Posts #371-375: 21 April 2000

Post #371, by loid

"WeLcOmE tO sAtUrN vAlLeY bOiNg!"
"Wow! it really exists!" Kiyo said

That sentence will lack a period for all eternity. That's one.

A few hours later Kiyo walked out of the valley with a Mr. Saturn hat, peanut cheese bars, a saturn valley lei, a T-Shirt covered in words like "BoInG" and "zOOm" in saturn valley font, a postcard he was going to send to his family, a stuffed life size Mr. Saturn doll, a book written by Dr. Saturn, uzzy slippers with litle Mr. Saturn faces on them and much other Saturn valley merchedise.

OK... let's see... didn't capitalize 'Saturn Valley', so that's two and three... 'uzzy' where he meant 'fuzzy'... 'litle'... missing comma after 'them' at the end there... didn't capitalize 'Valley'... misspelled 'merchandise'. That's eight errors so far, three of which are misspellings. It's actually not bad work by his standards.

"ZoOm! hE bIg sUcKeR bOiNg!"

"YeS yEs! StArMeN.NeT pEoPlE lOvE sAtUrN vAlLeY tHiNg! z0oM!"

loid shrewdly bails himself out of capitalization scrutiny by typing like an adolescent girl. Humorously, his grammar is much better when he does it this way.

Kiyo went back to the waterfall wearing all sorts of saturn valley things only to find that foppy king was missing.....

Two missing commas, didn't capitalize Saturn Valley or Foppy King, so that's six more errors. loid and his shift key are not good friends.

Final tally for this post: 14 grammatical errors, but only 3 misspellings, which is awesome by loid standards. I hope he didn't start paying attention in spelling class all of a sudden.

loid's overall totals so far: 4 posts; 53 grammatical errors (13.25 per post; he's been remarkably consistent at right around 13 per post); 13 misspellings (3.25 per post).

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Post #372, by Tengu Man/Makron

The referee and Mani entered Twoson, looking around for Ness and Paula.

Especially Paula. Did we mention Paula?

They headed over to Burglin Park, where Ness' mother had said he gone.

Tengu tries his hand at 'Hoodspeak. He gone!

When they got there, they were greeted by quite a sight. Ness, Paula and Jeff were gathered around a picnic basket, laughing at things they were talking about and having a good time.

Poo was always kind of an outcast.

The referee and Mani decided to go up and talk to them...

Golly, but I wish I'd been paying attention to Gathering at this point and had the gumption to post next, taking control of Paula and writing something like:

Paula suddenly leaped to her feet. 'What is it? What's wrong?' Ness started, reaching instinctively for his bat.

Paula pointed toward the mysterious referee. 'It's that creepy kid that keeps following me around! Only he has weird paint on his face now!'

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Post #373, by Chris

"Looks like I'm going nowhere for a little while." Chris muttered.

He walked out of the captian's tent and looked around. He was at the extreme north of Deep Darkness; indeed, he could see the tip of Scaraba in the distance. A little ways away were the teleportation monkeys, as well as the business man.

This isn't an error. The guy Chris is talking about refers to himself as 'the tough business man'. Though, come to think of it, he also refers to himself as a 'tough businessman'. I think 'tough business man' is what he regards as his formal title.

In the marshes, he could see the Bottle Rocket Man,

That's actually Ahmet the black market arms dealer.

and in the other direction, he saw the famous Monkey Inn of Deep Darkness,

Famous in the sense of 'famous among the eight people that have been to Deep Darkness and returned.'

and beyond that, the boat. The boat that could take him out of here. The boat to adventure, to freedom.

Suddenly, Chris had an idea. Surely, it wasn't that hard to steer a boat, he knew the basics of sailing already.

It's not hard at all, as long as you have a crew of, at minimum, six. If you try to steer it by yourself, you're screwed. Unless you happen to be an AC. ...oh, really? You are?

All he had to do was make it to Scaraba, and he'd do well. He decided he'd grab the boat, and get out off here soon. He wouldn't have any trouble; the captian spent all his time reading it seemed, and he wasn't going to let a little group of jellyfish stop him.

And this was years before Johnny Depp made it cool to be a pirate. Arrr!

First, he went and bought some equipment from the travelling business man. Then, he looked around, and headed down in the direction of the boat. Quietly, he undid the moors, and hopped on. The last sound he heard from Deep Darkness was the captian running out and yelling at the sound of the motor...

Chris thinks it's spelled 'captian'. It's not. It's spelled 'captain'. I figured I might want to make sure you knew that, before you went and failed your spelling quiz, all because of Chris.

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Post #374, by EBPoo

Oh boy! Now we get to see EBPoo's retort to Monkey Boy Tim's interference. The heavy favorite in the betting is 'pretending Monkey Boy Tim was just playing right into his master plan', which is the go-to technique for AC vs. AC pissing matches.

As Poo surfaces from beneath the water, he sees a familiar face. This place must be Winters, Poo thinks. "Hi Luna! I'm Tony, better known to you as Poo. Wow, you're even prettier in person," says Poo. That's right, grovel, brown-nose, and suck up. The one she least expects will be the end of her, Poo thinks.

So far, not a bad way to carry out a plan. Puts the offending AC(s) in an awkward spot. Of course everyone involved correctly understands that EBPoo isn't kidding at all with his compliments to Luna.

"What are you thinking about???" asks Luna impatiently. "Huh? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all..." Poo says.

In the distance...a spy jellyfish is talking into a walkie talkie.

Yes, these jellyfish are able to use their tentacles, where normal jellyfish tentacles fall apart pretty much whenever they touch anything solid, to handle walkie-talkies. Waterproof walkie-talkies.

"The eagle has landed. I repeat, the eagle has landed. GRRR. I mean Poo has joined Luna! Geez, this is military talk." Suddenly, a person resembling a bird drops down from nowhere.

"Hey! Jellyfish! 1 h4X y0u! Mwehehehe. I'm Falcon24. Poo ordered me to come here and help eliminate Luna. Mwehehehehe. This will be as cool as Project: Black Line. Hold on, Poo. The Falcon has landed! Mwehehehehehe! I'm so evil..."

I can't decide whether he's making fun of Falcon24 or helping him along, since he and Falcon24 are actually buddies. Actually, I can decide, since I happen to know the latter is true. It's just more fun if I pretend maybe he's making fun of him. It sounds like he could be.

[This message has been edited by EBPoo (edited 04-21-2000).]

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Post #375, by PSI322

The sound of the noisy boat, combined with that of the captain's intense screaming, disturbed Juliana as she read "Languages of the Wild" in her tent. Frustrated, she slammed her book shut and poked her head out of the tent to look around. "Hey, Captain, what's the matter?" she yelled, standing up and walking towards him. "Why are you yelling like that?"

"That little pirate stole my boat, missy!" he shouted at her, continuing to run around in circles.

Juliana was confused and angry. "Little pirate?" she repeated, perplexed. "What little pirate?"

"That boy who was waiting to go to Scaraba with me!" the captain explained. "He just took my boat and sailed off without me!"

I wouldn't worry about it so much. He'll just get himself killed in his vain attempt to steer it by himself, unless he's... oh.

Guess you're screwed, then.

"Oh, I see," Juliana said calmly, understanding the captain's frustration. "I didn't know. You have every right to be angry." She paused for a moment. Was it a Starmen.Netter who had committed this crime? She certainly hoped not.

Hahahaha! He gave PSI322 an opening to lay the smack down, and she took it. Tension, baby.

Juliana didn't like to see anyone doing anything that might discredit the fine website that she loved so dearly, and frankly, theft was one of those things. "Could you describe this pirate to me, Captain?" Juliana said softly.

Oh, yeah. PSI322 knows how to pour it the hell on. Chris is in trouble now. Though if I know her, after he finally gives his bumbling explanation she'll go 'oh, don't worry about it Chris, it's OK!' And then he'll think, 'hey, maybe she does want me!' And the cycle will begin anew. I keep telling you, PSI322 is too nice for her own good. It's not a good idea to be nice if you're going to try to be a girl on the internet.

And yes, I know she's being just a touch uptight in a story she herself said should be fun. It's just something she does, OK?

The captain nodded sharply. In too many words, he described a Starmen.Netter all right...the description fit Chris perfectly.

Juliana sighed loudly. "Thank you, Captain," she said, wondering what had caused her friend to become involved in such mischief. "Did you say he was going to Scaraba?"

Chris is getting torn in two inside, you just know. She's ripping me a new one for being a thief... but she called me her friend! Her friend!!!

"Aye, I believe so, missy," the captain replied.

"I'm awfully sorry about your boat, but I have to go now." Juliana returned to her tent, where she put all of her belongings back into her knapsack and thanked the monkeys for their kindness. She said farewell to them, as she did to the captain, and then walked over to stand by the water's edge. Juliana pulled from her knapsack an inflatable life raft and a tiny air pump, which she used to inflate it.

That's right. Never mind what Chris is doing; Juliana's going to sail across a river expressly described in EarthBound as completely impassable without a submarine in an inflatable liferaft. But what you have to realize before you make fun of her is: It's an incredible liferaft.

Hoping that her voyage would be a safe one, Juliana set sail in her inflatable life raft for the desert south of Scaraba...

Wait... wait a minute. Wait.

Holy crap! PSI fell into Chris's trap! She's following him!

[This message has been edited by PSI322 (edited 04-21-2000).]