Posts #276-280: 18 April 2000

Post #276, by Foppy King

It's been a while since we've had someone new join.

After recently taking over a small pathetic planet, the foppy king went online to see what the sm.net people had been up to. After absorbing the past couple of days, he decided now would be the best time for action. He quickly used teleport gamma and arrived in front of the large group of people set on finding their favorite EarthBound characters. He began with a loud "GWWAAARRGG!" Then he added "hello"

You ought to be careful. They might have annihilated you first and asked questions later, between the two exclamations.

---

Post #277, by Tengu Man/Makron

"People... about Jeff and Poo... as you all know, they don't actually live in Eagleland, so we'll have to hope Jeff is somewhere in Eagleland right now." the referee told them.

It's probably a fair guess that everyone will decide that for our purposes 'Eagleland' encompasses all locations in EarthBound. Winters, Summers, Lost Underworld, etc. Magicant is every IF writer's favorite.

(In the game, 'Eagleland' is only Onett/Twoson/Threed/Fourside and their connected areas, roughly the first half of the game.)

Mani stuck her tounge out at him.

Tongue.

He felt like doing it back at her for fun, but resisted the urge.

Sounds hot. You should have gone ahead with that.

"I assume we all go to Onett first..."

"YES!" most of the other travelers said.

Not me. I'd be all for going to Threed first, just because I'm a contrarian. Probably would have gone there by myself just to spite everyone else.

Fun fact: In 10th grade English class we were split into groups to write and perform 10 minute skits on some boring subject or another. I quarreled with my assigned group--I almost always quarreled with assigned groups--and refused to work with them. I told the teacher she could give me a zero if she pleased, I didn't care, I ain't working with them. She wasn't going to subject any of the other groups to having to deal with me, so she said, fine, do a skit by yourself. She probably thought that was a way of punishing me by embarrassment. She was mistaken.

I delivered a solo performance so masterful that numerous members of the drama club spent the rest of the year trying to recruit me (unsuccessfully), and I got a 96/100 for the project. The group I ditched got an 89/100 or something. You want to work with the real talent, you gotta put up with the prima donna attitude, you know?

High school was awesome.

"Very well..." and the group set off to Onett...

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Post #178, by Little Yoshi

(sorry, Sir, I didn't know you had gone somewhere, and I needed a third person, so)

Anyone know what he's referring to? I have no idea.

Meanwhile, Tim decided to search for Winters t osee if he could find Jeff and work on the Kraken repellent.

Tim's doing it not out of a 'screw you, I'm better than you' arrogance like I would; he's doing it out of a 'I'm not worthy of you guys' social awkwardness. Or something.

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Post #179, by Mog116

(Tim, WE HAVEN'T FOUND WINTERS YET!)

What the hell are you, a Tenguling?

He said he's going to search for Winters. Which implies he doesn't know where it is yet. i.e, hasn't found it. Q.E.D.: He knows Winters hasn't been found yet. Now calm down and take some pills or something.

The Ref walked down the hills to Onett.

I wonder if Tengu will get upset about being called 'Ref' instead of 'Referee' or his more formal title, 'The Mysterious Referee'.

Mog followed after him, but tripped and flew down the hills.

Tripped and... flew. Huh.

Jenny tried to see if he was ok, but she tripped and flew down the mountain too.

They can both fly! And half you sissies used defective airplanes to get here.

Anthadd walked down the mountain carefully, so he wouldn't trip.

The funny thing is that people were wary of making Anthadd's AC do anything out of the ordinary, both because of his extreme buttoned-down personality and because of his well-known pickiness about his AC; he was the original author of 'Something I Would Prefer You Follow When You Use My AC', in which he laid down about 47 rules, and which then became the official Rules-When-You-Use-My-AC/Character-Sheets-For-Common-AC's thread everyone used.

It's funny because the last time Anthadd posted himself, his AC passed out from exhaustion after climbing a flight of stairs.

After everyone got down the hill, Mog and Jenny shared a large Pizza to recover their HP.

Capitalization fail. In EarthBound it's just the opposite: 'Large pizza'.

After this, everyone ran straight to Ness' house. The Ref ran straight through the door.

That's not really The Mysterious Referee's style. It's not very... mysterious.

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Post #180, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

~~~~Back at the auditorium~~~~
"Pikachu's going on an adventure with several other people to find the real EB characters because someone found a real Mr. Saturn and they think this is the real Eagleland!" said Poryhedron, quickly.

Imagine him pronouncing run-on sentences in fast-forward. That was SuperSpeedy. I think there is still a sketch of him next to 'hyper' in some dictionaries.

"Really?" said David. "Let's go!"
Poryhedron did a heat scan for a body of heat shaped like a Pikachu. After locating Pikachu, he Tackled straight to Pikachu's location, with David on his back.
"Wait for us!" said David.
Pikachu heard his voice, and told everyone to wait until they see another Pokémon.
They waited a second, for that was as long as it took for Poryhedron and David to catch up.

He can teleport. And you cannot. He wins. Know your better.

~~~~one minute later~~~~
[Just between you and me,] said Poryhedron, using telepathy(thought-speak)

(we know what telepathy is) (knowing that does not impress us)

to speak to Pikachu privately, [I also have PSI and was an experiment of Team Rocket. I know you have PSI because you perfer to use telepathy then speak to me using your voice. The Team Rocket thing? I spied on their computer's getenic experiments log.]

Genetic.

[Thanks for explaining that,] said Pikachu, privately to Poryhedron. [I was ready to shock you. Dave seems like quite a friend, as good of a friend as Mani!]

Normally I'd complain about people making value judgments on behalf of other people's AC's about how awesome I am, but in this case I'm pretty sure 3164 unreservedly loves anyone who pays attention to him.

[Thanks,] replied Poryhedron, privately to Pikachu. [Mani does seem nice, and Dave is quite nice.]
"Are you two talking about something?" asked Dave, on Poryhedron's back.
"No," said Poryhedron.

DOWN WITH THE MASTER THE HUMANS DIE AT MIDNIGHT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAno, we're not talking at all.

Posts #271-275: 17-18 April 2000

Post #271, by SirMontyG

Hey, Anthadd, good to have ya here. Anyone else coming?

I guess that's supposed to be IC (in character).

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Post #272, by Chris

"Well, I think that you have enough people, so I'll stay here. Good luck on your quest, though!" Chris said.

It's really Chris's only viable play here. He can't go with Tengu, because

(1) He's an admin, dammit, and can't cede plotline leadership to a knave; and
(2) Hell will be overrun by glaciers before PSI322 will go with Tengu.

Once more (by this time Chris had become an expert in using the P.A. system), Chris made an announcement to change the schedule. Most things were being postponed until everyone reutrned from the trek to the inward island.

Postponed forever.

Much later in the story--we're talking once the post count is a four digit number--a bunch of characters would return to the hotel, which by then was long deserted. Aside from brief visits like that, I don't believe anyone is going to return from this trek to the inward island. And what's more, I have to think Chris knew that. He's just saving a little face.

However, if anyone who wasn't going wanted to do something, Chris would be out on the beach, trying to find something for everyone else to do.

For crap's sake, we don't need you to find us things to do. Thanks.

Chris had a real babysitter complex.

With that, he switched off the P.A. system and went to change into beach clothes.

Hot.

---

Post #273, by NessJeff

"Waitup!!!!!"
"What could you fight with?"
"I can use my smartness similarly to Jeff, but I can create my own weapons.

In the arena of logic... you fight unarmed.

I have a GunCon with a "Laser" I cobbled together from CD-R-O-M(Not stuff wesa noin talkin about) Drives."

Jar-Jar Binks actually was popular with many nine-year-olds, as NessJeff demonstrates here. And to all the curmudgeon Star Wars fans: Jar-Jar was not an iota less stupid than Chewbacca was. Sorry.

"How strong is it?"
" H. A. Pokey in 1 second."
"How come you didn't help fight the Krakens?"
"Dancing with Jenny and hosting tournaments."
"C'mon."
Meanwhile...

Dan's Theorem #4: When sentence fragments

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Post #274, by guruzeth

Whoa. I had no idea I had done this. My real Gathering debut won't be coming for another 800 posts yet, but I guess like many other SM.Net celebrities, I felt the need to make a cameo, presumably during one of my computer-oriented classes at school (this was April of my senior year, so I had long since ceased pretending to care about class.) I was without a computer at home for most of the first half of 2000, which is why I won't be getting involved for a long time yet. Which is sad, because I'm going to be providing absolutely amazing unintentional comedy when I do.

...a teleportation portal opened up and guruzeth fell from the sky!
"Oof!" guruzeth landed, then rose and dusted himself off, and looked around. "Amazing..!" he marveled. "A real good IF story!" He got up and wandered around.

He was probably taking PSI322's word for it, or just assuming it was good based on the gargantuan post count.

I can't imagine I took the time to read the 273 preceding posts. Maybe I skimmed them. Maybe. But frankly, I don't even remember that. And double-frankly, I can't blame myself. They're a lot funnier now than they were then, when they were S.O.P. at the IF forum.

He stopped and checked his watch. "Hmmm, only a few more minutes until I get drawn back into the outerworld

i.e., until the bell rings to move you on to English class. Which is like the outerworld, whatever the hell an 'outerworld' is.

... better do what I came here to do." He grabbed his slightly-not-new @ and dialed up some buttons,

The @ is the denotation of a channel operator (i.e., god) on IRC. guruzeth was the Supreme-Dictator-For-Life of both #earthbound and the starmen.net forums at this time.

And yes, I realize I keep bouncing back and forth between third and first person; presumably you're aware, or have by now figured out, that guruzeth is one and the same person as this annotator. I'll recap this in 800 posts when he reappears, but I'll be treating guruzeth like any other Gathering writer in the annotations (third person), and generally will switch to first person when speaking from the present, as it were.

Still confused? T-O-O BAD!

and out of teleportation came his army of Crested Bookas, several thousand strong.

"Yes my children," cried guruzeth, "Now, for a totally unrelated plot twist, we're going to take over the Onett Burger Shop! Let's go!"

This was guruzeth's way of saying 'I'm just here to say hi, I'm not staying, you can ignore this.'

He paused. "But first, I must leave behind my @, so that all the wonderful IF posters can use my AC to take over the burger shop!"

Um... the hell? You're doing what with the what now? I'm sorry, I don't speak jibberish.

I guess he's declaring his intention never to return and licensing everyone else to kill off his AC as they please.

He set down his @ and then teleported out to Onett...

---

Post #275, by Gauntlet Wizard

"Alrighty," Siris said. "Enough Smash Bros. I'm going to see what everyone else is up to."

Siris began looking for a monster to fight.

After all, what else would you do in an IF? Like... roleplay or something?

All of a sudden, Siris spotted some sort of animal rushing into the Onett Burger Shop. A Crested Booka! Siris rushed in after it, stepping on something in the process. *Crunch!* Siris looked down. Some sort of mechanical device was on the ground, somewhat crunched. It had the appearance of an @.
"Hmm," Siris said to himself. "Guruzeth's @.

God, I hated it when people capitalized the g, with an obsession that could only be described as Tenguesque (such as when someone attached a male pronoun to Mani Mani or Roll Buster). I still do, honestly, but I have more of a 'what the hell' attitude these days.

Well, I'll, uh... replace it, or something." With that, he threw the @ into a nearby trash can.

He's pretty much summing up the popular opinion of guruzeth and his @. And you thought Chris was bad about flaunting his administratorship. He learned it from the master.

Siris ran into the Burger Shop. "Oh no!" he exclaimed. "The Bookas are destroying everything!" Siris set to work fighting the Bookas.

Thousands of them?

Sure, why not. Engage AC God Mode!

(Anyone want to help me beat 'em or try to hinder my progress?)

You expected me to make a snide remark about hindering his progress, right? Well, I'm not. I'd be more minded to help him. He's an engaging writer compared to the NessJeffs of the world.

Posts #266-270: 17 April 2000

Post #266, by Pikachu3164

While planning the litte trip to Onett, Pikachu happened to pass by.
[Hey! What are you doing?] he asked.
"Okay. Mani, yes, you can come. And Pikachu, we're going to Onett to see if Ness is there, and stuff like that.
[Onett? Cool! Can I go!?]
"Yeah. Why not?"
[Cool. And Mystery Man, who are you?]
"My idenity is to remain secret until I wish my idenity to be known."

Sad that he did it twice, meaning he really thought that was how 'identity' is spelled.

[Umm.... Okay.]

Yep... that was my reaction too.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-17-2000).]

He must have made yet another boo-boo that drew Tengu's ire.

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Post #267, by PsycoPyro

Jenny looks at Mog with this expression .

This was originally followed by some emoticon or another. Unfortunately, my archived copy does not show the emoticons, so they're forever lost to the sands of time. There are actually a lot of them throughout the thread, but I've just been skipping them. So I don't know what expression he used, other than that the emoticon was called eek.gif.

"I'm gonna hang out with him." Jenny said as she stood near Mog.
"I don't care." I said. "I just want Paula and her phone #. Maybe Jeff can hook me up with some transporting device for me to get to Paula's house quicker."
Everyone laughs and knows that I was joking.
"But I'm serious about that phone #." I said as we went along our journey.
I wish you every luck in your attempt.

Come to think of it, I can't remember if there was some kind of rule about no making the EarthBound characters (read: Paula, since the IF population was almost exclusively male) fall in love with you/your AC. But if there wasn't, there should have been, both to avoid bloody AC warfare and because of Tengu.

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Post #268, by Mog116

"Let's tell Chris not to have the play." "Why?"

Because it was a stupid idea and no one wants to do it?

"Most of us don't want to miss it, right?" "I don't want to miss it."

... oh. It must just be me, then. Carry on.

Mog ran and told Chris not to have the play.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chris is an admin, you little punk. You don't tell him what to do.

Then they ran back and headed off. The clambered over the hill and stopped a moment to look at the town. Then they heard a voice from behind, and someone's AC was climbing the hill up after them.

LOL at the flawless storytelling. 'Someone's AC'.

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Post #269, by SirMontyG

Wait!!" It was Sir, "I can't miss an opportunity to meet the runaway five, count me in!" ~Sir Joined the Party~

(Triumphant fanfare!)

---

Post #270, by Anthadd

Anthadd, who had spent the duration of the events following his arrival holed up in his bunk, perusing the pile of twenty books (average 180 pages) he had stowed in his suitcases, ran out the door, the last book replaced.

Not bad, as far as explanations for not paying attention to the thread until it had grown out of control go. Plausible, in Anthadd's case.

Having finally finished them, he exited the bunkroom, pale from 15 hours of reading.

...reading makes you pale? So THAT'S why...!

Huffing and puffing from lack of exercise, he struggled to climb the stairs and collapsed near Sir and the others.

Hahahahaha. We need more Anthadds in the world.

Posts #261-265: 17 April 2000

Post #261, by Mog116

"If I can go, I can talk Paula into a date... probably." "Ness would kill you."

Not if Tengu Man kills Ness first. And then kills you.

"Not after Five years of Idol worshipping."

I don't even know what this means, but I can't help agreeing.

Mog looked at the Ref, and walked out the door to get stuff for the trip. Mog grabbed his Duffel bag and returned to the meeting place.

[This message has been edited by Mog116 (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #262, by Dr. Andonuts

(Mog, i believe you mean idol worship)

I guess now we know why Mog edited his post. He must have said idle worship before.

(since EB characters are getting into this story, please refer to my AC as Nathan instead of Dr. Andonuts beyond this point)

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. There's a difference? REALLY? I thought you were the same dude. You totally had me fooled.

Nathan walked over to join the group of people that would be searching for other EB characters. "Maybe I can find Jeff and we can exchange tips on inventions," he thought, while walking over.
"Can I come, too?" he asked.
"Sure," said the mysterious figure.

Note how fast people are joining up with Tengu Man to get the hell away from stuff like the talent show and the EarthBound play. Chris's iron grip sure did rust fast.

---

Post #263, by PsycoPyro

I overheard the conversation about meetin the real characters in EB. I walked p behind Jenny and surprised her enough to scream.
"Matt, don't sneak up on me again!" Jenny said to me as I snickered.
"Sorry about that." I grinned. "I have got to meet Paula, ya know? I'm gonna get her phone #."

I guess after all these posts I should be fair to Tengu: He was far from the only teenage boy stoking the flames of a Paula obsession. You have to remember the demographic here: young teenage boys, 10-14, who are almost all social outcasts, because they are nerds who play RPG video games. Loneliness runs rampant.

But then, Tengu was 16, not 12 like the rest of these boys. I'd like to think most of them moved on past Paula obsessions by age 16, but what do I know?

"Yea whatever until Ness will destroy you." Said a guy I didn't know.

Right before I shank Ness in the back and claim my one destined true love for myself BAHAHAHAH--huh? What?

"He won't mess with me." I said and showed them my 9mm pistol. "I only plan to use it for protection.

You're going to try to steal the girlfriend of a psychically superpowered one-man killing machine that can make you scream and beg for death without raising a finger.

And your cunning plan is to attack him with a pistol?

Besides, I think this trip will be great to hide from the FBI searching for us and dragging us back to the US."

The FBI were defeated by some guy on an airship like 20 posts ago. And even if that hadn't happened, they'd have been defeated by the sheer power of apathy by now.

No one said nothing and some glared at me.
"What?" I asked. "Me worry?" ((Take off from MAD))

Dude, leave the annotating to me, OK?

"Don't you dare shoot Ness!" Jenny warned me, "or mess with his girlfriend. He's nice and I doubt he won't hurt you unless you mess with him first. Besides you got your girlfrind to worry about."

Wait. How do you know Ness is nice? EarthBound divulges pretty much nothing about his personality. He could be a 13-year-old Al f---ing Bundy in training, for all you know.

"I was just kidding! Sheesh!"
Everyone seemed happy at that point.

Always remember, kids: Any time everyone in the room is pissed at you, just say, 'I was just kidding! Sheesh!' and everyone will instantly become happy.

If the medium in play is an internet forum, then correct form when you flagrantly insult somebody is to add ':D' to the end of it. By unanimous declaration of the Geneva Convention, no one is permitted to take offense at anything that is suffixed with ':D'.

[This message has been edited by PsycoPyro (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #264, by Mog116

(My bad)

"Yeah. But I don't have a girlfriend and can whoop Ness in a fight."

Ness does have the unfortunate disadvantage of not being an AC. The poor guy gets killed off in pretty much every fanfic ever.

Mog said. "But, I'm sure I can just find a girlfriend while we're walking."

That happens to me like three times a week.

"Are we going yet?" Nathan asked. "Yeah, we're gone."

[This message has been edited by Mog116 (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #265, by Mani Mani

Mani, wandering around nearby,

wandering... or spying?

heard the word 'Jeff' and immediately ran over.

See, you can tell Mani Mani is totally not Tengu Man, because 'she' is obsessed with Jeff, whereas Tengu Man is obsessed with Paula. This is really easy, guys. Don't make me explain this again.

"Oh, are you going to find the EB characters?" she asked. "Can I come? Please please please please pleeeeeease?" She saw a large stick on the ground and picked it up. "If we find any baddies, I can whack 'em away with this. See?" She whacked a small spider that was about to land on her.

That spider was too foolish to live, anyway.

"So can I?"

First you have to get in the same room with the 'Mysterious Referee'. No reason.

Posts #256-260: 17 April 2000

Post #256, by Pikachu3164

(Actually, Tengu, I had fixed my post after I made it... I said two more Krakens appeared. I didn't say "Pikachu came and used a Thunder Jolt on the Krakens Tim and Mystery Man were fighting." I edited my post to say 2 more Krakens so I wouldn't have to delete my post.
I'm starting to see the disadvantages of posting in a super-popular IF...)

BAM! How do you like that smackdown, Tengu? Huh?!

Okay, I've decided that after Mystery Man killed the Krakens, Tim took some of the blood to make the repellant.

Can't believe I'm concurring with Emo Boy, but that's what I suggested Tim do. I think Tim just likes blood. Lots and lots of blood.

[So, your skilled in creating repellants?] asked Pikachu.

[So, your not skilled in gramers?] asked Baron von Awesome.

"Sure am. Once I'm done, our Kraken problem will be gone," Tim replied.

I hope Tim doesn't actually think this will end the violence. There is no limit on the random encounters IF writers can dream up.

[Great! Oh, just a second! I need to get my Bowser.]
Pikachu ran off and grabbed his giant stuffed animal and stuffed it in his backpack.
[There we go! Now to see Chris about the play....]

Pikachu ran off, asked Chris about the play, made sure there would be a spot for him, etc.

I love ending a post with 'etc.' IF authors should do that more often. Baron von Awesome set off to save the world, etc.

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Post #257, by Tengu Man/Makron

(No big deal, Sir.
Pika: Sorry. And I understand that feeling... too many people are replying at once and it's getting confusing.)

If Tengu had his way, all posts would be sent to him, and he'd reject 90% of them, and heavily edit the rest. Then we would have a real story, not this embarrassment to all writers up to and including Virgil.

The mysterious man/referee had seen Luna talking to the Mr. Saturn. He now had proof the Eagleland they were all on was the real Eagleland.

In that case, I get to take personal credit for saving the world, right? Because it was totally me that dealt Giygas his deathblow through my SNES.

He decided to relax and have fun, and go to the talent show. He still didn't wish to reveal himself just yet, but now he felt good for not only himself, but the EB community, the this discovery.

Only thing was, he had to somehow convince everyone that the Mr. Saturn was not just a coinicdence. He had to tell them the island was the real Eagleland, and that other places around may also exist...

Well, telling them is definitely out. That would be stupid.

At the talent show, he learned of the IF idea, and was attracted to it immediately. He took a place with everyone else participating, intent on making a good impression.

[This message has been edited by Tengu Man/Makron (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #258, by Mog116

Mog stared at the Mr. Saturn. "AHA! I knew those hills looked familair!" Mog ran outside. Luna looked at the Mr. Saturn. "Umm... You don't suppose... This really IS Eagleland?!" "Can't be." Mog ran outside screaming. He ran down to were he saw the hills and climbed over the hills. He saw a sort of town. It had everything Onett Had.

Including an arcade? Arcades were awesome. I miss them.

"My gosh." Mog fell backwards off the hill and ran back to the play. "CHRIS! CHRIS! I FOUND ONETT!" Mog ran into the play room. He didn't see anyone. "Noone's here." He blinked and almost died of Shock.

That's right: He almost died of Robo from Chrono Trigger's ultimate tech.

The Illusion of Eagleland tricked his eyes and made him think noone was there. He blinked three times and almost died of shock again. The people were back and working on a scenery. Maybe he needed some sleep.... NAH!
[This message has been edited by Mog116 (edited 04-17-2000).]

Go on ahead, try to follow up this post. Good luck with that.

What exactly the hell is 'the Illusion of Eagleland'? Your guess is as good as mine.

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Post #259, by Tengu Man/Makron

Hearing Mog mention Onett suddenly revived a thought in the referee's head. If the Saturns existed.... Ness, Paula, Apple Kid, ect had to exist too. And he vowed to find them, and bring them to meet the community.

Paula! PAULA! PAULA!!!

PAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!

#%&@)(#)#@*%)#&@%)@#*$)@#$*#@)$*

GIMME GIMME GIMME*

*(note: this is a severe understatement of how Tengu would react if he discovered Paula from EarthBound would actually exist. Its intent is merely to provide you an inkling.)

He got up and walked off, and Mog walked up to him, "Hey, where you going... we have a part for you..."

"To Onett."

"You're... you're gonna try and bring... Ness here... aren't you?" Mog asked.

"Not just Ness, of course... but Paula,

PAULA! PAAAAAUUULLLAAAA!!!!!!

Apple Kid, Monotoli, Mr. Spoon, Venus... the whole nine yards." the man told him.

"Good luck... please do this for us... if you can find the Mr. Saturns, you can do this as well." Mog said.

C'mon, Tengu. Even for you, isn't 'please do this for us...' just a little over the top? It's not like you're offering to save their child who's trapped in a well while they're hogtied to a bomb.

"Mog... do you... and for matter, anyone else wanna join me? I'm sure some others here wanna meet their biggest heroes and stuff." the man asked.

Look, I don't want to put too fine a point on this: I was/am the most singularly obsessed EarthBound fan in the world. I have played EarthBound through hundreds of times, probably over a thousand. I have the entire script memorized, and have since about 1996. This is nothing to especially be proud of, granted, but... there it is.

If anyone's biggest hero is a character from a video game, that person needs help. A lot of help.

(anyone who wishes to come along can, just don't reveal my identity yet)

(I won't tell Qui-Gon, promise)

---

Post #260, by Queen Catherine

I finished my Milkshake and walked alone to the amusement park.

He did it again. Apparently Milkshake® is a brand name.

­­I had no clue where at had gone off to and I hated to be alone at sometimes.

...where at had gone off to? Did you mean to say 'Matt'?

As I was in the park, a creature had caught my eye. I spotted a .

You spotted a...? That is so cruel. It's been ten years, and for all eternity we will never know what QC/PP spotted. :(

I noticed Mog, Luna, and some unknown dude and I walked over to them.

Pssst... it's Tengu dressed up in a Darth Maul halloween costume. But don't tell anyone!

"..anyone else wanna join me?" The unknown dude asked. "I'm sure that some others here wanna meet thier biggest heros and stuff."
"Huh?" I said since I missed part of the conversation.

I listened very closely to the entire conversation, and 'Huh?' was my reaction too. We're on the same page.

"There might be other Earthbound characters here besides Mr. Saturn." Mog explained.
I was confused at first since it did not make any sense.

At second, third, fourth, and fifth it doesn't make any sense, either. I stopped there, but you should feel free to try a sixth, seventh, etc. But what the hell, this is IF.

"You mean, we might meet Ness, Paula,

PAULA!!!

Jeff, Pokey, and the gang here on this island?" I asked, clearifying my thoughts and to understand better.
"Yep." Luna said.
"Are you guys going?" I asked. "I'll follow if you are all going."

Well, the question I personally would have asked right there is more along the lines of, "what have you been smoking? And where can I get some?"

OK, so that's two questions. I'm allowed.

They replied...

[This message has been edited by Queen Catherine (edited 04-17-2000).]

Posts #251-255: 17 April 2000

Post #251, by SirMontyG

Ok, then moving back to the story a little..

In what sense have we gotten away from 'the story', and you need to move it back?

Sir headed towards the beach, a little confused at the battle he just saw, wondering if he even saw it. "ahh, well. At least I'm part of something in a group now, I havent seen a lot of the action going on since I got here.."

I'm still quite confused as to what 'the story' is and how these two sentences are supposed to represent moving back to it.

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Post #252, by Little Yoshi

Tim quickly sped up.
"Don't kill the krakens yet!" Tim yelled.
"Why?" Pika and Sir asked in unison.
"Because we need to get rid of them once and for all. Let me take a blood sample, then I'll invent a Kraken repellent!" Tim explained.

There should be blood pretty much everywhere for you to take a sample of, shouldn't there? With all those Leap Slashes.

Pika, Sir, and Tim all took fighting stances, then Tim leapt in the air with the Masamune and a spear-ish thing in hand.

A gigantic syringe, perhaps? Swiped it from Barry Bonds?

"Pika, Thunderbolt the other one! Sir, help me on this one!" Tim exclaimed.
Acting as told, Pika took the other Kraken's attention away, and Sir kept this one's mouth at bay(ooh! that rhymes!)
Tim slashed at the Kraken he Leap Slashed, and then instantly skewered the wound. He pressed a button, and took a blood sample.
"Got it, now, let's kill these things!"
Tim shouted.
The three on two battle continued, but Pika's team had the advantage of battle expierence.

And AC God Mode.

It's easy for an IF to get irrecoverably bogged down in simple fights, which offer no tension since, again, it's not as though anyone expects the AC's to get whacked by some monster. The successful IF has lots of fighting, of course, but it tends to move on with the story after only brief pauses to describe the combat. The tension is in the plot development, not the fighting itself.

[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #253, by SirMontyG

(If you're reading this and are a little confused, just go with it, I seem to be in two places at once)

My life did get a lot easier when I decided to just go with being confused.

*WHAM* with a hard left hook, Sir takes out one of the already worn out Krakens.

Hahaha. That's awesome. The truly badass AC takes down a Kraken with a left hook. Eat your heart out, Sugar Ray Robinson.

"I've got one, dude, the other's all yours!!"

[piiiikaaaaCHHHHHUUUUU!!]
A blinding thunderbolt surrounded the area..

The kraken were defeted!

"Me, fighting along with a pokemon, heh, never thought I'd see the day. Well, I've got to get back to the beach for the show. Tim, Pika, always a pleasure!"

And with that, Sir ran back into the main storyline...

Thanks, Sir! We'll call you next time we need an eldritch abomination dropped by someone's bare hands!

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Post #254, by Tengu Man/Makron

(People, READ above... I already defeated the Krakens... doesn't anyone look at their posts after they make them?)

You can see why Tengu was just so damn endearing.

He does have a perfectly valid point, though. People really weren't much for reading before they rushed in and posted, resulting often in some hapless random encounter getting skewered all to hell in gloriously bloody fashion by six different AC's. It's a competitive world out there.

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Post #255, by SirMontyG

Tengu: sorry, I was finishing out the battle you had already finished, let the occurences of the battle with me and Pikachu vrs. the Kraken be stricen from the halls of IF.

I think I'll leave them there. They amuse me.

Posts #246-250: 17 April 2000

Post #246, by Pikachu3164

After riding on the Merry Go Round, Pikachu decided to check out what kind of games this place had. He roamed around the park, looking for a decent game.
all of a sudden, Pikachu found the perfect prize, at a not so perfect game.
The prize was a giant stuffed Bowser. Pikachu has a wierd obsession with stuffed Bowsers.

Pikachu has a lot of weird obsessions.

Pikachu immediatly went crazy. [I have to win i! I have to!]

...went crazy?

*cough*

Unfortunatly for him, it was the throw the ball and knock over the pins. And if your arms are an inch long, throwing balls is not an easy thing.
But, Pikachu handed over the dollar for four tries anyways, and started playing.

Thirty dollars later...
[Okay! I know I'll get it this time! Oh no! The play meeting is starting!]
Pikachu quickly threw the ball away, because he really wanted to get a part in the play.
"Little rat thingy, you just won."

I can think of no more appropriate way to address 3164 than 'Little rat thingy'. Done and done.

Pikachu stopped quickly, ran back to the game, and yelled, [Throw me the giant stuffed Bowser!]
"Here you go."

At the beach...
Pikachu is running toward the auditorium because he wants to secure a part on the play as an annoying little rat or something, when he sees 2 more Krakens appear.
[Yea. Now I have to beat two Krakens all by myself.]
Pikachu quickly scanned the horizon for help, but Tim, Mystery Man, and the Mr. Saturn had already left.
Pikachu got ready to charge a Spark, but hid his Bowser real quick so it wouldn't be damaged.
"PIKA!"
Both of the Krakens were blasted with a blast of electricity which really didn't hurt them as much as he had hoped for.
Then, the Krakens decided to use a Crashing Boom Bang attack. Pikachu was sent flying.

... by an electric attack? Shouldn't that heal you? Or, if we're applying pokemon physics, not be very effective.

Pikachu recovered quickly and went flying at the Krakens with a Thundershock, but it seemed that it didn't work.
Then, Pikachu got an idea. [If I try a Thunder Jolt, it may be enough to defeat them, but there's the chance that I may hurt myself...]
The Krakens were ready for another Crashing Boom Bang, so Pikachu quickly made up his mind that he'd use a Thunder Jolt.

Krakens, at least in Tim's mind, are very similar to pokemon's Gyarados, against whom any electric attack is a W4 of electric death. He should be able to wipe them clean. (Of course, in EarthBound, there's no such thing as a weakness to Thunder.) "

PIKACHU!" Pikachu used the Thunder Jolt, and would have killed the Krakens, but unfortunatly, their Guts kept them alive.

That doesn't happen for enemies. They don't have rolling HP meters.

Then, because of the electricity level, the energy level in Pikachu began soaring. Pikachu had hurt himself!
[Oww...]

So, basically, Krakens are on a rampage and a Pikachu is in the bushes, unconscious.
So... Anyone gonna save him? No? Didn't think so.

God, I hope not.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-17-2000).]

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Post #247, by SirMontyG

*Squirt* *Squirt*

[what the?]

Pikachu felt a soft spray on his forehead,

Um...........

..............

Um.......................

.......let's move on.

looking up he saw Sir showering him with a super potion.
"here ya go chu, I owe'd ya one. Now get back up and take out those krakens!"

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Post #248, by Chris

Just when he thought his idea had collapsed, people started supporting his idea for a play. Thus, when the second meeting began, there were a few more people there than there had been an hour before.

Fewer, actually, but whatever delusion keeps you happy, just run with it, man. That's the real courage.

"Okay, people, here's what's gonna happen.

I can think of no greater bliss
than taking my orders from Chris

Day after tomorrow, we're going to being doing a play. However, this won't be just any play. I take it all of you are familiar with the style of writing know as Interactive Fiction?"

Never heard of it. Explain it to me.

All of the audience nodded.

"Good. Now, this may be difficult, and I'm no drama coordinater,

ROFL

Chris, as we are going to see in astounding fashion, you are an amazing coordinator of drama.

but I might as well give it a try. I'll get up on the stage and start the story, and then each of you will join in. We'll bring a bunch of varying costumes and such, but the plot will be up to the person on the stage. Now, each person will have five minutes to tell a part of the story. Then, another person will come up and continue. We'll keep doing this until we reach a conclusion, or until we're drowning under the mountain of fresh vegetables thrown at us.

I wasn't planning on wasting fresh vegetables on this, actually.

"Now, then, obviously, without a plot, we can't really rehearse this, now can we? Instead, I want everyone to start coming up with ideas about how the basic plot will go. All those that seriously want to participate, meet me on the beach in half an hour. This concludes this meeting."

It's going to be funny when two people show up and Juliana isn't one of them. But then, are they on speaking terms right now?

With that, everyone filed out. Chris left to go to the beach and start planning things, and also to make a formal announcement about the play, two nights away from happening. In the meantime, elsewhere on the island...

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Post #249, by Tengu Man/Makron

(Um, just to note: after you post, please LOOK at your post in the IF to make sure it doesn't possibly conflict with another person's post they may have done while you where posting as well. I posted about 10 mintues before Pika did, and he didn't check my post.)

Tengu liked to play pretend that he was a moderator.

Suddenly a mysterious figure jumped in to the battle.

Mystery Man unsheathes a double-bladed lightsaber and attacks Kraken!
1678 HP of damage to Kraken A. Kraken A was beaten.
Kraken B breathed flames.
12 HP of damage to Mystery Man.
Two more, smaller figures jump in.
Mysterious creature A used PSI BoIng!
1243 HP of damage to Kraken B. Kraken B was beaten.

Yep, that's, uh... that's great, Tengu. Good work. We were really worried for a minute there.

"Hey, thanks." Tim said.

"No prob... can't stay though..."

"Wait... who are you?"

"I can't reveal MYSELF yet, but I will reveal these creatures beside me." the man showed him, and then left.

"It... can't be..." Tim gasped at the creature. It was a Mr. Saturn... a REAL one... somehow, he could tell.

If an individual Mr. Saturn is anywhere near strong enough to one-hit KO a Kraken, they've got some explaining to do over the whole getting enslaved by Master Belch thing.

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Post #250, by Luna

Luna was sitting in the back row, trying desperatly to think up a plot.

I think that's what we're all doing right now. We should actually be thankful Tengu bailed us out.

"augh... I can act and sing, but plots just arn't my thing!...hey! that rhymes!"
"BoInG?"
Luna turned around, alerted by the strange noise, and came face-to-face with a Mr. Saturn.
"GWAAAAH!!!!" Luna screamed
"YIEEEE!!!!" the Mr. Saturn screamed

I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - by Mr. Saturn.

Everyone in the audotorium turned around and blinked at Luna.
"A Mr. Saturn! A REAL Mr. Saturn!" Luna gaped
"BoInG?? cOuRsE rEaL! wHy NoT?"
"We... just.. don't... see many of your kind... around here..." Luna said, blinking with disbelief.

You know, Tengu's idea might have died on the vine, but Luna running with it affords it instant credibility. Which, despite how it's going to allow Tengu to wrap his tentacles around this thread, is a good thing, the way the last 100 posts have gone.

Posts #241-245: 17 April 2000

Post #241, by waffle

Waffle walked out of the auditorium,where he had been for the meeting. Looking around,he noticed everybody was at the park,on rides,and playing games. He knew there wasn't much time until the talent show,so he didn't get involved in any rides.

I'm afraid you're not keeping up. By popular demand, the talent show has been taken behind the barn and shot.

He just walked over to a game where you need to knock over bottles.

For the record, this annotator is money in this game. A lot of these places now have a rule that you can only win three times or five times and then you're shut off for the day. That's the Baron von Awesome rule. Otherwise I could put these places out of business in one 60-minute blaze of 90 MPH glory.

Hint: The bottles are not precisely where they appear to your poor easily deceived eyes to be.

He picked up a ball and looked at the bottles some feet away. Well,I might as well try,he thought. He then looked over at the prizes....OOooooOo! "I really wanna win now!" He threw the ball and the bottles fell to the ground after being hit. "Hmm... I always used to stink at that game,too..."

"Hi, I'm waffle, and reading Baron von Awesome's annotations changed my life!"

"Yeah! Yeah Pick a prize!" Waffle looked at the prizes and spotted a stuffed cow with little sunglasses on. "Sweet!" He took it and went down to the talent show

I can't help but wonder what made him decide to go with a stuffed cow.

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Post #242, by Mani Mani

Mani headed over to the auditorium after Chris had made the play announcement to speak with him about it.
"Hey, I would've come to the meeting, but I...err...I kinda overslept. Anyway, are you sure you don't just wanna make it a talent show? I can sing pretty well..." But Chris seemed to be sure.

Converting Chris to a Tenguling just is not going to work, brilliant as the idea might be. He knows where PSI322 and Evil Overlord guruzeth stand on Tengu.

"Well, all right. I'd be willing to help with the play! Is that all right?" As she waited for his answer, Mani hoped he'd say yes. After all, she had been one of the lead roles in the school play they'd done in February, a sort of take-off of the Princess and the Pea. She probably couldn't act quite as well as she could sing, but that was okay.

This annotator has played Macbeth, the evil king in Hamlet, and the lead role in a schoolwide musical, but you don't hear him bragging about it.

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Post #243, by SirMontyG

"Chris! Chris!"
A distant call was heard, Chris turning around sees a rushing silouete rise over a near-by hill. "Are you Chris?" The odd looking teen asked.
"Yesss.." He replyed hesantly
"I heard you over the PA, I'd really like to be a part of that improv play idea you've got, sounds cool. Can I get in?"

If you're keeping count (and I know you are), that's five typos/misspellings, and five other grammatical mistakes, in about 35 words.

And with that, Chris responds.. (it's hard not speaking for other people)

Perhaps you should sign up for "Railroading Everyone Else's AC's Without Mercy 101", taught by Tengu Man.

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Post #244, by Luna

After the Carousel ride, Luna headed over to the audotorium. She hoped for some kind of part. After all, she HAD played The 2nd pig in the french version of the 3 little pigs... AND she could sing reletivly well! What more could she ask for?

Spelling. She could ask to not fail quite so hard at spelling.

"A lot." Luna grumbled to herself, and detaching the water snake from where it was biting her leg and throwing it into a little river.
"You'll be happy there. Go play with all your other little water-snakey friends... just stop biting me!" she grumbled at the snake before running off.

The surface of her leg(s) must be mostly bite marks by now.

"I dunno HOW he keeps finding me either... I gotta look that snake up in a book later..."

I'd go with:

1. Kill snake with fire
2. Look snake up in book

But that's just me.

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Post 245, by Little Yoshi

Tim decided to get on the log flume ride. It was great! He decided to ride again, and still loved the drop. He also liked the idea about the cars being Tessies.

That does sound cool.

After that, he decided to see Chris, and suggest that perhaps the play be themed around Earthbound, the War Against Giygas.

I'm sure that had never occurred to him before. At this convention of EarthBound fans from an EarthBound website.

Yes/no/I'll think about it was Chris's reply.(only for Chris to decide).
All of a sudden, two Krakens emerged from the sea near the amusment park. Praying people would help him in this battle, Tim quickly got into his boat and engaged them.

He is not going to let this go until someone finally agrees to keep him company.

Before the battle began though, Tim linked the EB boss battle theme(battle with Carpainter, Mani Mani Statue, etc.) to the main speakers.

That is easily the sweetest battle music in EarthBound. It's used in precisely five boss fights: Starman Junior, Mr. Carpainter, Evil Mani-Mani, Clumsy Robot, and Ness's Nightmare.

Then, the world became a dark swirl.
Tim used PSI Super Shield Omega on the theme park.
"This may not last long, so we need to defeat them quickly!" Tim shouted.
Kraken used a Crashing boom Bang attack!
It didn't hit anyone!
The Super Shield made the Thunder disappear!
Kraken used a Crashing Boom Bang attack!
The Super shield made the Thunder disappear!
The Super Shield made the Thunder disappear!
Tim used Leap Slash!
314 HP of damage to Kraken B!
(join in if you wish...please!)

Why? You and your AC God Mode seem to be handling the Krakens just fine. Plus, you're annoying. Not seeing a positive angle for me in your plan.