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02 January 2010

Posts #386-390: 21 April 2000

Post #386, by Falcon24

"When you need a job done, call in the professionals."
Right, not someone who's writing the, what, fourth post of his IF career.
Falcon had landed in Winters no more than an hour ago, and he had picked up the tracks he was looking for. Falcon runs his fingers through the newly trodden-on snow,and sniffs.
He must have thought he was an English wizard, cranking out a construction like 'newly trodden-on snow'. I mean, how many people can use 'trodden' correctly? Of course it sounds awkward as hell, but... still... trodden!
"They've definitely been through here. I'm on to them."
Onto.
Falcon follows the footprints until they quite strangrly vanish. He searches the area and finds a residue on a nearby tree.

"Ahhh...so they teleported. But where to...Ah ha! There is still a small rift here..they've gone to Tenda Village!"
That's really stretching it, being able to tell where they went for no good reason. That's drifting into Pikachu3164 'let's go where the action is, and write some random handwave excuse for knowing where that is' territory.
Falcon soars into the air and quickly makes haste towards Deep Darkness and village of little shy creatures.

"Look out boys and girls, because here comes...trouble!"
No one would have imagined just how much trouble.
[This message has been edited by Falcon24 (edited 04-21-2000).]




Post #387, by EBPoo

"Uh...this is weird. These blue people don't talk," says Poo indicating to the Tenda.
Poo is apparently color-blind. The Tenda wear green.
"Perhaps if we gave them some tendakraut," suggests Tim. "Nah," replies Luna. I've got them right where I want them, thinks Poo. After I activate this little trap, they won't even know it's me that did it! Hehehehehe.
He should be italicizing his thoughts to himself. Makes it easier on the reader. But then, I mean, this is IF; who the hell cares about readers?
Unnoticed, Poo goes into the Tenda Inn and pulls out a remote control. He presses the big red button on it and a giant net falls on Luna, Tim, and Nathan. "HELP!" yells Luna. "No one can help you now, Luna," whispers Poo so quietly that no one can hear him.
You've trapped three AC's with a net? Yeah, if it's a really well constructed net, it might hold them for a full 0.05 seconds.



Post #388, by Dr. Andonuts

"Thats what you think," said Nathan.
I tried to warn him.
He took something out of his pocket that looked like a mini arbiter from SC,
StarCraft, I presume? Come to think of it, I think that might be the game the GoS club revolved around. This was before Halo came along and appropriated the word 'arbiter'.
hit a button on it and EBPoo was encased in a statis field. "Knew that would come in handy some day," said Nathan to himself. "Now lets get out of this net."
Oh boy! Grab some popcorn - it's an AC God Mode pissing match!



Post #389, by Little Yoshi

"I'll handle the net!" Tim said, slicing it open with the Masamune.
Welcome to the IF board, EBPoo. Hope you've learned your lesson.

This invokes fond memories of the something-not-unlike-epic text battles people (mostly SteveVo8a) used to have on IRC. They'd go on for pages with two people taking turns ignoring the other party's attacks and using ever-increasingly-powerful attacks in turn. They seemed annoying as hell at the time. That was long before I developed a sense of humor.
They exited the inn, and found Falcon pointing a magic Lock gun at them to prevent teleporting.
It's not likely to work, since Teleport is psychokinesis, not magic.
"Where?! Quick!" Luna shouted.
"Outskirts of Winters!" Tim yelled.
"Can't...concentrate..."Luna said, the gun had been fired. "GWARGHHHH!!" Luna shouted, blasting Falcon with her Gaia Beam.
"Now how do we leave?" Nathan asked.
"Think I'd come here w/o a back-up plan?" Tim asked cooly, and the Masamune disappeared, but Masa and Mune appeared!
It's 'coolly', actually. If you'd spelled it right, Luna would have been totally overcome with carnal desire for you right then and there, what with that indisputably awesome display of manliness. But you blew your chance. :(
"Let's ride the wind!" Mune said.(I'm trying to keep the CT limited, this should be it)
Hahahahaha! You lie.

Not only is Tim personally lying, but in a few more posts here the entire thread is going to start revolving around friggin' Lavos. Sorry for the spoilers. The fact is that a large chunk of the EarthBound community has always liked Chrono Trigger better, so CT crossovers-unto-dominations of IF threads were common.
A gust blew only them out of the cave, and they started flying North. They saw a boat crossing from Deep Darkness to Scaraba, and flew on. They landed in Tim's boat.The Msamune reappeared, as Masa and Mune disappeared.They got the boat running, and Tim activated the spring-out-of-the-water-thingy-device, and they flew through the air.
Every self-respecting captain installs a spring-out-of-the-water-thingy-device on his ship these days. Many of your more civilized nations require it.
they landed near Onett, not far off from Twoson, thankfuly. They disembarked, and Tim activated Security code 00(while Luna and Nathan weren't nearby).
The action has officially converged in Twoson, as everyone rushes to prevent Tengu from monopolizing Paula. It's likely, though, they'll get bored with that in short order, remember that Paula isn't really that exciting anyway, let him have her and wander off to continue the Chrono Trigger crossovers.

Ever notice how the IF board could reasonably be titled 'Deus Ex Machinas 'R Us'?



Post #390, by Falcon24

"It takes more than a weapon to stop a bird of prey."
Actually, no, it doesn't. A reasonably skilled shooter can take down any bird on Earth with a standard .22 rifle. Even very large birds of prey, like your larger eagles and falcons, are relatively small and soft critters that will get very f---ed up by any kind of bullet.

Falcon24, of course, is not a bird of prey. What he meant was, 'It takes more than a weapon to stop an AC.'
Falcon makes his way to the shores of Onett, very close to where Luna etc are.
Falcon gets extra credit for cutting straight to the point (Luna) with no wasted words. The thread would be a lot easier to read if everyone just wrote 'Luna etc.'

I think PSI322 has successfully been forgotten by everyone except Chris. That was what she wanted, but now it's going to backfire since only Chris is paying any attention to her at this time.
"There is my prey...time to feast."

Falcon takes out a rather large beam cannon, and begins to take pot-shots at the group.
He's learned his lesson, namely that trying to damage or capture AC's in any way is impossible. Now he's just saying 'I attack' and waiting for the other party to declare its response, which is the best way to handle things in IF.

In an IF populated by good writers, now and then the Good Guy writers allow the Bad Guy writers to wound, chase off or even capture them, in the name of making the story interesting. The Gathering, thankfully for us, is not populated by good writers, so instead, we get: AC pissing matches.
[This message has been edited by Falcon24 (edited 04-21-2000).]

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