(Call me crazy, with the little time I'm on these days, but I'm joining the IF. It took me about two hours to read and understand this.)
Man ohhhh man. Roll Buster.
Let me explain.
...No. There is too much. Let me sum up.
"Roll Buster" was Tengu Man multi-accounting.
We (the forum administrators) always strongly suspected this ("knew" is probably closer to the truth), seeing as how Tengu Man had a long history of multi-accounting going back to a couple famous incidents back on reidman's old site, before earthbound.net.
You've noticed by now that Tengu Man is... um... obsessive. Especially when it came to girls. Right? Right. So Tengu Man spent every possible internet minute talking to girls. And the primary object of his formidable affections, from her first appearance in late 1999 through her disappearance in late 2000, was PSI322.
Tengu would not leave PSI322 alone whenever she was online. This was fine at first, but as his obsessive tendencies manifested themselves she of course quickly tired of him, and tried her best to avoid him; but she was just too nice to tell him to buzz off strongly enough for him to get the message. She would say things like "I'm busy" but of course that only encouraged him. Nor could she, for a long time, bring herself to block him. (I know all of this because she made a habit of sharing a lot of his one-sided conversations with me.)
Eventually enough was enough even for her, and she blocked him.
Enter Roll Buster. Tengu Man's sister!
This served two purposes for him. Less importantly, multi-accounting on the forums. The IP address was the same, but of course it would be: she's his sister! They use the same computer! The more important reason, of course, was that it allowed him to keep talking to PSI322. Mostly about Tengu Man, who (and here he was repeating his activities from reidman's old site) Roll Buster defended as a great guy and etc. So that bought him another month or two of talking to PSI322 before she finally blocked the Roll Buster AIM account as well. But by then she was about ready to leave that corner of the internet anyway.
So anyway, this is Tengu Man posting. Now you know the story. He would do anything to get around the one-AC-per-poster rule (which might as well have been called the Tengu Man Rule.)Tiffany mumbled as she awoke from her slumber, and went to her computer, which she hadn't checked for over 3 weeks, and saw she had a mess of e-mail. After looking over all of it, she noticed a message from Starman.net, about the gathering.
"Wow, they found some island like Eagleland. How nice. I wish I knew a way there." Tiffany rambled.
She then saw another e-mail which said, "All invitiees will have a ticket in this message."
She found an e-ticket and saw it was the invitation, and then decided to use it to book a flight to Eagleland, which she got to about an hour later, after telling her biking class of the developments.
I honestly thought this was before e-tickets. Shows what I know.She boarded the plane, and after 12 hours was taken to the island, and got off along the beach where the part was, and looked around for someone...
I think this is the first plausible arrival at the island, other than PSI322's.(Tiffany's only looking around, do not grab her for usage in your own group. I haven't decided on whether I'll fight Lavos/etc or not.)
No one who knew anything about Tengu Man could read that sentence and not instantly know it was Tengu Man writing it. He tried hard to differentiate the "Roll Buster" persona, but it didn't work. Too much of the sentence structure was the same, and too often he'd come out with sentences like that one that made it obvious it was Tengu Man.
Post #897, by SuperSpeedy/Mankey Boy
Originally posted by Luna:
(Pikachu, I've got nothing againest you. Your cool in my book. And I wasn't actually talking to you, more to superspeedy. Sorry 'bout that.)
(Hey! And Pikachu, I don't want you to leave.)
That seems to be his only response to being accused of Lunastalking."I'll bet waffy will be surprised to see me," said Poryhedron.
"Too bad Dave, a.k.a. OS, couldn't come."
[I'll bet they'll be surprised!] said Pikachu. [Too bad Shock Bird couldn't come.]
"Ehh, that's okay," said Poryhedron.
I guess he's consoling himself about being preemptively denied the Luna Approved stamp.
Post #898, by guruzeth
Luckily, guruzeth and Tracy had no problems getting across the desert to the Pyramid, except that they were hot and thirsty by the time they finally made it there; the desert temperature seemed to be staying up as dusk began to turn to night. guruzeth carefully dismounted and helped Tracy down, and then they got to have a full look around them at the awesome Pyramids.
"Wow..." said Tracy. "These are incredible!"
"Take a look up there," said guruzeth. "The Sphinx." They could see its head from behind, as they were standing behind the main Pyramid in front of which the Sphinx was located. "Let's go get a better look."
guruzeth really should be above copying Chris practically word-for-word, don't you think? True, Traceh is a willing participant here so that gives guruzeth a little more leeway to do this without being creepy, but it's now both unoriginal and kind of lame. But, once again--stuff like this is part of what the good writers like about IF.
I'd like to claim I was doing it to make fun of him, but I think I would have made it slightly more obvious, and anyway I don't remember doing anything like that.They walked the two hundred yards or so through the desert sand, noticing a couple of Great Crested Bookas way off in the distance, until they came around the front of the Sphinx; the door to the Pyramid still lay open.
guruzeth looked at Tracy. "We could go in... who knows what's in there. Could be dangerous... but we could go in."
The next AC that turns away from a place because it might be dangerous will be the first in the history of the world. But you have to keep up pretenses."I bet it would be... eeep!" Tracy cut herself off at the sight of the Great Crested Bookas... charging straight at them.
Great Crested kamikazes, apparently. Or just plain suicidal."Quick!" said guruzeth. They ducked behind the Sphinx and, seeing no other option, dashed into the Pyramid to escape the Bookas.
Here we see the one and only acceptable excuse for an AC running away from a fight: if the threat of the fight was only a plot device to get the AC to some other place. Now you know.
Well, technically there's also if the AC is being pissy and emo, which guruzeth will also introduce us to later.Upon running in, guruzeth immediately tripped on the stairway and fell, making a loud, groaning, echoing noise. He quickly rose. He and Tracy were looking all around them at the intricate carvings all over the walls and even the ceiling. They stood against the wall and waited for the Bookas to pass.
"Well..." said guru. "What now?"
Might I suggest finding a light source before proceeding away from the daylight the doorway offers? Actually that's unnecessary here since the EarthBound heroes carried no known light sources, and were able to see just fine. But of course the Hawk Eye was in there then!
Post #899, by Traceh
Tracy eased towards the doorway and peeked around the corner. Not seeing the Bookas in the immidiate vicinity, she breathed a heavy sigh and rested her back on the carved wall.
"Okay, I think they're gone....yeah I think so. But how are you? You arent exactly having the best luck with injuries. Gonna be alright?"
Rather than being invincible, guruzeth is showing his AC's badassery by getting him injured and having him shrug it off like it ain't no thang. Pretty effective... if not overused. But where's the fun in a thing if you don't overuse it?guruzeth brushed off his clothes and truned to her. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little bruised and stuff." He leaned against the wall, studying the intracate carvings and artwork.
"Woah, what's this...right...here....," he pushed on a small knob and slightly twisted it to the right. There was a slight *clack* and he turned and made a face...
I guess this is to differentiate the path they're about to take from anything actually in the game.Tracy started to say something about Indiana Jones' movies and how you are never supposed to push things inside a pyramid, EVER, but she didnt get to finish. A pannel slid open beneath her feet and down she slid into the blackness.
That was awesome! Traceh with the home run."Aaaaaaaaiiieeeeeeeeeee! guuuuurrrrruuuuuuu!"
Awww. Ladies and gentlemen, for the second time in the Gathering we have a bona fide damsel in distress! And nobody's in the vicinity to help her except guruzeth. I guess the chances of guruzeth in his next post shrugging and saying to himself, "Huh. I guess that sucked" and walking off are pretty low. It would be so awesome, though.
Post #900, by guruzeth
For the record, just now I went and looked up the milestone posts. Here's the list:guruzeth made a desperate grab for Tracy's hand as she fell, but was a split-second too late and she fell with a scream, until the echoing sound of her hitting something resounded throughout the temple.
#100: Mog116
#200: Tengu Man
#300: Luna
#400: Falcon24
#500: Tengu Man
#600: Luna
#700: PSI322
#800: Liyoshi
#900: guruzeth
All of them prominent posters, except guruzeth, who is just getting started on becoming one. No random PP/QCs or pogopunks or Anthadds. And Tengu Man is a big favorite to log post #1000, for reasons already elaborated upon.
Well, it's your own damn fault for not holding her hand all along. See what you got her into?"Tracy!" guru shouted into the hole that had opened up. "Tracy, do you hear me?!" He listened for a few seconds; no reply.
Seeing no other option, guruzeth grasped the two sides around the hole, swung his legs in, and let himself fly. He couldn't help making a screaming-like noise, although not entirely out of fear, as he free-fell what must have been a hundred yards, before his feet hit the stone floor in a dimly lit room, his left foot breaking with an audible snap.
Dammit, guruzeth, the whole injuring yourself every time you do something more complicated than breathe is getting very old. It's like he's cyber-cutting himself for attention.
Also: A hundred yards? A fall that long onto stone has about a 95% probability of resulting in death. The other 5%, merely horrible maiming. But hey... ACs.Then he felt himself sliding uncontrollably down a slick, diagonal surface, and then free-falling again into another room, where he hit the ground on his back and stopped.
Given the nature of the injuries sustained, a fall of about 20 feet would have been more reasonable.
He lay there, bloodied and in severe pain fro the broken foot, for a few minutes, or at least it seemed like a few minutes; he couldn't remember if he'd gone unconscious for long. He sat up against the wall and looked around the room. In the center of it was a large, coffin-like structure with a huge head carved into it. He saw something else on the other side of it... recognizing what it was, he scrambled on his knees across the room, noticing with a wince that his ribs must be bruised.
For f---'s sake, what IS it with this guy and detailing his injuries every time he moves? He's proving you can write grammatically well and still be as annoying as 3164.Tracy lay unconscious, but, as he noticed with relief as he got closer, breathing.
"Tracy?" he shook her gently. No response. He sat against the wall again and waited for what seemed to be an eternity until he heard her groaning as she returned to consciousness.
Way to be a hero, bro. Too bad you forgot your journal. You could have written some poetry while you were waiting."guru..." she muttered slowly, although he was pretty sure she couldn't see him from her position.
"Tracy, are you alright?" guru said, crawling around so she could see him in the faint light.
"uhhh... my head hurts..." she made an attempt to get up to a sitting position, failed, and managed to do it the second time. "What happened...?"
"You don't remember?" said guru.
"We were standing right by the door and then... I don't remember how I got here..."
"You fell," said guru. "I... I hit a switch, and it opened the floor, and... I'm sorry..."
Swear to god if he goes emo over this I'm going to invent a time machine so I can go back to 2000 and kill him.She just sat there and shook her head slowly, perplexed at not being able to remember what had happened. "How do we get out of here...?"
"There's a doorway over there..." said guru. "I don't know where it goes, but we don't have any choice... but my foot is broken, and I'm not sure how injured you are... but we still have to try and make it.
Dear guruzeth: A badass would not even mention any such injury. Your attempt to appear badass is instead coming across as more of a whiny bitch.
Love, Baron von AwesomeSuddenly, they both shot straight up at an echoing sound in the Pyramid. Something was moving. Were they alone..?
Well, even if you were, kiddo, I'm pretty sure based on that post that you rolled a 2 on your Seduce check. Next time grow some balls and quit making a pincushion of yourself.
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