Posts #446-450: 22-23 April 2000

Post #446, by SirMontyG

*WHAM* A large hole is put in Electro's torso, but stays active and nails Sir with one of his hammerlike arms.

The hole in Electro Specter's 'torso' nailed Sir with one of its hammerlike arms? Dude. I think you just blew my mind.

"Grr!! Man that hurt..hmmm" Sir thought to himself "I've got it! Hey guys, get ready to pummle him when he's down! If you attack quickly enough, he might not get up!" Sir reloaded and fired again, but this time, at his legs. Taken by the blast, Specter falls face first in the dirt. "NOW!" And the others came out, bats and fists held high. After a severe beating by the three, a well placed swing by Juliana to the head puts Electro Specter out of commission.

Goddammit, people, why aren't you PAYING ATTENTION to me!? I'll FORCE you to join me if you won't do it voluntarily! And I'll mention Juliana by name hoping she notices me! Chances that, say, Anthadd was going to get to land the killing blow: 0.0%.

In case you forgot, SirMontyG is an asshole. And kind of an attention whore.

YOU WON!
(I'll let you guys deside what the numbers look like)

"WOOOHOOO!! We did it! But wait, how do we absorb the power of the sanctuary?"

Going there would be a good first step, since like some kind of idiot you're fighting it in Tenda f---ing Village.

"Got it covered, Sir." Chris showed the small, humming stone.

"Man, gotta hand it to those AC's to help you out when you need it."

He's a genre savvy asshole, though.

The four companions (after working through a couple hundred fobbys) set foot in the 7th Sanctuary location.

Note that he actually didn't forget Anthadd, for a wonder. This is what happens when you don't post on an IF for a while*: some asshole just railroads your AC all over the place and leaves you in a hideous mess by the time you grab the reins again.

* And on the Gathering, 12 hours is 'a while'.

Looking at the wall the 4 noticed a message:

For f---'s sake, it's not that hard to type out 'four', which you should have learned in about fifth grade you're supposed to do, and which you just did one bloody sentence ago.

Heh, this story oughta be made into a novel, 12 pages, that's crazy!

It took ten years, but I'm on it.

And sence when was Falcon so evil?

Since about 1984.

Now lets see, if I remember right, the wall should say someth...Oh great, now they can read my thoughts, don't think anything lame, don't think anything la...hey! quit laughing!!

Let's see if anyone on Team Monty remembers that the only way out of Lumine Hall is by dropping into the Lost Underworld and then teleporting out. I won't be shocked if PSI322 leaves treadmarks getting the hell away from this, because Team Monty is drawing dangerously close to Team Tengu.

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Post #447, by PSIOsman

Say hello to PSIOsman, class. He'll be sticking around for a while.

A small, Corvette class starship streaks through the sky. PSIOsman is at the helm, looking around fretfully.

"NO! I was supposed to be there days ago! Erm... maybe I can sneak in and no one will notice...?"

He looks down and sees some action going on already.

"I missed everything! Stupid map!"

Yep. You missed everything. Might as well turn around and go home. This thread hasn't been posted on for a full 16 minutes now. Clearly everything is over.

He throws the map at the control panel, managing to lodge it in between two control spheres. sizzling noise begins to emanate from it.

"Aw, CRAP! Cheap Generic machinery! Bob's is better, control is wide, my foot!"

The starship begins to descend uncontrollably. The enginesmanage one last burst of energy. PSIOsman uses his viewing scope to find a suitable landing space.

"Hey is that... Poo and Falcon!

Who are inside a cave in Winters.

But over ther e is... Juliana and SirMontyG!

Who are deep inside a cave in the Deep Darkness, on the complete opposite side of the, er, 'planet'. How exactly the f--- are you asserting you can see all these people?

And more people! Looks like I'm reaaaally late... And, if I land there, I'll be on my own...

(where do I crash land? Obviously, if I'm alone, I'll resent you all )

Better make sure your Resenter is in proper working order, kiddo, just in case 3164 or some similarly lonely kid doesn't post for a while.

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 04-22-2000).]

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Post #448, by Anthadd

PSIOsman wanted to, for the most part, land in an empty area, to minimize injuries to people as well as the foliage and fauna.

Dammit, Anthadd.

However, another explosion in his engine sent him spiralling towards Juliana, Sir, and the rest of their group.

Goddammit, Anthadd.

"Oof!" Anthadd exclaimed, flying backwards and hitting his back on a tree.

A tree? In the f---ing Lumine Hall? Someone hasn't carefully read all the posts before jumping back in.

"Why am I the one who keeps getting hit in the back?"

Because you're (a) the klutz and (b) the one guy who generally leaves his AC God Mode set to OFF until he needs it.

"Karma," Juliana replied, perusing the writing on the wall.
"So, in a past life, I may have died because of a backstabber? Or is this some odd way of lightening my naturally sour mood? And why am I reminded of that old song, Seasons in the Sun?"

1) No; her response of 'karma' would suggest that in a past life you stabbed someone else in the back.
2) If it is, it doesn't appear to be working too damn well.
3) Apparently because you're the one son of a bitch alive who likes that song and is responsible for 'oldies' stations still playing it to this day.

That'll be $150, please.

PSIOsman, emerged, somewhat charred, from the wreckage of his ship. "Lumine Hall?"
"Yes," Chris replied. "EarthBound has come to life."

And planted goddamned trees in Lumine Hall.

"And we don't know how to mend it, if it needs mending," Sir quietly whispered.

As opposed to, you know, loudly whispering. I suppose it's possible to loudly whisper--it might be called 'stage whispering'--but a writer has to denote specifically that the whispering is louder than normal. No one except a buffoon or a member of the Department of Redundancy Department writes 'quietly whispered', because the whole point of the word 'whisper' is quietness.

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Post #449, by Falcon24

(Pikachu, I figured there are other sources of power that can collect the energy of the sanctuaries other than a sound stone, so I'll see what eventuates.

Translation: 'Piss off, asshole. I'll do whatever I want, and don't hold your breath waiting for me to ask your permission, Mom.'

Also: in this next post keep in mind that spaanoft gave me permission to use his AC )

What follows is a shout out to Falcon's staffer buddy spaanoft. If you don't know either of those people and weren't around for years after 2000, you can safely skip this otherwise pointless post.

Cliff's Notes: Team Falcon24 got up the stupid cliff without Bubble Monkey's assistance, and without, for whatever reason, the guy who a few posts ago was circling high over Twoson with his goddamned wings, using his, you know, wings.

Falcon stood there pondering for a moment. "That danged bubble monkey, he's always giving us trouble. We gotta hurry. we're running out of time!"

"...Play Seektag!!"

Falcon looked up. "Uhhh...what?" A strange little man, pale from sleep deprivation and lack of sunlight(mostly due to too much computer time and programming)

(this is what we call 'holding the reader's hand a bit too much')

walked out of the shadows.

"Hi! I'm spaanoft. I like stuff." Falcon fumed.

There should be a paragraph break there; the way he wrote it, Falcon was the one who said his name was spaanoft and he likes stuff.

"Hey! Get up there and lower that rope!" Falcon laced up his #eb op boot and punted spaanoft up to the ledge. spaanoft lowered the rope and walked away.

Lacing up #eb op boots was guruzeth's gimmick.

"Well that was strange," Poo commented. The two climbed up and prepared to enter the sanctuary. Far away they heard spaanoft talking to himself...

"/me does stuff"

I told you about spaanoft and his amazing proficiency for doing stuff, some time ago, so you should know this by now.

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Post #450, by PSIOsman

"EarthBound... has come to life?" PSIOsman asked incredulously. "talk about your major coincidence!"

If I didn't know better I'd think this was some kind of IF story staffed by unimaginative writers!

"Well... I guess I'd better equip myself."

Yes, that does seem to be what most of the cool kids did before they set out to kick some ass and chew some bubble gum.

PSIOsman ran back to the wreckage of his ship as the others watched. He kicked the rubble a few timesand threw some pieces of junk off to the side. Suddenly, he spotted what he was looking for, sticking in the ground.

"Yes! My Scimitar! And they laughed when I had this forged out of pure diamond! They said I'd never use it!"

They probably did that because it's damn retarded to forge a scimitar out of pure diamond, or even impure diamond, or any kind of diamond, really.

"Who's 'they'?" asked Chris.

"You know what? I really don't know!" replied PSIOsman.

Sentient beings, is a solid guess.

"Riiiiiight..." Said Anthadd, rolling his eyes.

Yep. That was my reaction too. Fortunately I'm a skilled professional typist, and don't need to be looking at the keyboard or my screen while typing. Otherwise I'd be annotating much more slowly, what with all the eye rolling.

"So anyways," PSIOsman said, "I'm a bit late. What'd I miss?"

Oh god, not again. Read the f---ing thread, you fat lazy f---.

[This message has been edited by PSIOsman (edited 04-23-2000).]