IF YOU'RE NEW HERE

Then you're probably confused as all hell as to what's going on. Click here to read the introduction. Then feel free to browse the archive; take note that this blog runs in reverse chronological order, so if you're starting from the beginning, that means you'll start from the oldest posts.

17 December 2009

Posts #341-345: 20 April 2000

Post #341, by Foppy King

After trying everything possible, even threatenting to destroy the island, the Foppy King was sad.
THEN CUT YOURSELF AND DIE IN A POOL OF YOUR OWN BLOOD EMO BOY
"Woe is me," he said. He knew he had to do something to avoid losing his sanity. He decided to go find someone to talk to. Maybe that Siris guy he helped. Maybe that electric rodent with extroardenary powers.
Note how he picks out the other notably self-loathing emo kids to pick on. At least they flock together for the most part.
Heck he was willing to talk to ANYBODY.

But nobody was willing to talk to him. :[



Post #342, by PSI322

It wasn't long before Juliana reached the base of the hill and found herself in a heavily-forested valley. She looked all around her; all she could see were trees, so many that she was sure it would have been impossible to count them all.
Probably true. Not because the number is so high--it's in the thousands, no higher--but because the human capacities to both pick out each individual tree and remember which ones have already been counted are nowhere near large enough for such a task.
Juliana began to walk along, looking at the majestic trees and reaching for patches of pale blue sky between the think forest canopy with her steady gaze.
Protip: Walking through a dense forest with your eyes focused on the sky above you is not recommended. Average expectancy of how many steps you'll take before you trip on something and faceplant: 1.5.

Good thing she has incredible perseverance, because her once-pretty face is going to be awfully sore, swollen, and bloody by Step 15. Then again, maybe that's part of her plan to shoo Chris.
Suddenly, she felt herself beginning to sink into the ground. Juliana gasped as she felt something wet on her ankles, and when she looked down, she came to the realization that she had ended up in a swamp of some sort. All around her, all there was to see was swampy, marshy land and tall trees...Juliana, without knowing it, had walked in quite far.

Just then, it all became so clear to her. "I'm in the heart of the Deep Darkness," she whispered aloud, taking a deep breath.
Hold on a second there, chief. The heart of the Deep Darkness? You just now are starting to walk through the swamp, or at least just now are starting to sink into it, yet you're in the heart of this massive swamp? How do you figure that?

I guess she's been walking on water for the past couple hours. That, or she went with 'the heart of the Deep Darkness' because it sounds more dramatic than 'the Deep Darkness'.
Her fear became happiness almost instantly when she realized that she was in a situation that would lead to true adventure.
Yeah, the adventure of fighting off Big Piles of Puke. And you thought fighting off Chris was a drag.
"Just think! I can search for Magic Truffles to my heart's content! I can make my way through the marsh and see if the Hawk Eye really exists, and if it's here!
Um... the Hawk Eye vanished when Ness used it. He didn't just leave it there for the hell of it.
I can even try to see if those monkeys still live around here, or search for the Tenda Village!" She beamed as she began to wade through the swamp. "Adventure at last!"
"Dinner at last!" beamed the group of Hard Crocodiles just around the next bend.

(Not really, of course. This is an AC we're talking about here. I'm just commenting on the slight absurdity of being excited to find yourself neck-deep in a god-forsaken swamp, were you not an AC. I'm going to go out on a limb and bet PSI322 has never been in a swamp before.)



Post #343, by Gauntlet Wizard

The Bookas were gone. Even with only the very minimal help Siris received from the Foppy King, they still managed to defeat the monsters.
Left-handed.
Siris went back to his hotel room and sat down on his bed for a while.
"This is more boring than I thought it would be," he said to himself. "There's gotta be something else interesting I can do..."
There are only so many mooks you can kill before it starts to feel old hat.


Post #344, by Chris

Chris cut away another bush with the blade he had managed to acquire before leaving civilization. For several hours now, he had been working his way through a dense forest. He figured that the best way to get to Summers would be to reach Scaraba and hire a boat northward. It was a good enough plan, but the execution was failing miserably.
You could be trying to get to Summers via Valhalla and that would be an equally flawed plan because you don't know where that is either.
Before he saw or even heard it, he smelt it. A horrible odor was starting to envelope him. Soon, Chris noticed that the ground and air were getting damper, and he began to hear the sound of running water. When he sliced through that bush, he suddenly realized what the smell was: swamp gas. He had found himself on the edge of Deep Darkness.
You didn't honestly think he was going to 'randomly' wind up anywhere else, did you? If you did, this is clearly your first Chris post, so: welcome to the Annotated Gathering!

This has almost turned into a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Desperate woman flees stalker through dark swamp! And now for a message from our sponsors.
Realizing that he was ill-equiped to venture through the swamp, Chris considered trying to walk along the outside of the swamp.
Plus: That would be the best way to find your way to Scaraba.

Minus: That will lead you away from Juliana.

So what's your goal really? Let's find out!
"On the other hand, the odds are that I'll find myself a boat of some sort if I get to the northern part of the swamp, or at least that salesman and the monkeys."
You could get there by walking around the outside, too. Except not; Chris should have pointed out that there is no outside edge of the swamp that's safe for walking, except at the far northern end, which is where the only quasi-civilization is. That would make a fair justification for continuing chasing after his girl.
Thus, Chris started making his way through the swamp, at times submerged so deep that he could hardly breathe. Soon, he was deep in the heart of Deep Darkness,
He quoted her on this.
and he realized that the sun was starting to set. He had to quickly find a place to sleep, preferably on an island, and with someone else to keep watch.
Perhaps someone who is already in the heart of the Deep Darkness. That would be nice. Actually, it's probably so dangerous that it would be best if they both stay up...
Already he had run into several Zap Eel's and the like,
I'll take unnecessary apostrophes for $200, Alex.
and he figured that he needed to have traveled in a group of greater than one. Unfortunately, that was a little difficult to do now, unless someone willing to help him could find him.
Man, this guy really has issues, for reals, kids. He's timid enough to avoid overtly stalking PSI322's AC, but he just... can't... stop... with the very thinly veiled pleas for her to, I don't know, be his e-girlfriend or whatever. Just when I start thinking, okay, he's finally relaxing... BOOM! He writes a post like this one.

It's quite clear that PSI322's options at this point are: (a) Allow Chris to remain within five feet of Juliana at all times, or (b) quit posting in the Gathering. Since I know she was around until the end, I therefore deduce that she went ahead with option (a). Hey, the attention is kind of fun, in a weird way.



Post #345, by Warrior of the Eye

Meanwhile... over the beach...
Chris (henseforth referred to as Chris S.)
It's shorter than 'Not the Stalker Chris.'
had given the first mate the instruction to keep a constant lookout for any "Enemies of SM.net" and then prepared to head for the island.
As Chris S. jumped, he shouted, "Like an eagle, to the sun!!"
Unfortunatly, a slight gust of wind blew is frail 85lb. body a good mile as he fell, as well as shifing his body's position to be parrallel to the ground.
"OHHHHHHHHH, CRUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!" Chris S. shouted as he hurtled towards the sand...

In a few minutes, Chris S. found himself awkened by __________ who had happened to be nearby and heard Chris S. shouting. Chris S. quickly go to his feet and began explaining his story to ___________ (same person) which went something like this...
This is such bad, bad IF form. The problem is that WotE wants to invite anyone to join his plotline, but doesn't want to stop writing (like all Tengulings, he was longwinded). He tried to have his cake and eat it too here. It doesn't work very well.
I am a bit of an amuter inventer.
Out of two words so far in this paragraph that were longer than five letters, that's two misspellings.
A few weeks ago, I had finished a divice that would make video games real.
'Divice' makes him 3 for 4.
Well, my first thought was to test this out on EarthBound. I had origionally
Setting 'EarthBound' aside, that makes him 4 for 6.
intended for Eagleland and its fellow lands to show up in the Saharra.
'Saharra' makes him 5 for 9.
The climate and topography would have been changed there thus making the Saharra more pleasent.
Yet he nails 'topography'. I'll never understand. He whiffed on 'Saharra' and 'pleasent', though, so that makes him 6 for 15.
Well, I guess I made a slight mistake and generated the island here. So when I heard of this gathering, I figured they had found my island. I then spent a few weeks researching and making sure that this island had never been seen before... and it hadn't.
Suddenly his inability to spell anything longer than five letters vanishes. I'm as stumped as you are. I seriously wonder if two different people didn't write this post.
So, when I heard that the FBI was coming to attack, I put together a small army, built an airship, and as soon as I was in international waters, I defected from the U.S. and swore to become a citizen of Eagleland. Which brings me here...
Did you guys get all that? I distracted you by counting his spelling errors, I know. To recap: WotE is claiming creatorship of the entire island. Probability nearly all the other authors will simply pretend this post doesn't exist: 94%.
Chris S. stopped here because someone else had just shown up...
(Someone fill in the blanks. Also, when using Chris S., just remember that he doesn't curse or use slang, except for some Southeastern slang {i.e. ain't} and that he is as smart and strong as Jeff.)
Yeah, but he's not incredibly strong.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Posts by Author