Posts #491-495: 23 April 2000

Post #491, by Falcon24

"Well pogo, ice, let's get going! We have a guardian to defeat!" Falcon walked deeper into the cave, followed closely by icEFusioN and pogopunk.

Hmm... sounds suspiciously friendly. He's kind of like Jack Sparrow, or really anyone from any of the PotC films, that way: If he's acting like your best buddy, there's a 90.4% chance he's up to something.

As they made their way to the sanctuary, Falcon became lost in a reflection.

"Hmm...this is all too easy. These gullible fools will help me capture the sanctuary melodies, and then I'll have them all to myself..."

Gasp! Shock! Awe!

As the group rounded the corner they immediately laid eyes on the shining spot. The shining spot pulsed and quivered, eventually taking the form of the guardian.

"Welcome! I am Thunder!"
"And I am Storm!"
"And together we are..Thunder and Storm!"

Thunder and Storm have been practicing their snazzy intro for centuries, finetuning it to entertainment perfection. They haven't had much else to do.

Falcon shook his head "You HAVE to think of a better attack line than that..how weak."

But Falcon24 is not impressed. Falcon24 is never impressed.

Thunder & Storm shook with rage. "How dare you insult us! Feel our wrath!" Thunder & Storm went into a frenzy, throwing bolts of lightning every which way.

Don't worry. Storm tires out awful fast, just like the right head of the two-headed giant that chased Bugs Bunny around.

Falc, pogo, and ice dodged this way and that, avoiding the deadly bolts by mere inches. Suddenly, when coming out of a roll, Falcon found himself face to face with Thunder & Storm!

"Crashing Boom Bang Attack!!!!" The guardian bellowed.

Ohhh, scary. It followed up that vicious volley with... more of the same! From point-blank range! This would be a good time for it to use its very potent 'rushed in and intertwined with you' attack--you know, the physical one--but that would be smart and might make Falcon24's AC look bad.

---

Post #492, by EBPoo

"Now, what to do? What to do?" Suddenly, Poo receives a phone call. The caller ID says "Dalaam, Palace of Poo". "Hello?" greets Poo.

"Your highnessness! A bird-like person just came and bashed my face in!"

I'm almost positive there was a specific rule saying that you can't use an EB character as your AC, which Poo has just definitively done. It was one of the Tengu Rules, invoked to prevent Tengu from claiming singular domination of Paula as a character. He still treated Paula like his AC, mind, it was just that the usual AC protections didn't apply. Other people could yank her around if they wanted.

"A bird-like person...FALCON! GRRRR!" With that, Poo heads into Dr. Andonuts's lab. Poo bribes Dr. Andonuts with a dozen donuts, so that the good doctor would help him. Within hours, the doctor has completed the Skyrunner II.

Wait. He sold the Sky Runner for a box of donuts? He's quirky, man, but he's not retarded. Even Apple Kid demanded $200 and some ketchup for his services.

"Coolio! I'll show that no good unnature fooding Falcon!" yells Poo as he boards the aircraft and flies to the Lost Underworld.

Which is deep underground and certainly in no way accessible to aircraft. My memory could be failing me, but I'm fairly sure in most IF the general rules of EarthBound geography were respected. But in the Gathering, these guys just don't care anymore. They're doing whatever they please with no regard for consistency at all.

Also: That no good what now? Must be a long since forgotten inside joke.

Poo walks around until the spots the second Tenda Village. After tricking the Tenda with Tendakraut, Poo runs into their little town and steals all the Luxury Jerky. Then Poo threatens the talking rock with a hammer and chisel until the rock hands over and exact replica of the Sound Stone. With that, Poo runs into the Fire Springs Sanctuary area.

I'd love to hear how a rock handed over anything.

After battling numerous fire enemies, Poo finally makes it to the top. On the way, he sees the group of Darth. "Hahahahahahaha! I made it up here first! Neener neener neener!" taunts Poo.

Remember what I said earlier about the dangers of declaring your plans but not finishing them immediately? Case in point.Too bad for Poo he has really f---ed with the wrong guy this time.

At the top, Poo walks up to the shining spot. "Oh, you know the beginning of this. Take it from me, if you dare," challenges Carbon Dog. Poo renders Carbon Dog helpless as he puts him on a leash. Then, at the speed of light, Poo runs into the Fire Springs. Holding out the Sound Stone replica, Poo absorbed the power of Fire Springs. Suddenly, without warning, Poo finds himself in Magicant.

That's not how it works. You have to get all eight first. It is possible to skip four of the first seven Sanctuaries (Lilliput Steps, Milky Well, Magnet Hill, Pink Cloud) and come back for them after you grab Fire Spring (not 'Springs'); if you do so, you'll go to Magicant from whichever Sanctuary you did last, of course (though you'll still inexplicably wake up at Fire Spring after you serve Ness's Nightmare's ass to him).

It seems unlikely EBPoo has even played EarthBound all the way through, certainly not more than once.

[This message has been edited by EBPoo (edited 04-23-2000).]

---

Post #493, by pogopunk

unaware of falcons treachery, pogopunk dived in with his pogostick, deflecting the crashing boom bang attack. "wow, this stick is almost like a franklin badge."

Well, it has a rubber stopper at the bottom of it, you know.

falcon thanked pogopunk and rolled behind thunder & storm, got his hall of fame bat, and smaaashed the guardian.

"oof!" it exclaimed. whirling around, it picked up falcon and reared back. falcon tried every maneuver possible but couldnt escape. preparing for the final blow, thunder and storm reared back and began to cast psi thunder omega and a thunder punch. pogopunk closed in to save him, when he received a psychic call.

[pogo! falcon is nearing your location! beware, he has the sound sappper that can destroy the sanctuary. you must stop him before he can use it! he's evil i say!] called nathan. pogopunk, startled, stopped and looked at thunder & storm before deciding what to do..

[only for ice or falcon to decide whats next]

pogopunk is attempting to freeze the story's villain in time, as it were, until he does what he obviously is going to do (annihilate T&S in totally awesome fashion and grab the Sanctuary). My guess is Falcon24 will post again very soon, but supposing he didn't come back for two days for some reason? We might have had a situation there.

---

Post #494, by PsycoPyro

[[ ] ]]

There was originally some kind of emoticon in there, but my archive doesn't preserve emoticons, so I couldn't guess at what it was.

"Hey wait a sec!" I said as I pulled out a compass. "Maybe we aren't stuck in Onett. But first let's make a trip to twoson and get us some gear there."
"Like what stuff?" Jenny said.
"Follow me."

Apparently Matt's mind control has worn off. Amnesia is the cure for mind control!

we run to the cycle shop in twoson and find two bikes that are left outside of the store. I start to tke one.
"Go get a bike." I said.
"That's stealing Matt!" Jenny said. "That's not right!"
"Yea well, it wasn't right of you to mess up up. So just steal the bike."
"Me? You got messed up? And what are we going to do with that mani mani statue?"
"We aren't going to take care of it ourselves. Besides, you don't have guns like I do. You aren't cool like I am."

That was directed more at you than it was directed at QC.

"Whatever . Fine! I'm stealing the bike! Watch me."
Jenny takes bike and the store owner comes out.
"What ARE YOU DARNED KIDS DOING?!!" The store dude yelled at us. The Twsoners stared at us.
"Quick Let's bail to the Harbor! We'll take your boat to the Deep Darkness!"

Harbor? In Twoson? There's no water until Fourside, dumbass.

We peddled away as fast as we can. We left the towns and with the help of my compass, me made it to the beach./harbor. We dumped the stolen bikes into the boat, started the boat and sped ino the ocean waves. Within hours, we rode through the Deep Darkness.

If it were that easy to get to that side of the world, you'd have thought Team Ness wouldn't have gone to all the trouble to fix the Sky Runner, fly it back to Winters and fix it again, all just to get to Summers. Then again, Summers is supposedly a tourist paradise; but if people from Eagleland can't get there without going to extraordinary measures, where are all the tourists from?

We headed to the entrance of Tenda Village.
"I have a feeling we'll find someone at Tenda Village." I said to Jenny.

Probably some Tenda, if I had to guess.

We anchored the boat and went into the Tenda Village to find....

((I hope that helped, QC))

---

Post #495, by Tengu Man/Makron

Darth's group climbed the ladder to Carbon Dog.

Ness laughed as he saw the energy leash on him.

"That guy must've done our dirty for us..." Darth smiled, then growled, "But he probably has the melody."

"Don't worry. All santuaries have unlimited music. Even absorbed ones will return eventually[meaning Magnet Hill's melody should now be back for usage]." Paula explained, having past knowledge of the santcuaries.

Dear Falcon24,
F--- you.
Love,
Tengu Man

I'm starting to suspect these two chaps might have a disagreement somewhere down the line.

However, Carbon Dog broke free of the leash, and lunged at Jeff, but met a Multi-Bottle Rocket to his face. He flashed and became Diamond Dog.

Diamond shook his head furiously, "What happened, am I normal again?"

"Yeah, you're okay." Ness knelt down and pet him.

And then shrieked in agony and hastily cast PSI Lifeup and/or Healing on the tatters that five seconds ago comprised his right arm. What part of diamond is confusing you, Boy Genius?

"Thanks Ness, everyone. I guess I'm in your debt."

Diamond Dog joins the group.

You know, there was an SM.Netter around this time who called himself Diamond Dog; he was a frequent prize winner in the most sensational contest in SM.Net history, guruzeth's EASY Trivia. I don't recall him ever being involved in IF, and he's been gone for going on ten years now.

They enter the cave and gather in front of the lava spring. The sound stone Darth has absorbs the energies, but so do everyone in the group.

"Hey... I think this stuff gave me PSI!" Darth exclaimed.

Darth learned PSI Bomb Alpha.

Golly, a spell with such a grandiose name must be f---ing awesome.

Ness learned Shield Sigma[which he never learned in the old game]

Well, that would be because it doesn't exist in the old game any more than PSI Bomb does.

Paula learned PSI HP Drain[from the techs IF thingy, whatever].

Mani learned... [Mani's choice]

They then teleported back to Twoson...

Tengu's opened a pretty fun can of worms there. Let's see what new PSI powers everyone else confers upon themselves.