to give Liyoshi a pass if he wrote something that at least mildly entertained me.
"SIR! WHERE'D YOU RUN TO? QUIT HIDING AND SHOW YOURSELF!!" although alive, Evil desperatly gasped for air. He stood outside the platform on the runway.

"For England, buddy!" I muddered to myself as I launched a round from the tank parked out back.
Well, it's his own fault if he was too stupid to see that coming.
Evil Sir's eyes became huge.
An explosion could be heard for miles.
The static noise stopped.
He was defeated.

And then I woke up. No big power gains, level up, new PSI moves, I just woke up. But I did have one new atribute: understanding. I realized who I was and what I should do. My goals were clear, my mind set, and I was going to accomplish what I set out to do. Defeat DarkTom and Evil Kyio. Of course after that, I hadn't a clue what to do, but I realized that if I understood everything, descovery, and therefore life itself would mean nothing. Heh, I guess I did get a lot out of that..
Wait, what? Dark Tom? Is that a racial slur?





Post #950, by PSIOsman

(Okay, the story at this point is getting a bit stroppy... hehehe, that's Skye's word.
Steve Irwin's, actually. Poor Steve has been dead for going on five years now.
I believe Lavos is in Saturn Valley, and the only ones that can defeat him arethe chosen four, right? So that leaves us (the ACs) fighting the Randite Statues. Correct me if I'm wrong...)
If you say so, I guess. Except we still don't know what the f--- Randite Statues are or why the f--- we should care about them.
Siris studied the area around Lavos for a moment.

"Hmmm... it seems that there is some type of shield around Lavos. It looks to be impenetrable, but... wait! Look" Siris pointed at the wrecked eye of Lavos. The image of Ness appearedin it.
Well, that's definitely a job for Liyoshi, Master of Shields.
"It looks like the only ones who can destroy the thing is Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo. But what do we do now?" Asked Osman.
He's trying to come up with an in-story justification for going along with Tengu Man's edict, but failing. Why does seeing something that looks vaguely like Ness on Lavos's shield definitely mean no one except Ness and people who personally know him can defeat him? That's stupid.
"Wait. If, like, Falcon summoned Lavos, and like, he's not here, wouldn't Lavos be, like, dead?" Asked Alan.

"You're right... Something else must be controlling him!"
Also stupid and nonsense. No explanation is offered as to why Lavos has to be under anyone's control at all.
On the cliffs surrounding Saturn Valley, a Randite opened its glowing red eyes looked down at the consumer of worlds that him and his brethren had summoned.
Randites have glowing red eyes now?
Between this and how happily he went along with Tengu Man's demands, I have to belatedly conclude PSIOsman must have been a Tenguling.
He saw the beings and read their intentions. The plan could not be disrupted. He would have to eliminate the threat. The statue pulled itself up to its full twelve-foot height. He jumped over the side of the cliffs as if it were a mere stone. The razor sharp claws on the ends of his grey fingers glowed with an unearthly light....
Yeah. Definitely a Tenguling. Tengu Man might have written that paragraph himself.
------------------
You may address me as His Majesty Emperor PSIOsman I.
He left his sig block on.

Posts #941-945: 10 May 2000

Post #941, by Chris

In the hours that followed, Chris and Juliana sunbathed, swam, built sand castles, and just generally enjoyed the beach.
Chris especially was enjoying the view.
After spending most of the afternoon on the waterfront, they decided to tour the town a little bit. They visited the Scaraba Cultural Museum, and saw interesting exhibts about the ancient past of Scaraba.
Such as--I am not making this up--Ram Raisin the Fifth's training pot.
They visited Toto, and browsed among the shops there. They visited the little food carts found along the boardwalk, though they passed on the Magic Cake for now.
You might remark that you couldn't care less about any of this, but then I might point out that it's not about you, you selfish asshole. Chris is thoroughly enjoying writing this, thank you very much. Daydreaming in print is indeed much fun.
Eventually, it started getting on towards dinner time, and the two of them had made reservations at the premier restaraunt in town. Chris had rented a suit from a small shop he had found in Toto, and was preparing himself for dinner. After dressing and spending a little time looking at the ocean from his room, he set off to meet Juliana outside the restaraunt.
An interesting person would probably find something more involved to do than stare at the ocean, or at least think some kind of heavy, fascinating thoughts while staring.





Post #942, by Mog116

(Uh... Kay. Threed, I guess. No, wait, how bout Saturn Valley?)
Clearly he doesn't know the answer to murkkie's question, either, so he's winging it. Straight in the direction of the action, of course.
"Uh, Where're we going?" Andrew asked. [Er... I dunno. Dusty Dunes is by Saturn Valley, right?] "Isn't that where Lavos is?"
[You think we can't take his robot part?] "But isn't Lavos stronger because he has fused with Giygas?" [Er... You're right. We better not go yet.]
That is the very first time I have ever heard such ridiculous bulls---. I pray it goes unnoticed forever.
"How bout..." Neither Mog nor Andrew released that they had been walking straight at a big hole in the ground. "[Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee!]" Mog and Andrew screamed. (murkkie, you tell where we are. I'm to lazy.)
I don't like even Mog116's chances in a laziness contest against murkkie.




Post #943, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy
(SS/MB opened this post by quoting Luna's last post in its entirety, which I'm not going to include here because it's a hideous waste of precious space.)
(It's Poryhedron! Not SuperSpeedy! Speaking of him, I'm going to say he'll just be sleeping in the hotel, so I no longer use him. He'll make cameos, but he isn't important to me. So I'll try to introduce Shock Bird…)
By "him" he meant SuperSpeedy. I think. He's declaring Poryhedron his primary AC now.
"Uh, Pikachu?" said Poryhedron, waking Pikachu up.
"Cha-a-a-a!" yawned Pikachu. He then said, [What?]
Poryhedron, afraid Pikachu would use an electric attack, used Conversion veriaton 2 to change his resistance to electric attacks. He then said, "You said we're going to Magnet Hill, right?"
Wouldn't it have been brighter to have electric-proofed yourself before waking up the emo electric rat? Come to think of it, if 3164 had that ability he'd probably use it to set Electric as his weakness. So he could hurt himself more.
[Yeah,] said Pikachu, who tried to shock him with a spark, but failed. [Why?]
"I'm made of computer code!" shouted Poryhedron. "I get messed up by magnets! I go, and I die! It's a suicide mission for me, I tell ya! In other words, I'm not going!"
Well, it's this close to being a good point. All he missed is that code can't be messed up by magnets. It's the physical apparatus that stores the code (disk drives) that gets messed up by magnets.
Just then, a Zapdos crashed through the window. It crowed and said, [I'll do it for ya!]
"Shock Bird!" said Poryhedron. "You made it! Pikachu, this is my friend, Shock Bird."
It crowed and said, [Pleased to meet ya!] It shook hands/talons with Pikachu.
[Thanks,] said Pikachu. [Now let me sleep.]
It crowed and said, [OK. I'll just build a nest on the ceiling. Just give a shout when it's time!]
Shock Bird used Agility! It built its nest in 10 minutes*!
(*Electric-type, and Flying-type, Pokémon are really fast. Agility lets a Pokémon double its speed. It can use Agility up to 8 times in battle, though it'd have more energy to use it.)
Unsatisfied with demonstrating through his spectacular writing how cool Pokemon is, SS/MB has added technical explanations to his proselytizing efforts.




Post #944, by TsuramiSea
The king of remarkably long posts is back. (By 2000 standards. Just yesterday I popped into what little now remains of Starmen.Net's IF forum, and by its standards what you are about to read is a very short post. About half the average post length. This is near the top of a long list of what's wrong with IF in modern times.)
The boy arrived in Twoson and began checking everywhere, except for the Orange Kid's house, he doubted that anyone would be there. He worked his way up the town from the tunnel, and was completely unsuccessful until he reached the hospital.

TsuramiSea entered the big, white, sterile building and began to look around the lobby. He went up to the receptionist. "Say, are these visiting hours?" he questioned.

"Yes, until 5:00. Are you visiting a friend?"

"Yes, I sure am."

"I can find the room number for you. What is the person's name?"

"I don't know, I just know a friend is here," remarked Tsurami calmly, and walked upstairs, leaving the receptionist baffled.
I hope this ends up with a brawl with security. Even I can't always suppress my violent urges.
TsuramiSea looked around the hall until he saw a girl pacing around nervously. "Hello there!" he called. "Might you be one of the SM.Net members?"

The girl looked surprised for a moment, and answered, "Yeah, who are you?"

"I'm TsuramiSea! Which SM.Netter are you?"

"I'm Mani Mani," she replied. "So, you're TsuramiSea?"
Say what? I can only imagine this was planned out ahead of time, as many Tenguling posts were.
"Yes," he returned simply. "Pleased to meet you."

"Same here," said Mani Mani with a slight smile. Silence followed.

Tsurami finally found the nerve to ask a question. "So.... what's been going on? I got here LATE, when everyone was already exploring. All I know is that Lavos is here, and.... well, that's all I know."
I read the entire last 600 posts, and you're not very far off from knowing everything I know. Plus you didn't have to read the account of Liyoshi's epic battle, which lasted approximately as long as the French and Indian War but was even more pointless. So you came out ahead, really.
Mani sighed. "Well, I don't know about any others, but a person named Darth and I were traveling to find the chosen ones. Ness, Paula, and Jeff were all at a picnic in Twoson. We traveled for a while, finding Sanctuary Spots, when Lavos came. It landed in Fourside. (Ah! thought Tsurami. So that's what the hint guy meant by "the Big Banana"!) In the end, we were fighting it with Falcon24..." This came as a surprise to Tsurami, who had heard that Falcon summoned it. "... and Falcon got destroyed. Then we all attacked it, and Ness did an attack that blew away the eye, but put him into a coma. He came out of it, though, now we're waiting for Darth to come back with Poo."
I think maybe he's trying to help murkkie out by summarizing the last 600 posts in a single paragraph. It's sad to say, but he did a pretty fair job of it.
"Ah, I see," said TsuramiSea. "Is this Darth an SM.Netter too?"

"Yes," said Mani. "As a matter of fact.... he's Jack!"

TsuramiSea did his blinking bit again. "Jack is here, is he.... it would certainly be an amusing scene to meet him..." TsuramiSea giggled mischievously to himself. Then he said, "Well, I really should get back to looking for the others. It was nice to meet you though, Mani Mani."
The Tenguling worship of their Glorious Leader was just this side of a crush. Let's move on.
"Same here," she said.

"And hope you find Poo!" called Tsurami, as he went down the stairs.

Outside of the hotel, Tsurami considered his next move. "Well, other friends are in Summers, Scaraba, and Lumine Hall cave. I could reach those places, they're all in Chommo. But, I'll need a boat from Fourside or something, I'm still on Eagleland! On top of that, I've only been as far as Threed!"
You're probably confused, so let me explain: "Chommo" is the name Tengu Man came up with for the non-Eagleland areas of the EarthBound world. Yes, I know it sounds stupid. No, no one outside the Tenguling Brigade will ever pay any attention to it. We done here?
He gave a little sigh of resignation. "Dusty Dunes Desert, here I come...." He began walking down the street towards the Chaos Theater, but had a bright idea. "Wait! I can take the bus! Just 'cause I never use it in the game, doesn't mean I can't use it now!" Ready for a bus ride, Tsurami took off for the bus station.
Long trips on a bus are not really something to look forward to, in my experience. And I have more experience in the matter than I'd like.
[This message has been edited by TsuramiSea (edited 05-10-2000).]





Post #945, by Little Yoshi

(Mog, I forgot I got Magnet Hill! Anyway, Pikachu needs our help, and don't know this Shock bird character, so I think Nathan and I might be useful)
You know, it's a little sad that SS/MB thought "Shock Bird" was an imaginative name for a Zapdos.
"I think Mog is back, so, I'll give him back his stuff," Tim said, and teleported Mog's stuff(yep, all of it) to Mog.
Hey, don't look at me like that. The shorter Liyoshi's posts are, the happier I'll be.

21 November 2011

Posts #936-940: 9-10 May 2000

Post #936, by t0nberry22

Ton woke up. He was lying next to Fire Springs. At the same time, Dark Ton woke up. Ton and Dark Ton looked at each other.
...
...
"Nooo! You escaped!"
"Yes! Now I'm free to wreck havoc!"
"No! You can't!"
"Yes I can! I'm a different person now! Smell ya later, Ton!"
t0nberry22 has now officially joined the growing ranks of posters in open violation of the one AC rule. Some flexibility was allowed with the defeating-evil-side-in-Magicant plot, but t0nberry is now outside of that.
DT suddenly created a dark portal and jumped in. "Nooo!" said Ton. "He got away! Hmmm... but I seem to have gotten some PSI since I entered Magicant." Ton started sending a Telepathic message. [Everyone! Be on the lookout for a Tonberry with a dark lantern! He's my evil side, and may try to get power from Lavos!]
Poor fool. Queen Zeal learned long ago that Lavos does not share power.




Post #937, by SirMontyG

~Meanwhile, back in Sir's Mind~

"Hey, I wonder if I can change the music in here.." Sir consintrated and the music in magicant changed back to an uptempo version of Take 5 "Great, I can really think when that song's going..okay, gonna need some armorment, what to use...a gundam? sayjin suit? Lazy shell? naw..let's just go with..this! Sir then was in a James Bondlike Tux, equiped with the watch, explosives, radar, and something rather un-bondish: a double barrled shotgun. "Wow, I've gotta go into my subconcious more often, this is grea.."
Contrary to what Major Asshole is happily indulging in, I don't think Magicant is in any way like a lucid dream. You don't get to control the world around you like you were The One.
*POW!!* *Chinkchi*

"Hey, Sir! remember Dark Link? Well, I go one better and get whatever you equip! Nya!" The tuxed madman ducked behind a corner.

Sir then realized where he was: The facility of Goldeneye.
License/Pistols in either the Facility or the Basement is the pinnacle of multiplayer gameplay. It has never been topped, and it will never be topped. Major Asshole has good taste.
"Heh, I'm such a geek. I could pick anywhere I could think of to battle and I pick a level of a video game, but only with real smooth texturing, stunning 3 dimensional realisum, so real.."*drooool*

*KaPOW*

"Oh, right, the evil.." Sir hid out in the upstairs bathroom, stocking up on ammo and prepairing an assult.

"Hmm, I could really use an RCP-90, but as soon as I'd get it, so would the evil guy, so I think I'd better stick with the shotgun...wait, what's that..oh NO!!"

Sir recognized the encantment, but seeming a little darker than normal. The encantment was heard coming from the ventilation shaft and Sir knew in an instant it was directed towards him. But the odd thing was, it wasn't his own voice saying it, but one that struck fear into the core of Sir's soul.

"Everyone's Grudge"
I know it's not really here or there, but "Everyone's Grudge" is the stupidest name for what's supposed to be a powerful attack I have ever heard. (The best, also seen in Final Fantasy VII, is "Doom of the Living".)
It was Dark Ton.

"WHAT THE.." *SMASH* the dark lantern threw Sir into the adjecent stall, knocking him down with major damage. With one more hit, Sir would never return to the spa.
Well, he should have saved.
"Bite lead!" Sir fired round after round at the odd creature, but showed no pain from the shots. "So it was you who I heard on the island! I knew there was a Tonberry here!!"

"Not quite, Sir. I'm Dark Ton, Tonberry's evil counterpart who escaped Ton's magicant."
I'm hoping to soon find a reason why Dark Ton explaining who he is to a guy who is, at that precise moment, trying to pump Dark Ton's guts full of lead.
"But what do you want with me?"

"Hey, I'm on an evil rampage. You were the first person I saw."
Excellent answer.
"But I'm in my mind!!"

"I'm an evil entity, I'm not bound to the physical plain like you.
What about physical hills, or physical tundra?
Well, there's plenty more destruction to do, so shall we?"

"KNIF.." *Klakakakakacat!* "Ouch, what the?" Dark Ton turned to see Evil Sir, equiped with a RCP-90, no less. Sir looked down, he held one too. Aperantly he could control wepons as well.
The problem with totally sweet weapons like the RCP-90 is that, the more effective a weapon gets, the less significant the distinction in skill level wielding it becomes. Hand-to-hand, an untrained person has no prayer against a blackbelt. But any random schmuck that happens to get his hands on a nuclear bomb can carry it into Central Park and vaporize five or six million people.
This is why License/Pistols is the purest form of Goldeneye.
"This is my fight, star-spinning-berry-thingy. So get out of here!" "KLAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!" Dark Ton took major damage! "Alright, I've had enough. There are easier targets on the horizon with bigger rewards.." And Dark Ton sprung out of the facility.

"But, why?" Sir stared in amazement

"Hey, I'm the evil part of YOU. Your evil side would rather do it himself." *Chichink* Evil Sir aimed his 90 at sir's forehead
Yet again, Dark Major Asshole makes a good point.
(tOnberry, if you don't want Dark Ton here, just give the word and I'll edit this message)
The message was never edited, so we must conclude t0nberry never objected.




Post #938, by Anthadd

Avoiding breathing nasally, Anthadd made his way towards the second Tenda Village, the horrible scent of Tendakraut essentially expelling any and all enemies from a five-foot radius.
Tendakraut didn't do that for Team Ness. Are you sure it's the Tendakraut producing an odor so bad dinosaurs won't approach?
Also, a five-foot radius would not prevent a Chomposaur from deep frying your ass with PSI Fire. Just saying.
Walking up to the cage, he discovered it open, and tossed the Tendakraut away.
A Tenda jumped out, grabbed it, got back in and closed the cage just before Anthadd got in.
"Joy. More unluck. As if I needed more."
"Sorry, you need Tendakraut to get in."
"But that was MY Tendakraut!"
"No, it's ours."
Anthadd, seeing the stubbornness, decided to sing a song -- horribly.
The Tendas let him in just to shut him up.
I think he wants us to interpret that to mean he's capable of singing well, but sang horribly on purpose to damage their ears. But a moderately talented singer trying to sing badly can never sing anywhere near as painfully badly as a bad singer. To wit:
[SLing] being banned by guru is like hearing one of my early songs
[Skulryk] it's painful, and it just never seems to end




Post #939, by t0nberry22

(Sir, that was good, even though Dark Ton is on the physical plane, I suppose he could do that. Nice one.)
Presumably he's happy someone noticed his post. Also he's now dancing on the gray area of the one AC rule. It's not an AC if everyone can control it (as long as, like any other NPC, any poster that wants to can change its alignment, kill it, etc.) But it IS an AC if people have to ask, as Major Asshole did, for permission to do such things.

In the end it is likely the Dark Ton gimmick won't last and no one will really care.




Post #940, by murkkie

(what town are we heading for?).
This is the third time, in five total posts, murkkie has asked other posters to tell him what's going on, to avoid doing the work of reading the thread himself. He absolutely should have been banned from the thread at this point. Especially since this does NOT predate private messaging.

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