Posts #526-530: 23 April 2000

Post #526, by Luna

Luna rolled over from her nap in Peaceful restful vally.

Peaceful Rest Valley. loid is so proud.

"It really IS peaceful and restful here..." Luna sighed to herself, picking up her backpack and heading on towards happy happy village.

I always thought the name 'Peaceful Rest Valley' rather ominous--as in, you will rest peacefully AFTER YOU ARE BRUTALLY MURDERED. Whatever you do, don't f*** with the trees. They're made of napalm.

Suddenly, 5 people dressed head to toe in blue and carrying blue paint cans and brushes jumped in front of her.
"What in the... Happy-Happyiests! AHHHH!!!"

Now what in the blue hell are these guys doing back? It's been at least a year since Carpainter disbanded that cult and every resident of the village agreed it was the dumbest thing since Walter Mondale For President.

Luna screamed, running for her life. She knew she had somewhere around 100 hp and 70 pp since she beat up some mushrooms, but all she knew how to do was teleport, and she knew one or two hits from these crazed blue guys would knock her unconsious.

Really? One or two paint attacks? You're going to take 50-100 HP of damage from paint attacks? What's your Defense rating? -55?

In EarthBound, Ness's Defense rating when he first enters Happy Happy Village (sans Hard Hat) is around 12, and he takes around 10 HP damage from the paint attack. It's quite puny.

"Blue blue! We must catch her and sacrifice her to the blue gods!" one blue guys muttered

I wonder what Luna was smoking right before she wrote this? 'one blue guys muttered'?

"No way! You guys are nuts!" Luna yelled back at them, picking up her run.
Suddenly, she tripped over somthing that reminded her vaguely of an iron octopus, and somthing very heavy hit her on the head. All went black.

On the other hand, Luna has always spelled 'something' without the e. It's just something she does. |Dan| always did that, too.

When Luna woke up, she was in a cell.
"PLEASE let this be some VERY bad dream..." Luna said, and pinched herself. "Owch! Guess not... This is so typical... I suppose I have to send out a PSI call looking for help... but still, this totally stinks! How am I gonna beat the santuary NOW!?"

Luna has officially made herself available for the rescuing. PLEASE GET SAFELY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE NERD RUSH BEFORE YOU GET TRAMPLED TO DEATH. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

By the way, has anyone reading this ever awakened themselves from a dream by pinching themselves? I know I never have. It's never actually occurred to me, while actually dreaming, to try. Usually, when I realize I'm dreaming and decide to voluntarily stop dreaming, I hurl myself in front of a passing truck.

Yes, really.

[This message has been edited by Luna (edited 04-23-2000).]

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Post #527, by Foppy King

"HELLO!" shouted the Foppy King.
"oh yes you can join us." said Tim and Co.
(I am angry for being neglected for the millionth time so now you are stuck with me.)

We continue to be utterly unable to care any less. And you're in for a rude surprise if you think anyone is stuck with you.

If you want someone to pay attention for you, please write some story. This is Foppy King's fifth or sixth post containing demands for attention with no content. That is entirely like too many people I know.

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Post #528, by Anthadd

"I hate twiddling my thumbs!" Anthadd cried. "Kiyo! Let's get Rainy Circle!"

That's right, ladies: Anthadd is a MAN OF ACTION.

"But has it been destroyed?" kiyo pleaded. "And on a more pressing matter, can we defeat Shrooom!?"
"With our bare hands, no. But with these little weapons-" Anthadd displayed brand spanking new developments in slingshot and yo-yo technology.

Wait. Did Anthadd just use the word 'spanking'?

"What are they?" Kiyo asked.
"The Machinegun Slingshot and the Kamikaze Yo-Yo. You take the Yo-yo. I'm too inept with them."

And I mean, come on, obviously I get the machine gun. You can play with the yo-yo whose name suggests that attacking someone with it will kill you.

. Arming themselves, the two SM.Netters rushed out of the lab, after stocking up on Beef Jerky and Bottles of Water, and into the Rainy Circle Cave.

I guess the bottles of water are just for a dash of realism. No one else to date seems to have thought much of the human need for at least two quarts of water per day or so.

...Meanwhile...
The fight against the Supreme Starman was at a standstill.
No one was landing any serious blows. The low PSI knowledge, if any at all, of the heroes, was hindering their ability to fight.

I'm not sure about the 'low PSI knowledge' thing, Anth. I guess you can slide by with it, as long as you accept that Tim will inevitably apply a non-PSI AC God Mode while PSI322 angsts out mid-battle and Major Asshole makes fun of Tim.

And Supreme Starman had low agility, so they were able to escape his attacks easily.

I'm honestly not sure what agility has to do with firing frickin' laser beams. Anth is just honoring the decades-old D&D tradition that Dex affects your to-hit roll, even if he doesn't know that's what he's doing.

"It's all but hopeless!" Juliana cried.
"Not unless we can break the shield!" Sir exclaimed.

I think you meant unless; I don't think you meant not unless, which is of course a double negative. Normally I wouldn't point out something so nitpicky, but come on, this is Anthadd we're talking about, of course I'm going to gloat over his every grammatical error when he was 12.

"But how?" Tim countered.
"How about with this little Shield Killer?" Osman proposed, dodging a beam.

Sure, man, you can try it if you want, but Shield Killers suck. Even after you finally get it to work, chances are the Super Duper Ultimate Supreme Starman Mark II will just cast PSI Shield and replace it, and then get a couple free turns while you keep fiddling around with that Shield Killer.

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Post #529, by Tengu Man/Makron

Darth, Diamond Dog, Paula and Mani then were given a signal to leave the cave, just in case the upcoming fight got too hairy.

Diamond said, "I think we need to let them handle this. They'll survive, if not beat him."

Paula and Mani were nervous about leaving Ness and Jeff.

Aww! That's so cute! Little softy Ness and Jeff need their big strong women to pwotect them!

"Are you sure?" asked Paula.

"Really, I don't anything happening to them." Mani replied.

"I know, but we must find out about this ninth melody. We have to get to the lab." Diamond Dog said and used Teleport Gamma[his own teleport] and took them into the labs.

I'm still marveling at how many AC's Tengu is getting away with operating here. I think it's mostly because, right now, nobody except Tengu himself is reading his posts. PSI322 certainly isn't.

*******

"Yes, I know about the ninth scantuary. It's also one of the most rare types, as it isn't powered by the Earth." said Dr. Andonuts.

And I didn't tell Team Ness about it back during the war against Giygas because, you know, I decided, who the f*** cares.

The language 'one of the most rare types' is golden. Tengu is reserving his right to keep cranking out sanctuaries until Team Tengu And Paula 4-Ever is at the 3,281st sanctuary and the Earth crashes into the Sun, if people try to mess up his storyline.

"What... is it?"

"It's powered by a Heavenly energy, and only one with a pure heart can unlock the shining spot.

GEE I WONDER WHO THAT'S GOING TO BE

The enemy there is also a very dreaded being, called the Ginack."

It's got huge, sharp... it can leap about... look at the bones!!!

Darth thought... he had an idea of someone who could unlock it, but who? He couldn't pinpoint who, but he knew it was someone...

(BTW, let me decide the character that can unlock the last santuary, k? You can decide where it's at if you want.)

I can't really promise you anyone's going to read this, so all bets are going to have to be off as to whether your instructions here will be followed. It's not like it's a big damn secret who's THE CHOSEN ONE PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW, anyway.

Tengu is surely smart enough to know he's not allowed to lord this much control in an IF. (He'd be crying bloody murder if someone tried to reserve such future plotting rights away from him, certainly.) He figures his force of personality will suffice to cower everyone else into letting him have his way, as long as he doesn't tweak PSI322 too hard.

[Also, you're free to use Ness and Jeff now at any time.]

Throwing a carrot to entice people to think him reasonable, knowing no one will take control of Ness or Jeff, who the masses regard as boring.

[This message has been edited by Tengu Man/Makron (edited 04-23-2000).]

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Post #530, by Falcon24

Falcon stood there, stunned for a moment. "So...the sanctuaries are powered by the Earth...and cannot be destroyed? Just great.."

Yielding the point to Tengu Man? Suspicious indeed. I haven't read the next paragraph yet, but I will bet heavily it either (a) contains some threat to do something even bigger and badder, like blow up the world or something, or (b) contains some kind of attempt to force the story off the 'Sanctuary' railroad tracks Tengu laid down and get away from the concept altogether. (Or both.)

Falcon backed off from the group, then halted, thinking. A twisted smile grew on his face. "Ahhh...so it is not the power of the sanctuaries I am absorbing..it is the power of the Earth itself!" Falcon looked up. "You fools! I possess even more power than you could imagine! I'm drawing it from the Earth itself...and I share a link with the Earth as well!! Now...SUFFER!!!!"

Looks like (b) is the winner. Mostly.

Falcon waves his hand and a large chunk of rock rips right out of the cavern wall. Falcon sends it hurtling towards the small band of heroes...

Wait. Which small band of heroes is this, again?

Falcon's full-on using the Force now. Darth Tengu should appreciate that.

Also, okay, maybe (b) isn't the winner just yet after all. This looks more like stalling for time, hopefully inducing the 'heroes' to run off a few posts about it, while he decides what direction to go next. Well played, even if he might not have been fully aware of what he was doing.