Posts #1156-1160: 25 May 2000

Post #1156, by Jonathan

Jonathan soon heard about the gathering and joined it. "Maybe I can find a way to get Nintendo here so I can get a copy of Mother 3 for us to play.

Ahh, it's been quite a while since any randoms that I have no recollection of whatsoever have popped in with a two line post just so they could one day tell their grandchildren they posted in the Gathering.

---

Post #1157, by Falcon24

Falcon strolled out to the front entrance of the Police Station and sat down on a bench. He watched as a shady looking young kid(possibly a member of the Sharks) casually walked up to an old lady and 'relieved' her of her purse. He shook his head, but he vowed not to get involved. Besides, local law enforcement would handle the situation, he thought as he saw an Officer chase the punk down the street.

This is a delightfully passive-aggressive way of loudly rolling his eyes at guruzeth's fanatical pacifism.

Falcon sighed. Fighting was apparently in his blood, yet he didn't have the will to do it anymore. He was grateful for his new friends, but he could not think of any alternative other than combat. It was his state of mind, it was imbued in his very soul. He could not ignore it, and it would not go away.

He looked up to see guruzeth sitting at a table outside the bakery nextdoor to the station. guruzeth looked up from his lunch and stared at him. Falcon shook his head. "I can't just sit here. I'm sorry." He got up, pulled a baseball bat from the holster on his back, and walked back into the station.

To no one's surprise (and this annotator's pleasure,) Falcon24 is telling guruzeth to go f--- himself. The Six Friends have officially fractured and Falcon24 has announced he's starting his own group. Probably (I'm not reading ahead here, and you may be surprised to learn that I don't remember clearly what happens next) diospadre will go with him, the girls will go with guruzeth, and Chris will go off to sulk on his own. 

Falcon24 never saw the IF forum before the Gathering and doesn't understand the context of guruzeth's long feud with Tengu Man and disgust with this thread having basically become yet another Tengu Man and Company Kill Bad Guys and Save the World thread. He just sees guruzeth behaving like a complete douchebag and is responding accordingly. I think I speak for all of us when I say I can't blame him.

---

Post #1158, by guruzeth

After watching Falcon go back inside the station, guru decided there was no use in hanging around any longer. He rose from the table he was at and began what he knew figured to be a very long walk, about a half mile down the paved road and then turning into the thick jungle.

You'd think guruzeth of all people would know that Onett is situated nowhere within a thousand miles of a jungle. You know he's pretty worked up if he's throwing his prodigious EarthBound knowledge to the wind.

It had been a long journey, and for the most part an enjoyable one. He thought about how he first arrived, confused and disoriented, and then about the journey to and through Scaraba with Tracy, and how they were almost killed on various occasions; he thought about the group they had met up with that were now all inside a police station trying to beat up cops.

I feel the need to interject here and say: to the extent guruzeth was "almost killed" during his too touchy travels with Traceh, it was only by way of circumstances contrived by guruzeth to repeatedly injure himself. At no point was he ever placed in any danger by anything resembling combat, or by any other writer. What in the world is he bitching about? 

He must have read them wrong; he didn't see them to be the violent type. He followed a narrow path through the jungle; as he walked on and on, the forest began to grow thinner. Was he nearing another town..?

guruzeth is actually ditching his group and advertising his willingness to be picked up by another group, which he must know is likely going to include the kiddies. He of course is going to rendezvous with PSI322 almost immediately, but it appears he has no qualms about leaving poor Traceh in the dust.

---

Post #1159, by Little Yoshi

When Tim came to, he was in a cell. This wasn't much to his suprise, for he expected something like this. He saw Evil Mani Mani just outside the energy bars.
"So, you have awakened?" Evil Mani Mani asked.
"I haveth," Tim replied.

He's aping Frog's botched Shakespearean English from Chrono Trigger, in case you forgot.

"Would you like to know your termination date?"
"Ah, what the heck, sure," Tim said.
"...Well, you won't be terminated. But how would you like to live forever in that cell?" Evil Mani Mani asked, laughing.
"You think my friends won't break me outta here?"
"Well, considering the fact that they probably have no clue of the location of this base, and they are mere weaklings, no,"

The sad thing is that if anyone does attempt to come to his rescue, he will in fact make a point of forcibly demonstrating them to be both stupid and weak, so Liyoshi can look cunning and awesome by comparison. And people keep falling for it! I think the sheer volume of his posts is maintaining the kiddies' attention. It sure as hell lost mine a long time ago.

"Well, you've got another thing coming!"
"Oh I do, do I?" Evil Mani Mani inquired.(I'd continue this if there weren't a thunderstorm right now)

Carolina thunderstorms are nothing to be trifled with, so on this point, at least, I believe him. It goes without saying that he wouldn't dream of just leaving this post in Notepad and coming back to it in an hour. Who knows what new posts might have been made by then that would change everything! If you overlook the fact no one is paying any attention to Liyoshi at all. Liyoshi certainly is not overlooking that fact.

---

Post #1160, by Pikachu3164

((SuperSpeedy, Pikachu isn't a stupid head. He knows that Mew can learn Transform, along with every TM in the book.))

So there, asshole.

[Bored, bored, bored. Dr. Andonuts, when will the repellant be finished.]

"Cell Extraction/Dissection takes a while. My guess is a few days."

[But I don't have that long! Grr...]

Pikachu, bored, went upstairs. He decided the Mr. Saturn might be able to entertain him.

"BoiNG! eViL STaTue TaKe FRieND oF SMaLL YeLLoW RaT!"

[What?]

"STuPID Rat. You No uNDeRSTaND. eViL MaNi MaNi TaKe FRieND, TiM!"

I'm just shaking my head over here. Why? Why do people want to be friends with Liyoshi? Well, I mean, yeah, a lonely kid is going to be friends with anyone who speaks to them. Even if it's just to say, over and over, "I'm cooler than you. You know I'm cooler than you, right?"

[Great. When does the vacation actually start?]

"NoW! you HaVe No PP! No CaN HeLP FRieND, As HeaLiNG MaCHiNe BRoKeN!"

[Dang. Guess I have to sit here, bored stiff.]

3164's like, "I'm not going to pay attention to you until you pay attention to me!" Or something?

Posts #1151-1155: 25 May 2000

Post #1151, by guruzeth

"Forget it guys!" guruzeth said. "You can think about EarthBound all you like, but this isn't a bloody video game, and cracking someone's head isn't gonna get you anywhere except in a nize cozy jail cell of your own!"

"There's no other way to get him out!" cried Falcon. "We gotta do it!"

"Just wanna pick a fight..." guruzeth said lowly. "Forget it guys. Do what you like, but I'm not posting your bail after you get tossed in the slammer. I'll be down at the picnic table where we ate lunch, or else in a hotel somewhere if you need me. Don't waste your one phone call on me." He turned and walked out of the station.

Can you imagine being a Six Friends member (other than PSI322, who as we will see was fully on board with this, if vastly less aggressive about it) and reading this post, blinking a few times, and thinking, "what the f--- was that all about?" Especially since, you will recall, it was guruzeth who put diospadre in jail for assault in the first place. Like, what in the hell did he think the rest of the team was going to do? Hold a bake sale to raise money for bail and a lawyer? 

This is actually a pivotal post in the Gathering, because "guruzeth throws a temper tantrum and storms off every time anyone suggests anything resembling violence" is going to be a Theme for the rest of the thread (and--spoilers--he's not nearly done injuring his AC yet, either) and watching the rest of his team react to his antics is going to be delightful. If he were anyone but guruzeth they would have ignored him the same way, and for essentially the same reasons, everyone ignored Liyoshi. But since he's the Supreme Ruler of the forums, and since the other Supreme Ruler of the forums who is also the single most popular person at starmen.net at this time (PSI322) follows him around, so does everyone else.

I know what you're thinking: How in the world did such a pissy, foot-stomping child of a poster become so prominent? And the answer is: I have absolutely no idea.

---

Post #1152, by Dr. Andonuts

Nathan thought, "i wonder what Tim is doing? Oh yeah, i can contact him telepathicly." [Tim, are you there?] Nathan waited, and did not hear anything back from Tim. "Or maybe I can't contact him telepathicly."

I really have no idea what this is about. Liyoshi posted himself getting captured two posts ago, eight hours before this one (the school day intervened, during which only guruzeth, who was a week from graduation* and no longer doing anything at school, posted.) Why Dr. Andonuts is just poking Liyoshi here, I can't fathom.

* Feel free to re-read the above post #1151 and marvel at the fact that--you think I'm yanking your chain, but I am not--guruzeth was the oldest poster in the Gathering. He was 18, PSI322 was 17, most everyone else was 15 and down.

---

Post #1153, by PSI322

Juliana's gaze followed guruzeth as he stormed out of the police station. His words echoed in her mind, and in her heart, she knew that he was right, one hundred percent.

Being right isn't much help if you're so over-the-top, assholishly sanctimonious about it that most people would rather be wrong just to avoid being on the same side as you. 

Juliana looked timidly at her other friends and the police officers who were standing not too far away. She felt the sweat beginning to form on her palms and rubbed her hands together anxiously. Deep inside of her, she knew that this was not the real Juliana. The real Juliana, the shy, peaceful Juliana, would never even think of pulling a stunt like this. She could never bring herself to hurt someone, unless they had attacked her first, and even then, it was difficult for her; that was just her nature. She knew that there was no way she could engage in combat with the cops here.

Post 1151 demonstrated guruzeth's way of expressing disapproval of the behavior of his nominal allies. This is PSI322's way of doing the same. Though they are of one mind on the principle in question--namely, that AC violence in IF is dreadfully boring and they want nothing to do with it--it tells you everything you need to know about their respective personalities. 

I am pretty disappointed PSI322 didn't call guruzeth out at all for actually being the one to instigate this whole stupid police station plot, though.

Quietly, Juliana tiptoed towards the entrance, making sure that the others' backs were turned as she moved across the floor stealthily. Silent as anything, she opened the door and slipped out, completely unnoticed. She didn't care at the time that they would all wonder where she had gone; all Juliana knew was that she had to get away from there. She couldn't fight; she wouldn't fight for anything.

I wonder whether or not she was still thinking of the whole Stonehenge Base thing where other posters had her AC going all Conan the Barbarian on the sorry asses of several dozen Starmen.

Feeling relieved that she had made what she believed to be the right decision, Juliana walked away from the police station, wondering if she ought to try to find guruzeth or continue wandering on her own.

So this is PSI322 Gambit #7 on this thread, although this one has a new twist: it's not about escaping Chris this time, it's about following guruzeth. Why, in $DEITY's name why is the alpha female going so far out of his way to follow a guy who threw a public hissy fit over some insignificant thing that he himself instigated, you ask? 

Well, cut her some slack; teenagers make suboptimal decisions all the time. But it does cut somewhat back to some of the stuff I noted on Chris posts: that at least guruzeth isn't afraid to tell you exactly what he thinks and go off and do what he pleases, as opposed to Chris's maddening passivity and approval seeking.

---

Post #1154, by Chris

Speak of the devil! I can't wait to see how he reacts to PSI322's post. Will he follow her as he's done six times before? Or will he write her off for now because she has made clear that from here out she is going to follow guruzeth wherever he goes, and Chris must know how that will turn out for him?

Chris was continuing to mull over how to rescue dios. Falcon had spoken of fighting, but Chris wasn't sure if it would work here the same way it had worked in Earthbound.

This is pretty funny if you remember the combat Chris had previously engaged in back when he was dragging PSI322's AC all over the world while she remained silent for several hundred posts. To wit: it worked exactly the same way it worked in EarthBound, only much easier because he was an AC. But yeah, some random NPC cops are totally a major problem. 

I have a feeling Falcon24 isn't going to see this from quite the same angle.

Plus, none of them were in any condition to tackle a dozen unarmed police officers, much less if they were to use their weapons. On the other hand, the team didn't have any money, and they certaintly couldn't leave dios in the hands of the Eagleand justice system.

I actually think it would be pretty funny, and a subtly clever nose-thumbing at guruzeth to boot, if they did exactly that. Then diospadre could show up a few posts later with no explanation at all for how he got loose.

"Guys, we can't fight. We can't hope to win. We've gotta find a way to get some money. Any ideas?"

"We could sell lemondade." Falcon suggested.

"Right. 'Lemonade for sale to post bail on our friend.' Oooh, that rhymes!" Poo replied.

LOL. I swear I didn't read this before I cracked the bake sale joke up above. Maybe I subconsciously remembered this post from when I first read it, 18 years ago, but I doubt it. 

"Wait a second. Chris, don't you still have that bat you bought in Tenda Village a while back?" Tracy asked.

"Yeah." Chris said, starting to see where Tracy was going with this.

"So, we sell that, and Juliana's Frying Pan, and that oughta get us enough money to bail out dios!" Tracy finished.

Ohhhh, now that's clever.  

For maybe the first time in the Gathering, I am genuinely impressed with something Chris came up with. Selling all the weapons and gear to bail dios out is exactly what guruzeth could and should have come up with, if he didn't want to crack skulls. It would have annoyed the Violence Faction, pleased the Pacifist Faction, and it wouldn't have required him to behave like a five year old. 

Ascribing this stroke of genius to Traceh rather than himself is pretty generous, too.

"Good idea. Hey, Juli--" Chris broke off in midsentence when he didn't see Juliana in the waiting room. "Hey, where'd she go?"

The idea that Chris would fail to notice Juliana leaving the room shattered my suspension of disbelief into a million pieces.

"I didn't see her. She must have gone outside for some fresh air." Falcon said.

"I'll go check." said Poo. A moment later, he returned. "She's not outside."

"Well, I'm sure she'll show up soon. Probably went to town to get something to eat. Let's go see how much a merchant will pay for this bat." Chris said.

They told dios that they'd be back soon, and left to find a drugstore that might buy the bat.

And so Chris opts to stick with the rest of the SixFour Friends and, for the very first time in the Gathering's eleven hundred posts, not to follow PSI322 or even to angst out about her departure. A landmark! 

(As noted previously, Chris knows very well that his pursuit of PSI322 is now over and has failed. She's with guruzeth, both IC and OOC. He bungled it completely in numerous ways I have chronicled in probably excessive detail, but I admire him for trying. He gave it his best shot, and he's gracious in defeat.) 

---

Post #1155, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

[I understand, Pikachu,] said Mew. [My warp hole opens in random spots! And have you forgotten that my species can learn how to Transform?!]
[I know that!] shouted Pikachu.
Mew shook his head, and started changing. After less then a minute, he changed into Poryhedron.
"I can do whatever the original was programmed to do," said Mew, as Poryhedron.
Pikachu appauded. Then he went back to eating.
Mew transformed back, and said, [Hey! Don't hog the cheesy Saturn bar-shaped Delacacies!]
Pikachu looked confused.
[The Peanut Cheese Bars,] said Mew.
[Bone appiteit, or whatever,] said Pikachu.
After Mew ate one, he washed it down with a bottle of lemonade that he stole from Celedon Dept. Store's vending machine when he escaped from Team Rocket.
[Where'd you get that?] asked Pikachu.
[I stole it from one of Celedon Dept. Store's vending machine when I escaped from Team Rocket,] said Mew.

The Department of Redundancy Department approves of these last three lines.

[I store them in Pokéballs I stole from Team Rocket. I knew I'd need some food or drink, and storage for the food and drink, but I'm broke!]
Pikachu looked around like this: ; and asked, [Can I have some?]
[Sure!] said Mew. [Or you could have some Soda Pop, or some Fresh Water!]
[Just the Lemonade!] said Pikachu.
Mew took one bottle out and gave it to Pikachu, who chugged it down.
[Thanks!] said Pikachu.
[You're welcome!] said Mew.
Just then, a Tomato with eyes, which looked like this: ; hopped out. Suddenly, he turned into a cardboard cutout which looked like this: .

[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-26-2000).]
[This message has been edited by SuperSpeedy/ Mankey Boy (edited 05-26-2000).]

If you're just skipping the text and reading the annotations, you should cut that out and read the text. It's funnier than the annotations. But not this post. This time, you made the right decision. This is without question the most pointless post in the entire Gathering (thus far) that exceeded five lines. 

SS/MB edited this post at least twice a day after it was posted. God alone knows why.