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24 December 2009

Posts #381-385: 21 April 2000

Post #381, by Traceh

After stumbling around in the wet sand for most of the day, Tracy realized noone was going to find her. They were all probobly off exploring the island and having all the great adventures.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot: Traceh has so far been completely ignored. Now, that's normal for any new poster that just shows up, stands around by himself and posts something like '(name) waited for someone to find him...'. But then again, note my intentional use of the male pronoun.

Traceh was new and unimportant at this particular time, but it's still pretty odd for none of the boys to take notice. Makes me wonder if her post wasn't simply missed by most of them amid all the excitement. A lot of people scroll over the usernames and only read certain people's posts; 'Traceh' had never posted in IF before, and the handle is gender-neutral. So most of them probably never read the post and realized this is a... a... girl.
"Herumph." Tracy sighed. "What will I do!?" Just then she spotted a tall building over the top of a sand dune and off in the distance a bit. Picking up all her stuff (which she was foolish enough to haul all the way to Eagleland),
Should've used a Bag of Holding. Don't worry, every n00b makes such mistakes. Find Tim the Monkey. He'll teach you how AC's do things around here.
she trecked
Believe it or not, the correct spelling is actually 'trekked'.
up the hill and towards the building which somewhat resembled the hotel from Twoson...or was it Fourside...she couldnt even think anymore. She was so exaughsted.
It's like a line out of an Agatha Christie knockoff: She was so exAUGH
Tracy walked up to the front counter and checked in. A sighn on the bullatin board read 'Park CLOSED until further notice'.
OK, OK, I admit: I'm playing favorites. Traceh is still my friend, so I'm taking it easy on her many, many comical spelling mistakes. But I'm laughing on the inside. :)

I've never spoken to loid in my life, so I will continue to mercilessly make fun of his hopelessly bad gramers.
"I hope Im not too late!" she exclaimed as she trampled up the stairs and into the decked out room. "I think this will do just fine, my outfit aint too formal for the ammusement park!" She set out to see if the park had re-opened.
There's no such thing as too formal for an amusement park.



Post #382, by Mani Mani

Meanwhile, Mani was slightly hesitant.
"Umm...they look like they're having such a good time...you really think we ought to disturb them?"
Aww, she's shy! That's so cute.
"Oh, come on. It'll be fun!" Reluctantly she followed behind, feeling very shy.
^_^
How would these three awesome teens, who had saved the world, react to her and the ref, normal people?
Those are two different questions, aren't they? You and The Ref is an entirely different proposition from normal people.
"Ness, Paula, Jeff, I presume?" asked the ref. The three looked up.
"Yeah, that's us," said Ness.
Get him, Ness! He's after your girl! GET HIM!
"Well, we're big fans of yours."
"Really. We've heard that enough times," laughed Paula.
They're like the Beatles, only more badass.
"Really! Right, Mani?" Mani nodded.
"Yeah, really! I'm Mani, and this guy is...umm..."
"I'll tell you all later."
"Nice to meet you two," smiled Ness, shaking hands.
Remember, this is Tengu/Mani's fantasy we're talking about here, so you shouldn't expect them to react in a reasonable manner, such as by threatening to call the police and/or personally beat the tar out of The Ref.
Paula and Jeff shook hands with them too. When Jeff got to Mani, he smiled at her, and she found herself blushing furiously.
Characterization fail. Jeff would never do such a thing.
"Uh...hi..." she murmured shyly, managing a smile. Paula, who was standing next to Jeff, nudged him.
"Someone has a crush on Jeffie," she whispered to him teasingly. Jeff turned red.
We can all agree that nothing remotely resembling this scene--and I'm not referring to the presence of the EarthBound heroes here, but rather just talking in the abstract--has ever happened in the history of mankind, right? As long as we're on the same page here, we're cool.
"Well, why don't you guys join us?" asked Ness.
"We'd love to," said the ref, so they all sat down, he next to Jeff on one side of the table, and Mani on the end of the other side next to Paula and Ness, way too shy to try and sit next to Jeff.
Also: Have you ever heard of a group of 14 year old kids having a picnic? Me neither. Hell, no. Setup and cleanup are way too much work.



Post #383, by loid

"Great, I'll bet theres another big thing happening noone told me about agian."
Two misspellings ('no one' and 'again') and one missing apostrophe.
said Kiyo after reilizing Foppy King was gone.
Realizing.
"I guess I'll go back to the island and see what the fuss is about..."
He nailed that last sentence. Also, he's trying to artificially drive down his averages by posting only 25 words at a time.

Only 4 grammatical errors this time out, in his 5th post. That brings his total to 57 errors (average of 11.4 per post). He did, however, hit his typical quota of three misspellings, bringing him to 16 of those (3.2 per post).



Post #384, by Pikachu3164

(Man, I haven't posted in sooo long, I'v eforgotten where Pikachu, Mog, Jenny, and whoever else I was with was... I'm think we were in Twoson...)
Welcome back, Emo Boy! We missed you. Like we miss a canker sore.
[So, are we going to go anywhere, or what? I say Burglin Park. I only have 20 Peanut Cheese Bars left.]
"Sure. Beats standing here."
3164 exhibits bad IF form almost every post, it seems. Making up some completely unrelated reason to go to wherever the interesting action's going down is just lazy writing. Make up your own interesting action! But for 3164, that would involve Nirvana music and razor blades, so maybe we should just live with what he have.

Also: He didn't even come up with a sensical ostensible reason to go to Burglin Park, which does not sell Peanut cheese bars, which are sold only in Saturn Valley (and, apparently, manufactured by the Syndicate). Also: blogger's spell checker claims that, yes, nonsensical is a word, but sensical is not. So why isn't 'nonsensible' a word? ('Insensible' is, though.) I keep telling you, English is a f---ed up language.
So Pikachu, Mog, Jenny, and whoever all started walking to Burglin Park after standing in front of Twoson Hotel for an hour.
LOL @ 'and whoever'. I think he should have shortened that even more and just said, 'So Pikachu and whoever all started walking...'
[Ohh! Ohh! The Bike Shop! I've never ridden a bike before! can we go there first?]
"Pikachu..."
[Pleaaaaase?]
"We can't afford bikes!"
[But they rent them for free!]
"Grr... Fine."

So anyways, Pikachu has gotten his way
Only because Pikachu is writing this post. If it had been anybody else, he'd have been told to shut up and go write some bad poetry or something.

But that's actually good IF form: Don't leave a choice to the next poster if one of the options is distinctly bad for you. Just force it on them and make them deal with the consequences.
and is now riding in the basket of a bike that someone else (Mog? Jenny? Some other person that's with them?) is driving, off towards Burglin Park, where Pikachu will look for Peanut Cheese Bars, and probably meet up with Mani, Mystery Man, Ness, Jeff, and Paula.
What annoys me about posts like these is that the last sentence is the only important sentence. The rest is just fluff. A post that simply says, '3164 decided he wanted in on the Paula action too, so he came up with an excuse to go to Burglin Park' would have done the job just as well, while wasting fewer precious Internet bits. But then it would have failed to afford me the opportunity to make fun of 3164, so all in all, the precious Internet bits were well used.



Post #385, by loid

Kiyo got back to the island only to discover 2 things: #1, Fobpy king didn't go to the island for some event, 2# absoulutly noone was there.
'Fobpy', '2#' 'absoulutly', 'noone'. Only one line and he's already above his misspellings average!
"Great, now theres noone here, and I just remembered, I tied my dog to a tree 10 miles back, it's getting dark, none of my friends are here, and now I'm talking to myself."
I want you guys to know I'm being very lenient while tallying up his grammatical mistakes. For instance, 'Great, now there's...' is horrible form, but I'm not dinging him for it just out of kindness. It should be 'Great. Now, there's...'

Anyway. 'theres', 'noone' again, but the rest of it is clean. That may be the longest sustained stretch of error-free writing he's produced so far. I am sad.
Kiyo walked around alone and... well uh alone until he reilized...
"no people, no lines!"
Two missing commas, 'realized', and the first 'no' should be capitalized.

OK, so in this his 6th post, we have 10 grammatical mistakes and 6 misspellings. That brings his totals up to 67 grammatical mistakes (11.2 per post) and 22 misspellings (3.7 per post).

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