Posts #331-335: 19 April 2000

Post #331, by Dr. Andonuts

(Should you refer to Tessie using it or she?)

Dr. Andonuts, you are in the author seat now. You go right ahead and refer to Tessie however the hell you want to.

Nathan was browseing SM.net on his laptop, reading all the posts from people who weren't at the island. After finishing that, he decided to test out his redone teleportation program. "Let me see, this should put me about five feet that-a-away," he said to himself. He hit the button and was surprised to find himself siting on snow, about 2 feet from Tim and Luna.

You didn't really think you were going to keep Luna to yourself, did you, Tim?

They stared at him and said in unison, "Where did you come from?"
Nathan muttered to himself, "Dumb program, guess it needs to be debuged a little." Then he looked up and saw Tim and Luna. "I used my teleportation program, but it malfuncitioned," he said. "What are you two doing in this frozen place, anyways?"

This is the first google result for 'debuged'.

"We are trying to find the Snow White Boarding house," said Tim.

Then you will search until your toes freeze and fall off and then you succumb to hypothermia and your frozen corpse becomes buried under 15 foot high snowdrifts, because the thing you are searching for does not exist. Who the hell would name a boarding house over Snow White, anyway?

"Cool," said Nathan, "Mind if I come along?"
(only for Tim or Luna to answer)

IF: Ur doin it rong

You are leaving the door open for Tim to tell you to piss off, so he can keep Luna to himself for one more precious post. Just force yourself into the plotline. Don't give them the choice.

[This message has been edited by Dr. Andonuts (edited 04-19-2000).]

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Post #332, by PSI322

lol more like PSI332 amirite

As she made her way through the forest, Juliana found herself feeling a deepening respect within her for the wonders of the wilderness.

Such as the total lack of plumbing? (Note: as far as I know, no one was brave enough to describe or even point out the downside of wandering the wilderness, namely, taking care of what most of us must take care of at least once every day or so, without benefit of plumbing.)

Somehow, looking at all of this land, wild and free, stirred something within her...something that she couldn't explain, except that it was a feeling that she had never felt before. She pulled a bottle of water out of her knapsack and took a few sips as she hiked up a rocky hill, going slowly due to the roughness of the terrain. She wondered what she would see at the top...perhaps she would be able to see everything, the whole island, from where she would stand.

It was nearly ten minutes until Juliana reached the peak of the hill. Beaming, she took those last few steps until at last, she stood triumphantly at the crest of the hill. She looked around anxiously and saw...another hill.

Fun fact: That is what you see at the top of most hills.

In fact, Juliana saw hills all around her, and rocks, and trees, and she could hear the sound of water running in the distance, probably from a stream emptying gently into a freshwater pond or a magnificent waterfull tumbling over a cliff.

She's writing the living hell out of this environment-description thing. I'm very much a brute force writer; my philosophy of writing is say what you're here to say and move along, keep the wheels turning. I don't stop for description of setting, because and/or resulting in I'm not very good at it.

It was only then that Juliana realized just how far into the depths she had gone. Never before had she realized just how large Eagleland Island was, in its entirety...undaunted, Juliana quickened her pace; she was determined to see it all, whatever was out there waiting for her.

Undaunted, Juliana quickened her pace... knowing it was futile and the fanboys would catch up before long.

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Post #333, by Mani Mani

(AAACK! These posts go waaaaay too fast. Okay, let's just say that I agreed to go with the ref dude.)

Yeah... I act surprised.

Mani felt kind of uncomfortable about going along with the mysterious person, but she had decided to anyway.

You know, this is often how people end up kidnapped. Or worse. Don't they teach kids about staying away from strangers who make you uncomfortable at school anymore?

They had decided to search the Giant Step cave.

Probability she planned this out with Tengu on AIM beforehand: 97%.

"Whoa, it's dark in here...got a light?" Click! The ref had turned on a flashlight.

Either he's carrying a Bag of Holding full of C batteries, or you have about an hour. That does of course point out the question of how exactly the hell our heroes explore so many caves in EarthBound, or any other RPG, when they tend to lack any of that, whatyacallit, light.

"Ahh, brilliant! Let's go on." They were just about to reach the first ladder when..."AAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
"What's the matter?" asked the ref.
"It's a-a-a...a SLUG!!! GROSS!!!" She flattened herself against the wall, while the slug just looked puzzled. The ref laughed.
"Oh, it's only a little slug! It won't hurt you."
"But I...hate...BUGS!" He shrugged and casually flicked it away with his foot.

My hero!

At least she's not the sort that would protest the bug's presence and then get pissed off at you when you SMAAAAASH it. As far as we know. She did say he 'flicked it away', not that he mashed it into glop.

Also: Slugs are not bugs. They're... slugs.

Also: If you think slugs are bad, you really should reconsider your career in spelunking.

"Let's go. I'll go up first so I can hold the light for you when you come up. Just hold onto the ladder until you come - that way the slugs won't get you."

Another strong candidate for the coveted Double-Entendre of the Gathering award.

He winked at her and began climbing.

Ha ha! Apparently she meant it as a double-entendre. Either that or it just got even funnier. I guess we're going to need Intentional and Unintentional categories.

Mani held onto the ladder, shaking slightly and hoping they wouldn't run into any more bugs...

(Sorry about the double post! Starmen.Net was kinda messing up, and I wasn't sure if it had gone through or not.)

[This message has been edited by Mani Mani (edited 04-19-2000).]

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Post #334, by CidHighwind

MODERATOR!!!!! THIS GUY HAS TO MANY REPLIES! ABOUT 162 TO ME!

I have no f---ing clue what this was all about. This kid had all of about 5 posts in his SM.Net career at this point, and as far as I can remember vanished without a trace not long afterward.

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Post #335, by EBPoo

After a long break, Poo decides to join in all the fun as he joins up with the jellyfish in the ocean.

Poo invokes a time-honored tradition: If joining the Nerd Rush has become just a tad passé, then try to get the girl's attention by going the other way and attacking her. It's not the worst strategy in the world.

The best strategy, since you asked, is to (a) be good at life, or at least whatever it is you're doing (IF, in this case), and (b) be the only guy who takes no notice of her presence. Then she starts to think, 'dammit, he is not above me, I'm worth noticing!' and acting accordingly.

I'd be reluctant to share this information, but if you didn't already grok it, it's going to go in one ear and out the other, so no harm done. Some people sell this information for comically high prices.

"That Luna girl, she must be defeated for her killing of the king!" one jellyfish exclaimed. "Right, right. We will put her through the endurance of having to deal with our many stings!" another jellyfish says. "We will have our revenge on that black cat/tuna soon," says Poo.

That's the first suggestion I can remember that Luna's black. (She's not.)