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20 December 2009

Posts #361-365: 21 April 2000

Post #361, by Traceh

[Please dont hurt me, its my first IF post! Here I go...]
One thing the IF board has in common with the real world: It could always use more people like Traceh.
Tracy rose from her bed that morning, having just recovered from a mild case of the flue.
I'm almost positive a flue is something having to do with a chimney. I'm unclear as to what 'a case of the flue' would constitute. Maybe Santa Claus, in a hurry, left a bag of popcorn balls wedged in there, and she was working on getting it out.
As soon as the molecules in her brain began to function once again, there was a *click* and she remebered the SM.Net get together. "Holey monkey Im like four days late!" she exlaimed.
I could have sworn she usually spelled it 'munky', as in, 'what the munky?'
Hoping to her feet, she grabbed the nearest bag that could fit all her junk and started throwing things in, unaware she was just wasting more time. "Only the bear nessesities," she thought as she glanced out the window.
Bear necessities include such things as jars of honey, claw sharpeners, and ketchup to put on whatever tourists they happen to catch.

(Traceh, you've noticed by now, had a wonderful talent for not merely misspelling things, but mixing words up with other, similar words. Comedy ensues.)
There on the grass sat Saphire, her black dragon.
You know what's funny? This was a good three years before one Chris Paolini's publishing-company-owning-parents published his badly written Lord of the Rings/Star Wars crossover fanfic Eragon. So Traceh can now take her place alongside J.R.R. Tolkien and George Lucas as people Paolini ripped off.
"Ya think you could give me a quick ride, Saph?" she called at the top of her lungs.
Paolini's hero just uses telepathy to talk with his dragon. He must have ripped that idea off from Little Yoshi.
"Im ever so late! Here are the coordinates of the island." Tracy held up the syndicate card/invitation to the get together. "Do they really want me to come? Well, Im comming anyways."
Insert double-entendre here.
"Wow, mabye I should have packed a wind breaker or something, that air is cold! And I can only handle so much!" Tracy said, clinging to the warm scales of Saphire.
I'm pretty sure dragons, despite having scales and otherwise looking like giant lizards, are warmblooded somehow, right?
"Look, there it is! Drop me off over there by that crispy tree." She slid to the ground, "Hey, where is everyone? And where IS the hotel?"
She set off walking through the crashing waves on shore, hoping to run into someone or have someone find her. Did she miss all the excitement?
Good god. She has about 15 seconds to find a bunker to crawl into before the Nerd Rush gets there.
[This message has been edited by Traceh (edited 04-21-2000).]




Post #362, by PSI322

Meanwhile, Juliana was still venturing through the heart of the Deep Darkness, letting her heartbeat quicken with every step she took.
That's right: Juliana can control her heart rate. She doesn't have to let it accelerate. She could drop it all the way to 40 beats per minute while she trudges through this swamp from hell, if she wanted to.

You have to admit, PSI has a talent for manifesting AC God Mode in unique ways.
As the minutes passed by, Juliana wondered what she would find here, and what sort of adventures she might encounter. Suddenly, she felt something hit her foot under the water. Curious, Juliana stooped down and pulled up a Magic Truffle. "Sweet! These things really exist!" she accidentally exclaimed out loud. Looking around, she shoved the truffle in her pocket and ventured on, slowly but surely...
It's only a matter of time before violence comes to her. She has to know that, right?

You know, it should be pointed out that there's an interesting dynamic to the Pursuit of PSI322. Unlike most internet girls, PSI322 is the forum administrator (in guruzeth's extended absence, at this particular point in time she rules the forum), so of course you have to be careful not to incur her wrath, which keeps some boys at arm's length. That only makes her more desirable, of course, but it's interesting the way it makes people careful with her (despite her relentlessly nice and cheery attitude). With Luna, well, someone's going to be a step behind her, usually bringing violence along, no matter what she does. It's more nuanced with PSI.



Post #363, by Chris

Inside, Chris found only one person, dressed in a naval outfit, reading a book. He looked up from his book, and saw Chris. Almost automatically, he spoke:

"Ship leaves tomorrow. Gonna wait and sees if anymore peoples is gonna go to Scaraba with me. Go to the other tents and find yourself a place to sleeps for the night."
Wait, so he's still on the Deep Darkness side? Guess I missed that in his last post.
Chris searched the other tents, but found no others. Apparently, he was the only one who was going. Thus, he sat down and puzzled over who else the captian could mean might come.
Inviting someone else to tag along. Continuing in the vein I discussed above, Chris also has a tricky vibe going on, because he's also a (newly minted) forum admin. That makes everyone else stand a bit off from him, generally. Plus he's just been giving off (a) super-serious and (b) somewhat creepy vibes throughout the Gathering. He's the one guy that may have a hard time getting even the lonely emo kids to tag along with him.

It does look like he's giving up on his PSI322 pursuit for the time being.



Post #364, by pogopunk

after running to the lobby to warn anybody of the jellyfish,
Nobody's been there for quite some time now, so that must not have taken long.
pogopunk became disheartened when nobody believed him.
That's because nobody's there. You might need professional help.
scoffing at this ridiculous story, pogopunk was left alone in the middle of the lobby, feeling worse than he did before he got to eagleland.
Hey, how's it our fault if your own hallucinations don't believe you?
stepping back outside, he stood in the middle of the beach, not knowing what to do. he hadnt met anybody he really knew, and wished there was something interesting. leaving the safety of the beach, he ventured into the inner island, hoping for adventure..
Did he copy/paste an earlier post by PSI322, or just paraphrase it?
several hours later, he was still trudging through the undergrowth, not knowing where he was headed, or how he could get back. right when he was about to give up and turn around, he met a sight that left hiim speechless, pink cloud!
Um... Pink Cloud is way the hell up in the mountains. And you got there by trudging through undergrowth?

This whole thread is starting to turn into a real mindf---. And I'm almost positive I haven't ingested any chemicals in the past few hours.
picking up his second wind, he ran to it, but was stopped by what felt like an invisible wall. a deep voice rang through him..

"this is your sanctuary. not mine, but yours. take it from me, if you dare."
*rolls eyes*
Ness KILLED all these guys, you dimwits!
startled, he looked around, but didnt see anything. suddenly, a strike of lightning hit him, and before he zonked out, he saw the figure of thunder and storm descending on him, approaching closer and closer. with his last ounce of strength, he sent out a psychic call,
In EarthBound IF, everyone has telepathy.
"please, someone help me, i'm at pink cloud and the guardian is attaaa..." unable to finish, he fell to the floor, defeated.
But not really. He is an AC, after all. His actual state is more like suspended animation until someone shows up to 'help' him; it's a common ploy to get someone to 'voluntarily' join up with you for some plotlining. Of course it's embarrassing (since your AC is dead and you'll have to retcon him back to life, lonely) if no one bothers to help, but the gambit depends on most IFers' inability to resist (a) violence and (b) hero'ing. Its success rate is very high.



Post #365, by SirMontyG

[Anyone, quick help me, please! This is Pogopunk, help!!]

after a slight pause, Pogopunk though he heard something:

[Love to help ya, pogo, but we're having a real blast fighting off Electro Specter!]

"hmm, I didn't know you could telepath sarcasm.." Punk thought to himself..
LOL! Funniest post I've read in ages. SirMontyG disses for the win! Sir is not out to make friends. At least not with pogopunk.
[Try Chris or the Dr. or Tim, and ask them to pray for us too! I'm Anthadd and I'm with Sir...] and the voice cut off..
What's funniest about this post is its total unnecessity. SirMontyG didn't even bother to post anything about his impending fight with Electro Specter (which, again, is like picking a fight with a toddler). He went out of his way to post this just to rub it in pogopunk's face. In case you haven't already realized SirMontyG is an asshole... there you are.

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