Posts #436-440: 22 April 2000

This entire page, 40 posts, plus a few more on pages 10 and 12, took place on 22 April 2000. We're now in Day 11 of the Gathering, nearly 450 posts deep, and the rate of posting is still accelerating. No such sensation had ever been heard of before at starmen.net; it was all people talked about for quite some time.

And we're still not even 25% of the way through it post-wise, or 15% of the way through it word count-wise.

Post #436, by Tengu Man/Makron

(Sir, we're[Mani, and my group] in the LOWER village, the one in The Lost Underworld. The village with the "weird junk"[which Spectre is attacking] is the Deep Darkness one)

On the heels of Luna's #435. It took the both of them ten minutes flat to point out Monty's error. I don't know how long it took Monty to amend his post.

---

Post #437, by Pikachu3164

(Falcon: I always thought that in order to use the power of the Sanctuaries, you need to get the power from each and every one of them. At least that's how it worked for Ness and Co. So if I absorb the power from one, that's preventing you from getting all of the power.)

Yeah, but once again, only Ness was able to use the power at all. So bitching about how we're not being true to EarthBound, where anyway Ness had already absorbed all the power and you'd have to kill him to release it (or something), is going to get you nowhere. That's all been thrown out the window, and we're just winging it.

[Sure, Luna. I'll head to Giant Step, you head to Lilliput Steps.]
"Okay. I'll give out a psychic call."
[SM.Neters, we have Giant Step and Lilliput Steps covered. I repeat, Giant Step and Lilliput Steps are covered.]

3164 is still such an adorable rookie. If some other poster wants to try to steal your Lilliput Steps thunder, there's nothing you can do to stop him.

"There. That should do!"

So, Pikachu's group and Luna's group split up, Luna to Happy Happy Village, and Pikachu toward Giant Step Caves. Oh, and I need to know who's in my group! Nathan is in my group, that I know. Is anyone else with me?

I think this is supposed to be an OOC comment, as his IC comments are usually in those goddamn less than-greater than symbols that I'm still having to change to brackets every damn time I post.

Upon reaching the locked door...
Nathan walked up to the door, "Great. We forgot about this. How will we get through?"
[Oh, just use the Gaia Beam. I doubt it will stay locked.]
"Okay." Nathan used the Gaia Beam and blew up the door. Pikachu and friends ran into the cavern toward Titanic Ant.

See, that's what I'd figure on trying on the locked door on the punk rocker's house in Threed, or for that matter, the door that trapped Ness and Paula for a few days while they waited for Jeff to save the day. To quote the ever-wise diospadre on the matter, 'the girl can create fire for god's sake, and they're trapped by a locked door.'

"Humph. So that pitiful rat thinks he can steal the power of my sanctuary. He deserves to be desroyed. Neon Blue! Neon Red!"
Titanic Ant's 2 underlings, Neon Blue Antoid and Neon Red Antoid, ran up to Titanic Ant, "Yes, your royal highness?"

We still have no explanation for
(a) why Titanic Ant is alive,
(b) why he's back at Giant Step when there's no apparent evil megalomaniac alien calling the shots anymore,
(c) why Giant Step even matters, since Ness absorbed its power and shattered the sound stone a long time ago, or
(d) how exactly Titanic Ant knows anyone's anywhere near the Sanctuary. Does he have video surveillance that he watches from the standard Evil Villain Control Room?

"Prepare the Titanicystein Mark II!"
"Yes, your royal highness!"
with that, the two Antoids ran back into the Secret Giant Step Lab.
"Mwahahahaha! Now one can beat mw with my Titanicystein Mark II! Mwahahahaha! Mwahahahahahahaha! *cough cough*"

DUN DUN DUN

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-22-2000).]

Post #438, by Queen Catherine

((Sorry I wasn't here much... but someone briefly explain what's happening lately?))

If it were up to me, anyone making this kind of post would be immediately banned. Read the f---ing thread yourself, you lazy asshole.

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Post #439, by Luna

As soon as they had split up, Luna headed towards Happy happy Village and Mondo Mole. She had made her way through Onett and on to Twoson.

Why didn't she just teleport like everyone else?

She was almost to the path to the cave when she passed Paula's House.

Actually, it's called the Polestar Preschool, not Paula's House. That means 'house' should not be capitalized. The Polestars (we presume that is their name) are not looking for any extra publicity surrounding their daughter.

She knew Paula wasn't there, but decided to visit anyways. She walked into the Preschool and looked around.
"Uhmm... hello..." Paula's mother said, looking Luna over from head to shoe "And who might you be?"
"I'm Luna... I was just checking this place out. It looks so nice!" She said, smiling at Paula's mother.
"Why thank you! We do try to keep this place in order! You're so sweet, why don't you take this hand-aid! And you can have this Franklin badge too! Paula never uses it anymore, not since she beat that alien..."

Um, that belongs to Ness, actually. Why in the hell would Paula's mother have it?

"Gee, thanks!" Luna grinned, knowing that the franklin badge would deffinatly come in handy.

Not really. There's nothing anywhere near Lilliput Steps that uses any kind of electric attack. Unless... oh, god, no. She can't be thinking about fighting Carpainter again.

"I have to be going now, I'm heading for the vally just East of here"

Luna probably forgot what it's called. Peaceful Rest Valley, for the record.

"Be careful, and good luck!"
"Thanks!" Luna yelled back as she headed towards the path.
She got to the caves and headed in, battling various cockroaches, which were easily destroyed by a good SMASH with Luna's foot.

Whatever. Cockroaches don't live in caves, and even in the EarthBound world they don't live in that cave, or anywhere remotely close to it.

She got out of the caves, and decided to take a nap. It was such a beautiful day, and she still had a ways to go...

Luna is by far the most talented poster at leaving her posts open-ended, allowing for a subsequent poster to take her AC any direction he thought up. Well, 'talented' might not be the right word; prolific, perhaps. It's probable the better writers, the PSI322/Tengu Man/guruzeth/Chris/Falcon24 class, could have done that, but of course most IF'ers were paranoid about not letting other people f--- with their carefully plotted storylines. The main reason they were writing IF, rather than just writing a fanfic, was they knew at least a few people were reading the IF, whereas no one would ever read a fanfic they wrote.

As you'll see very clearly in the latter half of the Gathering, 'Collaborative Fiction' would be a much more apt title for this forum than 'Interactive Fiction'.

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Post #440, by Dr. Andonuts

(I'll be with Pikachu. But i don't think that there is anyone else in the group with me and pikachu. So pikachu, edit your post)

NOW, YOU SON OF A BITCH.

Nathan and Pikachu approached the cave. They enter and encounter an Amazing Attack Slug, a Neon Purple Antoid, and a Really Rowdy Mouse.
Nathan shoots his Gaia beam at the Amazing Attack Slug and amazingly it doesn't die.

You're right. I am amazed.

Pikachu thunders the Slug and it turns back to normal.

Thought: why don't you keep the little angsty bastard in a pokeball so he can't pester you while his zappity services aren't needed? Surely he couldn't object to that.

Nathan shoots the Neon Purple Antoid with his Gaia beam and it goes back to normal. The Really Rowdy Mouse attacks Nathan. 3 HP of damage to Nathan. Pikachu hits the Really Rowdy Mouse with Thunder. The Really Rowdy Mouse turns back to normal.

Good lord, this is boring. What made anyone think this kind of stuff is interesting?

"Wow, the monsters here are much more powerful than they are in EB," said Nathan.
[yeah, i noticed]
"You had better send out a psychic message that the monsters on the way to the sanuary guardians will be harder than usual."
[Ok, i'll do that]
[Notice to all SM.netters: The sanuary monsters are harder than they were in EB. Be careful]

Nobody really cares.

(Cool, i made the 12th page. And how do you pronouce SM.netters anyways?)

S-M-dot-netters.

[This message has been edited by Dr. Andonuts (edited 04-22-2000).]

Posts #431-435: 22 April 2000

Post #431, by Luna

"The sound stone!" Luna grinned gleefully, grabbing it from pikachu.
[Hey! What are you doing!?]
"Splitting it. If we're going in different directions..."
**crack**
[You... You broke the sound stone in two!!] Pikachu gasped.

Must've borrowed some of PSI322's incredible strength. Splitting rocks with one's bare hands?

Even though it was broken in two, the two pieces continued to glow and hum. In fact, the two pieces formed back into the shape they had been before they had been split.
"This way, your piece can hold melodies and so can mine. Look, they're both identical already!"

If the Sound Stone is regenerative, why don't we just split it into 150 pieces and give everyone one?

"It must have some sort of power..." Nathan commented offhandedly.
"Well, If it's settled, I'll go alone to Happy Happy village and beat up Mondo Mole, and Pikachu's group is going to go beat down a certain Titanic Ant. Is Everyone agreed? If so, I'll send out a Psychic call that we have those 2 sanctuaries covered."

Sounds like Luna's had enough of hanging out with Team 3164.

[Pikachu's group? Nathan? yes or no?]

It'll be interesting to see if they try to refuse and keep Luna around. HINT: It's wiser not to.

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Post #432, by Mani Mani

Prepare for a long series of one-sentence paragraphs. Mani loves her enter key.

Ness, Paula, Jeff, Darth, and Mani arrived from the teleportation in the Lost Underworld near the Tenda Village.
"Hey, wait, I just realized..." said Mani. "I'm not equipped to fight any monsters, let alone Carbon Dog."

Oh. Then I guess you're going to die a horrible painful death.

"We're right at the village," said Paula. "We can get you a weapon and some defense items, if you want."

Or there's that.

"Oh, that'd be great! Thank you very much."
"Well, we have plenty of money left over from last time. It's no trouble at all." They entered the ring of fencing separating the village from the dinosaurs and headed for the shop.

This is all tragically hilarious now that we have Mother 3, which informs us that at some point not too long after the events of EarthBound, Pokey/Porky handed Team Ness's asses to them and either killed them or wiped their minds and turned them into mindless drones for his own amusement. It's like a personal in-your-face to Tengu Man!

"Hi!" said the little Tenda shop kid. "Guess what, we have a new weapon in! It's the kind that the Tenda Leader uses." He showed them a hard, wooden staff, very simple, but very sturdy, with a heavy top. Ness and the other two Earthbounders recognized it as an almost exact replica of what the leader of the Deep Darkness Tenda Leader carried around all the time, only stronger.
"Wow, that looks like the weapon for me!" exclaimed Mani. "I just can't stand swords, even though I know a couple of the SM.Netters use them."

Because it's yucky to cut people in pieces, or because using swords is mindless and f---ing boring? Could go either way.

"You wanna try it out?"
"Sure!" She took the staff from him. It had good balance. The sides had been smoothed, so there would be no danger of splinters.

Any truly badass staff always comes with danger of splinters, requiring the badass wielding it to wear gloves at all times.

She twirled it around some, noting that it wasn't too heavy for her. Meanwhile, Ness was talking to Darth.
"Do you want a weapon, too?"
"Nah, it's all right," replied Darth, grinning. "I already have my own."
Mani had decided to buy the weapon.
"How much is it?" she asked the Tenda.
"Well, normally it's $3,000, but since it seems to fit you real well, I'll give it to you for only half the price!" After Ness bought the staff for Mani, he also got her a Shiny Coin (although she insisted he was spending too much money).

Man, this is literary masturbation at its finest. We're so cool!

But if you think this is bad, wait until the anti-Tengu group comes along and talks incessantly about how it's way too cool to hang out with the likes of Team Ness.

"No, really," he said. "You'll need it. It boosts your Luck pretty high - it may save you sometime." They also purchased a couple Horns of Life and some Luxury Jerky, just in case. Then they set off to meet Carbon Dog...

If only it were that simple to boost one's luck.

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Post #433, by SirMontyG

*SMAAASH*

"Specter took out the weird junk room, If this keeps up, there won't be much of a Tenda Vilage left!" Sir stated.

Shouldn't Electro Specter be focusing more on taking out Monty? The weird junk room was just sitting there minding its own business. But then, it makes not the slightest sense for Electro Specter to even be here in the first place, so the rest is just water over the bridge, really.

"Hey Sir, Anthadd you guys h.."

"Chris, duck!" Yelled Juliana, causing the trash can hurled by Electro Specter to miss by inches.

"Chris! In here!" Sir motioned to the two from the Tenda Inn. The two made a run for it, but the Specter noticed them and went after.

"Dive!" Exclamed Chris and him and Juliana rolled into the small room.

Probability Monty knew exactly what he was saying and intended it as an innuendo: 73%.

"Good to have you here, guys, we could use a few differing opinions for the debate we're having with the estemed gentalman from the 7th Sanctuary. Bring us anything?" Said Sir,

"Um, not really..but we did pick this up from the wepons dealer. Gave it to us free for buying the bats" Juliana gave Sir an odd jagged peice of metal while showing Anthadd her new wepon.

Ahmet the Black Market Arms Dealer would never give anything to anybody free. Not even AC's.

"Wait a minute, I think I know what this is! Chris, get me some duck tape from my backpack."

"Duck Tape?!" The three exclamed in harmony

Duct tape, actually. It is neither made from nor generally used on ducks. In fact, ducks have nothing to do with duct tape at all.

You only need two tools in your life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

"It's the same stuff Jeff used to fix a broken bazooka..Anthadd, Chris, Juliana, hold Specter Boy at bay for three minutes and I'll have this thing better than new!"
Sir started taping together bits and peices furiously...

If I were writing this, I'd have encased Electro Specter in a 12 foot thick ball of duct tape and rolled him into the swamp.

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Post #434, by Falcon24

(Just one question...Pikachu, in your last post you said that if the heroes absorb the power of one sanctuary, they could defeat the villains. Well, if the villains absorbed a sanctuary, would they cancel each other out? Anyway...)

Nobody listens to the voice of reason. If someone had, he'd know I already explained that villains can no more absorb the power of a sanctuary--or really, anyone other than Ness personally--than they can absorb the power of a burning 2004 Ford F-150.

Falcon shakes his head.

"Are you telling me that we can't get across!? Well, leave it to me."

Falcon crouches, then dives into the water. "How lovely, I never thought I'd be freezing my butt off on this vacation...then again, power is power."

That last part is pretty much the motto of Falcon24's life. And mine.

Falcon arrives on the opposite shore of Lake Tess, and EBPoo climbs out after him.

"Come on, Poo. We have a sanctuary to conquer. Just imagine, unlimited power will soon be ours...Well, what are you waiting for!? Let's go!"

Can't see how you're going to get unlimited power out of this. Ness didn't get anything near unlimited power out of it. He got a s---ton of power out of it, but not infinite. He had like 900 HP; he could still theoretically get whacked if he wasn't paying attention or something.

Falcon comes to a small cave, with a sign in front of it. "A dungeon, eh? This is pathetic..."

Upon entering Brick Road's long since abandoned dungeon, he engages a Mad Duck!

Damn. It's situations like these when a guy really wishes he had some duck tape.

"Wow, a fellow avian!" Falcon thought, as the Duck bit his toe. "Ouch! Why you little..."

Pecked, actually. Ducks don't really bite.

Falcon equipped the T-Rex bat and came out swinging.

He must have missed Pokey's lecture on how you're supposed to have your weapon equipped beforehand.

SMAAAAAAASH!!! The Duck went flying into the far wall of the cavern. A strangely familiar music piped up from parts unknown, and two large blue words sprung up from the floor and knocked him on his feet. "YOU WON!"

"What in the heck..." Falcon mused. A small box appeared on his arm, with two meters. One meter said HP, the other, PP. "Oooh...I get it now. So I'm gaining experience."

The experience of splattering the guts of a duck all over the wall with a baseball bat always makes you more powerful.

His Hit Point meter read 135, his PSI Points were at 70. I must find a place to recharge, so I can find out how many hit points I really have, Falcon thought.

After what seemed like several hours wandering through Brick Road's maze, Falcon's energy was wearing down. He equipped the T-Rex bat again and came out swinging! He quickly plowed through the rock walls, leaving a nice direct path to the exit.

"Come on, Poo. The sanctuary lies ahead...and then, ultimate power." Falcon exited the dungeon.

Question from the Annoying Question Guy: Why don't you just use your magical bat to tunnel through the walls straight to the Sanctuary?

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Post #435, by Luna

{Silly Sir, Mani's at the underworld tenda village! Tee hee hee!}

Huh. Monty must have made a massive edit after this (and Tengu Man's following post, #436) to drag Chris and PSI322 into the Ultimate Battle of Pointlessness. I like to think he did it on purpose just to tweak Tengu.

Posts #426-430: 22 April 2000

Post #426, by Luna

"I wanna go to happy happy village! I've always wanted to go there! I mean, you don't HAVE to have paralyzing attacks... I bet I could beat up that mole!" Luna said.
[only for pikachu to decide]

You don't actually see the [only for X to decide] tag much on this IF board, but I'm given to understand it's quite common out there in RP land.

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Post #427, by EBPoo

"Huh?" Poo zooms back into reality as he realizes Falcon24 was talking to him. "What the heck took you so long to get here, Falc Face?" Poo snaps annoyedly. "Luna, Tim, and Nathan are already gone! I wonder why they didn't wait for me. So what's this about defeating a giant mushroom?"

"Well...we can take over the world if we claim all the sanctuary locations for ourselves!" proclaimed Falcon.

So which one's Pinky and which one's the Brain? I feel like it's important to note this for the record.

"The world is ours, my friend. The world is ours," says Poo. The two travel through the thick snow, occasionally battling rabid dogs, cool crows, and hot-tempered goats.

I don't know. Gruff isn't really the same thing as hot-tempered. Gruff indicates kind of a general bad attitude about things. To be both gruff and even tempered is entirely possible, or even to be optimistic and upbeat but hot-tempered.

Soon the pair reached the camp of the Tessie Watching Club. "Oh great. What do we do now? We kidnapped Tessie, remember? How're we supposed to get across the lake! Aw, quit gnawing me, you stupid monkey," Poo says as he kicks a bubble blowing monkey away.

Poo thinks he's being clever, forgetting he's in the company of a dude that's spent most of his screen time so far flying around high in the sky. Then again, it's possible Poo still has a problem; Falcon24 isn't renowned for his kindness

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Post #428, by Dr. Andonuts

"I want to go defeat Titanic Ant," said Nathan. "I made a slightly modifed Gaia Beam that should help and I never liked Peaceful Rest Valley in EB. If its just us three(Luna, Pikichu, and Nathan) then why don't we go defeat Titanic Ant and then continue on to Mondo Mole?"

I can't see what Titanic Ant stands to gain by standing around at Giant Step, patiently waiting to be splattered into goo by one shot from Nathan's Gaia Beam; EarthBound's Gaia Beam (presumably weaker than the AC's) is strong enough to one-hit KO Titanic Ant even when wielded by a level 1 Jeff.

(oops, I posted right after luna did, so i edited my post to make sense)

He's not kidding. The last three posts are four minutes apart: 19:30, 19:32, 19:34. Such is the rate of posting on the Gathering in the evening.

Actually, I'm beginning to notice a pattern of shorter posts by the weaker/newer posters in the evenings, and longer posts by the stronger/older posters in the late night/early morning/early afternoon periods, probably because those guys write their posts in advance, adjust them for happenings and then post them once things slow down a little (or put the finishing touches on them just before or after school).

Yes, you'd better believe people take IF this seriously.

[This message has been edited by Dr. Andonuts (edited 04-22-2000).]

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Post #429, by Pikachu3164

Pikachu thought about it for a few seconds, then started talking, [Well, I've always wanted to go to Happy Happy Village, but if you really want to go there, I guess I'll go handle Titanic Ant.
[Hey, first, who else wants to go with me? Dave? Poryhedron? I know you two are here somewhere... ... ... Ouch!]
"What happened?" aked Luna.
Pikachu looked around for a bit, trying to find out what happened. That's when he saw a rock that stood out.
[I guess that rock fell on my head... I wonder how it got into the air... Hmm. There's some paper on it...]

Rocks fall everyone dies.

[It's a note!]
*Pikachu is reading the note out loud*
---------------------------------------------
To Pikachu and Poryhedron:
Although we have never met, we could be considered family. I am Mewtwo, most powerful of all Pokémon.

Since when does Mewtwo care about other pokemon, much less like them or feel big brother feelings for them? Mewtwo is a psychotic death machine that kills everything that moves without mercy, a genetic experiment gone horribly wrong.

At least, that's his in-game background; I'm sure the anime paints him in a more positive light, or something. Whatever.

Blah blah blah created by Team Rocket too blah blah blah... Ooh! Something interesting! Eagleland is in grave danger. 2 villians are out to absorb the power of the Your Sanctuaries. If they ever manage to absorb the power, the Earth will be doomed. You must go out and absorb the full power of at least one of these sanctuaries. By doing this, the 2 villians will be stoped. To do this, I have attached a Sound Stone to my note. Now go save the world!
Mewtwo

That... might be the most boring thing I have ever read in my life. Well, OK, outside of formal English classes. Pikachu3164 may be boring as all hell, but he's not nothing on John f---ing Knowles.

P.S. I can't help you because if even one more AC is added to this story, things will get even more confusing. Plus, there's the 1 AC a user rule set by PSI.

Mewtwo's so badass he breaks the fourth wall with ease.

---------------------------------------------
[Okay. Cool. I got the Sound Stone!]

Now the story has advanced to the point--common to most IF--where all the AC's are competing with each other to see who can be the most important, i.e., The Hero, which is of course pointless because they all ignore each other and no one ever wins. What fascinates so many internet people about unwinnable competitions is beyond my grasp.

(By the way, What happened to Q. Catherine and Mog? I don't think they've replied in a while.)

You say that like it's a bad thing. Way to summon them, doofus. QC/PP FHTAGN!!!!

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-22-2000).]

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Post #430, by Little Yoshi

???!
When Tim recovered, he was in the hopsital on a dark night.
"Wow, this hospital sure likes neon lights!" Tim exclaimed.
"No, I agree!" The nurse said.

Liyoshi has placed himself in Moonside for no explained plot-relevant reason whatsoever. Like many, he's now caught up in the Race to Do Cool EarthBound Stuff Before Someone Else Does. Pointlessness ensues.

"Huh?" Tim said.
"Perhaps you shouldn't go back to sleep, call me when you wake up!"She said.
"What the heck?! I shouldn't go back to sleep, but I should get you when I wake up?"
"Yes, yes, yes! Don't go to back to sleep! Sweet dreams!"She said, walking out of the room. Tim decided to go to sleep anyways, and when he awoke, it was about an hour later.
"Can I go now?" Tim asked.
"No, it'll be $140," She said.
"I'm paying before I'm starting to go?" Here," Tim handed her $140.

Of course Tim is carrying $140 around. Much, much more than that, since you asked.

"I'm leaving, bye."
"Bye!"
Tim walked out, and felt a super bomb in his face.
When he came to, he was back in the Hospital room."I'm much weaker than I thought!"
"No, I guess so..." She said, and let Tim go free of charge. Again, Tim met a Pump that threw a super bomb at him, and he was knocked out again.

Robo-pumps do nothing for three turns before throwing a Bomb, not a Super bomb, providing ample time to run like hell, should you so choose. I'm not certain Liyoshi has ever actually played EarthBound; I'm starting to think it's more like he's watched Chris play EarthBound while whining at him to get off the SNES already so he could play Chrono Trigger.

"You know, you should keep coming here..." The nuse said.

That's an even more badass version of a muse, of course.

"Why?"
"Well, it's rude to repeatidly visit again and again." She replied.
"That's just great, I'm gone!"

Would you mind? I'd appreciate that.

Tim said, ducking as he left the building, and ran outside to confront the pump. He attacked with Leap Slash, and defeated the pump. Suddenly, the Masamune transformed into a pinecone!
"What the heck?!" Tim shouted.
He put the pinecone in his blue backpack, and walked on. He saw quite a bright, golden light in the middle of the town...

I'll be amused to see whether anyone follows him into Moonside under equally pointless and/or nonsensical pretenses.

Posts #421-425: 22 April 2000

Post #421, by Little Yoshi

(Pikachu, In was saying that because I did know why, or at least think I knew why. Pikachu, I'm not mad at you saving me from Starstorm, we're great friends in this IF, right?)

My best guess as to why he cares whether 3164 is his friend or not is that he fancies himself the leader of his group, and doesn't want to lose influence. It would not surprise me to learn that today he's on the fast track to middle management.

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Post #422, by Pikachu3164

(Okay, first, Falcon, I fixed my post that you got angry about, so you may want to check it out and see if your happy about it. If you aren't, calmly let me know, okay? And Little Yoshi, yea, we are friends in here. Where did you get the idea we weren't?)

I don't know what exactly he fixed, but you can see the post in question as it stood after he edited it, and it's plenty obvious there what pissed Falcon24 off. Based on what followed, I presume he actually killed Falcon24's AC in the original post, then switched it to 'paralyzed' after Falcon flipped out and PSI slapped 3164's wrist and yelled, 'BAD!

' [Okay. I have paralyzing attacks, so I think my groups should go after Mondo Mole, whoever my group is. Luna, you go after Titanic Ant. He's close by.]

These guys couldn't give Team Ness all that much of a fight; they don't have a chance against these AC's. Can't they just submit a letter of surrender and go quietly into retirement?

"Sounds good to me."
[Okay. Want to come with me, Mog?]

God no.

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Post #423, by Falcon24

(s'alright, I got carried away myself. I'm used to real-time IF(as in an rpg in a chat room) so this is new to me...anyways, I guess it'd be a better idea to put this aside to combat a greater evil)

No way to be sure exactly what 'greater evil' he's referring to. Buzz-Buzz, maybe.

Falcon trekked back to Winters in order to locate EBPoo. After several hours searching through the thick, snowbound forests, he found him.

Numerous posters should take note of Falcon's correct spelling of 'trekked'. It isn't 'trecked'.

"I have been thinking, this bickering is a bit silly. I suggest a new gameplan. Do you remember the sanctuaries in Earthbound? Well it's a good chance that there are sanctuaries on this island, with guardians no less. Try to imagine...if we were to claim these sanctuaries as our own, the amount of power that would be bestowed upon us! I suggest we head for Rainy Circle and show a certain Fungus who's boss."

That's another thing. I'm pretty sure Ness was the only guy in the world that was able to make any use of the Sanctuaries; they're referred to as 'Your Sanctuary' only to Ness, i.e., Ness's Sanctuary. I'm pretty sure if evildoers could do anything with Sanctuary Power, they would have simply done so long before Ness ever got there, and that Giygas parked bosses in front of each one because that was pretty much all he could do, try to stop Ness from reaching them.

(I always love playing villains, they're so much more complex. Gotta love 'em. )

I would have guessed the main reason he liked playing villains was because he's an asshole and it comes naturally to him. (guruzeth fairly regularly played villains in the early IF stories, for the same reason.)

There's nothing that makes a villain more 'complex' than a hero. There are good writers and bad writers. You could say 'complex writers' and 'simple writers', but complex emphatically does not automatically equal good.

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Post #424, by Chris

Thanks to Dungeon Man, Chris and Juliana found the parts that they needed to repair the motor to the boat, and soon, they were sailing once again, back to Deep Darkness.

I honestly don't know what they need the boat for, since Juliana can so effortlessly tow the damn thing across a river with an inflatable liferaft and an oar.

They kept the raft with them, just in case the motor broke down again. After a few hours of travel, they found themselves approaching the coast. Chris noticed that there weren't any tents around, and he figured the captian must have closed up business (seeing as how he didn't have a boat).

Or perhaps the captain went back to his mob bosses and informed them of what happened, and you're about to get a few caps popped in your sorry ass.

Chris and Juliana tied up the boat, and started through Deep Darkness. Along the way, they encountered there

[sic]

first fight, and defeated a Zap Eel. After the battle, they gained experience from the fight, and grew stronger. With that, they discovered their own hit point counts.

"Man, I'm weak! Only 100 HP! And I always thought I'd do well if I was an Earthbound character." Chris muttered.

"Hey, I've got 110! I'm stronger!" Juliana replied.

I'd love to hear how the hell you survived an encounter with a Zap Eel then. It's just further emphasis on the irrelevance of HP, or any other measurement of health, for AC's, who are invincible.

And so, they continued making their way through Deep Darkness, in search of Tenda Cave and Electro Specter.

Though even at the level 14 or so that their 100 HP suggests, they can still wipe the floor with Electro Specter blindfolded and with their shoelaces tied together.

---

Post #425, by Little Yoshi

(Pikachu, it's just you said people were getting mad at you, so I got concerned, I don't want anyone to feel I'm mad at them, ok desu ka?)

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

"Pikachu, that's a good idea!" Tim said, and sped off towards the Fourside water.
After arriving, he docked and activated Security System 00.

THIS IS NOT CHRONO TRIGGER YOU CHUCKLEF--- WHY DON'T YOU GO WRITE ON A CHRONO TRIGGER BOARD AND LEAVE US ALONE

He went off to the Cafe, and walked up to the counter...

Posts #416-420: 22 April 2000

Post #416, by PSI322

This post is entirely content-free; it's PSI performing her supreme-dictator-for-life duties. Which makes it one of the more fun posts.

(I fear that, with all the posting that had been going on here so rapidly, I have not payed close enough attention to the content of some of the posts and storylines, and for that, I apologize.

You can tell she's extremely upset because she typed 'payed' when she meant 'paid'.

Why anyone ever thought appeasing Falcon24's neverending hate and anger was worth their time... can't say. And I say that as someone who did that very thing quite a bit, back in the day.

On the Interactive Fiction, a rule exists that prevents people from being able to kill off other people's ACs.

No one attempted to kill off anyone else's AC. Why are we talking about this? Oh, right... appeasement of wrath.

People are allowed to state, to some degree, when other people are injured, but usually, it is the author who decides this about his or her own AC, since most people feel uncomfortable stating this about a character that is not their own.)

Because people are freakin' sissies. God forbid anyone should have to do some creative writing to work their way out of predicaments. Let's bitch and moan and act all emo and hope the softhearted administrator bails us out instead.

(Furthermore, after rereading all of this more carefully, I can't understand why I neglected to see what's been going on here.

It might be because nothing is going on here, and therefore you have to reread it several times over to make yourself see something, because you want to avoid Falcon24 going even more berserk than usual.

Seriously, I've been reading this whole thing more closely than anyone ever has before, and... there's nothing here except the usual spate of bad writers doing what bad writers do. Good writers ought to either ignore them or just expend three sentences undoing the damage, not bitch and moan about it.

A back-and-forth style war ha been raging between several author characters, it seems, which is quite normal to see, except that this seems to have snowballed to a breaking point for several authors and ACs.

Then show them where the exit is!

PSI took it way too personally when people weren't at least 95 out of 100 on the happy-o-meter. guruzeth, on the other hand, if he were alive, he would have told them all to shut up and sit down, and then ignored their existence.

The posts quite blatantly show ACs trying to attack and get back at other ACs for hurting them in a previous post. Now, technically, there is nothing wrong with inter-AC combat, but when tensions are running high as they seem to be, intervention may be necessary. That is, I'm sorry that I didn't step in and tell all of you to cool it a little bit.)

PSI322 method: It's all my fault you're a bunch of morons! :( Please don't make me feel even worse than I already do :(

guruzeth method: SHUT UP OR I WILL KILL YOU

They made a great team, don't you think?

(I suggest that this hostile battle between these ACs cease immediately and that people allow their tempers to cool down somewhat. I hope that no one here ends up disliking Interactive Fiction or authors who post here over this storyline.)

Honestly, PSI, IF is probably better off without these kinds of guys.

(Basically, what I mean to say is, cool it, everyone, and don't kill or severely injure other people's ACs. Do that kind of thing to your own characters if you so choose.)

(I should have seen this earlier and done something about it, but I didn't, and for that, I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart. I hope that things can return to normal around here and that no one suffers because of this.)

~PSI322, Administrator - Starmen.Net

You have to admit: This is the very first time you've ever heard of the supreme-dictator-for-life of any internet forum talking anything like this, and being serious.

---

Post #417, by Chris

(People, keep in mind that we've just been assigned a new goal. We must now defeat the eight guardians. Currently, we have people spread out across the world in little groups. I suggest that each group try to deal with the guardians nearest them. Luna's group, for example, should try to take care of Titanic Ant and Mondo Mole. Those who are near Saturn Valley can attack Trillongage Sprout. Juliana and I will work our way south of Scaraba, and assist against Electro Specter and Carbon Dog.)

(People, let's work together here. We now have a mission in the IF; I suggest we try to accomplish it.)

Not to put too fine a point on it, Chris, but go jump in a lake. If you weren't an administrator, everyone would be all over your ass for trying to boss around other people's AC's. It's none of your business.

"Ah, Juliana, I think that we have a problem. We don't have much money, nor do we have much that we can trade. Except for our bracelets. Those have some value; I expect we can get weapons in exchange for these."

Sure. That should buy you each a Snake bag, which is the only weapon sold here.

"Good idea. I'll go look around and see who'll pay the most for them, you see if you can find a weapons seller." Juliana replied.

They split up, wandering around the market. Chris soon found Ness the SkittleBoy, who gave them some more money and supplies to keep them going. Chris thanked him and soon found a weapons merchant.

I have significant doubts that was anything close to what NessTSB had in mind. Maybe it's just me, but isn't this kind of thing even more offensive than what Falcon24 and 3164 were doing to each other?

He motioned for Juliana to come over, and before long, they had traded in the Silver Bracelet and Ness's gift for a pair of Big League Bats.

Which aren't sold in Scaraba.

They also traded in their remaining Gold Bracelet for two Silver Bracelets, and were equipped to travel.

"Look, we need to defeat the eight guardians. I left Sir back at the Tenda Cave, and I think Anthadd is there too. We can go join up with them and defeat Electro Specter and Carbon Dog." Chris said.

"Sounds like a plan." Juliana replied, using Chris's now famous phrase.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

And so, the two of them spent the night in the Scaraba hotel, and then hopped aboard Dungeon Man to get back to their boat...

I am reeling that Chris, plus others, are actually going along with this 'we have to kill the Sanctuary bosses to save the world, and pogopunk, who has global telepathy, is our leader' thing. I'm floored. In any case, this post seems like a demarcation point to me: The party is officially over; this is now officially a save-the-world IF thread.

---

Post #418, by Little Yoshi

At this point, Chris is posting, hopping off the computer, and Liyoshi is immediately hopping on it to post. This post was ten minutes behind Chris's, which is probably about how long it took him to type it up.

(Sorry, Falcon, but when someone starts tracking me down, and them starts taking pot shots at Luna, Nathan, and me with a cannon, I don't feel very comfortable sitting around and being blasted. I apoligize, I thought this would be a simple 1 vs. 3 battle)

For once in my life, I kinda agree with Liyoshi on that one.

"Guys, I've got a plan. Luna, you take a group to either Giant Step or Lilliput Steps, and Pikachu, you take a group to the other location." Tim said.

Tim's going to attempt to forcibly split Luna and 3164 up. I'd predict that will end comically badly, except with 3164 involved I can't predict how the hell it might turn out.

"So, who goes where, and with who?" Nathan asked.
"Well, I guess it could sorta work out like a Gym skirmish or something with Pikachu and Luna being Team Captains, kinda," Tim replied.
"Tim, you wanna come with me?" Luna said.
"I can't, sorry. I must duel someone/thing...alone. I know I'm being called to battle it." Tim replied.
"ALONE?!" Pikachu exclaimed.
"Don't even think about following me!" Tim said. "Sorry I can't help out here, but I MUST go."
And with that, Tim got into his boat.

I have to be honest, Timmy: I don't expect you'll have to worry about anyone trying to follow you.

If this is the old 'tell them not to follow me hoping they (Luna in particular) will follow me because they're contrarians' trick, only one of the oldest in the book, then it's just a smidgen ill-considered.

(If you guys don't like this idea, just say so, and please don't argue about who goes where and with who, I really don't wanna be responsible for crashing this IF)

No, apparently, your brother is trying to take that responsibility.

---

Post #419, by Pikachu3164

Okay. Falcon, I'm very sorry. I didn't think you'd get this mad at it.

Don't worry. Just work at it for six or eight years and maybe you won't be quite such a n00b.

But, you did attack other people first. And, if you attack another AC, someone has to get hurt eventually. It's impossible to get into a fight involving shooting stars at someone and no one getting hurt.

It's plenty possible when everyone involved has Infinity Plus One HP! Your violation of that basic tenet of AC-dom is what set this whole thing off. But, once again, I kinda agree with the 'Falcon started it' point.This did kinda play out as, well... what did Falcon expect would be the result of attacking three AC's, two of whom are manned by bad writers? It seems like he was surprised when they didn't simply bend to his will, and threw a hissy fit, doesn't it?

But, I am sorry. And that I hate Pikachus thing, I'll go fix that when I'm done here. Sorry.
Oh, and Tim, I did know why Falcon attacked you guys, but Pikachu didn't.
I hate it when I make people mad...

That makes you Falcon24's favorite kind of person in the world.

Oh, and Pikachu will go to Twoson with everyone else.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-22-2000).]

---

Post #420, by Tengu Man/Makron

"Just nice... we have to deal with some problems with Guardians." the referee said, annoyed with being contacted telepathically.

You and me both, brother.

"They must have come back when Giygas left." Paula pondered.

"I prefer we take out the worst of the problems: which would be those pesky canines, Carbon Dog and Diamond Dog." Jeff said.

On the basis of how tough each boss is at normal levels when you fight it, the list of Sanctuary bosses sorted by difficulty is:

1. Titanic Ant
2. Trillionage Sprout
3. Carbon Dog/Diamond Dog
4. Shrooom!
5. Plague Rat of Doom
6. Thunder and Storm
7. Mondo Mole
.
.
.
3,729. Electro Specter

If you don't use Paralysis on Mondo Mole, he's easily the toughest. Basically, once you have access to Big/Multi bottle rockets, everything's a cakewalk.

Of course, if you're an AC, everything's a cakewalk anyway, so you can just do it in whatever order you please.

"One of them is neutral, just so you know." said the referee.

"Who?" asked Ness.

"Diamond Dog. Carbon Dog has control on his body. If we beat Carbon again, Diamond will be freed." the ref answered.

That... is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

"Who are you anyways?" asked Paula.

"Just called me... um... "Darth"." said the ref.

You know, because it worked so well for Marty McFly.

"Ok... Darth... should we get Carbon Dog first?" asked Mani.

"Well, Luna's group is closer to a guardian than we. If Ness is willing to take us to the Lost Underworld, yes." Darth answered.

"Then it's a "yes"." said Ness, "Get ready everyone..."

Ness teleported the group to the Lost Underworld...

I find it wholly preposterous that Team Ness would so readily accept a weirdo in Darth Maul makeup into their group, but hey, dreaming is what IF's all about.

(Our group will handle Carbon, K?)

What if we say no? Tengu is pretty much just betting nobody will.

[This message has been edited by Tengu Man/Makron (edited 04-22-2000).]

Posts #411-415: 22 April 2000

Post #411, by Dr. Andonuts

"We have to defeat all the scanuary guardians? Great," said Nathan. "I'm going to teleport to Twoson to see if Ness, Jeff, and Paula are still there. Anyone else want to come with?"

Oddly, he paid attention enough to pogopunk's nonsense to follow up on it, but ignored the part where Team Ness is useless. Pick and choose what you find convenient, that's the beauty of IF!

---

Post #412, by Luna

"I'm in!" Luna smiled. "I'd love to beat up a gardian and even find out if I have PSI powers! Let's go!"

GEE I WONDER WHETHER SHE WILL TURN OUT TO HAVE PSI POWERS

* Luna is now level 53! Luna realized the power of PSI Speling alpha.

---

Post #413, by PSI322

It wasn't long before Chris and Juliana were waving goodbye to Dungeon Man and walking through the desert sands up towards the bustling city of Scaraba.

That's right: Six or seven adobe huts plus a half dozen vendors on spread-out blankets constitutes a 'bustling city'. Probability PSI322 is from a very small town, based on this post: 92.5%.

"I've always dreamed of coming here," Juliana admitted. "I think it's one of the coolest spots in the game. I love the Scaraba theme music that EarthBound has!"

It is pretty snazzy. Let's see, best town/location theme music in EarthBound...
1. Winters
2. Fourside
3. Happy Threed
4. Scaraba
5. Deep Darkness

I didn't count Magicant. Obviously it would rank highly if I did.

Chris nodded. "It's so strange to be visiting real locations from EarthBound, isn't it?"

"It sure is," Juliana agreed as the two of them stepped into Scaraba and looked around. "This is amazing, simply amazing," she said as she gazed at the marketplace, wide-eyed. "I can't believe we're really here!"

PSI322, you've noticed by now, is wide-eyed a lot. Maybe it's some sort of medical problem. She should get that checked out.

"Now, there's the marketplace," Chris said, gesturing towards it. "We might want to see about buying something that can be used in battle."

"Weapons, of course," Juliana remembered. "You're right, first things first. We can buy weapons now and admire the beautiful city later." She and Chris hurried over to the marketplace and looked at all the different tables where merchants were selling their goods. "Where do we start?"

Weapons available in the Scaraba bazaar: 1. Snake bag 2. Snake

Choose carefully!

---

Post #414, by Falcon24

(This is not an add-on to the story, I merely have to say this:

AUGH#%@G%#@!!!!! STOP trying to kill me character!!! God, if I had known that the IF boards were like this I would never have joined the story.

Well..... bye.

Where I come from, my character is not HURT, MANGLED, or UNCONCIOUS unless I say so!! Are people on the IF forums simply allowed to go around beating the crud out of other people's character?

To an extent, yes. And that extent is, 'until the other person posts, reverses all damage and responds in kind.' You seem to be slow picking up on how this IF thing works.

If you noticed I have not even ONCE stated that my attacks hurt anyone. And are people allowed to go stating points of view too? I just read that recent post on rules, and I think not. I mean, Falcon would never in a million years say, "Arghh! My own spell used against me! I HATE Pikachu's!" This is really beginning to tick me off. PSI, can you please clarify this for me, because if this is how things work I don't think I want to continue.)

I think I speak for most of humanity when I say: Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

You think he's overdramatic about pretty much everything, much? You'll have to get used to it, because it just might become a... a.... theme.

And no, I had no awareness of this post's existence when I explained to 3164 how he'd royally pissed Falcon24 off back there. I've e-met Falcon 24 before; that's pretty much all it takes.

[This message has been edited by Falcon24 (edited 04-22-2000).]

---

Post #415, by Ness The Skittleboy

Meanwhile,in Scaraba, Ness The Skittleboy was admiring the lovely pottery and various desert goods.

Note the total lack of explanation for how the hell he got to Scaraba. He's just there, okay?

He drank his Dr Pepper and deposited it into the trash can.

Humorously, a literal reading of this forces one to assume that after drinking the Dr Pepper, he puked it all into the trash can, since 'it' would refer to the Dr Pepper.

He quickly did a blackflip and landed on top of one of the adobes.His ki was feeling something strange,something out of place.

Yeah, I feel that way after I upchuck, too. It wears off after a couple minutes.

Two figures were entering the town,and their auras told him they meant no harm.But it was something following them that has the bad vibe.He quickly bounded off the building to meet the two visitors.

No, that's actually Chris. Everyone finds him a little creepy, but it's not so bad once you get used to him and learn to appreciate how harmless he is.

Posts #406-410: 22 April 2000

Post #406, by Traceh

Apon reaching the gates to the park, Tracy reconsidered.

I've already done the count-the-misspellings gimmick with loid, but it would work just as well for Traceh. WARNING: Do not turn this into a drinking game.

"Whats the point if not all the rides are finished?" she said aloud to noone in particular but herself. "Hmmmmmmmm.... time to go 'splorin. Off I go."

i.e., looks like I missed the boat by about thirty miles by waiting two days to post again. I'd better catch up to the gang.

Tracy trecked down the hill she had previously been the queen of (she had shouted it from the top) and made her way towards the sandy place that seemed to stretch forever.

Hey, as long as no one else nearby is armed, there's no one to stop you from claiming ownership and dictatorial authority over any piece of land you care to shout your claim from.

After a few hours of walking and thinking about the stupididty of not bringing an ample water supply for a walk through the desert, she happened to come across a water hole with a few palm trees. Lounging there were some odd monkeys, and even more odd....was the fact that she understood them.

I fear Traceh might miss the dessert/desert joke the desert-dwelling monkey makes, if she's not paying close attention.

Tracy chatted with the friendly monkeys for some time. They informed her of the dude that lived underground about a mile away and new a special teleport spell.

Yeah, it's not the old spell that Ness and everybody else is using.

"Well how else am I gonna get across the island without having to walk for days?" she told the monkeys. "Might as well give it a go."

She started towards the hole in the sand, hoping for the best.

Give Traceh credit for this: She doesn't care who else comes along. She'll just write her own damn storyline and it's plenty interesting, thank you very much.

---

Post #407, by Pikachu3164

Excuse me, but my overly curious mind wants to know where the hotel/amusement park/beach place everyone is staying at is on Eagleland.
I've seen some people get to Onett in a minute from there, but I've also seen people get to the Deep Darkness in a minute. Then, there's a few people who have gotten to the DDD in a minute....)

YOU ARE NOT PERMITTED TO ASK QUESTIONS NOW SIT DOWN SIR

No, seriously, man, the way IF works is, the fewer questions you ask, the better off everyone will be.

Falcon was hit by his Starstorm Omega! That had to hurt.

Wanna bet?

He then fell to the ground, umm... paralyzed. He's concious, but can't move (I'm trying to have him downed temporarily, but still keep him happy... If you don't want to be paralyzed, Falcon, just tell me, okay?)

Too late. You pissed him off at 'Falcon was hit', and royally pissed him off with everything that follows. Might as well slit your own wrists and save him the trouble.

"Okay. We're not being shot at anymore. Why is everyone trying to kill me?" asked Luna.

Okay... you know how the boy behind Luna wouldn't stop pulling her ponytail in second grade? Same thing.

Pikachu was next to Falcon's paralyzed body. [What do we do with this guy? Kill him? Let him go? Hold him prisoner?]

Get the hell away before this AC pissing match gets even less sufferable than it already is?

(Fun fact: According to blogger's dictionary, 'sufferable' isn't a word, but 'insufferable' is; therefore, I should have typed the stuffy 'more insufferable'.)

Tim went up to Pikachu and Falcon, "As much as I don't like the fact that he shot at us, let's just leave him here and get away from him."

Words of wisdom, my friend. You don't know how long it might be before Tim comes up with something else smart to say, so take full advantage while you can.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-22-2000).]

---

Post #408, by Little Yoshi

(Pikachu, I think the reason he attacked us was because he sides with the jellyfish, and also, we can't kill him, no killing other people's ACs, remember?)

Actually, people don't take so kindly to their ACs getting paralyzed without their permission, either. And that's the ethereal 'people'. You're not familiar with Falcon24, are you?

"Nathan, you don't have to work on the shield, I'll handle it.

I so called it. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's like calling the sun setting in the evening. But still.

You people can go have a good time...away from Falcon and the jellyfish." Tim said.

Wouldn't bet a lot of money on Falcon leaving you alone now.

---

Post #409, by pogopunk

after what felt like ages, pogopunk finally awakened in a strange new place. no longer near pink cloud, he could see towering pillars greatly decorated with symbols and markings.

I'll be honest: I no longer remember what the hell pogopunk was doing the last time he posted. I'm sure you don't either. *sigh* OK, OK, I'll go check. There's no need to be an asshole about it.

Haha! That was actually worth it. OK, his last post was #364, wherein he wandered around talking to figments of his imagination, then somehow went to Dalaam via a forest, got trashed by Thunder and Storm, and then sent out a psychic call for help that was mocked by SirMontyG and ignored by everyone else. Now you're caught up. Shall we continue?

the interior was greatly decorated, and there was a red carpet running through the room. it suddenly dawned on him that he was in prince poo's palace! quickly straightening up, he looked to see if anyone was around. through the doorway came a regal looking man, dressed in flowing robes and a posh turban.

"welcome young visitor, to dalaam. prince poo was exploring the cave of pink cloud when he came across you, unconcious.

I know, I know, you're not supposed to ask questions, but still: Poo already explored the s--- out of the Pink Cloud cave, back when he was part of Team Ness. Is he amnesiac or something?

departing his adventure for now, he quickly rushed you back here to the palace where we revived you with a cup of lifenoodles," the man said.

Apparently Poo was too lazy to just use Healing on him. (Or, if you prefer, insert variation of 'he must have used up all his PP impressing the girls' joke here.)

"i am poo's master, pleased to be at your service."

awestruck, pogopunk could only gape in awe of what he had come across. "and uh, like, where's poo now?" he could only murmur.

"he has run off again, on an adventure of sorts. you see, this island was not meant to be found. it is another earthbound to be specific. here the entire story that has been loved has been recreated, with the locales and such," poo's master began, "no one but the most devoted earthbounders were to find here, because it is they who must free us from here." poo's master paused, and drank a bottle of water. "here on 'eagleland' as you have called it, almost every part of the original has been reproduced, except this time, our four heroes are powerless. they may only guide your group to defeat the guardians and restore peace back. using psychic powers will come in most helpful"

If you're one of the probably many people who are mostly just reading the annotations and skipping the text: Knock it off and read the text. Except don't read this text. It will make you cringe so hard you'll have a headache for days. Look, I warned you.

Probability anyone's going to pay attention to this terrible attempt at establishing a heroic storyline: Near zero. For one obvious thing, there are way too many AC's running around to possibly form any kind of band of heroes from. The best you could hope for is one small group of people who follow something like what pogopunk outlined, while the rest ignore it and make up their own completely different storyline.

Which, if my memory serves, is basically what happened.

"and why do we have to do it? we just wanted to come here to party..."

Well... we don't. Because none of us are under any obligation to pay attention to you.

"ah, but you do not realize the possible peril that you have put yourself in. you must rid eagleland of the sanctuary guardians before you will ever be able to 'party.' already some of your comrades have fought, like anthadd and sir. find the four heroes, and they will greatly assist you.." poo's master trailed off, and ran to another room of the palace

sending out a psychic call, pogopunk warned everyone on the island of this new danger. chuckling, he thought the only problem were rogue jellyfish and crazy maniacal birds of prey and cows (?)

I hope he doesn't expect this psychic call to meet with any more acceptance than the last one did.

[This message has been edited by pogopunk (edited 04-22-2000).]

Post #410, by SirMontyG

~I'm you asked that, Mr. Chu!~
(annoying announcer voice)

~The habitable section of Eagleland Island, the hotels and everything, is located on the eastern shoreline. Streching for a few miles up and down the coast, this includes:
A large hotel
Olympic size swimming pool
Dance floor and entertainment
Numerous televisions and consoles scattered about
A full size auditorium
And the now infamous Chris Rock (get it?)

*facepalm*

Moving westward into the island, you may come across Onett, and if moving southwest, run into a forest that borders Deep Darkness. Northward is the yet-to-be-finished Amusement park, with virtualy no lines at all. And that, Pika, is the wonder of Eagleland Island!~

(someone correct me if I'm wrong on my info, okausta?)

SirMontyG has an inflated opinion of himself if he expects many people to take time out to correct him in print. Mostly they'll ignore this post and continue making stuff up as they go along, because honestly, no one gives a f--- how the island is laid out. They just go where they want to go.

Posts #401-405: 22 April 2000

Post #401, by loid

-meahnwhile at the amusment park-

That's two misspellings right off the bat.

"Perfect! Everyones gone and theres no lines!" said Kiyo as he headed for a roller coaster.

Two missing apostrophes.

"Uh you cant ride this, its not fini..."

Another missing apostrophe. There must have been an apostrophe Rapture! They've all gone on to the heavens!

"I dont care if I'm not tall enough! You carnies get paid either way!"

"But it isn't comple..."

"Look, why does everyone talk to me like I'm 6 years old?

Because you are, is my scientific guess.

I dont care if its intense or anything"

Two missing apostrophes; missing period.

"But im not allowed to..." Kiyo handed him a 20$ bill "Enjoy your ride, and please sign this insurance wavier."

Didn't capitalize or put an apostrophe in 'I'm'; no period after 'bill'; 'wavier' is misspelled, though I'm impressed he got 'insurance' right. I'm tempted to ding him for '20$', as I'm pretty sure he's an American and therefore he should be writing '$20', but I can't prove it, so I won't.

the ride went up, down then there was no track left so it lauched several miles over scrabia then fell.

Didn't capitalize 'The'; needs a comma after 'down'; needs a comma after 'left'; 'Scaraba' is misspelled', and needs a comma after it. This is turning out to be some of loid's finest work yet.

"Man what a ride! Good thing I landed in this soft quicksand. Uh oh, sinking, not goodqqggkkk....*"

Needs a comma after 'Man'.

OK! Final tally: 18 grammatical errors, but only 4 misspellings. That raises his totals to: 6 posts; 75 errors (12.5 per post); 20 misspellings (3.3 per post).

---

Post #402, by Pikachu3164

[Yikes! PSI Shield! Omega!]
A PSI Shield enveloped Pikachu and his friends!
"NO!" Falcon had already shot the Starstorm, and now it was heading right towards him.

What's funny is that even a hyperactive emo kid like 3164 can easily work AC God Mode. It's remarkably easy to pick up and play. Gotten bored with this pointless AC fight yet?

"NO! NO! NOOOOOO!"
[See what happens when you attack people... Hey, wait.... Why is he attacking you, Luna?]

I wonder... yes, I wonder. Why indeed.

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Post #403, by Dr. Andonuts

A gaia beam is a fine weapon for my AC. I'm not sure what weapons to give my AC right now.)

What a cop-out. Yet it's still preferable to wielding legendary uber-weapons from other games.

Nathan heard a low whining sound. "Oh-uh, Tim, it sounds like your boat's shield is about to blow. I'll see if i can fix it. In the meantime, we can use this," Nathan said, while taking out his force-field genorator and setting it up. He handed the Gaia Beam back to Luna, and started to fix Tim's boat's shield.

Translation: JESUS LITTLE YOSHI YOUR CRAP WITH YOUR SHIELDS IS BORING AS HELL WOULD YOU KNOCK THAT S--- OFF ALREADY

When you overdo AC God Mode, as Liyoshi is fond of doing, you will tend to irritate even your allies.

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Post #404, by Foppy King

(Wow. Leave for a day and there are 2 more pages.)

You're not going to believe this, but like 8 people have written precisely that sentiment already.

While Kiyo had gone to Saturn Valley, the Foppy King searched the Base. After finding nothing but a Magic Butterfly and some icky goo he took the cave to Saturn Valley.

Hey, man, a Magic Butterfly is a nice thing to find. It makes you totally relax, man. That kind of stuff is pricey out on the streets, man.

There he snuck into the hot springs. After a while, the Mr. Saturns noticed the Foppy. He was quickly kicked out of town. "Darn" said the Foppy King. "I was enjoying myself immensly." So he teleported away in search of another hot spring.

The only other hot spring is in Tenda Village, so unless he intends to make up some crap, it looks like he's off to elbow his way into Sir/Anthadd's storyline. Hopefully they'll wrap up with that worthless hunk of scrap metal sometime soon.

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Post #405, by Chris

After falling through several holes, Chris and Juliana arrived at the Vehicle Collection.

That reminds me: How exactly the hell are they able to fall at least ten or 15 feet down onto cement, repeatedly, without injuring themselves? Anti-gravity belts? If so, I feel compelled to ask again, why do they need additional equipment?

They took turns resting for a few minutes on the bench, having acquired several bruises during the fall, then started searching around for equipment.

Ah. Several bruises. Well, s---, I guess I stand corrected, then.

Don't you like how 'they took turns' resting on the bench? See, this is a Good Night Bench, where presumably one lies down on. Chris wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea, you know?

But then, of course, in EarthBound itself there are three people in the party when you come to those benches. Presumably there's only room for one person to sleep on the bench. But if Ness and Jeff can sleep on the floor and wake up equally refreshed... why the hell do they need the bench at all? RPG Logic.

Before long, they had managed to find a Gold and Silver bracelet, two Great Charms, and a Coin of Defense.

That's some pretty s---ty equipment.

Still, neither of them had any weapons, and they had to figure out how to get down.

That's going to make it tricky to cut down those trees like you promised.Maybe Juliana can use her incredible strength to just push them down.

Deciding that they could afford to push over a vehicle or two, Chris and Juliana started pushing vehicles over the edge to build themselves a step down.

Wait. Wait just a goddamn second. You fell down three holes to get to this place, but now, to get off the ledge, you have to build yourself a damn stairway?

Once on the ground, they found their way out of Dungeon Man. Chris then set to work with his blade in cutting down the palm trees, while Juliana searched the ship and the area for something that could be used as weapons.

FOR F---'S SAKE IF YOU HAVE THAT F---ING BLADE THEN WHY THE F--- ARE YOU WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME LOOKING FOR F---ING WEAPONS YOU CHUCKLEF---

After several hours of sweating and having to rest in Dungeon Man, Chris had finally freed him. Dungeon Man agreeded

Agreeded? That's loidian.

to carry them to across the sliver of water that divided North and South Scaraba, so that they could avoid the Pyramid. Once on the other side, it was a short trip north into the legendary desert market of Scaraba...

That's another thing. Ness and his merry band are able to slag their way through a seemingly endless ancient accursed pyramid chock full of hideous evils from the nether-world, but they're not able to cross a f---ing ten foot wide stream. I get that they had to go into the Pyramid in the first place to get a MacGuffin, but that doesn't change the fact that, after that, should they want to travel between North and South Scaraba, you can forget about crossing the river. It's all the way through the Pyramid or stay the hell in North Scaraba.

Actually, to get from South to North, teleporting is your only option, in EarthBound, because the Pyramid is a one way trip, thanks to holes.