Posts #886-890: 7 May 2000

Post #886, by Pikachu3164

[Aww... There all gone!] Pikachu had just finished off the last of his Peanut Cheese Bars. [Umm.... So are we going to go to Luna and Waffle's Magicant?]
"Yes. Let's go!" replied Poryhedron.

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*Ding Dong*
Luna walked up to the door and opened it. "Hello?"

You didn't think waffle was going to be the one answering the door, did you?

The guy who worked at the hotel was at the door. "Ma'am, two guests are here to see you."
"Who are they?"
"One is a large yellow rat, and the other is a... a... a wierd duck shaped thingy."
"Pikachu and Poryhedron?"
"Yeah! That's their names! Should I let them in?"

It seems surprising he gave Luna the chance to say no, but... no chance that's going to happen. It's also very unlikely waffle would try to intervene. Perfectly fine play here.

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Post #887, by Tengu Maul

In Magicant, Darth walked around and saw people from his life, his Mom, Dad, Sister, and two dogs.

Tengu did not actually have a sister, I don't believe. But more on that momentarily.

He also saw Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, and many other people from EB, even Giygas in the form of the Devil's Machine, but all they said was a mere "hi", or "bye".

I wonder which one Giygas said?

Darth passed into the Cave of Magicant, but noticed that the walls were looking into reality. Through them, he saw various other groups, still enduring their tasks, or some people at the party.

Say what? The party's been over for like eleventy billion years.

As he wondered through the caves, the images began to look less present, until he came to a giant TV screen.

On the screen, he saw the core of Lavos, and a huge group of people, apperantly ones that strive to defeat Lavos, also among them were Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo. He saw them pounding on the various parts of Lavos, but at the point the right bit remained, he saw that most peoples attacks, even the ones he saw himself use, go right through the bit. He then saw Ness get a sucessful hit, then Paula, then Jeff, then Poo, but they were the only ones who could hit it...

Tengu is setting up a very standard strategy for him, preparing to proclaim that no one except the Chosen Four (who, as we know, he treats as his ACs) are allowed to fight Lavos. He will get pissy when he goes to implement said strategy and meets resistance. "I planned this out 400 posts ago, it's not my problem you guys can't read."

His vision then went blind and he found himself in the Sea of Eden, and proceeded forward, easily slaying Krakens with his lightsaber.

It really does make you wonder why the Krakens bother getting in the way. I don't like their evolutionary prospects.

When he got to land, he heard a voice.

"The truth will come... prepare... Darth..."

Then, a robed figure appeared. Darth recognized it's face.

"Darth Maul?"

The figure spoke, "I only look like Darth Maul, you being half human, half sith, but I'm actually your dark side.

I'm pretty sure Sith is more of a class than a race. I'm pretty sure you can be human and a Sith, as I believe both Darth Vader and Darth Tyranus were.

Darth, you must overcome your haunting memories, and face me..." the figure then unsheathed a lightsaber identical to Darth's.

"If it's my destiny, very well..." Darth prepared to battle...

All in all, it's pretty jarring to watch Tengu Man playing Follow the Leader well behind the kiddie pack. Tengu Man was the sort to hijack other people's plotlines and then scream bloody murder when someone else tried to interfere with his own carefully laid plot rails; that is to say, Tengu was a leader and/or plunderer, but not a follower. 

My best guess is he's only doing this to prevent himself from falling under a possible disadvantage later, when someone might try to say "you didn't go to Magicant so you're not as powerful as my AC." But even then it doesn't seem very inspired by Tengu standards; Tengu was very good at delivering "f*** off" responses to those kinds of arguments.

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Post #888, by Mog116

(Uh... Tengu? I thought Poo was kinda the bad guy?) (No, I'm not coming back. For a while)

For the first time someone points out what I pointed out way back when the party was still going on: that EBPoo appropriated the EarthBound character Poo as his AC, which is not allowed. The only question now is whether Tengu will gleefully point this out first, or if an admin will get there to make that same ruling first. Tengu is a 3-to-1 favorite, and it would be more but for guruzeth's omnipresence.

As for Mog116 not coming back for a while, he won't be missed, and he will certainly jump back in once it dawns on him that he's not missed. Because it's not like he has anything else going on in his life.

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Post #889, by Anthadd

Anthadd made one final strike with his driver, destroying his Nightmare.
A Sound Stone appeared where the statue was. Picking it up, Anthadd blacked out.

He awoke, outside the rocks that had once been his prison, and he journeyed along to Lumine Hall, since he relinquished any and all melodies he may have acquired previously when he went home that one time.

The Lumine Hall's power became a part of him, as it had all those who came before.
"Finally, I have a Your Sanctuary I can control. The Sound Stone assures this."

I really can't make any sense of this. It seems like he's saying he has to recollect melodies since he lost them all when he got pissy and left the Gathering. So that's well and good, I guess, but then there's the implication he (alone) can control Lumine Hall? I don't think he'll get very far if that's his claim.

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Post #890, by Tengu Maul

Darth and his evil side were battled it out in a Star Wars-ish lightsaber battle, however neither were able to get an advantage over the other.

Is that as opposed to a James Bond-ish lightsaber battle, or a Lord of the Rings-ish lightsaber battle?

After 10 minutes, Darth's evil side deactivated his weapon. Darth was puzzled. He then saw the evil side transform into a creature that resembled Zeromus.

"Uh-oh... I guess I was too confident." Darth said.

"No... you have proven worthy of the truth..." the Zeromus figure spoke.

Tengu's AC proves worthy of the truth a lot. This is, of course, because it's Tengu's preferred device for trying to control the entire story and, once you pick your way through the gnarled logic, tell everyone else what their ACs are and are not allowed to do. What's funny (and surprising) is that a fair chunk of the kiddie faction usually falls for it.

"..."

"As you realize, Lavos threatens our world, as did Giygas at one point. Many people are making efforts to combat the evils of Lavos, but in truth..." it paused.

"What in truth?!" Darth demanded.

"In the end, only the chosen four can actually destroy Lavos."

Don't be impressed, and there's no need to congratulate me. Predicting that line was no more difficult than reading it off a billboard. And you won't need to congratulate me when other people get pissed off about it, either.

"Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo?"

"Yes... I know you must be wondering why only them... it's because the Randites summoned him long before you all appeared on the island. They ordered him to destroy the chosen four. This means, once Lavos is in his final stage, he'll whisk himself and the four to a private arena for the final battle."

Tengu must be badly lacking any sense of awareness to think he's going to make this idea fly. Hey guys, guess what? You're not allowed to fight the Big Bad. Only I am. You are not worthy. Now do as I command or get the hell out of my fanfic. This really was the way he thought. It's amazing guruzeth didn't just delete his posts wholesale.

"Why not everyone else? Can't the randites give him orders to attack us?"

"It was too late for any Randitian orders to reach Lavos by the time you arrived, in which the purpose of the Randite Statue[Evil Mani Mani] is to handle any others than the chosen four for Lavos. Lavos' orders are to fight and eliminate the chosen four. They are destined to face and beat him as they were to kill Giygas. However, the Randites are fair game for you all. If the four beat Lavos, you can all have your chance at the Randites, and end their reign for all time."

It seems like Lavos is getting a seriously raw deal here, seeing that once he's isolated the Chosen Four he is without a doubt going to get his ass handed to him. (They ain't chosen for no reason, you know?) Hey, if he's not bright enough to see what's coming, it's his own problem.

"But, when the four engage the core of Lavos, what happens to everyone else?" Darth asked.

"The Randite Statue will challenge the rest of you. It too must be beaten."

I know I'm repeating myself, but how does he think everyone else is going to happily play along with Tengu Man telling them who they're allowed to fight?

"Well, what of my boost?" Darth wondered.

"Unlike the others who have come, you won't get much of a boost, except you will be more good then usual, but not all good, since our fight came to a draw. You'll once again get the courage to refer to yourself as your old name, Jack."

"Jack..." Darth recalled his former name, and his former life, wondering how his family was doing.

"Jack, you've proven yourself of knowing the truth, but now you must do one final thing for us..."

"What?"

"Poo has become something similar to evil. You must find him and snap him to his senses. Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo will each have to go to Magicant before the final battle."

"Didn't Ness already go?"

"Yes, but Lavos' punishment on the Earth has reincarnated his evil side. All four must overcome their evil sides. Now go, Jack, find Poo!"

Jack suddenly found himself staring into the light, and he awoke to Mani's voice.

"Darth, wake up!"

"Mani... hi." Jack said.

"Darth, come on, we've got to find a way to help Ness get out of his coma." Mani said.

"Ack, I forgot... I'm sorry, Mani, but I must trust you alone to do that... I have a new mission... I must find Poo and bring him here."

"Are you sure?" Mani asked.

"Yes, and from this point, refer to me as Jack. Darth is a name of the past."

"What's happened to you?"

"You could say I had my experience in Magicant... I'll tell you the whole story another time." Jack said and left in search of Poo.

(yes, I know Poo is kinda evil right now, but it adds to the difficulty of the plot.)

So Tengu takes the third option: let the whole EBPoo/Poo thing play for a while. He may be so keenly aware of EBPoo's being in violation of the rules that he's going to play coy with it, and wait for EBPoo to either do Tengu Man's bidding or vacate the EarthBound character. For Tengu it will either be a win or a big win. He can't lose.