Posts #633-634: 25 April 2000

Post #633, by EBPoo

Luna and pogopunk battling...? Poo realized that what he was seeing had taken place hours before. Geez, this Sanctuary is powerful, Poo thought to himself.

Haha. That was a funny way to complain about lack of posting. One point for Poo.

Poo walked up to the Sanctuary guardian and challenged him. "Hey, I challenge your for the power of the Lilliput Steps!"

"You? Want to challenge me?" snicked Mondo Mole.

"Well, why not? You've been beaten once today," replied Poo in a mocking tone.

"I'll show you!" yelled Mondo Mole.

Apparently when a Sanctuary boss gets killed, it immediately gets revived so it can be slaughtered again by the next AC that wanders by. It's like that greek god that was punished to spend eternity getting his liver eaten by a berzerk eagle every evening, only worse.

"Sorry, but I have five friends here who have a score to settle with you," said Poo confidently as he threw five Pokéballs on the ground. The five Guardian Diggers emerged and began arguing. "I'm third strongest!" "Well, I'm third weakest!"

"Moles, moles, moles, go attack him," Poo commanded as he pointed to Mondo Mole. The Guardian Diggers began attacking Mondo Mole as Mondo Mole screamed "AHHH! My shades!" Without anyone to bother him, Poo walked to the Lilliput Steps where he claimed the power with his Sound Stone replica. As luck would have it, the Skyrunner II had landed here. Poo joyfully got in and proceeded to Dalaam.

He's not doing anything useful or interesting, but at least he's got style.

---

Post #634, by PSIOsman

Alan's PSI Tsunami attack disappeared before it hit Osman's Nightmare...

"No, Alan. This is a battle I must fight for myself, to defeat the evil within me."

Well, that was a boring way to get pissy. Much better would have been to have PSI Tsunami kill Osman's Nightmare, so that Alan gets all the superpowers, and then embark on a roaring rampage of revenge, harassing Alan for the rest of the story. I wish I could go back and play IF knowing what I know now.

Osman and his Nightmare matched blow for blow, slash for slash. Their swordfighting was a blaze of light, happening at such a speed no eye could keep pace. Osman was running on instinct, but he was also tiring quickly.

By Gathering standards that's a riveting narrative. By normal standards it's a cliché storm.

"Maybe I should give up... The others have..."

But then, as PSIOsman was battling the smiling Nightmare, he remembered...
He remembered Alan, the surfer...
He remembered Juliana and her remarkable creativity...
He remembered Sir and his Monty-Python-ness...
He remembered... reid's pants...
He remembered all the others, and how hope rested on his shoulders...

The realization that he already had the power to begin with, because of all of his friends. He fought with renewed strength and courage. A slash to the right brought Osman's Nightmare's guard down. Osman ran him through the heart. But, as soon as the blade hit him, he disintegrated. Alan ran up to him.

OK, then. That would be really heartwarming--and kind of EarthBoundalicious--were it not for the fact none of these people would call Osman an acquaintance, much less a friend. It looks more like his way of tossing his entry into the Juliana Derby, subtly, hoping she notices. You know, because she's really short on internet admirers.

"Whoa, dude, you were great!"

Osman's Scimitar was suddenly filled with power. It started to glow faintly, then with a strong blue shimmer.

His prize is a Scroll of Enchant Weapon?

Osman held it above his head dramatically.

Alan's surfboard started glowing too. It grew razor-sharp blades on the sides, and it became slimmer and lighter, giving him the ability to use it as a weapon.

And to cut his hands off and possibly disembowel himself trying to carry it.

He could also glide on it for short periods of time.

Osman heard his own voice, and Alan heard his, but both saying the same thing:

"You are powered up... Your final battle is at hand... you must defeat Falcon and get the final Sanctuary... and your friends are in danger... go... to... T-h-e h-o-t-e-l... The hotel!

He's just copying Earthbound line for line here.

Osman and Alan opened their eyes. They were just outside the Lavos crater. Lavos' shell was regenerated...

"Dude, there's like, nothing we can do here." stated Alan.

"Quite. We must go back to the hotel, to stop Falcon once and for all!"

Yeah. That'll happen.

All that drama just to rush into another AC God Mode pissing match?

Osman held his Shimmering blue Scimitar above his head and ran toward the nearest transportation. They hailed a taxi.

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 04-25-2000).]

Posts #628-632: 25 April 2000

Post #628, by SaturnAl

After an hour of surfing, Alan thought he should catch up with Osman. All of a sudden, Alan saw a gold statue-Alan's nightmare!
"Dude! What a tubular statue!"

Tubular (adj) Of or pertaining to a tube. (Seriously.) 

"Like, I am not a statue, man. I'm your dark side. I'm that tsunami that'll take you sometime."
"No way! I can surf any wave!"

I am genuinely curious about how SaturnAl became this obsessed with surfing. I would also be curious as to whether he had, at this point, ever actually surfed in his brief life. I'd give odds of 4-to-3 against.

With all that anger, Alan became conscious of a new PSI--Tsunami
Alan used PSI Tsunami! 1300 HP of damage to Alan's nightmare!
Alan's Nightmare used PSI shield Beta! He was protected by the psychic power shield!
With all his might, Alan took his surf board, and whacked the nightmare with the fin. SMAAAAAASH! 978 HP of damage to Alan's Nightmare! You Win!

After the battle, Alan saw Osman and his Nightmare.
"PSI TSUNAMI!"

If I were PSIOsman, in my next post I would get killed by the PSI Tsunami. You've got to take these guys away from what they expect. Make them think.

...to be continued

---

Post #629, by PajamaManV4M

(well, my plot is starting to get smelly, so I want to join another part.)

By "smelly" he presumably means "dead" or "ignored". The parenthetical comment is unnecessary, as reading the post would make obvious that he is abandoning his attempt at starting a plotline and tagging along elsewhere.

Zakk, PajamaMan, and Moo-Heimer continued through the Lumine Hall. It was completely empty. Zakk seemed to become the all-powerful leader, and PajamaMan and Moo-Heimer were just little sidekicks. As they took another turn, Zakk made more weird expressions on his face as if he was sensing something. All of a sudden, he turned around.

I still have no clue who Zakk is.

"I sense evil. Very large evil power."
With that, Zakk busted through the roof of Lumine Hall, and headed towards Lavos.

(is this OK?)

Noooo! Don't show weakness. Now they'll pounce and tear you to shreds. 

---

Post #630, by pogopunk

satisfied that F4lx0r had departed, pogopunk settled down in his recliner and went back to sleep. he had just about dozed off when an oozy, slimy, plate of jell-o landed on his face. "ooooooh.." he moaned.

"heheehehehe" luna snickered, and she ran off. turning over, he started sleeping, unfazed by the jell-o. it started spreading around him, and by the time he woke up, it had covered him completely. groaning, he went upstairs and took a shower. he thought he could hear luna chortling nearby.

Add that to the "I can't believe he got that past PSI322" file. 

after he got back out, he went to the beach, and listlessly played with the sand, bored. his only joy was screaming "baby eater!" to the various passerbys. "hee, hee, hee" he giggled, laughing at their misery.

I do not think anyone's reaction to a 12-year-old screaming "baby eater!" at them would be misery. It would range from "scurry away and possibly notify the police" to "grab him by the ear, toss him around a bit and look for his parents". 

[this marks the going-away of me for awhile. i just dont find this fun anymore. maybe if something interesting happens, i'll post again. bet you wont miss me! ]

That's the third poster to proclaim he's leaving forever and don't try to change my mind I'm dead set on it I'm leaving now bye. Like the other two, he'll stay away for no more than 20 or 30 posts. If that.

---

Post #631, by Anyone

AnyoneEB appeared near the rock where Chis and co. were 'resting' and asked where's the action? He found that he sould join Pajama Man in Lumine Hall and teleported immeditialy. He asked if he could join their group and help get the Lumine Hall medialy.

(Wait a minute, someone already got it!)

The odd thing is that this post was not edited after being posted, meaning he knew Team PajamaMan was already to Lumine Hall and gone, but posted this anyway. Bizarre.

Also bizarre: I don't know why AnyoneEB dropped the EB from his user name when he registered on the new Starmen.Net forums.

---

Post #632, by TsuramiSea

Oh god. Get ready for it. TsuramiSea was possibly the most prominent of the Tengulings, and he resembled Tengu Man more than any other poster that wasn't actually Tengu Man multi-accounting. He didn't have Tengu Man's controlling personality, but he could nearly match his writing skills, and he usually wrote very... very... long... posts. And generally he aligned with Tengu Man in every thread, and was the designated guy that talked to guruzeth and tried to convince him Tengu wasn't a bad guy. Didn't work. Eventually that got Tsurami shunned and then banned; actually, if I recall correctly, it will be later in the Gathering that he and guruzeth flip out and get in a piss-fight. Good times coming!

I won't be annotating this very long post very much. Just thought I should give you an introduction to a guy that will be one of the major players in this thing from here forward.

(Back on the shore of Eagleland Island....)

A boat pulled up to the side of Eagleland Island. A single figure stepped off, and the boat pulled away. It was a boy dressed in long clothes (not very befitting of the heat there) and sneakers. He glanced around. He was finally on "Eagleland Island". He had found out about this place on SM.Net. A big fan gathering was to be held here. However, he was days late, and it was almost over. Before he got ready to go, he had to beg and plead his parents to let him go, promising he'd be okay and that he'd come home safely. Then, using a weird teleport device he got from UPS, he transported himself to the official "Eagleland Island ferry" that the SM.Net staff had set up. He was glad to have such an easy way to get to the island. He wasn't sure whether or not he would be given a ride home or not after it was all over, but he didn't worry about that at the moment. He walked along the shore of the beach with a suitcase and a backpack on his back. "Hello?" he called out. "Where the heck is the big party? HELLO?" Nobody answered. "Pfffft, I guess I have to find it myself...." The boy walked along the beach until he came to a solitary figure sitting upon a rock.

Not very exciting, but you see that the above is actually a structured, on-point paragraph, which marks it as about the fourth such paragraph in the Gathering so far. I also notice--I don't remember noticing this at the time--Tsurami seems to write in long strings of short sentences. I think there are more periods in the above post than in every loid post combined.

"Hello there," said the figure, another boy, with a smile. "Who are you?"
"Hi," said the first boy nervously. "I'm wondering if you know about the SM.Net gathering on this island?"
"Sure! I was one of the people in charge. You might know me as Chris, moderator on the SM.Net forums." He extended his hand.

You'll also note that Tsurami, unlike almost everyone else, is willing to wade right in and write dialogue for an AC that his AC had not spoken with before. Most people avoided that for a good reason: it carried a high risk of pissing off the other poster.

The first boy shook Chris's hand. "Hello."
"Who are you?" asked Chris.
The boy looked at the ground and said, "I'm TsuramiSea." He said it in a very plain way.

Well, it does make sense, since Tsurami's writing style, while refreshingly coherent, is also very plain.

Chris looked him over. "So, you're TsuramiSea, huh?" He laughed. "You're not as hyper as you act online."

Oh god yes. Actually, Tsurami on the IF board was usually almost Anthaddian in his seriousness and attentiveness. This marked him as very, very different from Tsurami on the other forums and in #earthbound, where he was a typical hyperactive 12-year-old with a twist of Tengu for seasoning. I think this dichotomy developed mostly because when he wrote on IF he was emulating Tengu Man, who he kind of idolized.

"No, that's for sure," remarked TsuramiSea. "So, where is the big party?"
"Disbanded," explained Chris in one word.
"WHAT?!" shouted TsuramiSea, startling Chris with the sudden loudness. "I came all the way here and missed it?! I guess I should've known it was a waste of my time!"
"Wait a minute, it's not over," interrupted Chris. "Actually, it's supposed to be still going on. It's just that everyone else left. They forgot about the party and went to explore the island."
"Explore the island? Some party activity," mumbled TsuramiSea.
Chris smirked. "It's because Eagleland Island contains the REAL Eagleland on it inland, as well as Foggyland and Chommo."

I have no foggy idea what Foggyland and Chommo are. But he forgot to mention the Chrono Trigger crossover everyone else is bananas about right now.

TsuramiSea blinked. After some moments, he remarked, "Wow, a video game I like turns out to exist on our world. Pretty weird. So, what time frame is Eagleland in right now?"
Chris sighed. "Well, Ness and the others weren't up and saving the world, but another evil was attacking. So we had to go collect the Melodies. Then Falcon24 showed up, but he's evil for some reason, so he wants to destroy the world. And now Lavos came down when Falcon24 summoned him."
TsuramiSea frowned. "Falcon24 always did seem a little volatile. Oh well.

Hahahaha! You noticed, huh? Can't slip anything past ol' Tsurami.

If everyone's trying to save the world, why are you here all alone?""I got tired of adventuring," shrugged Chris, "so I just came back here to think about what's happened. I suppose you'll want to explore Eagleland too?"
TsuramiSea thought for a moment, and looked at his backpack. Then he answered, "Nah.... I brought along my mallet for fun, but I'm not a real hero. I'd probably be a coward in a real dangerous situation like this. I'll just stay here."
Chris seemed pleased. "Great. Maybe you'll join me, and we can talk?"
TsuramiSea smiled a little. "Well, that sounds all right... but first I want to see what the party was like. Where are the main area and the buildings? I'm assuming we weren't staying outside the whole time."

Let's think about why Tsurami seems so intent on befriending Chris (with or without Chris's approval for the moment.) Is it...

a. Because he, like, Chris, finds the violence detestable?

b. Because he wants to ingratiate himself to an administrator and guruzeth is AWOL (and scary anyway) and PSI322 is too lofty for mere mortals?

c. Because Tengu's trying to extend a tentacle in Chris's direction?

d. Because it seems like the safest thing to do, since Chris always seems to welcome companionship, whereas jumping into someone else's violence may have unpredictable results?

You decide! The only guidance I'll offer is that, based on Tsurami's writings elsewhere, (a) is unlikely.

Chris pointed inland. "The main SM.Net area is around the coast and slightly off of it. You can explore it, but no one's there. Hope you'll join me later, I wouldn't mind the company." He paused. "By the way, TsuramiSea's not your real name, is it? Or do your parents have strange tastes?"
TsuramiSea looked at the ground again. "Sorry, too paranoid to say."
Chris gave Tsurami a mock-scolding look. "Do I act like a stalker?"

ROFL. That is the single funniest line in the Gathering so far. Give that kid an Awesome Point!

(In case you haven't read much Gathering before reading this, the Gathering could feasibly be subtitled: meticulous documentation of Chris being a stalker. And said documentation isn't even close to complete yet. 

Tsurami laughed. "Well... okay, but for now, don't tell anyone else...." He whispered his name in Chris's ear.

This is getting a tad uncomfortable. Can't wait to see how Chris responds to this.

Tsurami is not doing this on purpose; he's 11 or 12 years old and may not even have hit puberty yet. He's just trying to communicate Chris that I trust you, you can trust me!

Chris nodded. "Okay. Well, see you later, I hope!"
"Sure thing, Chris!" called TsuramiSea, headed toward the SM.Net special buildings....

(Yes, this is really me, not the magic-using adventurer. Don't pull me into the Lavos plotline. If I want to enter it, I will. I just want to see the party for now.)

Now that is right out of the Tengu playbook.

Posts #626-627: 25 April 2000

Post #626, by PSI322

(Mention has been made of my saying the story could be funny. Note that I said a blend of humor and seriousness would be best; also note that funny and crazy are not synonyms. Thank you for listening.)

That was awesome. Don't worry PSI, I remembered.

You'll notice how PSI322, being extraordinarily nice, declined to say "stupid" even though she was probably thinking "stupid", and substituted "crazy" instead. But it's OK, neither is a synonym of funny.

Still back in Winters, Juliana stood outside the Stonehenge base. "Wow, this is weird," she said, confused. "I haven't been online in almost two days, and look what happens! The old story gets messed up and archived, and a new one starts to thrive!"

Tim (at least I think he's still in Winters, correct me if I'm mistaken) looked at Juliana funny. "What are you talking about?" he said.

Juliana suddenly shook her head. "I have no idea what came over me, Tim," she replied.

Even PSI322 is getting in on the remarking about what a crazy huge thing this Gathering is.

"Let's just ignore that. I must be recalling a strange dream I was having, or something. I dunno." She looked around at the Winters scenery and wondered what she would do next. "You know something, Tim? I know we're supposed to be off on adventures, battling guardians and collecting melodies, but I think I need a break right about now."

PSI322 gambit again! I need to go back and make a running count of how many times she has decided she needs to go for a walk by herself. I know from memory this is at least the third time, so we'll start the count there.

When we get there, we'll also keep a count of the PSI322 gambit's bastard cousin, the guruzeth gambit, wherein guruzeth tells somebody to go die in a grease fire--not quite that politely, but you get the idea--and then takes off to stew in his seething rage.

Tim nodded a little. "That's understandable, actually," he commented. "I mean, I think we're all getting pretty run down from all of this."

PSI322 is just continuing the recent theme of complaining that the Tengu/Falcon24 crap is, well, just that: crap. And tiresome. You have to understand that, while you may regard the injection of some saving the world into the Gathering as welcome, what's happening is Tengu and Falcon24 are turning it into every other IF thread. PSI322 can't stand that. She made this thread intending it to be something different.

"I think I'm going to go off on my own for a little while," Juliana said, going over to where her knapsack had fallen when she'd crash-landed the Sky Runner nearby. Gathering up her things, she waved at Tim and started walking towards the Pond Cave. She would travel through Winters for a while on her own; after all, Juliana had always had a thing for soul-searching and silent reflection.

This time you'll notice she tacked on that last sentence and the specific words "on her own" to try to ward Chris off for a while.

---

Post #627, by Luna

Luna, who had been, at this moment excersising her PSI powers by attempting to drop a plate of floating jello on the sleeping pogopunk's head, looked up at F4lx0r. Luna sensed an evil aura revibrating around him, and kicked pogopunk in the head.

Wow, she actually wrote pogopunk back into her plotline. Chris could only dream of such a thing. Luna may legitimately be fond of the guy.

"Owchies! You idiot! That hurts, y'know!" a grumpy pogopunk yelled.
"Look!" she said, pointing at F4lx0r.
"...what?" pogopunk asked, blinking at the guy.
"...you can't sense anything?"
"Only that you're nuts. Lemme go back to sleep."
"riiiight..." Luna mumbled, turning to F4lx0r. "We'rehavinganaprightnowwe'dappreciateitifyoucamebacklaterbyebye!" she smiled at him, pushing him out of the commom room and slamming the door.

That bit of humor comes straight from EarthBound, which Luna actually did play. There's a moment in the game where you're on the phone with Apple Kid and suddenly there's *KABOOOOM!* and Apple Kid saying, "uh, I'mhavingsomeproblemsheregottagobye!" *click*

"Hrm. Maybe they're not total fools after all..." F4lx0r thought to himself, and walked off to start thinking up an evil plan.

So this deliciously Luna-style post exists to tell Falcon24 to piss off, he can't dictate what other AC's detect and don't detect. (Of course she is right.)

Posts #617-625: 25 April 2000

Post #617, by pogopunk

[ahem, i've noticed that we've stopped reading each other's posts. lets try and follow what other people have already decreed now. poo, i'm looking at you..plus, i'm far away from pink cloud now, oy, come on, dont ruin this if with silly, inane, nonsensical posts!]

The Gathering has gained so much speed that it's become difficult to keep up with what's going on in your own plotline. Keeping up with the various other plotlines is out of the question at this point, unless someone had superhuman reading skills and endless patience.

Case in point: pogopunk hasn't read Major Asshole's post immediately preceding. Not that it would likely change his point of view if he had.

back at the hotel, pogopunk relaxed on a recliner eating a gelato de resort. luna walked in and started tittering at him. "hee hee, you know only women like those..*giggle*"

"grrumph! i've had a hard day, and these taste good!" he said irritably. "bah, get out!" and with that he through his gelato at luna, although she had already left and hit his door room.

He meant room door. Perhaps he's a little lysdexic. Also, if you're enjoying the gelato so much, why the hell would you throw it at someone?

sighing, pogopunk sat around, not knowing what was next. he was tired of battling, and wished f4xl24911 or whatever and lavos would disappear.

Obviously his AC is just a mechanism for him to complain about the Gathering's devolving into Every Other IF Thread, But More So. I have my doubts this will change Falcon24's mind.

But this is an important thing to understand if you're going to post in IF: you can get away with a lot of griping and complaining if you pretend it's in character.

after all, this was supposed to be relaxing, but he hadnt done any relaxing the entire time. he started to pray for the safety of his battle-weary allies, and hoped they would bring back peace. forgetting all about the current eagleland woes, pogo got up and went to chris' room to discuss a fun new sm.net event.

Chris is starting to get staked out, with Major Asshole going to his rock and pogopunk going to his room. And is pogopunk really leaving Luna behind here? What is wrong with this kid?

---

Post #618, by Chris

(People, it almost seems that the original IF ended about the time everyone went into the inner island, way back in the first topic.

Thanks, Chris! We're glad you posted for the first time in like 150 posts to point out something we all already know.

Also, Chris is obviously responding to pogopunk's complaints here, but Chris is doing it wrong; to wit, he's doing it out of character, in parentheses. Perhaps he thought as an Administrator he was empowered to do that, but it's still bad IF form.

Now, I don't mind having some adventure, but we're in a new story now. Now, we're off to save the world against Lavos and whatever Sanctuary Guardians may remain, not to mention Falcon. When I get around to writing about this, I'll probably write a totally different fanfic based on the first part of the story.

I'm not even sure what that last sentence means. Does he mean he intends to try to compile the party/dance section of the thread (which ended nearly 400 posts ago) into a fanfic? If so, he never pulled that off.

That said and done, let's continue, it's still a really good story...)

No... it really isn't. I'm not sure how you, the reader, are feeling at this point, but this story has been quite dull the last 100 posts.

(Oh, and, if anyone goes looking for my character, Chris is still sitting on his rock on the beach. He probably won't leave until many people return or a truly desperate situation appears.

Major Asshole is already there. You're a tad on the predictable side. I would assume by "anyone" Chris has Juliana in mind, at least much more so than Major Asshole.

I'll continue reading the IF, but until above conditions are met, I probably won't be posting in it for a while. Anyone who wants to join me on my rock, we'll find something to do there, I'm sure.)

Did you catch his conditions somewhere in the above post? I can't find them. Now I'm thinking maybe that confusing comment above meant he isn't interested in saving the world and may jump back in later to try to organize another party. But I think it seeps through in his writing here that he knows no one is going to even look in his direction, much less follow his lead.

---

Post #619, by Luna

Luna relaxed on a sun chair out on the beach. Nothing bad, nothing good was happening.

Didn't take her long to get over pogopunk.

"Ahhh... Relaxation... just the way to have a good vacation..." Luna smiled to herself. "Hey! That rhymes, AGAIN! I'm good at rhyming things..."

Anybody want a peanut?

and with that, Luna flipped over and fell asleep.
"Moles, bad.... Zzzzzzz..."

Haha. Luna left little ambiguity in her theme in this post: I am bored as hell.

I fear that the Gathering as we've known it is, at this point, pretty much over. There are another 1,100 posts or so left, but the Gathering is in the process now of reorganizing into a save-the-world epic with Falcon and Tengu driving the car.

---

Post #620, by Falcon24

(wheeee...it's fun to be the bad guy. Ok, where was I? Oh yeah.)

Yes it is, yes it is. It's fun because it brings you a lot of attention; you tend to appear in a lot of other people's posts. guruzeth was the first to figure this out in a thread called Yet Another Interactive Story that predated the Gathering by eight months or so. And as I mentioned once before, Falcon24 bore/bears many similarities to guruzeth.

Falcon walked through the halls of the deserted hotel. "Awww dang! Where are they? There has to be SOMEONE here..." Suddenly Falcon spotted pogopunk and Luna. "Excellent...they won't knoe it's me because of my disguise...and since Lavos has weakened the Earth, if I destroyed the Sanctuaries NOW, there won't be any hope of those do-gooders gaining all the melodies and defeating Lavos. Now, if only there was a way to collect that 9th melody...."

I would think Falcon24 knows full well that Tengu is going to tell him, in so many words, to go f--- himself, and then the kiddies will follow suit. I think he's just doing his evil villain thing.

Falcon approached Luna and pogopunk, disguised by the power of Lavos. "Hi! My name is F4xl0r. I just arrived here and I heard some things about melodies. Maybe you guys know something?" Meanwhile, Falcon thought to himself. ~These fools will be perfect. Only the pure of heart can touch the 9th melody, and if they capture it for me I can destroy it!"

Again, obviously he is divulging his supposed plan knowing it will, sooner or later, be dashed. Obviously this is not the real plan, assuming (this is not a safe assumption) there is one.

Elsewhere, Lavos continued to feed off the Earth. =+"It had been long since I fed off a planet, and fortunately my servant Falcon has supplied me with enough energy to utilize new techniques..."+= Lavos mused. The consumer of worlds focused its energy, and began to regenerate its outer shell.

---

Post #621, by Gauntlet Wizard

Siris was hopelessly lost. He just decided to teleport back to Eagleland Island. As he arrived on the beach, he promptly saw one single person sitting on a rock. It was Chris.
"Hi there," Siris said. "Are you as confused as I am?"
Chris looked up and answered...
(I don't really feel comfortable filling in other character's words, so...)

Haha. I don't know if Gauntlet knew what he was doing there, but I love the chances of asking Chris if he's confused resulting in high comedy.

---

Post #622, by PSIOsman

In front of Alan were two portals. One had an image of a warm, sunny beach being slammed by monstrous waves. The other showed stars, stars never before seen by any human.

"Hmm. I think that one with the killer waves is mine and that other one is yours." Said Alan.

"Quite. It seems that the Magicant you enter is decided by your own mind... Alan, you go through yours. We will meet at the Sea of Eden," replied Osman.

PSIOsman's last post was the previous night. Likely he has tired of waiting for SaturnAl to post, and is now forging ahead without him. This is actually a pretty skillful play, putting SaturnAl's AC in a spot where, if SaturnAl never posts again, the AC can safely be forgotten forever, but if SaturnAl does show up, he can effortlessly get his AC caught back up.

"Are you sure? I don't think I want to continue..." (SaturnAl, this is your chance to leave the IF temporarily, if you want. Or, you can stay in it!)

Yeah. So there's little doubt as to what PSIOsman's up to.

There's a 98.63 percent chance the remainder of this post may be safely ignored for the rest of your life.

"If you enter into your Magicant, I'm sure you can find a way to leave. If you leave, wait for us by the rock at the hotel.

With that, Osman and Alan jumped into their separate portals.

None of that is really how Magicant works, but I guess it IS Osman's Magicant.

Osman felt that the forces of good were weakening.

He journeyed across the face of the strange planet, meeting creatures of his imagination and people of his past. He managed to reach the white tentacle and transported himself to the Sea of Eden. He encountered a horribly mutated Kraken, that spewed acid and toxic breath. However, it was quite easy to defeat.

Once again, that is exactly how you handle random battles: skip right past them. Everyone knows you are invincible, which automatically renders all battles boring.

Something in the Sea of Eden was augmenting his Scimitar's power. When he reached the pedestal in the center of the Sea, a familiar person stood there...

"Hi, Osman!"
PSIOsman gasped!
The person said: "You will not stop Falcon. I must destroy you now."
The person drew a Diamond Scimitar...

PSIOsman entered a battle with Osman's Nightmare!

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 04-25-2000).]

---

Post #623, by Carbon Dog

NO! not falcon? , i mean NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This guy has never posted in the Gathering before, and I haven't the slightest idea what in the hell that was about.

---

Post #624, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

~~back with Dave's & Pikachu's group~~
"We've gotta stop Lavos!" said Dave. "But I'm just a boy with no powers! How can I stop an evil entity?"
Just then, Poryhedron fused into David! Once fused, Poryhedron uploaded powers that his AC, OmegaSpeedy, had!

• Dave became OmegaSpeedy!
• Poryhedron left OS's body!
  

"Let's go, Poryhedron!" said OS.
Poryhedron lifted Pikachu on his(Poryhedron's) back, and both OS and Poryhedron flew out after Lavos.

Um, yeah... I guess. Whatever gets you excited, kiddo.

---

Post #625, by Pikachu3164

All of a sudden, Wierd Being from Space appeared!
It used PSI Cryogenically Freeze on Pikachu!
Pikachu was cryogenically frozen!
Wierd Being from Space retreated1

Yep, this is my way of saying I'm out of this IF until this becomes a normal vacation story again. It's just gotten to wierd again. SuperSpeedy, if you still want my Sound Stone, you can have it.
If things become like they did when the story started again, I'll come back.

It loses all its effect if you have to explain it, 3164.

So this is the second official announcement (I'm not counting Chris's as official) that I'm leaving this stupid thread forever. Like Anthadd, 3164 will stay away for all of about ten posts. All he really needs is for one of the other kiddies (likely SuperSpeedy or Mog116) to give him a pat on the back and say "aw, I care about you!"

Posts #609-616: 24 April 2000

Post #609, by EBGuy

After a rough journey, and some hardships, EBGuy makes it to summers! Huurah Huurah!
[EBGuy] Here I am! Finally!!!
[Dude] Like, dude. I'm a dude dude. Dude. So like, whats up dude?
[EBGuy] umm.. The sky?
[Dude] Oh hoho! Man thasts funny dude! DUDE!
[EBGuy] Do you know where I could stay for the night?
[Dude] Yeah like, Thats hotel over there dude.
[EBGuy] Thanks... "dude".
[Dude] DUDE! *runs away*
EBGuy enters the hotel only to find out that he'll meet someone he has never met before in the next episode!
[EBGuy] I'm gonna kill that narrator

------------------
"Okashii na.... namida ga nagareteru. Hitotsu mo kanashikunai no ni..." -- Quatre from Gundam Wing.

EBGuy will continue writing all his posts as though they were IRC chats. In a smaller thread several people would probably ask the reasonable question "what the hell?" but here there's no time. Gotta keep up!

---

Post #610, by PSIOsman

PSIOsman and Alan heard Mog's cry, but they were far too late...

The battle with Lavos had been initiated.

"Like, uh-oh, dude..." muttered Alan.

Alan cast PSI Surf on the huge, grotesque entity that was Lavos. However, it just bounced off! PSIOsman leapt at him with his Scimitar... and was thrown backward!

Lavos' chest panels opened and charged a Destruction Beam. Osman and Alan lost all hope. They were unable to touch Lavos without the power of the melodies.

He's really beating on the whole "gotta catch all the melodies!" thing until it's long dead, and then beating on it some more. One of the unfortunate elements of IF as an actual story--you know, that you'd try to read and follow along with--is nothing is ever really explained. In this case the reader would by now have thrown the book through the nearest window in frustration in not understanding what the hell these Sanctuaries have to do with anything.

Lavos fired the Destruction Beam. Osman held up the Scimitar, in a feeble attempt to stave off certain death. Alan and Osman were engulfed. Their vision went black...

But, after a time, Osman realized that he was not dead. He opened his eyes. Alan was next to him, alive but unconscious. The Diamond Scimitar, like a faithful friend, was at his side as well. He looked around at the pink ground, the multicolored vegetation, the snowmen, the strange people...

They were in Magicant.

And just when we thought the Sanctuaries thing was bizarre... there's this mindf---.

---

Post #611, by EBGuy

And that person was...
..
...
....
Svbman!

He's following up on his own post with no material from anyone else in between, and it's near certain he never read PSIOsman's intervening post while he was typing this one up. Which is, obviously, against IF rules, but again, nobody's ever going to read this.

[EBGuy] Do I know you?
[Svbman] Maybe.. I'm Svbman!!

Svbman was a real person (well, a real user account on starmen.net) that has never posted in the Gathering before, that EBGuy is now introducing. I'm pretty sure they weren't the same person, but... you never know.

[EBGuy] I'm EBGuy.
[Svbman] I know you!
[EBGuy] same here..
[EBGuy] Wanna come with me on a journey to find everyone else?
[Svbman] Umm... Nee!
[EBGuy] I take that as a yes.
*Next day*
[EBGuy] Yawn.
*walks into the lobby*
Svbman is running around
[Svbman] Wah wah!
Svbman runs into a wall
[Svbman] ow..

Wow. SuperSpeedy's had his Sugar High Trophy taken from him. Emphatically.

It remains unlikely that, with the possible exception of Svbman showing up and posting, anyone will ever notice EBGuy's posts unless/until he intrudes on someone else's storyline.

------------------
"Okashii na.... namida ga nagareteru. Hitotsu mo kanashikunai no ni..." -- Quatre from Gundam Wing

---

Post #612, by SirMontyG

[Sir! Why did you pick up the Sound Sapper!? You should have been tosted on the spot!]

"Well I didn't know THAT. Look, I've been hopping around, geting put in tubes, smashed by bosses and geting diched in the desert! And it wasn't like Falcon was gonna put a "Don't Touch" sticky note on the thing! Besides, I think I know why it didn't take me out: after looking up the file log of the events of the island on your computer, it seems as though it's done it's purpose already: the wakining of Lavos. Which is just super. Ahh, but I'm rambling, thanks for saving me back there Pika!"

[no prob] Pika! *did the victory symbol*

"Man, this is going fast. It started off where we were having a beach party and geting away from all the "Saving the World" stuff, but I guess us Starmen.netters just like adventure." Sir said with a smirk. "I've gotta think this over...thanks again Pikachu!" With that, Sir took his saxophone which he left at the hotel and headed over to a rocky outlook of the ocean. "Hey, Chris. This rock taken?"

This supremely awesome post serves three identifiable purposes:

1. Getting the hell away from 3164. Clearly that wasn't what he was hoping for when he dangled a "SAVE ME" at the end of his last post.
2. Remarking/complaining, in an actually well-framed way for once, that this thread has really become pretty stupid and uninteresting lately.
3. Trying to get back to what is interesting and entertaining, namely: making fun of Chris.

Where has Chris been, anyway?

---

Post #613, by Svbman

That certainly didn't take long. I'll now be paying attention to the clues and making up my mind whether EBGuy and Svbman are the same person multi-accounting. The IRC-style name tags are certainly substantial evidence that they are.

**Svbman gets up**

[Svbman] I needed that...
[EBGuy] What the??
[Svbman] It's a long story, let me tell you...

**Svbman takes EBGuy to McSaturn's and he explains his story**

[Svbman] So, I was at home, playing on the internet, when I suddenly read about the SM.Net Gathering. I was curious, and decided to go. I was really bored and my school didn't really mind that I left.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure my high school would not have minded if I had left, either, except for a few stray teachers bemoaning, as they always did, my proclivity to waste my potential.

So, I packed my really cool laptop with the antenna cable modem and was off. Not knowing where the heck to go, I walked to a Psycic place and went inside. There was a lady there.
[Lady] Welcome to Psychics R Us. We give you info on stuff that is going on.
If you would like Yoga, go through door one.
If you want Palm readings, go to door two.
If you want info on why we are a cheat company, go to door three.
If you want to know your future, go to door four.
And if you want to go to Margaritaville, go to door five.
[Svbman] And, as you guessed, I went through door five: Margaritaville.

LOL. This post just became incredibly awesome.

As I entered, I heard Jimmy Buffett music playing all over the place, with the smell of alchohal filling the air.

"Alcohol" has slain untold legions of spelling bee champion hopes and dreams.

Suddenly, I was pulled over my a very nice looking woman, who offered me a 2-leter bottle of Surge. I took it, and the next thing I knew, I was inside a box, being shipped to Madagascar. Suddenly, the box tilted, and busted open. After a bit of time, I realized I was in an airplane. The box tilted because one of the doors had opened when an Assasin had tried to kill the President of Cat Chow Weekly's Father's, Brother's, Nephew's, Cousin's former roommate.

He quoted the line from Spaceballs perfectly. That's sort of impressive for a random IF forum poster.

So, I was flung throught the air towards the opening, and was shot out into the cold atmosphere. Surrounding me was a Parachute, another parachute, and my bottle of Surge. I was thursty. I grabbed the bottle and sucked the other half dry will plummiting to my doom. I was falling, falling, falling, 30 feet left, 20, 10. Then suddenly I belched. The huge blast of carbination slowed me to 1 mile an hour, and I hit the pavement face first, unhurt. As I came to, I was still on a Surge high. I started running around and saying random quotes from Monty Python stuff over and over.

Now I'm wondering whether he accidentally quoted Spaceballs when he thought he was quoting Holy Grail.

I ended up in a hotel. The lady wouldn't let me get a room unless I stopped saying "Nee" but I wouldn't. She told me to wait in the lobby. Then you came in and here we are. Now all I need is some Surge...

Right now I'm leaning toward yes, this is one person multi-accounting. There also is no evidence yet that he/they are interested in involving anybody else in his/their insane ramblings, which is probably just as well.

For the younger among you, Surge was the bridge between Jolt Cola and Red Bull.

---

Post #614, by SirMontyG

"WE ARE THE KNIGHTS WHO SAYYYYY" chalanged Svbman to the odd looking musician sitting on the rock in Happy Happy Village (I walked along the beach and ended up there, ok? This is fiction! )

Major Asshole has obtained enlightenment and realized what is so awesome about fiction.

"nee!"

A special, geeky bond was created between Svb, EBguy and Sir as the walked along quoting obscure references from Monty Python

At no point since 1975 was a single word of the script of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," among any group of nerds, in any conceivable way obscure.

~Side note: for those of you that don't know, thats what puts a Monty in a SirMontyG~

I assure you, Major, at no point did anyone ever dream it might have been anything else.

[This message has been edited by SirMontyG (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #615, by EBGuy

[SirMontyG] Its so cool we met!
[Svbman] Well..
[EBGuy] Off to HHV!
[???] Hey. Want a lift?
[EBGuy] Sure, we're heading to Happy Happy Village. We hope to meet a few friends there.
[???] Hop in. I'm X
[Svbman] Just what we need, another psycho.
EBGuy nudges Svbman with his shoulder
[EBGuy] Ssh.
[SirMontyG] Yeah.. Ssh
[X] Ok we're here.
[EBGuy] This isn't the airport! This is the river!
[X] HAHAHHA
EBGuy, Svbman and SirMontyG throw X out of the car and hijack it, then they drive to the airport where they're on their way to HHV!
[EBGuy] Hoorah Hoorah!
[Svbman] SURGE!
[SirMontyG] Sing with me! nee! nee nee nee nee!!
To Be Countinued...

Now I'm convinced this series of posts is just trolling by a bored kid that's vaguely annoyed by the Gathering (and especially by all the attempts at serious posting in it lately) and is seeing how far he can go with spewing stupidity all over it before someone stops him, happily aided by a bored and annoyed Major Asshole.

------------------
"Okashii na.... namida ga nagareteru. Hitotsu mo kanashikunai no ni..." -- Quatre from Gundam Wing

[This message has been edited by EBGuy (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #616, by SirMontyG

(Before any of you down me, EBguy and Svb, look back at the first post made by PSI322, this is suppost to be funny! Nee!)

He has a fair point there. Of course, there are several valid counterpoints:
1. There is a certain expectation that a post in an IF thread should have at least some vague, tenuous connection to the rest of the story as it exists;
2. Nothing in the last six posts is funny;
3. When PSI322 said it's supposed to be funny, she also added some serious could/should be mixed in;
4. When PSI322 said it's supposed to be funny, she did not mean it's supposed to be stupid.

(But then, PSI322 and I were 17-year-olds interacting with 12-year-olds. Those age groups have dramatically different ideas of funny.)

Sir: Hey, where are we going? and What are we doing? I kinda got caught up in the moment there...

Posts #603-608: 24 April 2000

Post #603, by Mog116

"If a frog, a wizard, and a princess can kill that, then I'm sure we can!" Mog said to Kiyo.

He has a point there, actually.

"Er... I'm not sure." Before he said this, Mog was down in the crater.

Mog used PSI Summon: Starman!
2341 damage to Lavos.
Lavos used Crimson Rain.
654 damage to Mog.
Mog used PSI Teleport!
Mog ran straight at Lavos, causing 4352 damage.

As you can see, the kiddies figure they'll just make quick work of Lavos and be on their merry way. As you can probably guess, Falcon24 and Tengu Man--who now, it appears, are on the verge of teaming up and forming Team Overbearing--are going to take exception to that idea.

"Stop." A voice said. (Seeing as Lavos is here, Queen Zeal can be here to) "No! More people!" Kiyo moaned. "It's Queen Zeal!"

Sure, why not, as long as we're bringing back dead bosses. Once the crossover door's been opened, there ain't no shutting it.

Mog used PSI Aero Omega.
6372 damage to Queen Zeal.

QZ used PSI Crimson rain.
198765 damage to Mog!
Mog fainted!
Kiyo Appeared!
Queen Zeal used (The attack that puts people to 1 HP)!

It's called Hallation.

Kiyo used PSI Mimic!
Kiyo used PSI (The attack that puts people to 1 HP!)
Kiyo used PSI Haste!
Kiyo used PSI Fire!
1 damage to QZ.
QZ was defeated.
Lavos' shell was destroyed.

"Leave!" Lavos blew mog to the crater's top. "PSI Teleport."

I think Lavos just spoke English. That's new.

At the Hotel...
"Why'd you do that." Kiyo said. "I've been thinking. If we use the sound stone with all nine melodies against him, then we would defeat it."

Obviously no one is ever going to pay you to think. Are you really trying to pull us back to Sanctuary-collecting?

[This message has been edited by Mog116 (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #604, by Falcon24

Falcon pondered his next move. "Lavos is awakened, it will surely destroy this world...perhaps I can speed up the process."

But why, Falcon24? Why do you want to destroy the world? What dark horror lies in your past that could turn you into such an omnicidal (but charismatic!) maniac?

Falcon stood before Lavos. "Great Lavos, give me some of your power so that I can disguise myself!" Falcon was shrouded in a golden light. He suddenly changed form. He was now...F4lx0r24, super-icefusion-h4x0ring-foo! (heheh..ice'd love this). "Excellent..."

When Falcon24 realized how awesome icEFusioN's IRC bot j0hndeere was, naturally he wanted in on that action. So F4lx0r was born.

Falcon--or rather, F4lx0r, teleported to the hotel. He entered and began to search for other beings.

To kill them, I guess? I'm lazy, so it seems like unnecessary work for me. I'd just go get loaded and wait for Lavos to destroy the world (assuming moving to some other world, so as to avoid being killed in said destruction, is not an option).

Elsewhere, Lavos was feeding on the planet. And the Earth was dying...

It would seem to me like Lavos is getting kicked around by the kiddie team. Falcon24 possibly does not know that yet, as he's posting only a few minutes behind Mog116's above post.

Post #605, by Anthadd

Back in his home, Anthadd was beginning to feel guilty about having left everyone so abruptly.
"But what could I have done? I was already making enemies..."
His conscience got the better of him, and he prayed deep in his heart, hoping he could return to Eagleland Island...and he did.

(Yes, I am aware I said I'd never return...maybe I decided to change my mind.)

We're always glad to have you back, Anth. We knew you couldn't stay away from the hottest thread ever. No one can! I myself officially left starmen.net, with much self-generated fanfare, never to return, on four separate occasions. I guess I have been pretty much gone for three years or so now, but even I still idle in #earthbound. PSI322 officially left (the first time) just after the Gathering ended in 2000, and she still posts there from time to time. No one ever leaves.

---

Post #606, by PSIOsman

After PSIOsman smacks Alan up thoroughly for calling him Osmond (my name is NOT Osmond!!!), They continue on to the journey. However, just as Mog and Kiyo blew Lavos' shell open, PSIOsman's mind was flooded by a surge of psychic energy.

I definitely would get pissed if somebody called me Osmond, too.

"Augh!" Osman yelled, falling to his knees.
"Dude, what's wrong?" Asked Alan.
"I-I don't know. I..." Suddenly, reality around them became distorted. Alan looked around frightfully. The world around them was so blurry, they couldn't make out where they were. Then, their vision became sharp and clear. Osman stood up and looked around. They were standing in a vast crater...

Osman saw the huge creature in the center, with a shattered spiked shell...

"Lavos." said PSIOsman, drawing his Scimitar.
"Like, what, dude?" Asked Alan incredulously.

Excellent employment of Alan's surfer-speak, even if it's just providing an excuse for some plot exposition we already know.

"Lavos is an extraterrestrial entity that lands on a planet and drains its energy. I think that Falcon used his Sound Sapper to awaken Lavos. Our only chance is to destroy it."
"But, isn't it already destroyed?"
"No. That was only its exoskeleton. It is what is within that must be destroyed."

Unlike most critters I know of, Lavos can survive and do just fine without his exoskeleton.

With that, Osman and Alan stepped inside the shell...

---

Post #607, by EBPoo

After walking around for what seemed like hours, Poo finally made it to Happy Happy Village. Poo sniffs around and decides that Luna and pogopunk have been here.

It's not clear whether he read pogopunk's last post, in which he (Poo) appeared and said hello.

He enters the village and is surprised to find a stand with food just sitting there. Poo runs up, steals all the food, eats it, and runs into the nearest cave before the Unassuming Local Guy can catch him.

Because he's afraid of an Unassuming Local Guy?

Inside the cave, Poo was greeted by a Mole Playing Rough. Poo found that stepping on it would be the easiest way to defeat those moles. Before we go any further, here's a flashback of what you never saw.

I love his prose style with the sudden switch to second person.

When Poo first got the Skyrunner II, he didn't go straight to the Lost Underworld. He made a short stop at the Dusty Dunes Desert where he entered the cave and captured the five Guardian Diggers with five Pokéballs.

Let us pray to our gods that we never find out why he wanted the Guardian Diggers in pokeballs.

Now that I've got that covered, on with the story. Poo went further into the cave when he saw a half-eaten croissant on the ground. "Hmm...Luna bite marks..." Poo muttered to himself as he went deeper into the cave.

Let us not pause to consider exactly how Poo would be able to identify Luna's specific bite marks on sight.

Just as Poo thought the worse of the cave was over, a giant bear rushed over to attack. "PSI Starstorm!" yelled Poo as showers of stars blasted at the creature.

There's no kill like overkill!

The bear was defeated, but then, Poo found himself looking at pogopunk and Luna battling Mondo Mole.

Poo definitely didn't read pogopunk's last post. He still thinks they're fighting Mondo Mole (as if that would take more than 30 seconds).

---

Post #608, by Mog116

[Osman! Alan! Don't fight it! We need the power of all nine songs!] Mog yelled at Osman and Alan. [Don't fight!]

At least he kept it in character, but this isn't a post so much as an attempt to keep Osman on the rails he set up. You have to at least give him credit for wanting to do something a little more interesting than "see bad guy, kill bad guy, next bad guy".

Posts #601-602: 24 April 2000

Post #601, by Falcon24

(augh, ok...have a mentioned that no one but Falc can touch the sound sapper or else they'll be fried?

You didn’t, but that’s for the best because you’re not allowed to do that.

A lot of people just weren’t really very into the Interactive part of Interactive Fiction. I have some extended thoughts on that subject, but I’ll leave them for another blog post sometime.

Anyways, it's job is done. It was only needed to awaken Lavos, so now it's just a useless black rock. Sorry to burst your bubble. )

This is extremely bad form; the entire post is OOC and serves only to bitch that people are messing up his railroad tracks. Instead of, I don’t know, running with the new twist and at least trying to make something interesting of it. But Falcon, like Tengu and guruzeth, refuses to do so because he feels interacting with the kiddies to be beneath him.

---

Post #602, by pogopunk

[yeah, only falc can touch it. something about it being made by oompah-loompahs or something. we was talking bout it yesterdays. that falcon, so dunt bother his sound sapper, or else he'll hurt ya!]

I guess he’s trying to endear himself to Falcon24. It’s funny how a person can just act like an asshole and others will assume he’s important.

I don’t believe there’s any reason contained in the Gathering so far to think pogopunk should know or care anything about what happens to the Sound Sapper.

the pair walked off through happy-happy village, and noticed that everything was painted normal. a blue cow came up to them and blocked their path. [moo, the town's back to normal, than-]

it was interrupted because luna had summoned a cold blast of psi freeze to slam the cow into the wall. it mooed faintly and walked away. "geez luna, you're awfully cold today..get it, cold? hahahaha!" he said, laughing gleefully at his own joke.

Wow, that’s lame. Also, he doesn’t know it yet but he’s only going to piss Luna off with all the violence against animals.

"yeah yeah, whatever, today's my birthday and i wanna get back to the hotel. lets hurry it up ok?" she said impatiently, kicking the runaway dogs coming up to them.

I’m not sure, but I think 24 April actually is Luna’s birthday. She would have turned 13 on 24 April 2000, I believe.

"ok, ok, i'll psi teleport us whenever we get back to an open spot." and with that, he and luna hurriedly trekked through peaceful rest valley. when they came to the repaired bridge, they met poo. "ugh, not him again," groaned poo.

I think he meant groaned pogopunk.

smiling insincerely, poo turned around and looked at the duo. "why hello, and how are things going today?" he sneered.

looking at the unconcious camera man, luna's voice quickened and she snarled "poo, ya better get outta our way!" she said, summoning psi fire. blasting it at poo, the searing heat waves melted the nearby shrooms. laughing through the flames, he walked through themm, and again repeated his question.

speaking to luna, pogo whispered "quick, get ready to teleport!" to poo, he said "aiee! look over there! its a baby eater!" he screamed.

poo turned around in fear and seemed paralyzed. luna and pogopunk took this opportunity to teleport outta there and back to the hotel, where they once again were able to relax.

That was an in-joke, but unfortunately I've long forgotten the nature of it, and I don't remember whether pogopunk was actually in on the joke or was pretending to be in the hopes it would make him look cool to the Falcon/Poo club.

Posts #591-600: 24 April 2000

Post #591, by Moo-Heimer

Moo-Heimer, PJman, and Zakk were exploring Deep Darkness when they came across tenda village and noticed that the tendas were all missing. They decided to look throughout all of tenda village, but they found nothing.

That would be an example of a redundant sentence. If you want to know what a redundant sentence looks like, that's a case in point.

They went down to Lumine Hole/Hall (whatever) and also noticed that the rock was gone.

It's Hall. Trust me. Also trust me about this: There is no rock in Lumine Hall.

"Strange" they all said in unison. They entered Lumine H*l* whatever it is and started exploring.

Moo-Heimer all of a sudden yelled "MOO!" and disappeared. He got knocked unconcious somehow.

When he was consious again, the three had to find out what caused that. They all stood shoulder to shoulder in a triangle and searched around for awhile. Then...

Hahahahahaha. It really sounds like he was high when he wrote this, and I'm not even sure I could guess on what substance in three tries.

------------------
I am the almighty cow, unless godofcows is around...

---

Post #592, by Foppy King

(Nathan, I had the Rainy Circle melody. And I disapeared because I took a lightning bolt for you and was incinerated. That helps.)

We really need to form a club for the attention-starved kids and get them all together. The IF form really was not an ideal support group for the unloved.

---

Post #593, by SirMontyG

"Osman, I'd like to go along with your group, but I've desided that I'm fighting against Falcon. I might be screwed up, but that's who I think is evil, and that's who I want to fight. Good luck with Pogopunk!"

It's probably a good thing for Osman that Major Asshole decided not to stay in his party. Besides, locating the most screwed-up individual around and sending him out after the Great Evil Presence is a time-honored RPG tradition.

Sir left for Scarabia, but was troubled most of the way there.
"What does he want with the melodies? And if this guy's so powerful, how can I stop him alone? And um, why is it raining?"
Sir finaly made it to the market, after hitching a ride to Summers and sailing from Toto, buying a few multi's along the way.

He's probably referring to multi-bottle rockets, but it's fun to assume he's referring to some new exotic street drug.

Leaving the walls of town, Sir gazes at the shimmering beam of energy shooting out of the top of the pyramid.
"Hmm, looks like smooth talk is gonna be my trump card.."

Hahaha. Always has been!
SirMontyG becomes friendly and affectionate!
You backed off.
Falcon24's body solidified!

---

Post #594, by SaturnAl

Alan: "Dude! I'll go with you, Osmond! Those guys, are like, in a major undertow!"

Sadly, I'm not familiar enough with bygone surfer slang to translate this, but I think it means "those guys need help" or something.

---

Post #595, by scuba steve

Then scuba steve jumps out of the wading pool (supsciously placed) and says "Why wasnt i written into the story!!!!"

Yeah... I'm going to risk it all and bet that he won't be hanging around.

I'm pretty sure scuba steve was a very young kid who appeared around the site, lasted a couple weeks and was summarily banned for being a general nuisance. Think Pikachu3164 on crack. Really good crack.

---

Post #596, by EBPoo

"Prepare for landing in Twoson," the Skyrunner computed.

I'll give you three guesses who doesn't really understand what "compute" means.

"WHAT??? I don't want to go to Twoson! I want to go to Dalaam!" yelled Poo.

"'Dalaam' command unknown. Now landing in Twoson," the Skyrunner II beeped. The Skyrunner landed in the area between Onett and Twoson. Poo got out and looked around. "GRRR! You stupid piece of junk! Now I'll never catch up to Falcon!" yelled Poo as he kicked the Skyrunner II. Suddenly, the Skyrunner began making beeping and whirring noises. "Next destination: Happy Happy Village. Now taking flight," said the Skyrunner II.

"Oh nooooooo! STOP!!!" yelled Poo with all his strength. But the Skyrunner II took flight and headed towards Happy Happy Village. To recover the Skyrunner, Poo knew he had to go to Happy Happy Village. And the only way to get there was through Peaceful Rest Valley. So Poo set off on his journey once again.

After walking for a brief period, Poo encountered a pencil shaped statue. Poo climbed over it and continued walking.

Everyone that ever got that far in EarthBound wonders why exactly the hell Ness didn't just climb over the pencil statue, or over the nearby rocks, and continue walking.

Suddenly, a man jumped out of a bush and demanded to take his picture. The man also mentioned something about fuzzy pickles. "You wanna take my picture???" Poo cried surprisedly. "You sicko! Fuzzy pickle this!" Poo yelled as he decked the camera man in the face.

That also fulfilled the dream of pretty much everyone that ever played EarthBound. Myself most of all.

The man fell down, unconcious. Without further ado, Poo continued on to Happy Happy Village.

This is one of my favorite posts in ages. It's entirely story-free and basically an elaborate rant on stuff that is bizarrely stupid in EarthBound.

Is there anyone in this thread that can spell "conscious"?

---

Post #597, by SirMontyG

(Umm, poo? Doesn't knocking out the camera guy have something to do with ripping apart the space-time continuim? I dunno, just read that in a Scientific American once..)

That was so close to being funny.

With the blue power eminating from the Pyramid, Falcon was overcome with a surge of energy "Ohhh...Yess...am becoming soo..strong!!"

Then, a silouette fell from above
"Who the?"

"Falcon, you don't know me, but I've sure heard of you. And that nifty little number right there" Said Sir pointing out the Glowing, black orb.

"Oh have you, now? Well, it's looks like your going to try and stop me, right?"

"Me? Oh, no..even with my bazooka and multi's I probably wouldn't stand a chance."

I have to admit, I'm smiling and fascinated by Major Asshole's violence-free approach to the AC pissing match. It's a breath of fresh air. I don't expect it to last longer than a sentence or two before either violence commences or Major Asshole goes evil.

"True enough, Sir. But to finish up this little mind trick your trying to play on me, what are your true intentions here?"

"That, dear evil one, can be described in one word."

"Yes?" Said Falcon, geting ready do destroy Sir in one swift, icy blow


*Yoink*

Sir snatched the sound sapper from the hawk eye position and ran out the south exit of the pyramid

"IF ANYONE HAS A RIDE, I COULD REALLY USE A LIFT RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!"

I called it. The teenage male impulse to violence can be resisted for no more than four sentences at a time.

---

Post #598, by Pikachu3164

(A little note - I've been thinking about it for a while, and I've decided that this story is getting too crazy. I've even gone to as far as thinking of dropping out - It's just getting to wierd. Come on, I'm battling a guy that I have no clue as to what he looks like!)

(a) there is no chance you're going to drop out of the only source of attention, however slight, in your whole day; (b) that is a strange example to cite of why this thread is too weird.

----------
Pikachu thought about it for a minute, then decided. [Yea, we need to go to the hotel. I'm hungry and I have a box of Peanut Cheese Bars. And a few weapons wouldn't hurt. Teleport Beta!]

I have no idea why so many people think "yeah" is spelled "yea". There is no such word as "yea" unless you count the word in the King James Bible that is essentially an affirmative interjection, as in "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

At Eagleland Resort
"You wouldn't believe that just yesterday, the entire SM.Net society was here..."
[What a desolate place.... Oh well. My room is on the 7th floor.
Pikachum and friends rode the elevator and ran into Pikachu's room. From there, they grabbed a life supply of Peanut Cheese Bars. Pikachu gave the others a few powerful weapons, and...
"Do you always carry stuff you can't use in your backpack?"
[Huh?]
Your arms are too strong to use a Gaia Beam, but you have one in your backpack."
[Never thought about it. Here, have some Star Pendants. ]
[I wonder what everyone's up to. I don't know where to head, so let me check my computer.]
with that, Pikachu grabbed a huge computer out of his minisculare backpack.
[Hmm...Sir is running out of the pyramid with a... Sound Sapper? Falcon is chasing him..."]
"IF ANYONE HAS A RIDE, I COULD REALLY USE A LIFT RIGHT ABOUT NOW!!!"
"Let's go help him!]
[PSI Teleport!]

Scaraba
"HELP! HELP! HELP!"
[Need a ride?]
"YES!"
[PSI Teleport!]

Back at the hotel
"You saved me! Thanks!"

That... was, beyond all doubt, the lamest rescue in the history of the universe.

---

Post #599, by EBGuy

Meanwhile.. and I mean meanwhile..
EBGuy was wandering around eagleland.
Currently he was in fourside.
[EBGuy] Woah. Where am I.
[EBGuy] Duh! Fourside! am I a dimwit?
[EBGuy. I need to get something to eat.
*Inside the Restaurant*
[EBGuy] *munch* *munch*
[EBGuy] Mmmm.
*KABOOM!!!*
[EBGuy] Hm?
[Store Manager] AHHHH! AHHHH!
*outside*
*EBGuy looks at the sunset in fourside and notices the sky is all red and the buildings are all shade of red.
[EBGuy] Freaky.. Ah well.
*EBGuy rents a boat and countinues his journey to summers...

You have to at least give him credit for striking out and doing his own thing, though it looks like the kind of post that isn't likely to be followed up on. Even if I hate his guts for continuing 3164's extremely annoying habit of using the less-than-greater-than signs that I have to manually convert to brackets.

------------------
"Okashii na.... namida ga nagareteru. Hitotsu mo kanashikunai no ni..." -- Quatre from Gundam Wing

That's his sig block. Kids back then mistakenly thought quoting things in Japanese made them cool. They still do, actually, but it still doesn't.

The Gathering is really drifting into abject, and dull, nonsense right now.

---

Post #600, by Luna

"If I knew paralysis, I wouldn't even be fooling with this mole!" Luna yelled at Pogopunk "All I know is how to teleport, PSI Fire alpha, PSI Rockin' alpha..."

I wouldn't worry about it. Don't forget AC God Mode! Also, if you have Souvenir Coins and Gutsy bats, why are you worried about Mondo Mole? You can drop him in one.

"PSI Rockin' Isn't that Ness's attack??" pogopunk asked, blinking at her.
"My favorite thing, fool..."
"Oy..."
"and PSI freeze alpha."
"PSI freeze could help... It does damage and it solidifies for one turn, right?" Pogopunk said.

No, it will not help, as Mondo Mole is impervious to Freeze.

"Yeah... You think that'll hold it off?" Luna answered, glancing at the crazy mole's glistening teeth.
"I hope so... At least I've had my rabies shot!"
So the two launched themselves at the huge mole, whacking away at it with their bats while Luna shot PSI freeze at it. Soon, they had it down to only a few HP, and it was out of tricks.
"Hah!" The mole laughed at the two kids "You think you can defeat me that easily?"
"Uhm... is 'Yes' the correct answer, or was that a rhtorical question?" Luna asked just as the mole launched itself at pogopunk, flattening him with its huge mass.
"Augh! You nutso mole!" Luna screamed at the mole SMAAAAASHing it upside the head with her bat, knocking it out and clearing the way to the sanctuary.

Well, she probably was tired of being rescued every other post, and felt like doing some rescuing. At least Tengu would approve.

Viewing the totality of its activity in the past couple pogopunk/Luna posts, I conclude Mondo Mole was not the brightest crayon in the box.

Luna grabbed pogopunk from where he was smushed underneath the mole and dragged him into the sanctuary area. Pogopunk was instantly revived, and both their HP and PP were refilled. A familar fragment of song started playing... and the sound stone recorded it.
"Woohoo! We did it!" Pogopunk yelled happily. "Now we can finally see what the rest of the group is up to!"
"Sounds like a plan!" Luna smiled, and the two walked out towards happy happy village.

Hey, at least it's a readable post where something happened. We're making progress!

[This message has been edited by Luna (edited 04-24-2000).]

Posts #586-590: 24 April 2000

Post #586, by Pikachu3164

[Lavos!? Man, I do not want to fight another evil.. Come on, I don't even know what game he's from! what's he look like?]

Ouch. Don't admit you don't know Chrono Trigger in this crowd, kid. Especially not when you named your internet persona after a pokemon.

Poryhedron just stared at Pikachu, amazed that he didn't know what Lavos look like. Really embarrased that he didn't even now what game he was from.
[Wait, you said Chrono Trigger, right? Oh well. For now, I'm going to absorb the power of Pink Cloud. Then, fill me in on Lavos, okay? Then, I need to make sure I know what Falcon is doing.... Man, this is too much stress for a Pikachu.]

Nothing really happened in this post. It's just a "hey, don't forget about me! I'm still here!"

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #587, by Falcon24

(Wooo..I didn't plan on it being Lavos but now that you mention it that's a really good twist.

Um... I really couldn't guess at why Falcon would tell such an obvious lie.

Anyways, it's really not supposed to be awakened yet, Falcon has to awaken it.)

Can't wait to see how Tengu takes that one. You're not allowed to dictate that other writers aren't allowed to touch this or that, which is to say, you're not allowed to write your own little fanfic within an IF thread and disallow other writers from altering it. Or put yet another way, you're not allowed to post your fanfic to IF because you know people will read it.

But that never stopped Tengu from trying over and over again.

"Now the chosen time has come..."

My God, he's not quoting Chrono Trigger, is he? ...he is, isn't he.

Falcon stood before the altar inside the Scaraba Pyramid, holding the Sound Sapper. "It's fortunate I only had to sap the energy of two locations, it was getting rather tedious...Lavos will do the rest."

Realizing Tengu will tirelessly make up sanctuary after sanctuary if need be, Falcon is folding up that tent and moving on. Which I imagine will annoy the ten other posters that have been chasing sanctuaries, but honestly, who cares about them?

Falcon ascended the steps to the altar and placed the dark rock on it, in the same place the Hawk's Eye had once rested. "Falcon stepped back and closed his eyes. He raised his hands and began to recite an encantation.

"Exchange the world for...!"

Sigh. Yes, he's quoting Chrono Trigger. Even the apple cider in my glass doesn't taste good anymore.

The Sound Sapper pulsed with an evil aura. Suddenly a radiant blue beam shot forth from it and blasted through the roof of the pyramid. It penetrated the sky. The clouds soon became grey, and it began to rain. The ground shook violently, yet the Sound Sapper remained on the alter. Lavos awakened.

Don't take a drink on every fantasy-cliche word in that paragraph if you're the designated driver.

"At last, the time of rebirth has come..." Falcon proclaimed with glee.

And you know, since we're here, I thought Queen Zeal emphatically established that it's a Bad Idea to summon forth Lavos and expect him to treat you nice. Granting Falcon's AC immunity, but still, what's the upside here?

---

Post #588, by michael_cayer

Michael_cayer looked down at the crater, where Lavos slept.
Suddenly, an earthshaking roar erupted from the earth. The skies darkened. A beam of energy erupted straight up from the Pyramids. A bolt of lightning seared the sky, and Lavos began to glow.
A pale red glow formed around Lavos. Lavos shifted in his shell.
"Huh?" michael_cayer reached down to glow - then drew his hand back.
"Yeeowww! It's hot! But that can only mean - RESSURECTION!?!"
Lavos let out a few spikes. They shot upward like rockets, and when the spikes hit the ground, they exploded violently.
"Aaaaahhh!"

He's trying his hand at writing like a fantasy author, I guess.

(Will someone save my AC? That is the question...)

He's trying too hard. But such, in life as in IF, is the lot of the insecure.

[This message has been edited by michael_cayer (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #589, by PSIOsman

As PSIOsman, Alan, Tim, Juliana, Sir, and Ness the Skittleboy emerged from Stonehenge, they discussed what to do next.

That's getting to be too big of a party. Again, I'm not reading ahead, but I predict it will split up in the near future, probably when one of the several inactive writers in it wakes up.

"I think that we should split up. I need to see what's happening to pogopunk over at Pink Cloud. You guys go to Scaraba and see what's up," Osman suggested.

Hahaha! You don't believe me, but I didn't even read ahead into that paragraph. I'm just that good.

And one important reason why groups that size don't work is that everybody is the leader.

"I think that is a good idea," said Tim.

"Alright, who's going with me?"

(You can either go to Scaraba [Falcon], or go to Dalaam [Lavos] with PSIOsman)

You know, it's actually still unclear how or why they know what Falcon24 is up to in real time.

Also, it's going to be funny when everyone except maybe Skittleboy chooses not to go with PSIOsman

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #590, by Dr. Andonuts

Nathan stared down at Lavos in the crater and said, "I think we need some backup before we take on this Lavos. Lets retreat back to the hotel and regroup. Ok?"

(only for pikachu and/or super speedy to answer)

Well, at least he's offering his fellow kiddies the choice. The implication here is pretty clear: we're already tired of this Lavos crap, we just want to goof off.

[This message has been edited by Dr. Andonuts (edited 04-24-2000).]

Posts #579-585: 24 April 2000

Post #579, by Anthadd

Deciding he was making too many enemies, Anthadd went home, never to return to Eagleland Island again.

So Anthadd becomes the first to formally announce that he's never posting here again. He will be followed later by a few others, none of whom kept their word. Please, my friends, despair not; Anthadd will be back.

You can understand his frustration, though. His AC has been pulled around five different ways since last he posted, and the landscape is naught but violence and plot contrivances as far as the eye can see. Anthadd's position is not unreasonable. More interesting is what PSI322 will do, assuming she ever posts again. You may or may not recall that she started this mess.

---

Post #580, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

~~scene shifts to Pikachu's group~~

Even over 11 years' time and uncountable space, you can still hear "Guess what, Anthadd? I couldn't care less!" emanating from SuperSpeedy.

"What's that?" asked Poryhedron.
[Don't know,] replied Pikachu.
"That's Lavos from Chrono Trigger!" exclaimed Dave. "I saw his picture in Nintendo Power."

So what's it like to see a celebrity up close?

[WHAT?!] exlaimed Pikachu. [I bet Falcon summoned him. Why do we need more evil? This was supposed to be a relaxed vacation!]
"I know!" said Poryhedron and Dave, symoltaniously.

When it comes down to it, the kiddies want no part of epic heroism, partly because they can't write it and partly because they, personally, are not good at it, even in internetland. And who's to blame them? They just want to write random pokémon-themed streams of consciousness, and assholes like Falcon24 and Tengu Man are trying to prevent them from doing so.

Their best recourse--and I actually think they will figure this out before too long--is to ignore the Serious Brigade and do their own thing. No reason why two unrelated stories can't be going on in this octomammoth of a thread.

---

Post #581, by Fritz42

`Frieza still in front of the strange creature in the crater uses PSYtelecomunicate to tell anthadd that he said FALCON NOT ANTHADD.

`Frieza hasn't read anything before about 15 posts ago, and so he has no clue what's got Anthadd's knickers in a twist and assumes it must be something about `Frieza's recent post. Obviously it's not.

---

Post #582, by SLing

And then SLing popped up, said "Hi!" then promptly left.
SLing wasn't a celebrity, but this was near the beginning of a period of like three years where he tried his damnedest, day after day, to become one. In a tale so heartwarming it makes Shakespeare cry... he finally did.

Stuff like the Gathering was never up SLing's alley, though.

---

Post #583, by Supervisor

The strange creature appeared to be...
SUPERVISOR!

I have not the foggiest notion of who this guy was.

---

Post #584, by Dr. Andonuts

(This IF is getting crazy, i mean crazier)

Well... I would actually suggest it's getting less crazy, for the time being; in fact we're entering a bit of a doldrums, because the kiddies are being crowded out, Tengu/Falcon's antics get old pretty fast, and the really interesting posters (I'm looking at you, Chris/Tim/PSI322/waffy/Luna) aren't posting.

The pace of posting and the rate at which the plot (to the extent there is one) is snowballing, those are getting crazier, yes.

(Super, we already found out that the creatrue was Lavos)

Yes, because Falcon made that quite clear before you laid claim to the discovery.

(What sanuaries are not being covered, I can't remember?)

Speaking of things I haven't the foggiest notion of, I've long since forgotten why those sanctuaries are still supposed to be important outside of Tengu world. But I'm sure we'll be enlightened on that soon.

---

Post #585, by AnyoneEB

AnyoneEB realized that he was very late for the SM.net gatering. He used PSI Teleport ß and ended up right next to [someone who is getting the medidies and needs another party member have me join your party] on Elgleland Island. He said, "Wow, this looks like Earthbound come to life wow!"

[This message has been edited by Anyone (edited 04-24-2000).]

We still have the occasional brave soul attempting to join the Gathering at this late juncture, and clearly this one is an IF newbie; he doesn't know you're not supposed to just put your your resume and see if anyone calls you back.

Posts #576-578: 24 April 2000

Post #576, by Fritz42

`Frieza after finding out how big a jerk Falcon is "what with the distruction of earth and all" decided to go out on his own.

I was not under the impression `Frieza was anywhere near Falcon24. That's how much of a jerk he is: `Frieza found it out without ever having even met him!

*Sniff i smell something burning?

`Frieza walks along the rim of a large crater, looking down he noticed a large object in the middle he steped down to have a closer look. Then suddenly it turned and Looked at him with its one large horrible eye. `Frieza knew that if he did not jump time he would be as done as his corndog!!.. But did he have enough time. Ah Ha he though i'll throw my corndog at its evey and Blind it ::the old corndog in the eye trik::

Believe it or not, `Frieza was one of the oldest people in the community, right up there with Tomato. He was about 19 or 20 at the time he wrote this, which needless to say is ancient. PSI322, at 17, was old by starmen.net standards; most of the users, you've surely noticed by now, are more in the 12-14 bracket.

`Frieza tosses his dog and Jumps out of the way of a large blast. What was that `Frieza thought as he doged a piece of rock. `Frieza looked up and saw a shadowy figure at the top of the crater...

The fact he threw a goddamn corn dog at Lavos should clue you in that `Frieza knows better than to think his AC can accomplish anything. He's just having fun.

[This message has been edited by Fritz42 (edited 04-24-2000).]

---

Post #577, by Mog116

(Well, since Loid brought me back to life, I guess I'll stay.)

It's funny how honest he's being about the fact he just wants attention.

"Let's go over there." Loid, Mog and Anthadd walked over to the crater.

Once again, I'm not sure how Anthadd got here. He's just silently been following loid around for a while now (on account of Anthadd hasn't posted for a while).

"Look. It's Lavos." Mog said absentmindedly. "LAVOS!?" Anthadd almost fell in the crater, Loid was ready to faint, and Mog, Well... He did both. Fainted, and then fell off the cliff.

Mog really has taken up the Pikachu3164 mantle. Every post now is ending with a cry for attention.

---

Post #578, by pogopunk

[i'm really confused about what this greater evil is (darn you falcon! ) but i guess we can still continue on. i'll let some other chump deal with it..hehe]

Translation: I've never played Chrono Trigger. That means I am a loser.

Tengu said straight out the "greater evil" is Lavos, but since pogopunk is entirely unfamiliar with Chrono Trigger and it's entirely standard for Tengu to make up words and villain characters and throw them into IF threads like so many salt particles... yeah.

heading side by side into the cave of lilliput steps, pogopunk and luna were on the look out for enemies. giving his bat a few test tries, pogo accidentally slammed it into the wall. "oops, i'm not really used to bats..."

"sigh, well, you better hope we dont find anything, ya reject..."

Here's this guy that's currently soloing with one of the most sought-after girls on the internet, and he's still moping about being an outcast. And these guys sincerely wonder why girls don't notice them unless it's to ridicule them.

trekking through the dark cave, the two could hear drips of water echoing through the cave, and it made them nervous.

"aaaah! whats this on me?!" luna screamed, talking about the mole playing rough running up to them. "take THIS!" she screamed, kicking the mole away. "stupid rodent, urghh"

Pretty in character for Luna, assuming she doesn't like moles.

"haha, thats taking care of...the..moles" he started, but slowed down when a whole hoard of them ran up to them. "man! you made them angry! um..i think we'll have to run now.." pogo suggested.

He means 'horde'. But even then it's not really the right word.

"ok, count of three, we run and scream. agreed? 1...3!!!!"

Running and screaming seems to be their number one strategy. It's flexible!

she yelled, and pogopunk and luna ran through the cave, hysterical. pogopunk was especially wild, running with his bat smashing anything in his way. they continued this way until luna ran into something large and furry.

"pogo, what is this big, ugly, and hairy thing i'm touching?"

I'm pretty sure he only slipped that one past PSI322 because either she never read it, or she read it but was mortified of calling him out on the innuendo. After all, pogopunk might say to PSI, I was just talking about a bear--what were you thinking about?

"its a mighty bear! aghh! kill it!" getting more hysterical, he jumped high on his pogostick and came down with his bat swingin, repeatedly bashing the bear. defeated, it fell over, and it let out a death gurgle.

Her hero? I guess?

I'm not sure Luna's really going to be fond of all this wanton slaughter of animals.

"gee, i guess that was taking care of it," luna said, poking the bear. "hehe, well anyway, lets continue on." slowing their pace, they walked through the cave until they reached a shining spot. a deep rumbling shook the cave, and the shape of mondo mole came out of the shadows.

"this is my sanctuary, go away or i'll eat you both.." the rabid mole moved in, sharpening its long claws, and its drool glistening.

That's remarkably charitable of Mondo Mole. If he assumes killing and eating Luna and pogopunk to be nothing more than routine, and if he assumes they make for a desirable meal, why wouldn't he go ahead and kill and eat them? But instead, showing how sporting he is, he offers his potential meal a chance to scamper off.

And if he's bluffing because he knows they're about to hand him his ass, it would make more sense for him to turn tail and run like hell, wouldn't it?

"i hope you know paralysis luna, 'cuz i think we're gonna need it..." he said, turning to luna.

Now that is distinctly not charitable, paralyzing the poor mole and then beating him to death while he's helpless to do anything. It never pays to be a gentleman when you're dealing with ACs.