Posts #931-935: 9 May 2000

Post #931, by guruzeth

guruzeth felt something running through him... almost like electricity, he could feel the current, but somehow it was different, it was strange.

Different from electric current running through your body? Which you know the feeling of because you've experienced it before?

He looked down at his outstretched arm and saw the faint sky-blue eminating from him. "What...? he said slowly. "What's going on..?" It took him a few seconds to realize that the pain from his broken foot and his aching back were no longer there. Suddenly, in disbelief, feeling as if he were in a dream, guruzeth stood and took a few furtive steps, looking constantly in bewilderment at the previously injured ankle.

And still he won't shut up about his injuries.

He turned to Tracy; her mouth was as wide open as his was. "That bug... there was something about it... a healing bug..?" guru said.

It certainly seems to me like the bug gets the raw end of the deal. Good thing PETA never noticed the Gathering, eh?

She remained seated against the coffin for a moment before slowly rising, her head still slightly spinning from what could have been a concussion. "I guess that bug was more valuable than I thought... I'm glad I traded for it now!"

I'm pretty sure I speak for everyone when I point out I'm pretty sure I'd rather have an opal ring than guruzeth's company. But it was never far beyond him to flatter himself.

guruzeth leaned over and picked up the bottle the bug had been in. "Something else is in here... are those what I think they are..?

Tracy took a close look at the bottle. "Looks like... eggs?"

"We could have a bunch of those healing bugs before too long," said guru. "That could be awfully handy..."

Oh god. You just walked me through all that bulls--- just to set up an endless supply of AC God Mode Deus Ex Machinae, essentially adding up to limitless invincibility? With guruzeth's ability to detail his injuries before getting them healed preserved? Shoot me now. Paint the walls with my brains.

Seriously, knowing I myself wrote this ten years ago just pisses me off even more than it would if Liyoshi had written it, because it sounds like a slightly better written version of exactly what Liyoshi would write.

Tracy looked around and shuddered. "This place is spooky. We should get out of here."

"There's only one way out of this room..." said guru. "I don't know where it goes, but I guess we don't have a choice."

Taking it slowly because Tracy was still a little woozy, they began to follow the narrow labyrinth of tunnels and stairs in the Pyramid.

Feed her one of the eggs, maybe, Boy Genius? Why not!

As they walked past some large, intricate heiroglyphs, something caught Tracy's eye. She stopped and turned slowly; guru stopped when he saw her doing so. Suddenly, the heiroglyph lunged at them!

But it's OK, because guruzeth's carrying a bottle that has death bugs in it, which causes anything that attacks him to be instantly killed!

---

Post #932, by Little Yoshi

"Hey, Nathan, do you remember way back whe we were traveling with Luna, and we learned a dual-tech(it's a move which involves two peoples' abilities, such as shooting fire onto a sword, and then slashing with the sword) called Gaia Slash? I may be weak, but the Masamune has incredible power, I think Gaia Slash(you shoot Gaia Beam energy onto my sword, and I slash) will help us alot against the sanctuary guard, the Plague Rat of Doom. Shall we be off?" Tim asked.
(Nathan, wait for Pikachu and/or Porheydren to say if it's okay with them for us to tag along before posting, kay-o?)

I have to be honest: I have run out of ways to make fun of Liyoshi or express exasperation with him. Let's move on.

---

Post #933, by Pikachu3164

((Hey, Yoshi, what kind of boat is the Yoshi? A small, puny rowboat? A yacht? A motorboat? A houseboat-like boat? Geez, I ask the stupidest questions.))

Yes. Yes, you do. 

I'm pretty certain it's a yacht. I seem to recall that from the party. Remember the party? Those were the days.

[You don't need to ask to tag along - as long as you have a bedroom on this boat somewhere, or some other place for me to rest, follow us for as long as you want!] Pikachu was extremely tired and wanted to get some sleep.

Oh, thank $DEITY he put the reference to resting at the end there. Otherwise I would have vomited all over my keyboard.

"Yeah, there's a bedroom in down there." Tim motioned towards a door. "Why do you need some rest?"

[Let's see... First off, I started the day by going to fight my nightmare - Dark Pikachu. Then, I was thrown into the Sea of Eden. Shortly afterwards, I discovered that the Nothing Blue Drugstore didn't carry Peanut Cheese Bars. Then, Mondo Mole attacked me. Then, when I went to Luna' and waffle's Magicant for a visit, I had to be kicked out. Just a while ago, I barely managed to avoid a battle with Lavos and Baby Lavos. Just now, I completely missed a Teleport and I plummeted into the ocean. Good night. Wake me up if a Kraken attacks or something.]

Bad idea. This is Liyoshi's vessel; of course something's going to attack.

Pikachu woozily walked into the little bedroom, and fell asleep.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-09-2000).]

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Post #934, by Little Yoshi

(I'd say my boat is an extremely small[for a yacht, at least] yacht. Yeah, 4 bedrooms. I'm trying to get more)

Four bedrooms is actually a fairly large yacht.

"I need to sleep too," Tim said. He had gone through 18 hours of hard battling, and he needed more rest.

Honestly, it didn't look that hard. But it IS horribly difficult to stay awake through 18 hours of it.

---

Post #935, by Mog116

(murkkie talked to me so, I'm ComIGn BacK!

And I'm high as a kite! Wheeeeee!
Well, what did you expect him to do? He has nothing else to do with his time.

F u hv prblms wth ths, kll m ff. ThEn I'lL ComE BaCk And Annyo YOU)(murk, try using quotations. they're by the "l" key)(Tim, you have all the melodies. Ultima, remember?)

[So you came into the desert?] "Well, thats where noone would think of going, so..." Andrew said.

Noone's insidious plans continue to reach into everything.

[Yeah, well I'm lost and I don't have anything to drink seeing as I prayed my Duffle Bag to Tim] Mog and Andrew walked back towards the town.

Um. That's great. I guess?

Posts #926-930: 9 May 2000

Post #926, by Pikachu3164

[Let's go very quiet. Maybe he won't hear us.]

Pikachu and Poryhedron walked very quiently past Lavos, not knowing that his External Shell had been destroyed. They crept into the Milky Well caves, and started running towards the well.

It was just the opposite, the way I remember it. Eye destroyed, shell still intact.

Poryhedron gave a sigh of relief. "That was close! Lavos could have squi... oh oh!"

[What!?]

"I don't know! What is that?!"

"I'm... uhh... I don't know... Oh yea! I'm a Baby Lavos! Oh yeah... You finally... uh...

[Got here.]

Yeah! This is the, umm..."

Ohhhhh, that is so interesting. He has now appointed a villain from a different game Sanctuary boss instead of Trillionage Sprout, who has of course already been killed several times in this thread alone. Now the door is open for infinite different Sanctuary bosses. Ganon! Jenova! The Giant of Bab-il! That eyeball-thing from Link to the Past!

[Third Your Sanctuaruy location?]

"Yeah! How'd you know!? But, uhh..."

[It's yours now.]

"Geez! Your good at this! Take it from me."

[You forgot to add, "If you dare."]

"Man, your good. I keep forgetting about that! Now, what was I going to do to you?"

Poryhedron jumped in. "You were going to let us into the Milky well."

"I was? Okay, go right ahead!"

Pikachu and Poryhedron ran into the Milky Well and started to absorb the power before Baby Lavos realized that wan't what he was going to do to them.

You think what you want, but I like this post. You would perhaps rather have read yet another AC God Mode beatdown? 3164's actually showing a small sliver of creativity and humor here. It's not much, but it's something. Hold it up to most of 3164's activity in the Gathering and it's clear he has taken a level.

[That was easy.]

"Yep."

[Onto Magnet Hill! Teleport Omega!

It would figure that Pikachu and Poryhedron landed above Tim's boat instead of Magnet Hill. It would also figure that the Teleportation left them 50 ft above sea.

Pikachu started screaming. [Aieeeeeee! Help! Help! Help!]

Poryhedron also started screaming. "Ahhhhhhhh!! Wait a minute... I can float!"

So.... grab onto Poryhedron? Would that be a crazy thing to suggest?

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-09-2000).]

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Post #927, by loid

In kiyo's magicant:

"Sir, this is my fight, but I guess you can provide comentary.

That is a perfect way to take advantage of Major Asshole's presence.

you see, this randite infected my mind, making me evil, the apple of enlightment says that the first one through that "American Gladiators" obstacle course to the sea of eden wins"

Sir grabed a microphone
"Ok then, lets go! The first one to the sea of eden gets controll of Kiyo's mind, and there off! Randite in the lead, now there climbing the wall but Kiyo seems to be better at that, through the maze, up the conveyor belt, yikes! Randite just psi freezed Kiyo! That was cheating! randite is trying but cant seem to climb through the net, wait whats this? Kiyo thawed out! and he's got a steel chair! Ouch! Randite is out cold! Kiyo's climbing through the net, now he has to dig through the pit of plastic balls to find the exit, randites geting up and hes in the ball pit to, oh no he found the door! He... just might... Oh I dont belive this! Randite wins!"
"BOO!"
after that Sir and Kiyo returned to thier bodies, but the good part of kiyo was now trapped in magicant.

This is about the third time in all my annotating the Gathering that I have laughed out loud at something that was meant to be funny. I think loid is now officially my favorite poster, and loid/Major Asshole is definitely my favorite plotline team going right now. That post was pure awesome. It was everything I ever liked about IF.

---

Post #928, by Little Yoshi

"Hi, Nathan...! I gotcha Pikachu!" Tim shouted. Porheydren manuevered safely onto the boat, and Tim did his best to get under Pikachu's shadow, but was too slow. He quickly used his boat's claw to pick up Pikachu and pull him on.

I think the consequences of an electric rat falling into a lake would be fascinating. I don't even know what would happen. I can guess it's probably nothing good for the nearby aquatic wildlife.

"Hi Pikachu, Porheydren," Tim said.
"Where do you guys need to go?"
[Magnet Hill,] Pikachu responded.

This is funny because by rights Magnet Hill should be by far the easiest Sanctuary to get to. Just take a bus to Fourside, walk a few blocks and climb over a wooden fence.

"Well! I haven't got that melody either! Let's go together, whaddya say? Nathan, you coming?" Tim asked.

[This message has been edited by Little Yoshi (edited 05-09-2000).]

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Post #929, by SirMontyG

"If he woulda let me help..well, how could I help, anyways? The gauntlet is a one-man event.." Sir muddered as he came two.

LOL. Major Asshole possesses much wisdom.

"Uh oh, better check on how Kyio's doi.."*CRAAAASHH* The evil part of Kyio, now wild and free, smashed Sir over the head with his own daquri glass, then ran out the hotel, leaving Sir, limp on the ground, to face his own Magicant.

I am amused by how you no longer need to do any of the Sanctuary crap to gain access to Magicant. You just have to get cold-cocked by somebody.

.

..

...

...."Wha...what's that? It almost sounds like.."

"Take Five?" Said a voice. He was right, the intro to an old jazz tune by Dave Brubeck was being played. Where the band, or the voice was, could not be seen.

"Ohh, wait, I know how this works. I've gone into the inner workings of my own mind to purge out the evil in me, right?" Sir asked to no one in particular.

Please don't do that. The evil in you is what makes you so entertaining.

The same voice responded: "You'ld think that, wouldn't ya?" It wasn't Sir, but it was Sir's voice. "In your own mind, you haven't decided what is good or evil, therefore you have nothing to fight and little to gain."

"Wait, what if this is the evil part of me trying to confuse myself?"

"Ha ha, very good. I should have expected you to guess that one. Yes, you're biggest evil is your indesisivness! You defeat me and you can get a better grasp on your consiousness and self-being. Lose, and you will be forced to stumble and studder around like the fool that you are. Mwaahaa!"

Again, I can't help but think Major Asshole losing here is the best outcome for us.

(The evil part of me is so lame. he just gave away his defeat.) Sir thought to himself.

"I heard that!!" The music quickly changed from cool jazz to Limp Biskit's: Break Stuff

"Just one of those days.." Sir ran into the darkness to fight off his evil side

The best summation of Limp Bizkit I ever saw was the opening line to Dave Barry's History of the Millennium: "And so here we stand together, the human race, plus the members of 'Limp Bizkit', on the brink of the year 2000."

---

Post #930, by Dr. Andonuts

"Sure, I'll come along," said Nathan. "I've got nothing better to do. Hmmm, i wonder what i've got on hand for weopons?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out his modifed Gaia Beam. "This should do."

It might not be the most pointless post in the entire Gathering--there is a lot of competition for that title--but it's got to be in the top ten.

Posts #921-925: 8-9 May 2000

Post #921, by loid

(first things first, I was only joking, I wouldnt care if sir duct taped me to a refigrator)

I have no idea why he felt it necessary to mention this, seeing that no one called his last post into question. Maybe there was an argument in #earthbound or something.

meahnwhile the randite was eating away at kiyo's mind.
"Yes. Let the evil guide you."

I did it all for the evulz.

Kiyo, slowly becoming evil, started towards the hotel with an unkown purpose.

"*slurrrrrp* ah. Need more daquris, oh waiter! hey your not the waiter."
"yOu lEfT mE tO dIe..."
"Kiyo? Is that you? you look, diffe-AHHHHH!"
"no I cant do it. hes my frie-KiLl hIm-but he doesn-kIlL hIm-AHHHH! MY HEAD! becoming... more... more... eViL!"
"AHHHH! take this you manic!" sir threw a stone which hit kiyo on the head knocking him out cold, knocking him into magicant.

I'm not sure why loid is determined to follow Major Asshole around, other than it shows excellent taste in choosing teammates.

---

Post #922, by SirMontyG

"Hey, hotel security! This guy almost killed me! Where were you?" Sir questioned the athorities at hand

When someone does what in real life would seem like common sense in an IF, it's jarring. We would much more expect him to poke loid's corpse with a stick, clean out his pockets, then jump into his Magicant or something.

"Well we were on break.."

"ya, ya, but he almost made me spill my daquri, too.. Hey, wait..that really IS Kiyo! And he was mumbling something about me turning him evil, too! Hmm.." Sir wrapped a towel around his waist and walked over to the lobby and snagged a free newspaper showing the events already occured on the island.

"Ohh, crud. I kinda ignored his desperate cry and now he's gone evil on me. At least I didn't duck tape him to a refrigerator..

Amazingly, loid got 'duct tape' right and then Major Asshole, in direct reference to loid's above post, got it wrong.

Well, only one way to fix this." Sir walked back to the spa, downed the rest of his daquri, and hit himself over the head with the same rock he did for Kiyo, causing him to enter Kiyo's Magicant. (of course that makes sence, what are you talkin' bout?)

LOL, okay, THAT'S more like what you expect in an IF. I swear I didn't read the rest of the post before I wrote that first annotation.

---

Post #923, by Dr. Andonuts

(For those of you who don't visit #earthbound, you should know that Antadd is the Prime Minister of Retieration(you should also know that i can't spell retieration))
(Wow! Someone remembered me.)

I'm guessing he was trying for "reiteration". I honestly don't remember any of that clearly, though. It must have been something that happened during the four months I wasn't really in #earthbound due to a crappy computer that couldn't access the internet. And I have no foggy clue why Dr. Andonuts felt it necessary to mention that here.

Nathan decided to go find out what everybody was doing. He decided to go find Tim, figuring that he would know.

Well, it is a notch above the old standby "He suddenly had a feeling in his heart Tim was looking for him" on the OOC-knowledge-used-IC scale, at least.

He took out his computer, used it to locate Tim, and teleported to his location.

You think I'm going to bitch about this handwave, but I'm not. We'd have gotten four paragraphs if Liyoshi had been writing this.

Nathan appeared in mid-air, right above Tim's boat. WHAM! "I've got to fix that," Nathan mumbled to himself. "Hi, Tim, how are you doing?"
"Fine."
"So, whats been going on?"
"Well, there have been several attacks on Lavos, all failing, and lot of people have visited Magicant."

This is a disturbingly accurate Cliff's Notes on the entire last 500 posts.

"What do you want to do now?" Nathan asked Tim.

---

Post #924, by murkkie

(Mog said I could join him so well, I don't know were he is but he could help me)

One of the various things I do for food is work with students who want to improve their writings. One of the concepts I have found surprisingly challenging to get them to understand is, before you write anything (including individual sentences or paragraphs) you should ask yourself: will anyone reading this care about this?

So murkkie is just the latest in a long string of posters not asking themselves that question. Call it the Liyoshi Test.

Andrew (that would be my real name) walked into the auditorium. Seeing that no one was there he sat down to try to find out what happened. Aha! he finally figured it out. He ran over to were Mog was. Hey! Andrew said. Great said Mog, But how did you find me. Well it is very simple said Andrew, I just looked were no one would ever even think of looking.

This kid must have had the mother of all bongs in his room.

---

Post #925, by Traceh

It echoed again, the shuffeling then a *scratch....creeeeeek*. Tracy came to her senses and steadied herself against the coffin and stumbled to her feet. There she swayed, still listening for the noises which seemed to be comming from the room next door.

"guru....what the munky is that...", she nealt down and wispered so as not to be heard by the unknown presence. "Look at you, we need to get you out of here, you're in pain! Here you drink this water and it might help."

I continue to ignore Traceh's loidian count of spelling errors because if you look past them, her writing is quite good. But good golly are there a lot of spelling errors. 

On topic: Drinking water is always helpful to everything, but what about this water does she expect will cause super healing?

Tracy tried to adjust her eyes to see correctlty. "Ugh...this better not be a concusion.."

Bad news, Tracy. It's a concussion. Good rule of thumb: if you have to wonder whether you're concussed, you are. 

She reached into her bag and rummaged around for the bottle of water she had grabbed on her way out of the hotel, found what she thought to be it, and yanked it out.

"What she thought to be it"? That doesn't sound good for guruzeth's immediate prospects. 

How awesome would it be if she killed him by "accidentally" having him drink fingernail polish remover or something?

"Alright well this...this...we just need to get through here!" guruzeth took the bottle in one hand and swigged it back, immidiatly coughing and hacking at the contents.

"What did you give me? What IS this in here!?" he asked, peering first at Tracy and then at the bottle. "Oh no...tell me I didnt just swallow what I think I did..."

Nail polish remover! I totally called it. Don't worry pal, once you see the pink polka-dots the end of your suffering is very near. Say your goodbyes in the next ten seconds, before you lose control of your tongue. And most of your other muscles.

"Hmmmm?" mumbled Tracy, still a bit out of sorts. She tuned her head and a wave of disbelife came over her.

Well, since waves are involved I for one think it's entirely sensical that she would tune her head.

"guruzeth, you just ate my bug......that cant be good."

Aww, damn. Eating a bug isn't going to hurt anybody. It's just a protein source. But this being IF, of course, we expect this bug is going to grant guruzeth some kind of superpower. Apparently Tracy still likes him despite his being a whiny bitch.

She shook her head. "Hopefully it wont hurt you or anything. I dont know though, Ive never eaten a bug before so I couldnt sa-"

Tracy was cut short, her eyes widened to huge almonds and she started babbeling and stuttering, trying to force out words. guru tried to steady her with his free arm and thats when he noticed he was glowing a strange tint of blue....

I know, I know, I totally called it and you're totally impressed. Becoming a member of the Blue Men Group is only the beginning of guruzeth's new superpowers. Which now I'm actually hoping they include invincibility, so he'll quit detailing his injuries like this is some kind of damn NFL injury report.

[This message has been edited by pink goat named Sarah (edited 05-09-2000).]

This, once again, is Traceh's indication that she has gone back and fixed some typos.

[This message has been edited by Traceh (edited 05-09-2000).]

Posts #916-920: 8 May 2000

Post #916, by Pikachu3164

((Okay, seeing as loid just said that the Mr. Saturns were squished by Lavos, I'm assuming that Lavos fell right on Saturn Valley, kay?))

That conflict sure was resolved fast. I guess 3164 decided this idea was cool and he could run with it.

**********

[Okay. We may as well get going there's nothing to do now that we have the 10th melody and we know we can't get into waffle and Luna's Magicant.]

Convoluted way of pointing out waffle's post is more than slightly late.

"So what will we do?" Poryhedron didn't know what Pikachu was suggesting.

Neither does anyone else, Poryhedron. We never have.

[Let's go to Magicant Village!]

"Huh?"

A valid and sanguine question to ask, Poryhedron, seeing that there is no such place.

[You know how the Sea of Eden is connected to everyone's Magicant? Well, when I zoomed here at the speed of Light, I noticed that the village from Mother 1 is also connected to everyone's Magicant!!]

Oh. Well. When you put it THAT way.

"Hey... If everyone's Magicant links to the same Sea of Eden, why couldn't we go with Luna and waffle?"

[Some problem with warping odd shaped thingies, I guess. Let's go!]

It would have been a lot better if he had simply put in, [Because Luna's a bitch and she wants waffle to herself], which you know is what he was thinking.

I wonder just how high on the list of Google results for "Luna's a bitch" this post will climb.

**********

Pikachu and Poryhedron looked around Magicant Village (Does it have a name? The Magicant in EB0?), visited Queen Mary, ruler of Magicant, looked at the cool stuff in the Well Dungeon, and finally left Magicant.

"Well, that was cool!"

[Yea! Let's go to Milky Well now. Teleport Omega!]

*********

[Ohh!!! Need Peanut Cheese... oh my God!]

Yes?

"It's Lavos!"

By God, sir, so it is!

---

Post #917, by SirMontyG

"Little dune buggy..in the sand, little blue dune buggy..in my hand! Dikawa bum! bada bum ba bum, buda ba da bum ba bum, buda ba da bu baaaa.."

A travel weary Sir walked the endless plain that was Eagleland Island. Thumb still out, he wondered if he would ever get picked up.

"Heh, I remember when the island was just supposed to be one big party, then we go and find all out wildest dreams in the middle of this place! Earthbound, Lavos, the Melodies, everything..it all seems like a dream, or the matrix, or something..just not really...

...real"

Didn't dhsu or somebody with a random name like that already try the "check it out guys, this is actually the Matrix!" thing and get shot full of holes, never to be heard from again?

Sir then went into an inteletctual tangent with himself on the existance of the island, the existance of everything on the inner part of the island, and existance on a whole. Not coming to any real conclusion, a disgrunteled Sir sat down on a rock.

"Hey, wait a minute..this is Chris's Rock! I just walked all the way back to the hotel!! Yippie!!! room service!" Cried Sir as he ran towards the building.

I am praying to $DEITY that this leads to Major Asshole tracking Chris down yet again. It's hilarious because there's nothing Chris can do about it.

~30 minutes later~

"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......." Sir raised his strawberry daquri to no one in particular. Sir was in the Hotel's Spa, reaping the rewards of the weary traveler taking a rest. "Soooo relaxing...soo nice...it kinda makes me forget all about school and my job and my family...uhh oh." Sir frantacly rushed to his room on the 7th floor, and quickly made 3 calls at once

*Beebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebee*
"Heydad!problywonderinwhereI'vebeenforthepastmonth, right?well,I'mfinebutIcan'treallytalkrightnowgottago, bye!"

*SLAM* *beebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebee*
"Hey,Brianna!Sorryihaven'tbeeninformypast14shifts,butI'vebeen REALLY sick,butI'llshowuponeofthesedays, thanksforunderstandingbye!"

If he had a supervisor named Brianna, then this Brianna would have been at least 20 years old or so, meaning she'd be a bit over 30 today. I'm pretty sure 1980-ish is the far limit of how far back the name 'Brianna' goes.

*SLAM* *beebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebeebee*
"Mr.Hodge!gladIgotaholdofyou, youdidn'tmindacceptingthecollectcallrightgreat. soanywaysI'msorryImissedthepastfewconcerts, butI'llmakethemupwhenIgetback,don'tworryaboutme! thanksbye!"

*SLAM*

This is such a sensible, efficient way to handle phone calls. I think I'm going to handle all my phone calls the same way from now on.

*Beebeebeebeebee*Hello911operatorsomelunaticjustbustedinmyhouseandslaughteredmyroommate, andthere'sbloodeverywhereandanaxislodgedinmyskullcanyoupleasesendsomeone? Outtatimegottagobye!*SLAM*

Sir franticaly ran back down to the spa, reclaiming his Daquri at the same time.

"Now that I've taken care of the outside world, where was I? Oh ya: ahhhhhhh....."

Sir slid a little further into the hot tub while overlooking the ocean sunset.

"Now, if only i could find someone who wondered about the island as much as I do..I've heard that conversations go much better with 2 people..."

So go out and find somebody, nitwit. What is it with usually reasonable people like Anthadd and Major Asshole suddenly crying for attention?

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Post #918, by StarmanDx

Chris emerged at Twoson, called Growlithe back to its Poké Ball, and immediately went to the Bike Shop. "Welcome to the bike shop, 'Punk Sure'!" the clerk said.

"Nevermind that," Chris responded, putting $500,000 on the table. "Get me a bike."

Maybe guruzeth should backtrack from Scaraba (limping, of course) and whack this Chris character. He could use the cash.

The man glared at the cash with wide eyes. "SURE THING!" he shouted excitedly. Chris then left the shop and rode the bike toward Apple Kid's house. I know I'm gonna need a Pencil Eraser to get to Happy Happy Village he told himself.

Why? That pencil statue's been gone for ages. Ever since Ness erased it. They don't regenerate.

[This message has been edited by StarmanDx (edited 05-08-2000).]

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Post #919, by loid

kiyo was out stranded in the middle of nowhere, sir didnt seem to care about him so he lay there in the wagon with his dog dragging him.

Heh. I forgot that Major Asshole disregarded loid in the same post he complained about no one tagging along with him. loid must have missed the memo that Major Asshole... is an asshole.

Meahnwhile inside Lavos....
"Master Lavos, several of the smnetters have gotten the tenth sanctary, we have to do something"
" Randite... stop the one they call kiyo"
"what? that fool? he tried to attack you and you blasted him into next week!"
"He is weak... but if he ever reilizes the secret of the sound stone, he will be no match even for me"

It's loid doing his Tengu Man impersonation... and I like it. Even though loid is unfamiliar with the "no match for" construct and got it backwards.

"so what do I do? Kill him?"
"no.... I have something even better..."


Kiyo and his dog set up camp and he tried to sleep. Just then a shadowy figure snuck up on him and grabed him.
"AHHHHH! LET GO! I HAVE A GUN!"
"No you dont mortal. I can see your thoughts."
with that the shadowy figure was asorbed into kiyo's mind.

"what did he do t... sErVe LaVoS...o me? whats hapen... ObEy LaVoS... why am i ... fIgHt fOr lAvOs... help me......"
and with that, Kiyo willed himeself to go to saturn valley, or whats left of it that is.

(sir didnt care so now Im becoming... EVIL! and it feels so good)

Well, yeah, but if no one acknowledges your existence... then you don't exist. But as long as it feels good, you keep doing your thang!

[This message has been edited by loid (edited 05-08-2000).]

---

Post #920, by Anthadd

Anthadd, golf clubs, hat, jacket, etc., emerged again from the Lumine Hall. This time, it was the Lost Underworld.
Dodging from rock to rock, he finally ended up in one of the refuges sprinkled across the Underworld.
"Do you have any Tendakraut so I can get into the village?" he asked.
"Not necessarily."
"Let's...reiterate. I said, 'Do you have any Tendakraut.' Give me a yes or no answer."
"Yes or now answer."
"DO YOU HAVE ANY TENDAKRAUT?!?!"
The Tenda quivered, and, in fear, said, "Yes.." and handed it over.

This reminds me of that totally awesome Head & Shoulders commercial with Troy Polamalu. Look it up, you lazy asshole.

"Thank you."
Anthadd rested for a few hours and journeyed to the village, assuming it was north of where he was.

It raises the question of how you can be sure which way is north, when you're in the Lost Underworld.

Posts #911-915: 8 May 2000

Post #911, by PSIOsman

The huge form of Lavos loomed in front of them. The massive creature did not seem to notice them...

"Its eye seems to be heavily damaged," commented Siris. "It appears that the outer shell is destroyed. Now we have to fight the Core."

"Dude, remember what had happened before?" Said Alan, remembering the battle that had sent them into Magicant.

"Yes, but this time, we have all the melodies. But I feel strange. What has happened to Falcon? Wasn't he supposed to be fighting Lavos?" Asked Osman...

Still no one has yet explained why having all the melodies is important. What does it do to Lavos, exactly?

I have to hand it to Falcon24--it's impressive that he's gotten so many people to care about him. I think he's the only male poster in the Gathering that's been asked about on a regular basis.

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 05-08-2000).]

---

Post #912, by Tengu Maul

Jack was having a very hard time locating Poo[Poo, where are you anyway on the physcial plane?], but good news had come, Ness had gone back to Magicant, and beaten his evil side while in his coma, and woke up. Now the other 3 still had to go to Magicant, but Jack wasn't aware Poo was somewhere in Magicant...

This might be the shortest post in Tengu Man's entire infamous internet forum career. I don't know if his house was on fire while he was writing it and two burly firefighters dragged him away from the computer at this point, or what.

[This message has been edited by Tengu Maul (edited 05-08-2000).]

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Post #913, by Pikachu3164

Pikachu, still in a bad mood because

A: He was feeling bad because he had ditched his friends in order to get Melodies
B: He had no clue where Lavos was, so he couldn't battle Lavos when he had all the melodies.
C: Nothing Blue Drugstore had no Peanut Cheese Bars.

D: All of the above? I think?

It always sucks when you ditch your friends, only to discover they weren't actually your friends and they're thrilled you're gone.

Whwn he finally reached the cave to Lilliput Steps, he met up with Mondo Mole.

Who has already been killed, I believe, three times. But death only makes him stronger! You're in trouble now, 3164!

Mondo Mole started with the now common Sanctuary speech. "This is the second Your Sanctuary location. But it's mine now. Take i....."

[I'm in no mood for a fight.]

"Never interrupt the Sanctuary motto! Ahem... Take it from me if you d.... Ouch."

Pikachu, who was as mad as a really mad thingy, had answered Mondo Mole by giving him a Thunder attack.

[Did I not warn you?]

...oh. Well, then.

Pikachu stepped outside into the Lilliput caves. He heard the familiar tone.

La... la la la etc.

Pikachu had gained the powers of Lilliput Steps.

[Next stop, Saturn Valley! At last! Peanut Cheese Bars! Ha ha! Teleport Omega!]

If I recall correctly, someone (Liyoshi? Mog116?) suggested Lavos converted Saturn Valley to a smoking crater. So we'll have to see if anyone tries to call 3164 out on ignoring it. (I would have ignored it too, because it's so stupid.)

---

Post #914, by loid

ness and etc. were about to fight the Lavos core when a madman ran in and started blasting away at Lavos.
"YOU MONSTER! YOU BLEW IT UP!"
Lavos replied in a booming voice "Just who do you think you are mortal?" then all the shots he fired at lavos were just asorbed.
"YOU! YOU DESTROYED SATURN VALLEY! THE MR. SATURNS HAD NO WEAPONS!!! ILL KILL YOU!"

I guess loid is going to overrule 3164 in a more direct way. I love you, loid.

"You are too young to die here mortal, I OWWEE! Wtf? You know psi?"

ROFL. Funniest Lavos quote ever. OWWEE Wtf? I'm going to use that one for the rest of my annotations.

Kiyo, I mean the madman (Ok so it was me) just saw a flash of light, then saw the Lavos spawn that befriended him dive in front of the blast and be incinerated, then all went black...

"hey....*"

"hey man you ok?"
Kiyo got up and took in his surroundings, he was somewhere, and he was lying down in a wagon that was being towed by his dog.
"You ok? I found you being towed unconcous by this dog"
"Wait, are you Sir? I think we met at that sleepover."
"Uh yeah thats me. You better rest."

No, I don't have any idea why he decided to drag Major Asshole into this either. I just know it's awesome.

---

Post #915, by waffle

"Okay, you guys can come into our Magicant," Luna replied to SuperSpeedy.

OWWEE Wtf?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to THE biggest "What the HELL are you doing???" moment of the Gathering, bar none.

No, seriously waffle... what the HELL are you DOING????
I cannot believe I am reading this. Luna has gone out of her way to kick the kiddie klub out of her plotline so she can keep it exclusive to waffle. And waffle DECLINED LUNA'S EXCLUSIVITY AND INVITED THE KIDDIE KLUB ALONG.

OWWEE Wtf?

It hurts. Make the pain stop. waffle, man, what the F--- were you thinking???

"Bout time, Now I gotta call to Pikachu. SuperSpeedy let out a loud scream and Pikachu suddenly zipped by his side.

"Heh," waffle blurted out weakly, "okay, lets go."

They explored the rest of the area of Magicant until they got to the path to the Sea of Eden.

"So, what do you think of our minds so far?" waffle asked SuperSpeedy.

"Weird..."

"Yeah," Luna said looking around, "but its the best pudding i've ever tasted."

She does make an excellent point there, you have to admit.

They got through the twirling path to the Sea of Eden and waffle suddenly stopped.
"Guys, I just thought of something.."

[What?]

"Pikachu,Speedy, I don't think you can come any farther. The water in the Sea of Eden feels like hot, burning acid to people if it isn't their own mind. Only Luna and I will be able to get through without getting burned."

[Ohh...] Pikachu grumbled.
"Sorry, see ya around or something!"

So, SuperSpeedy and Pikachu had to warp out of Magicant, because they couldn't get any farther through. Waffle and Luna, on the other hand, were able to continue their quest through their own Magicant.

Ohh. Whew. BIG sigh of relief there. So he's not completely bats--- insane. But still--what the hell were you thinking???

I guess he felt bad about the Kiddie Klub being evicted and is trying to give them an olive branch. Notwithstanding that in context this entire post makes no sense, as 3164 and SS/MB have already moved on, several posts ago. I don't think waffle read any of that, somehow.

Posts #906-910: 8 May 2000

Post #906, by Little Yoshi

Tim, feeling unwanted by his SM.Net friends, decided to call his mom.

I don't know which is the more disturbing (or funny, if you're sick) aspect of Liyoshi's Denial of Reality Disorder, that he thinks he has friends, or that he thinks he'll ever make a friend with the ungodly drivel he's been cranking out.

"Hello?"
"Hi, Mom, this Tim!"
"Oh, hi Tim! Howya doin'?"
"I'm fine, and I believe Chris is too," Tim replied.
"Well, I gotta go, see ya!" *click*

After the phone call, Tim realized that most of his Starmen.Net friends were in their Magicants, or, as he found out mysteriously, all in one Magiant. Then he remembered Nathan, and decided to find his whereabouts.

I do have to give him credit for resisting the Magicant urge..... so far.

---

Post #907, by Pikachu3164

[Umm... Poryhedron? I'm getting kind of impatient waiting for Luna and waffle, so I'm going to get going now.] Pikachu had been waiting for a while, while Luna and waffle discussed if they wanted Pikachu and Poryhedron to visit. After all, it was there Magicant.

Best as I can tell, Luna's post was apparently too painful for him to confront directly so he's pretending it didn't happen.

"Where are you going?" asked Poryhedron.

[I'm going to get the rest of the melodies for my Sound Stone.]

"What if Luna and waffle decide to they want us to visit?"

[Just scream really really loud. I'll hear you.]

Yeah, you can tell just reading this ten years later he knew as well as you and I do that wasn't happening.

----------
Pikachu ran to the Sea of Eden. Dark Pikachu gave him a special device that could return him to Magicant anytime he wanted. I think it's called the Oynx Hook. It's in Mother 1.

Dark Pikachu appears to be like Frank, or Croco from Super Mario RPG, recognizing his better and becoming helpful after you kick his ass.

He ended up in Happy Happy Village.

Pikachu's mind started thinking of 50 gazillion things at once. [I guess I'm getting Lilliput Steps! Ohh! I wonder if any of the houses are still blue! I love blue! Blue blue! Okay. I'm going. Ohh! I need to shop first!]

Pikachu ran into the Nothing Blue Drugstore. Seconds later, throughout the town, people heard a loud psychic yell.

I am impressed that 3164 knew about the Nothing Blue Drugstore, which is information gleaned from an unimportant sign and which you actually would have to have played EarthBound attentively to know about.

[YOU DON'T CARRY PEANUT CHEESE BARS? WHAT KIND OF STORE DOESN'T HAVE PEANUT CHEESE BARS! ARRRRGGGHHH! I'M LEAVING!]

And then, (a mad) Pikachu finally headed into the Lilliput Caves.

I honestly think this is the very best post 3164 has produced to date. Credit where credit's due, my friends. And the overall post quality on the Gathering, after a long doldrums, is swiftly on the rise now.

---

Post #908, by Mog116

(PSI MOOGLE????? That's MY specail PSI... Ah, Keep it)

For somebody that said he's taking his ball and going home, Mog116 sure does watch this thread intensely.

---

Post #909, by TsuramiSea

TsuramiSea arrived in Threed in no time. "Well, I'm here," he stated mostly to himself. He began to search the town, having a good time. He went to the bakery and bought a Skip Sandwich for later. Then, he started looking for other Starmen.Net visitors. He checked the pizza parlor, nothing. He checked the graveyard, nothing. (He swore he could hear assorted groans, though.) He checked the circus, nothing. (But he sure enjoyed the show!)

If I wanted to find a Starmen.Netter in Threed, I'd just walk the underground path and make for Saturn Valley. Somewhere in there is where they'd be, looking for conflict or Mr. Saturns, whichever comes first. 

And Saturn Valley is definitely where I would be going, because it seems the Mr. Saturns are easily enslaved.

"Pfffft! What is this?" grumbled Tsurami as he walked across the town. "I came to this island to meet other people from SM.Net, and all I've met are evil dogs, salespeople, a pretend inventor, and women who can't manage their stress! This is dumb." He came to a small yellow house in the corner, between the graveyard and the forest.

I like to pretend he was thinking of Mog116 and Liyoshi when he referred to "women who can't manage their stress". Also Falcon24 and guruzeth, but we haven't yet reached the point where they will manifest why I brought them up here.

"Hey, maybe it's the hint shop... I'll take a look." The boy went into the house, only to see a guy with a really long hair sticking straight up on his head, with glasses, and sitting behind a counter that advertised hints.

I used to use the sprite editor to erase the N from the Hint Man's sign. So he would become a Hit Man. I thought this was very funny.

The man noticed him. "Now wait just a minute, youngster!" he cried. "I could sell you a really great hint for only $75! So, what do you say?"

In Threed hints cost $60, actually. They're $75 in Fourside.

Tsurami responded, "Sure!" and handed over the money. The hint man took a deep breath, and said....

"Something weird is going on, because a big spiky thing fell from the sky, and rests in the Big Banana. Your friends are here, but most of them are too lost in their own thoughts to come to you.

Truer words have never been written. I'm starting to grow fond of TsuramiSea. For the time being he's in the "posters I like" bin with Major Asshole and Chris.

The others are exploring in dangerous areas. You'll have to be a little more gutsy to reach them. Oh, and in Twoson, Summers, Scaraba, and Lumine Hall cave, currently, are the people you talk to the most on that site. If you feel like the travel, go give them a visit."

"Is that it?"

"That's all. Thanks for your patronage!"

That is WAY more elaborate of a hint that you ever got from that guy in EarthBound.

"Sure, and thanks for the information!" TsuramiSea left. "Lost in their own thoughts, spiky thing, Big Banana..... what does it all mean? Well, some friends are in Twoson, where I just came from, Summers, Scaraba, and Lumine Hall cave." Tsurami thought for a moment. "Well, only one of those is easy / not too dangerous to get to from here. So away I go!" Tsurami returned to the Two-Three tunnel to search for SM.Netters in Twoson.

As with 3164 before, I will tip my hat to Tsurami for knowing semi-obscure EarthBound information obtainable only from a random sign, namely the name of the Twoson-to-Threed tunnel. Well done, Tsurami. (And I know you're reading this, Tsurami, because you've found this blog searching google for 'TsuramiSea'. Feel free to say hello!)

---

Post #910, by Pikachu3164

Guess what! Pikachu3164 has yet another question!

You can tell this is out-of-character because he's not using those thrice-damned $DEITY-forsaken less-than-greater-than symbols.

Okay, where exactly is Lavos, anyway!? I've heard reports of him being in Saturn Valley, others of him in Fourside, etc.

Would the Supreme Ruler of Wherever Lavos Is tell me where he is?

I actually think he was knowingly referring to Tengu Man here.

I need to know because if he's in Stonehenge, Saturn Valley, or Fourside, it's going to conflict with me getting melodies.

Another Quick Question - Did Falcon die during the battle with Lavos?

As a person with a vested interest in comedy value, I really, really hope not.

Thank you. Again.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 05-08-2000).]

Posts #901-905: 8 May 2000

Post #901, by TsuramiSea

After he reached Twoson, Tsurami went to Burglin Park and bought some bananas and rolls. Then he had a look around the department store. TsuramiSea managed to get money by battling Cranky Ladies, who apologized after they became normal and gave him some money. TsuramiSea bought a bracelet and rested at the hotel. When he woke up the next day, he wondered what to do next.

"I know! I'll go see Orange Kid!" TsuramiSea ran to the Orange Kid's house. On the way, he ran into a couple of girls.

"Are you going to see the Orange Kid?!" one of them asked.

"Yes..." mumbled Tsurami.

"Well, remember to be polite to him! Because he's so smart," replied the other girl. "He's the coolest person in this town, isn't he?" she gushed to her friend.

"Yeah, I can't wait to see his next invention!"

Tsurami walked away, heading again towards the house. He knocked, and a rather stuffy voice said, "Enter." He did so.

Inside was a kid with glasses, orange hair, and a strange stem-like object sticking up from the middle of the hair. He just observed Tsurami for a moment. "I don't believe I've had the pleasure of making your acquaintance. Who might you be?" he said, with a charming smile.

"My name is TsuramiSea," said that person, "and I thought that while I was in Twoson, I might visit the renowned Orange Kid."

"Ah, many thanks for doing so," said Orange Kid. "I bet you want to see one of my GREAT inventions, don't you?!"

"I suppose so."

"All right! So you shall." Orange Kid dug around in a box, and pulled out a strange looking machine. "This is my.... SUPER ORANGE MACHINE! Suporma for short! Take it willya."

TsuramiSea took the Suporma, looked at it for a minute, and burst out laughing, knowing what a stupid machine it was.

"What's so funny?" remarked Orange Kid. "It doesn't look like much, but it took a while to build."

It did? thought TsuramiSea. Then why does it break so easily in the game? Tsurami decided to employ a little more tact, and stopped laughing. "Er, I'm sorry. I just thought you were going to bring out something bigger than this...."

"Well, all my other inventions are currently elsewhere." Tsurami took this to mean that he didn't have any other inventions. "That Suporma plays a delightful song, try it!"

Tsurami almost burst into laughter again at hearing "Ode to Orange Kid" being called a delightful song. But he held himself in check and said, "I'll play it sometime when I'm feeling depressed, it should cheer me up." It sure will, he thought to himself, perhaps that's ALL it will be good for.

"I know you will positively dance to the sweet melody!" said Orange Kid excitedly. "That's all for now. It was wonderful to meet you."

"Same here," said Tsurami. "Goodbye, Orange Kid."

TsuramiSea left the Orange Kid's house, and wondered where to go next. He didn't want to fight too much because he was so weak. (How about that, a weakling, just like Loid! Only he doesn't have huge weapons to back him up, which makes him truly pathetic. Guuuu) "Well, maybe I'll just go to Threed and see what I can do there.... can't think of much else. Maybe I'll meet another SM.Netter! There have to be more of them around here SOMEHWERE....."

TsuramiSea walked off towards the Two-Three tunnel.

You know, I like this post. Tsurami's doing what I've been wishing people would do throughout these annotations: he's humming along and doing whatever seems interesting to him. Playing the "this is so cool, who should I meet next?!" angle of the inserted-into-EarthBound concept. The other posters will regard him as behind the times since they blew through that in about 20 (total) posts. But you tell me: what have they been doing the last 600 posts that's remotely interesting?

---

Post #902, by Gauntlet Wizard

Thank you very much, Tengu, for that completely unexpected plot twist. I'm too confused. So what are we suppopsed to fight instead of Lavos? What was it? Randite Statue or something? I'm not gonna post right yet; I'm too confused.)

He wants to tell Tengu to f--- off, but is too timid to. So instead, we get these vague claims about being confused; Gauntlet is hoping someone more important than himself will back him up.

---

Post #903, by t0nberry22

Ton and Dark Ton arravid in the center of the Sea of Eden. There, a strange statue of Ton was standing. The statue spoke.

In case you forgot, Ton and Dark Ton were hiking together to the Sea like old buddies.

"Welcome to Eden. You have come to the center and will duel, correct?"
"Um, yes." said Ton.
"Good. I don't like tourists hanging around. Now, choose your weapons." Some weapons appeared.
"Why can't we just use our knives?" said Dark Ton.
"Hmmm. I din't think of that. Alright, ready to start?"
"Sure!"
"Let's go."
"Alright, when I count to three, start fighting.1... 2... 3!!!!"
Ton jumped at DT and slashed. DT rolled out of the way. DT swung his lantern. It connected! Ton gets knocked back.

In the very unlikely event you don't know what the knives and lanterns are about, they're supposed to be Tonberries, the iconic weirdo monster from the Final Fantasy series. Look it up yourself, you lazy asshole.

"Giving up already, Ton?"
"I'm just getting started!"
DT tries to stab Ton. Ton dodges and kicks DT in the tail. DT spins around and slashes. Ton is hit! Ton falls back, then charges forward at DT. DT gets the wind knocked out of him.
"Why... you... little..."
DT catches his breath and lunged forward.

It's really not that easy to "catch your breath" when you get the wind knocked out of you. It leaves you unable to breathe for a good 30 to 60 seconds, and takes a while to fully recover from. If it happens to you in the middle of mortal combat, you are dead.

Ton dodges and kicks DT in the tail again. DT spins around and conks Ton badly with the lantern. Ton drops his lantern and falls down. DT walks up to Ton. Ton suddenly kicks DT in the stomach. He drops his lantern.
"Well... this... is pretty even." gasps Ton.
"Yeah... it... is." wheezes DT.
"Guys, I hate to interrupt you, but your lanterns are about to fall into the sea! Get them before they fall in!"
Ton and DT are too late. The lanterns fall into the Sea of Eden. Suddenly a huge rumbling starts.
"W-what's going on?!"
"The Sea of Eden is cracking in two. One half will become part of Light Magicant, and the other will become part of Dark Magicant."
"But that means..."
"Yes. Ton's Dark Side and Ton's Light Side will become separate beings."
"Yes!" cried DT. "Finally, I will be able to wreck havoc on the world!"
"NOOOOOOOO!" Suddenly, there was one last crack, and Ton lost contact with the outside world.

This would seem like actually an interesting and dire plot twist if I had the faintest clue what the hell was really going on here, and if there was any connection between it and anyone besides a lone insignificant poster. As is, it will be ignored by everyone else.

---

Post #904, by Chris

"It's simple, really," the tenda chief explained. "Just start running in a straight line, and thinking about where you want to go, and you'll be there. You've already realized some psychic powers, so it will be possible for the two of you to teleport."

Well, the monkey in EarthBound didn't really make the explanation any more complicated than that. Though for full effect I guess one of the Tenda should have demonstrated for them.

"Thanks, chief. See you later!" Juliana replied.

Chris and Juliana had arrived a few hours after setting off for Tenda Village. They asked the chief how they might leave the Lost Underworld, and he suggested that they teleport. He had just finished explaining it, and now, Chris and Juliana were ready to try.

The two of them stood side by side, looking at a clearing of land in front of them. Chris counted to three, and they started running as fast as they could, constantly thinking about Summers.

Having (a) been one of the faster runners in my high school and (b) lost a footrace to PSI322, I can attest: she is fast. I doubt Chris would have been able to keep up, either. Which is good, since, y'know, at some point she may actually have to sprint away from him to the nearest police station.

After a few hundred feet, Chris saw the world was starting to blur around him. Suddenly, a white flash appeared, and he found himself running down the main oceanfront street in Summers. He looked to his left, and saw Juliana standing there, looking around in amazement.

"Well, we made it. What should we do now that we're here?" Chris asked, after catching his breath from the run.

"I say we go swimming!" Juliana replied. Chris nodded his head, and the two of them went up to the hotel to book two rooms for the night, and to change into bathing suits.

Once again, please don't be too impressed. Predicting bathing suits would instantly come into play was no more difficult than predicting Tengu Man would try to hijack the Big Bad.

After a few minutes, they met together and walked down to the beach, ready to enjoy their vacation.

Chris's favorite word is entirely out of place in that sentence. Pretty obvious he just tossed it in there because he likes it.

---

Post #905, by StarmanDx

The rope ladder leading to Titanic Ant's usual position was now covered in goo. "Eww.. looks like a giant booger climbed this... uh-oh..." Chris suddenly remembered something about a giant booger in a game he once played. Climbing up, despite the ooze, he found, sure enough, the Saline Slimer from Lunar.

I don't think PSI322 instituted any rules about pointless crossovers back at the beginning, so it's her fault this is happening, really.

"Blaarg! This is the first 'Your Sanctuary' location. But it's Titanic Ant's now. GWARG! I got the line wrong. Anyway, I'm Titanic Ant's substitute. I'm new at this, let me try again. *ahem* 'This is the first 'Your Sanctuary' location. But it's mine now. Take it from me, if you dare...' Hey! I got it right! Now let's fight!"

"Okay. PSI Moogle Gamma!" The following psychic blast was enough to destroy the Saline Slimer, despite it having around 7980 HP from Chris's current level. Chris went forth and collected the Giant Step melody on his Sound Stone replica. But after getting the melody, he heard a voice which said, "So you're the one with the white dragon. You'll never be able to defeat me, even with the Sanctuary locations on your side."

Chris immediately recognized the voice. "GHALEON! What do you want?!"

The voice, which obviously belonged to Ghaleon, chuckled. "Why, simply to rule this place with Althena, which I should be doing on the world of LUNAR right now, if it weren't for that... boy... from Burg."

I have not the faintest idea what any of this is about. And being certain no one else will ever pay attention to it, I'm going to skip the rest of this post. Bye!

"I'll beat you," Chris said. "Just like Dragonmaster Alex did. You'll never take this place!"

"That's what you think!"

"Ghaleon! GHALEON!" He got no response... "So Ghaleon's trying to take this place over. I've got to stop him. With or without my equipment! Go, Growlithe!" The fire pokémon appeared from its Poké Ball. "I know you don't have Dig yet, but Dig a path to Twoson for us!"

"Growwwlithe!" it responded, and dug a tunnel leading directly to Twoson, despite not having the Dig ability. Chris then followed Growlithe to Twoson...

Posts #896-900: 7-8 May 2000

Post #896, by Roll Buster

(Call me crazy, with the little time I'm on these days, but I'm joining the IF. It took me about two hours to read and understand this.)

Man ohhhh man. Roll Buster.

Let me explain.

...No. There is too much. Let me sum up.

"Roll Buster" was Tengu Man multi-accounting.
We (the forum administrators) always strongly suspected this ("knew" is probably closer to the truth), seeing as how Tengu Man had a long history of multi-accounting going back to a couple famous incidents back on reidman's old site, before earthbound.net. 

You've noticed by now that Tengu Man is... um... obsessive. Especially when it came to girls. Right? Right. So Tengu Man spent every possible internet minute talking to girls. And the primary object of his formidable affections, from her first appearance in late 1999 through her disappearance in late 2000, was PSI322.

Tengu would not leave PSI322 alone whenever she was online. This was fine at first, but as his obsessive tendencies manifested themselves she of course quickly tired of him, and tried her best to avoid him; but she was just too nice to tell him to buzz off strongly enough for him to get the message. She would say things like "I'm busy" but of course that only encouraged him. Nor could she, for a long time, bring herself to block him. (I know all of this because she made a habit of sharing a lot of his one-sided conversations with me.)
Eventually enough was enough even for her, and she blocked him.

Enter Roll Buster. Tengu Man's sister!

This served two purposes for him. Less importantly, multi-accounting on the forums. The IP address was the same, but of course it would be: she's his sister! They use the same computer! The more important reason, of course, was that it allowed him to keep talking to PSI322. Mostly about Tengu Man, who (and here he was repeating his activities from reidman's old site) Roll Buster defended as a great guy and etc. So that bought him another month or two of talking to PSI322 before she finally blocked the Roll Buster AIM account as well. But by then she was about ready to leave that corner of the internet anyway.

So anyway, this is Tengu Man posting. Now you know the story. He would do anything to get around the one-AC-per-poster rule (which might as well have been called the Tengu Man Rule.)

Tiffany mumbled as she awoke from her slumber, and went to her computer, which she hadn't checked for over 3 weeks, and saw she had a mess of e-mail. After looking over all of it, she noticed a message from Starman.net, about the gathering.

"Wow, they found some island like Eagleland. How nice. I wish I knew a way there." Tiffany rambled.

She then saw another e-mail which said, "All invitiees will have a ticket in this message."

She found an e-ticket and saw it was the invitation, and then decided to use it to book a flight to Eagleland, which she got to about an hour later, after telling her biking class of the developments.

I honestly thought this was before e-tickets. Shows what I know.

She boarded the plane, and after 12 hours was taken to the island, and got off along the beach where the part was, and looked around for someone...

I think this is the first plausible arrival at the island, other than PSI322's.

(Tiffany's only looking around, do not grab her for usage in your own group. I haven't decided on whether I'll fight Lavos/etc or not.)

No one who knew anything about Tengu Man could read that sentence and not instantly know it was Tengu Man writing it. He tried hard to differentiate the "Roll Buster" persona, but it didn't work. Too much of the sentence structure was the same, and too often he'd come out with sentences like that one that made it obvious it was Tengu Man.

---

Post #897, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy

Originally posted by Luna:

(Pikachu, I've got nothing againest you. Your cool in my book. And I wasn't actually talking to you, more to superspeedy. Sorry 'bout that.) 

(Hey! And Pikachu, I don't want you to leave.)

That seems to be his only response to being accused of Lunastalking.

"I'll bet waffy will be surprised to see me," said Poryhedron.
"Too bad Dave, a.k.a. OS, couldn't come."
[I'll bet they'll be surprised!] said Pikachu. [Too bad Shock Bird couldn't come.]
"Ehh, that's okay," said Poryhedron.

I guess he's consoling himself about being preemptively denied the Luna Approved stamp.

---

Post #898, by guruzeth

Luckily, guruzeth and Tracy had no problems getting across the desert to the Pyramid, except that they were hot and thirsty by the time they finally made it there; the desert temperature seemed to be staying up as dusk began to turn to night. guruzeth carefully dismounted and helped Tracy down, and then they got to have a full look around them at the awesome Pyramids.

"Wow..." said Tracy. "These are incredible!"

"Take a look up there," said guruzeth. "The Sphinx." They could see its head from behind, as they were standing behind the main Pyramid in front of which the Sphinx was located. "Let's go get a better look."

guruzeth really should be above copying Chris practically word-for-word, don't you think? True, Traceh is a willing participant here so that gives guruzeth a little more leeway to do this without being creepy, but it's now both unoriginal and kind of lame. But, once again--stuff like this is part of what the good writers like about IF.

I'd like to claim I was doing it to make fun of him, but I think I would have made it slightly more obvious, and anyway I don't remember doing anything like that.

They walked the two hundred yards or so through the desert sand, noticing a couple of Great Crested Bookas way off in the distance, until they came around the front of the Sphinx; the door to the Pyramid still lay open.

guruzeth looked at Tracy. "We could go in... who knows what's in there. Could be dangerous... but we could go in."

The next AC that turns away from a place because it might be dangerous will be the first in the history of the world. But you have to keep up pretenses.

"I bet it would be... eeep!" Tracy cut herself off at the sight of the Great Crested Bookas... charging straight at them.

Great Crested kamikazes, apparently. Or just plain suicidal.

"Quick!" said guruzeth. They ducked behind the Sphinx and, seeing no other option, dashed into the Pyramid to escape the Bookas.

Here we see the one and only acceptable excuse for an AC running away from a fight: if the threat of the fight was only a plot device to get the AC to some other place. Now you know.

Well, technically there's also if the AC is being pissy and emo, which guruzeth will also introduce us to later.

Upon running in, guruzeth immediately tripped on the stairway and fell, making a loud, groaning, echoing noise. He quickly rose. He and Tracy were looking all around them at the intricate carvings all over the walls and even the ceiling. They stood against the wall and waited for the Bookas to pass.

"Well..." said guru. "What now?"

Might I suggest finding a light source before proceeding away from the daylight the doorway offers? Actually that's unnecessary here since the EarthBound heroes carried no known light sources, and were able to see just fine. But of course the Hawk Eye was in there then!

---

Post #899, by Traceh

Tracy eased towards the doorway and peeked around the corner. Not seeing the Bookas in the immidiate vicinity, she breathed a heavy sigh and rested her back on the carved wall.

"Okay, I think they're gone....yeah I think so. But how are you? You arent exactly having the best luck with injuries. Gonna be alright?"

Rather than being invincible, guruzeth is showing his AC's badassery by getting him injured and having him shrug it off like it ain't no thang. Pretty effective... if not overused. But where's the fun in a thing if you don't overuse it?

guruzeth brushed off his clothes and truned to her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bruised and stuff." He leaned against the wall, studying the intracate carvings and artwork.

"Woah, what's this...right...here....," he pushed on a small knob and slightly twisted it to the right. There was a slight *clack* and he turned and made a face...

I guess this is to differentiate the path they're about to take from anything actually in the game.

Tracy started to say something about Indiana Jones' movies and how you are never supposed to push things inside a pyramid, EVER, but she didnt get to finish. A pannel slid open beneath her feet and down she slid into the blackness.

That was awesome! Traceh with the home run.

"Aaaaaaaaiiieeeeeeeeeee! guuuuurrrrruuuuuuu!"

Awww. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time in the Gathering we have a bona fide damsel in distress! And nobody's in the vicinity to help her except guruzeth. I guess the chances of guruzeth in his next post shrugging and saying to himself, "Huh. I guess that sucked" and walking off are pretty low. It would be so awesome, though.

---

Post #900, by guruzeth

For the record, just now I went and looked up the milestone posts. Here's the list:
#100: Mog116
#200: Tengu Man
#300: Luna
#400: Falcon24
#500: Tengu Man
#600: Luna
#700: PSI322
#800: Liyoshi
#900: guruzeth

All of them prominent posters, except guruzeth, who is just getting started on becoming one. No random PP/QCs or pogopunks or Anthadds. And Tengu Man is a big favorite to log post #1000, for reasons already elaborated upon.

guruzeth made a desperate grab for Tracy's hand as she fell, but was a split-second too late and she fell with a scream, until the echoing sound of her hitting something resounded throughout the temple.

Well, it's your own damn fault for not holding her hand all along. See what you got her into?

"Tracy!" guru shouted into the hole that had opened up. "Tracy, do you hear me?!" He listened for a few seconds; no reply.

Seeing no other option, guruzeth grasped the two sides around the hole, swung his legs in, and let himself fly. He couldn't help making a screaming-like noise, although not entirely out of fear, as he free-fell what must have been a hundred yards, before his feet hit the stone floor in a dimly lit room, his left foot breaking with an audible snap.

Dammit, guruzeth, the whole injuring yourself every time you do something more complicated than breathe is getting very old. It's like he's cyber-cutting himself for attention. 

Also: A hundred yards? A fall that long onto stone has about a 95% probability of resulting in death. The other 5%, merely horrible maiming. But hey... ACs.
Given the nature of the injuries sustained, a fall of about 20 feet would have been more reasonable.

Then he felt himself sliding uncontrollably down a slick, diagonal surface, and then free-falling again into another room, where he hit the ground on his back and stopped.

He lay there, bloodied and in severe pain fro the broken foot, for a few minutes, or at least it seemed like a few minutes; he couldn't remember if he'd gone unconscious for long. He sat up against the wall and looked around the room. In the center of it was a large, coffin-like structure with a huge head carved into it. He saw something else on the other side of it... recognizing what it was, he scrambled on his knees across the room, noticing with a wince that his ribs must be bruised.

For f---'s sake, what IS it with this guy and detailing his injuries every time he moves? He's proving you can write grammatically well and still be as annoying as 3164.

Tracy lay unconscious, but, as he noticed with relief as he got closer, breathing.

"Tracy?" he shook her gently. No response. He sat against the wall again and waited for what seemed to be an eternity until he heard her groaning as she returned to consciousness.

Way to be a hero, bro. Too bad you forgot your journal. You could have written some poetry while you were waiting.

"guru..." she muttered slowly, although he was pretty sure she couldn't see him from her position.

"Tracy, are you alright?" guru said, crawling around so she could see him in the faint light.

"uhhh... my head hurts..." she made an attempt to get up to a sitting position, failed, and managed to do it the second time. "What happened...?"

"You don't remember?" said guru.

"We were standing right by the door and then... I don't remember how I got here..."

"You fell," said guru. "I... I hit a switch, and it opened the floor, and... I'm sorry..."

Swear to god if he goes emo over this I'm going to invent a time machine so I can go back to 2000 and kill him.

She just sat there and shook her head slowly, perplexed at not being able to remember what had happened. "How do we get out of here...?"

"There's a doorway over there..." said guru. "I don't know where it goes, but we don't have any choice... but my foot is broken, and I'm not sure how injured you are... but we still have to try and make it.

Dear guruzeth: A badass would not even mention any such injury. Your attempt to appear badass is instead coming across as more of a whiny bitch. 

Love, Baron von Awesome

Suddenly, they both shot straight up at an echoing sound in the Pyramid. Something was moving. Were they alone..?

Well, even if you were, kiddo, I'm pretty sure based on that post that you rolled a 2 on your Seduce check. Next time grow some balls and quit making a pincushion of yourself.

Posts #891-895: 7 May 2000

Post #891, by Luna

((I think that some people would like it if you let them fight their own evil sides, instead of having assistance. Pikachu, I don't think you cared, but I think it'd be better if we don't intrude in each other's battles or magicants, for that matter, without asking them. kay?))

I'll be damned. Luna is even more into the hanging out with waffle thing than I realized. 

Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it; pretty much anyone with any sense would be actively avoiding 3164. You'll note she's made no effort yet at preempting the much more normal EBPoo.

---

Post #892, by Pikachu3164

(Luna, I'm not interfereing in your battles in Magicant - In fact, I've made a point of staying away from battles in in other people's Magicants. I just figured, hey, SuperSpeedy said we're heading to your Magicant, I guess I have no choice. I would really like to hang around with you, but if you really don't want me around you, I'll leave.)

Don't be too hard on him, he's only like 11. I'm harsh on people like Chris and EBPoo when they display cluelessness in flirting, because they're old enough that they should know better. 3164's just a kid trying his damnedest to be cool. Obviously trying to argue with her is a very bad way to play it, but then, if 3164 knew how to play it we wouldn't be here. 

I know, I know, I just defended 3164. I'm going soft and should probably retire.

---

Post #893, by EBPoo

"All right, I've bothered Luna. Now I will search for the fabled ninth melody. I wonder what it's called..." Poo was at the Sea of Eden.

Wow, EBPoo left treadmarks getting away from Luna after she coldly shot 3164 down. The preemptive retreat there was probably a smart thing to do. And you'll notice the other smart thing he's doing--going off and doing something else on his own as if that was his plan all along.

Earlier that month, Poo was afraid to venture into the sea because of the Krakens swimming around. Now Poo felt as bold as bold font. He was going to get the ninth melody no matter what sea creatures were obstructing his path. "Krakens, here I come!" yelled Poo.

Yeah, or more like he read some recent posts and realized Krakens are freakin' sissies. Now he's born to hunt Krakens!

---

Post #894, by SirMontyG

Off the horizon of the battlefield where lavos and the battling AC's stood, walked a limp, haggared body.

"No...one...would....gimme..a ride...*Ooof..*" Sir collapsed.

Welcome back, Major Asshole! I missed you.

Lavos, oddly concerned with the human, said "Sir! Are you Okay?!"

"Lavos? That you? Buddy?" (So I'm friends with the ultimate evil the Earth has ever faced. Read up on NTSkittleboy's clasic IF: Sleepover vrs. 2.beta. I think that's what it was called. But the point is me and Lavos go way back)

LOL. I hope Major Asshole sticks around. He's one of the most consistently entertaining writers here. And since Lavos is nobody's AC, by rule no one can try and tell Major Asshole he can't be Lavos's frat brother.

"Yep. Here, lemmie help you up." A purple glow shot at Sir and he imediatly jumped up. "Hey! What did I tell you about using magic on me!!"

"Sorry, Sir, but you were looking pretty bad.."

"Your right, your right..sorry. Well, how's it goin?"

"I'd tell ya, Sir, but it's getting kinda complicated.."

Again, Tengu and Falcon are going to get pissed, but there's nothing they can do short of trying to peer pressure Major Asshole into desisting. Lavos is free game.

"Ouch, what happened to your eye?"

"Actualy, I'm kind of in the middle of a battle here..umm, if you'ld like to gimme a hand.."

"Hey, now you know my views about pure evil and the destruction of humanity."

"Right, right. Forget I brought it up."

"Cool. So, Lav, how important is this battle, anyways?"

"Well, I can't quite figure it out just yet, you see, it all started when Crono was screwing around with the time machine and...."

*AHEM* was the loud exclimation heard from all the AC's on the battle field

"Heh, better tell me about it later. Lunch next Saturday?"

"Only if we both survive, of course.."

"Ahh, Lavos..you crack me up. Take it easy, alien freak!"

"Later, ya pityful human. Gwhaaha! Ok, now where was I.."

Sir, fully recovered, continued to hitchhike across the now vast island. (Somebody pick me up if they want to) And the intense battle between Lavos versus everyone else abruptly continued.

That post was so amazing. I am nominating that for Greatest Post of the Gathering (so far), along with most of Chris's posts and a couple of Falcon24's dramabombs. This post has everything: Laughs, absurdity, and best of all, directly making sneering fun of the dolts that are wrapped up in this Kill Lavos, Save World nonsense.

---

Post #895, by Luna

(Pikachu, I've got nothing againest you. Your cool in my book. And I wasn't actually talking to you, more to superspeedy. Sorry 'bout that.)

That's a very odd thing to claim, Luna, seeing that you addressed 3164 by name when you politely asked him to leave you alone. And seeing that, as far as I can tell--though SuperSpeedy's posts are so trippy I admit I might simply have read them wrong--SS/MB is not trying to interfere with Luna. I'm calling BS on this post. Luna just feels bad she made the little kid cry.

Posts #886-890: 7 May 2000

Post #886, by Pikachu3164

[Aww... There all gone!] Pikachu had just finished off the last of his Peanut Cheese Bars. [Umm.... So are we going to go to Luna and Waffle's Magicant?]
"Yes. Let's go!" replied Poryhedron.

----------

*Ding Dong*
Luna walked up to the door and opened it. "Hello?"

You didn't think waffle was going to be the one answering the door, did you?

The guy who worked at the hotel was at the door. "Ma'am, two guests are here to see you."
"Who are they?"
"One is a large yellow rat, and the other is a... a... a wierd duck shaped thingy."
"Pikachu and Poryhedron?"
"Yeah! That's their names! Should I let them in?"

It seems surprising he gave Luna the chance to say no, but... no chance that's going to happen. It's also very unlikely waffle would try to intervene. Perfectly fine play here.

---

Post #887, by Tengu Maul

In Magicant, Darth walked around and saw people from his life, his Mom, Dad, Sister, and two dogs.

Tengu did not actually have a sister, I don't believe. But more on that momentarily.

He also saw Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, and many other people from EB, even Giygas in the form of the Devil's Machine, but all they said was a mere "hi", or "bye".

I wonder which one Giygas said?

Darth passed into the Cave of Magicant, but noticed that the walls were looking into reality. Through them, he saw various other groups, still enduring their tasks, or some people at the party.

Say what? The party's been over for like eleventy billion years.

As he wondered through the caves, the images began to look less present, until he came to a giant TV screen.

On the screen, he saw the core of Lavos, and a huge group of people, apperantly ones that strive to defeat Lavos, also among them were Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo. He saw them pounding on the various parts of Lavos, but at the point the right bit remained, he saw that most peoples attacks, even the ones he saw himself use, go right through the bit. He then saw Ness get a sucessful hit, then Paula, then Jeff, then Poo, but they were the only ones who could hit it...

Tengu is setting up a very standard strategy for him, preparing to proclaim that no one except the Chosen Four (who, as we know, he treats as his ACs) are allowed to fight Lavos. He will get pissy when he goes to implement said strategy and meets resistance. "I planned this out 400 posts ago, it's not my problem you guys can't read."

His vision then went blind and he found himself in the Sea of Eden, and proceeded forward, easily slaying Krakens with his lightsaber.

It really does make you wonder why the Krakens bother getting in the way. I don't like their evolutionary prospects.

When he got to land, he heard a voice.

"The truth will come... prepare... Darth..."

Then, a robed figure appeared. Darth recognized it's face.

"Darth Maul?"

The figure spoke, "I only look like Darth Maul, you being half human, half sith, but I'm actually your dark side.

I'm pretty sure Sith is more of a class than a race. I'm pretty sure you can be human and a Sith, as I believe both Darth Vader and Darth Tyranus were.

Darth, you must overcome your haunting memories, and face me..." the figure then unsheathed a lightsaber identical to Darth's.

"If it's my destiny, very well..." Darth prepared to battle...

All in all, it's pretty jarring to watch Tengu Man playing Follow the Leader well behind the kiddie pack. Tengu Man was the sort to hijack other people's plotlines and then scream bloody murder when someone else tried to interfere with his own carefully laid plot rails; that is to say, Tengu was a leader and/or plunderer, but not a follower. 

My best guess is he's only doing this to prevent himself from falling under a possible disadvantage later, when someone might try to say "you didn't go to Magicant so you're not as powerful as my AC." But even then it doesn't seem very inspired by Tengu standards; Tengu was very good at delivering "f*** off" responses to those kinds of arguments.

---

Post #888, by Mog116

(Uh... Tengu? I thought Poo was kinda the bad guy?) (No, I'm not coming back. For a while)

For the first time someone points out what I pointed out way back when the party was still going on: that EBPoo appropriated the EarthBound character Poo as his AC, which is not allowed. The only question now is whether Tengu will gleefully point this out first, or if an admin will get there to make that same ruling first. Tengu is a 3-to-1 favorite, and it would be more but for guruzeth's omnipresence.

As for Mog116 not coming back for a while, he won't be missed, and he will certainly jump back in once it dawns on him that he's not missed. Because it's not like he has anything else going on in his life.

---

Post #889, by Anthadd

Anthadd made one final strike with his driver, destroying his Nightmare.
A Sound Stone appeared where the statue was. Picking it up, Anthadd blacked out.

He awoke, outside the rocks that had once been his prison, and he journeyed along to Lumine Hall, since he relinquished any and all melodies he may have acquired previously when he went home that one time.

The Lumine Hall's power became a part of him, as it had all those who came before.
"Finally, I have a Your Sanctuary I can control. The Sound Stone assures this."

I really can't make any sense of this. It seems like he's saying he has to recollect melodies since he lost them all when he got pissy and left the Gathering. So that's well and good, I guess, but then there's the implication he (alone) can control Lumine Hall? I don't think he'll get very far if that's his claim.

---

Post #890, by Tengu Maul

Darth and his evil side were battled it out in a Star Wars-ish lightsaber battle, however neither were able to get an advantage over the other.

Is that as opposed to a James Bond-ish lightsaber battle, or a Lord of the Rings-ish lightsaber battle?

After 10 minutes, Darth's evil side deactivated his weapon. Darth was puzzled. He then saw the evil side transform into a creature that resembled Zeromus.

"Uh-oh... I guess I was too confident." Darth said.

"No... you have proven worthy of the truth..." the Zeromus figure spoke.

Tengu's AC proves worthy of the truth a lot. This is, of course, because it's Tengu's preferred device for trying to control the entire story and, once you pick your way through the gnarled logic, tell everyone else what their ACs are and are not allowed to do. What's funny (and surprising) is that a fair chunk of the kiddie faction usually falls for it.

"..."

"As you realize, Lavos threatens our world, as did Giygas at one point. Many people are making efforts to combat the evils of Lavos, but in truth..." it paused.

"What in truth?!" Darth demanded.

"In the end, only the chosen four can actually destroy Lavos."

Don't be impressed, and there's no need to congratulate me. Predicting that line was no more difficult than reading it off a billboard. And you won't need to congratulate me when other people get pissed off about it, either.

"Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo?"

"Yes... I know you must be wondering why only them... it's because the Randites summoned him long before you all appeared on the island. They ordered him to destroy the chosen four. This means, once Lavos is in his final stage, he'll whisk himself and the four to a private arena for the final battle."

Tengu must be badly lacking any sense of awareness to think he's going to make this idea fly. Hey guys, guess what? You're not allowed to fight the Big Bad. Only I am. You are not worthy. Now do as I command or get the hell out of my fanfic. This really was the way he thought. It's amazing guruzeth didn't just delete his posts wholesale.

"Why not everyone else? Can't the randites give him orders to attack us?"

"It was too late for any Randitian orders to reach Lavos by the time you arrived, in which the purpose of the Randite Statue[Evil Mani Mani] is to handle any others than the chosen four for Lavos. Lavos' orders are to fight and eliminate the chosen four. They are destined to face and beat him as they were to kill Giygas. However, the Randites are fair game for you all. If the four beat Lavos, you can all have your chance at the Randites, and end their reign for all time."

It seems like Lavos is getting a seriously raw deal here, seeing that once he's isolated the Chosen Four he is without a doubt going to get his ass handed to him. (They ain't chosen for no reason, you know?) Hey, if he's not bright enough to see what's coming, it's his own problem.

"But, when the four engage the core of Lavos, what happens to everyone else?" Darth asked.

"The Randite Statue will challenge the rest of you. It too must be beaten."

I know I'm repeating myself, but how does he think everyone else is going to happily play along with Tengu Man telling them who they're allowed to fight?

"Well, what of my boost?" Darth wondered.

"Unlike the others who have come, you won't get much of a boost, except you will be more good then usual, but not all good, since our fight came to a draw. You'll once again get the courage to refer to yourself as your old name, Jack."

"Jack..." Darth recalled his former name, and his former life, wondering how his family was doing.

"Jack, you've proven yourself of knowing the truth, but now you must do one final thing for us..."

"What?"

"Poo has become something similar to evil. You must find him and snap him to his senses. Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo will each have to go to Magicant before the final battle."

"Didn't Ness already go?"

"Yes, but Lavos' punishment on the Earth has reincarnated his evil side. All four must overcome their evil sides. Now go, Jack, find Poo!"

Jack suddenly found himself staring into the light, and he awoke to Mani's voice.

"Darth, wake up!"

"Mani... hi." Jack said.

"Darth, come on, we've got to find a way to help Ness get out of his coma." Mani said.

"Ack, I forgot... I'm sorry, Mani, but I must trust you alone to do that... I have a new mission... I must find Poo and bring him here."

"Are you sure?" Mani asked.

"Yes, and from this point, refer to me as Jack. Darth is a name of the past."

"What's happened to you?"

"You could say I had my experience in Magicant... I'll tell you the whole story another time." Jack said and left in search of Poo.

(yes, I know Poo is kinda evil right now, but it adds to the difficulty of the plot.)

So Tengu takes the third option: let the whole EBPoo/Poo thing play for a while. He may be so keenly aware of EBPoo's being in violation of the rules that he's going to play coy with it, and wait for EBPoo to either do Tengu Man's bidding or vacate the EarthBound character. For Tengu it will either be a win or a big win. He can't lose.