Posts #346-350: 20 April 2000

Post #346, by Earth Bound Ranger

(This is insane, I leave for another 2 days and you pull 3 more pages on me!!

Apparently, it is now SM.Net law that every poster has to call the rate of posting 'insane' in a parenthetical comment at least once.

By and by, Queen Cathrine, did you say that you live in maryland? I am going to be coming up there this june to attend a wedding.)

Uh-oh, PP/QC is in danger of having his cover blown!

Also: Misuse of 'by and by' there. That antiquated expression means something along the lines of 'eventually'. It's not a fancier-sounding stand-in for 'by the way'.

Mark was limping terribly, even using his sword as a crutch at times.

In the Did Not Do the Research file, most swords are not useful for this purpose, as they would bend easily under such weight and be damaged. One can presume this is a special AC Sword of the sort you see in all sorts of video games.

He was extremely glad that there were no zombies to attack him, as he probably wouldn't be able to stand up to them like this.

Lies.

None the less, he carried on to threed. His only wish was to see two things before it was time to go back to his house (hey, there is always next summer), The floating city of philosiphers and martial artists named Dalaam, and the famous preschool of the even more famous psychic girl,

Polestar.
Again: There is no mention whatsoever that Dalaam floats. It's way up in the mountains. That's all. Sorry to disappoint you.

However, his only thought at this point was getting to the threed hospittol.

Wow. That might be the grisliest butchering of 'hospital' ever recorded.

By the way, why is he limping again?

The mr. saturns were kind, but they knew little about how to heal leg bones (it only stands to reason, just look at their legs).

False. Mr. Saturn can heal anything.

On his way there, he traveled through the underground path to threed and then as fast as he could limp to the Threed hospittle.

Another, different, but still impressive, butchering of 'hospital'. What's next? Hospatel?

There, he found the nurse, docter, and healer in exactly the same place they always were in the game. There was no time, however, to worry about that. Mark went to the doctor and had him examine his leg. The doc said that his left leg was broken

You sure as hell wouldn't be walking that distance on a broken leg, son. This post has achieved Critical Research Failure.

and that he would need to be in the hospitle for a few days to get it fully healed (Earthbound medicine, gotta love it).

Ah. He just went with the previous butchering, less one T.

When he asked for payment, however, there was another shocking story. Mark took out a twenty dollar bill and gave it to him. The doc looked at it in suprise and then told Mark that he couldn't take it because that type of money was priceless (as in worth a WHOLE lot).

Reference to the insane monetary system of EarthBound, where the currency was U.S. dollars, but, for instance, a banana cost $5. An egg? $12. But don't worry: the egg is a bargain, since these are magical eggs, and if you wait three minutes, it will hatch and then grow into a full-sized chicken, which any store in the world will happily purchase for $110.

He then settled on a quarter for the treatment. As Mark lay in the bed, he wondered about all the weird things he had seen that day. This was truly starting out to be a very fun filled day...

I'm bored. What would be fun... I know! I'll go downstairs and break my leg, and then limp five miles to the nearest hospital! Whew! So much fun to be had, so little time.

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Post #347, by loid

"hey, are you ok?" a voice said.

Two grammatical errors. I missed counting his last post, but I'm not going to go back for it now.

Kiyo opened his eyes and saw that in fact, he wasn't in polestar preschool anymore, it was just a dream.

Three. That last comma should be a semicolon, or a period and new sentence. I'm letting the fact that 'Polestar Preschool' should be capitalized slide, even though I shouldn't.

"Who are you?" he asked.
"Uh I'm the Foppy King, I found you in scrabia, you almost died you know."

That's one spelling error, lack of capitalization on Scaraba, and one... two... three... four comma mistakes. There should be a comma after 'Uh', and the two commas he did put in there should both be new sentences.

(You said ANYBODY right?)

Another missing comma. Final tally: 9 grammatical mistakes, 1 misspelling. (Impressive, that, for him.) Grand total so far: 2 posts; 21 grammatical errors (10.5 per post); 7 misspellings (3.5 per post). And this was a short post.

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Post #348, SirMontyG

In a hollowed out tree, Chris had desided he would either get some rest or collapse from exaustion. In the middle of the night..

*krrriiiCCKKKCRACK!!!* *SmmmmmaaaAASSSHHH!*

"Uh oh, another zap eel?" Chris tried to get his wits together after sleeping

"Naw, it's me!"

"Juliana?!" Chris said with excitement

Clearly, this guy does not believe in periods.

"Heh, just havn some trouble with the manly fish! And i..wait, what did you call me?"

Sir was a few years ahead of his time, what with the lack of punctuation, aversion to capitalizing anything, and typing 'havn' to mean 'having''. He was applying an early precursor to txtspk. Well, it's 'hvn', not 'havn', but you get the idea.

A head popped through the hole in the tree, it was Sir

"Oh, sorry about that.."

LOL. Well played.

"That's okay," he stated with a laugh "it sounds like you could just use a little more sleep. We can trade off guard watch for the night."

"Sir, why are you here, anyways?"

He's hoping to take advantage of your incompetence and make a play for Juliana, of course. Smart dude, if you ask me.

"Heck, I came here for adventure, right? Besides, the improv play won't start till you get back and I've been meaning to get back out into the wilderness.."

Chris and Sir alternated sleeping and guarding until daybreak, when they both had some provisions Sir brought and headed out for adventure.

[This message has been edited by Chris (edited 04-20-2000).]

Haha. I wish I had access to Sir's original post that Chris apparently took exception to and edited.

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Post #349, by Luna

"You think i'll just GIVE myself up!?" Luna yelled at the jellyfish, sticking 5 multibottle rockets filled with anti-jellyfish powder in the ground, lighting them, and pulling out her gaia beam again

For f---'s sake, has everyone forgotten how to use periods all of a sudden?

"NEVER! Eat energy bolts!" She finished, rapid-firing at the jellyfish while the bottle rockets fired off at the jellyfish, felling all but one, who swam off, pressumably to tell his leader or somthing.

I know I'm being a broken record here, but jellyfish don't swim so much as they just kind of drift. But I suppose we can agree these are somewhat above-standard jellyfish.

"I don't think thats the end of our troubles..." Tim muttered, but they continued on anyways.

Post #350, by Anthadd

"Odd..." Anthadd wrinkled his nose. "What's that smell? Smells like...honey?"
Following the smell, lugging his rather light backpack, compared to the beginning of the gathering, he slipped on a rock and fell into a rather mysterious hole.
The buzzing of electricity was all around him, and a faced rock looked at him.
"First, I was smelling things, now I'm hearing and seeing things. Is this...Lumine Hole?"

No, it is not, because there is no such place as 'Lumine Hole'. The seventh sanctuary is called Lumine Hall. 'Lumine Hole' was a typo. 'Lumine Hole' would make no sense, since the essence of the sanctuary is the magical wall that reads your mind, not the hole in the ground. I expect better of you, Anthadd, honestly.

A voice invaded his mind. (Hurry! Escape! You're not safe!)

I like 'invaded his mind'. Good imagery there.

"The rock...spoke to me?"
(You're not safe! The Electro Specter senses your presence! The rope behind me leads to the way out! Go! Now!)

This rock is clearly cracked, because Electro Specter (a) has been dead for some time now, and (b) was completely harmless when it was alive, posing no threat to much of anything. It would eventually outlast a team of six Fobbies just on its high HP, but it would take quite a while.

Tentative at first, the increasing volume of the buzzing caused Anthadd to panic, and run behind the rock and climb up the rope.
After a few minutes of running, which left him exhausted, he found himself trapped below the Tenda Village, which had been isolated from the Lumine Hole again, or maybe had never been. The rock there had nothing to offer.
"No! I can't die like this!" he cried.

Of course you can't. You're an AC! And you're being threatened by the puniest excuse for a 'boss' in EarthBound, or maybe just imagining that you are, since, again, it is dead.

Meanwhile...
Chris and Sir decided that, since Deep Darkness was bridged by a deep river to Scaraba,

More of an ocean, really.

the safest place to adventure to would be the Tenda Village.
Even in their combined group, they were barely a match for the enemies they met along the way to the Tenda Village.

Note how everyone is following PSI322 into Deep Darkness. Ah, the price of celebrity.

When they emerged into the village, the Tenda quivered and hid in the nooks and crannys of their little cave.
"Perhaps the shyness book wore off?" Sir proposed.
"Maybe they never read it in the first place..." Chris trailed off.

Or maybe they've already had a few incidents where some AC that's played too much Quake wanders in and starts opening fire on everything that moves.