Posts #281-285: 18 April 2000

Post #281, by Tengu Man/Makron

(I don't barge in people houses)

Ha! I called it. I so called it. You all saw me call it.

The ref knocked on the door.

Mog should be very happy that Tengu Man accepted being called 'ref', at least. I'm actually fairly shocked that he didn't correct Mog and insist on calling himself 'Mysterious Referee'.

Ness's mom came out and said, "Hello?"

"Hello, is your son... Ness... here?" asked Mog.

"No, he's down in Twoson, with his friend. He said they where going on a picnic."

Dude, you should have gotten some Steak while you were there. Ness's mom is awesome.

The first time I played EarthBound, I put down 'Dick' as my favorite food. When I was 13, that seemed hilarious. It did provide a few semi-humorous lines later in the game, such as the guy in Moonside that says, 'I'll tell ya what I hate in this world. That's Dick. The color, the smell, the taste, the texture... they, you, you're drooling!'

"Thanks..."

THey made off to Twoson...

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Post #282, by Mani Mani

(Public service announcement: Tengu Man swears that Mani Mani is not him, and I have no reason to doubt it. (He did, after all, fess up that he doesn't even have a sister.))

(All hail the mighty Guruzeth...whatever.)

Hahahahahaha!

Mani Mani and I did not get along. Like, not on any of the three occasions that we interacted. Actually, thanks to Tengu, I'm pretty sure she hated my guts before I even really knew she existed. Or maybe I give Tengu too much of my own credit; Mani's sarcastic line here is really right on the bull's-eye, as far as guruzeth's insufferably holier-than-thou attitude went.

I don't believe I ever saw this post until just now. I wouldn't look at the Gathering again for 800 posts, and I know I never went back and read all the old stuff.

Just then, the group suddenly heard a noise.

This might be the single most useful IF line that ever existed. When in doubt, or when all else fails, you can always get things moving again with 'Just then, [name/names/'the group'] heard a noise.'

By the way, the Department of Redundancy Department approves of the use of 'just then' and 'suddenly' in the same sentence.

"What's that?" Then they saw a Crested Booka run by, carrying several burgers in its mouth. It had chickened out from taking over the Burger Shop and had just abandoned the rest of the gang - with some food, of course. But no one else knew that.

That's what I would have done.

[It's a bad guy!] said Pikachu. [I'll zap 'em!]

You know, EarthBound is clear that animals have gone crazy and started attacking people because of Giygas' influence. There's no Giygas here (though there will soon be alien Big Bads from other games), so what exactly makes this Crested Booka a bad guy? Sounds more like wanton abuse of innocent animals to me.

KABOOM!
The fried Crested Booka gave a yelp and dashed back in the direction of the shop, wishing it had stayed with the group.
"After it!!" yelled Mani, and she started to give chase, not caring if anyone else was following or not...

Excellent ploy to get someone to follow you.

[This message has been edited by Mani Mani (edited 04-18-2000).]

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Post #283, by Chris

Chris sat solemly on a rock outcropping that projected into the ocean.

ANGST ALERT! ANGST ALERT!

You can take to the bank that any post that starts with a sentence like this is going to feature a very high Emo Factor. I haven't even read the rest of the post yet (but have, in fairness, noticed that it's long), so watch and see how right I am.

He looked down at the water ten feet below him, splashing and withdrawing from the rock.

Does this remind you of anything?

He had been sitting out here for some time, pondering what he was going to do about the situation here.

What situation here? There's a situation?

Thoughts swirled through his head quickly, and without much order...

Obviously, it had been necessary to cancel the play, since most everyone had gone into the inland of Eagleland Island in search of adventure.

Yes, obviously. When no one cares about a thing, it tends to get canceled.

Instead, he decided that he would pass his time thinking on this rock, and perhaps talking with anyone who would keep him company.

Sulking on a rock and openly asking someone to come keep you company is not the way to endear yourself to women. Or men. Or any carbon-based lifeform except some breeds of dogs.

He then thought about whether or not he wanted to stay on the island. Obviously, there was no need to be worried about the U.S. government; the island was already owned by someone who sided with Chris. But then, he thought, would he want to spend all his life here?

What does that have to do with spending the next few days here? Focus, man.

If he stayed for more than a few days past summer vacation, he wouldn't be able to go back to school, and his life in America would be practically ruined.

Yes, I would much rather go back to being a social misfit middle school student in America, rather than a social misfit all-powerful administrator here. I see no flaw in his logic there.

That Chris even became an administrator is an apt demonstration of guruzeth's pathological taking himself, and everything else, way too seriously.

Thus, he had to decide whether he wanted life here, or there.

He contemplated reasons as to why he would want to stay.

Bonus challenge: Try to do that without using any variation of the words 'Juliana' or 'PSI322'.

Certaintly, it was fun, and the people were great (that is, what people decided to stay for the full summer and not just the one week). On the other hand, he had many friends back home that he couldn't abandon, could he?

I wonder if he did really. Given that he's writing long IF posts where his avatar sits on a rock and sulks because no one wants to go along with his ideas... I'm guessing not.

Chris was faced with trying to decide whether the people on the island or the people back home were more worth living with.

His mind drifted to remembering the night before. The fun of the afternoon, the setting up of everything, and dancing with Juliana.

You lose!

For the first time in his life, Chris had felt as though a girl truly cared about him, when he had danced with Juliana, and the events that followed.

See, that's exactly the problem with being nice. No one nicer than PSI322 ever walked the internet. Which made everyone she interacted with convinced she really cared about them. You know, really cared about them.

Life is much simpler when you're an asshole.

But...would that last? Or was it just something that lasted that one night, forever left in the past, never to be remembered?

Oh, I'm sure you'll remember it.

Deciding that, as usual, he was becoming far too serious,

'becoming'?

and also hungry, Chris left his rock and went back to the hotel to get some food, then to the amusmant park to try to find some way to clear his mind of all the saddening things.

He may have had absolute power... but all he ever really wanted was acceptance. :(

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Post #284, by Earth Bound Ranger

(Dang, leave for two days and you guys pull two more pages out on me.)

80 posts in two days was unfathomable in 2000. In April 2000, 80 posts total would have made a thread one of the top ten longest ever at starmen.net.

Dissapointed about the play being canceled, but also bored out of his mind, Mark set off inland alone (Just my style).

It's a better style than Chris's, acting like you don't care and you're just a loner. Women tend to be attracted to the carefree and/or jaded loner types. They are not attracted to the sulky loner types. Repelled from them, actually. Chris should be taking notes on how to play this properly.

Armed with his sword and the martial arts techniques that he knew,

But none of the ones he doesn't know. Yet.

Mark was off to find the legendary floating city of Dalaam.

What gives you the idea it's floating? It's at the top of a mountain.And it's not really that legendary, any more than Tibet is 'legendary'.

There had to be a way to get up there, or else no one would live there to begin with. It was this knolage that kept Mark going.

LOL. EBR thus seizes the lead for the 'most amazing spelling fail of the Gathering' award. Knolage?

After a while, Mark came apon a large waterfall with rocks jutting out at the bottom. Being a skilled climber, Mark tried climbing down the falls.

Mark seems skilled at just about everything.

About half-way down, his hands slipped, and he fell headlong into the water. He hit his head on a rock and went under the water.

Later, Mark awoke, thinking himself dead,

Glad to hear it's not just me. I wake up every damned morning thinking I'm dead.

and by the occupants in his room, he truly belived himself dead. There, standing in front of him were 5 Mr. Saturns. Mark was startled by this and quickly fainted away...

DUN DUN DUN.

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Post #285, by Luna

Luna walked by the Onett burger shop, munching on a peanut cheese bar a Mr. Saturn had kindly givin her. An army of great crested bookas seemed to be attacking it for no reason at all.

I'm pretty sure they were normal Crested Bookas, not the Great variety. But then, really, what isn't great about a Crested Booka?

"hrmmm... I wonder why no one has found this island before..." She mumbled to herself, leaning up againest a tree.

Seems like a valid question to ask. The only reasonable answer is....... the Syndicate.

"Maybe... maybe it was reserved for us... or maybe it's all a wonderful illusion of our minds... if it is, I hope it stays this way!"

Group hallucination! Dude, could you like totally pass the shrooms?

She grinned, pulling out a handful of cash she'd just aqquired form beating up a booka.

It doesn't work that way. You have to call your dad* and then get the money out of an ATM.

* Actually, Luna actually could do this, as, like Ness, she is of remarkably wealthy parentage.

Suddenly, a humming reached her ears.
"Hrm? Whats this??" She muttered, reaching into the garbage bin. "It's guruzeth's @! ..slightly crushed... but other than that, in great condition! I gotta fix it, or somthing!" She smiled to herself, and started connecting wires and such together. suddenly...
**ZAAAP**
"Woah, looks like I got it working! ...Except now I feel like I'm being sucked up into a vacuum from where I'm sitting.."

You can't handle real ultimate power.

And in a blink, Luna found herself 20 feet over a snow drift.
"GWAAAAAAH!!!" **smush** "Oh... cold, VERY cold!!" Luna mumbled, her teeth chattering, still holding onto the partially-repaired @. "This thing must have teleportation powers! Looks like I'm in..."
Luna looked around, and almost died, then burst out of the snow drift. "WINTERS!!"

You see that, Mog? She went there. She totally went there. And since it was Luna that did it, I have little doubt that half the cast will be in Winters within another 30 posts.