Posts #536-540: 23 April 2000

Post #536, by Falcon24

Falcon let out an ear-shattering laugh. "You fool! I'm not using the power of the Sanctuaries! i'm using the power of the Earth!!!" With that, Falcon raised a hand, and a large bolt of lightning came forth, soaring straight toward's Dr. Andonut's Sound Stone.

Okay: Two sentences plus a third for his scornful laughter.

Note how he doesn't go right on ahead and break said Sound Stone, but leaves the door open for Dr. A to handwave his attack away. Note also the brevity of this post, especially by Falcon24's standards; this is not a serious post. It's just an "I don't think so, kiddo."

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Post #537, by Foppy King

Suddenly, the Foppy King teleported to Nathan. "Hi!"
"Hello,"
"I have what you need."
"You do?"
"Yes"
"May I have it?"
"On one condition."
"What?"
" PLEEAASSE let me join you!"
"Well..."
(Falcon's lightning flew towards the Sound stone)
"Watch out!" cried the Foppy King. He leaped into the air and took the lightning attack. 500 damage to the Foppy King...

Apparently talking really is a free action. He seems to have stopped time to have this brief conversation with Nathan between the time the lightning left Falcon24's hand and the time it arrived at Nathan's Sound Stone.

Even though There Are No Girls on the Internet, you could easily have convinced me Foppy King was an emo girl, what with his desperation for attention and attempt to guilt trip Dr. A into showing attention for him. (See, I took a hit for your AC, so are you really so coldhearted as to leave me to die now? Huh?)

[This message has been edited by Foppy King (edited 04-23-2000).]

Post #538, by EBPoo

After landing the Skyrunner II on the Monotoli Building in Fourside, Poo set off to find Falcon. Now, where would I be if I was him? Poo asked himself. So Poo decided to go to the Magnet Hill Sanctuary location, only to find it in ruins. "My guess is...Falcon's been through here."

EBPoo is ignoring Tengu's edict that the Sanctuaries regenerate more or less instantly. Well, I say ignoring; most likely EBPoo never read Tengu's post in question, or any of Tengu's posts. They're kind of long.

Looking to a corner, Poo saw a giant rat. Communicating with it psychically, Poo could understand it. [SQUEAK! That bird-like figure trashed this place with his...what was it called? Oh right, Sound Sapper. He said something about heading off to Dalaam.] "Thanks for your help, rat. Well, looks like I can't do anything here. So off to Dalaam I go." Boarding the Skyrunner II once again, Poo set its navigator to Dalaam, his homeland. "Hopefully Falc hasn't messed it up too much," Poo said to himself in fear.

Now there's a rare thing, a flying unicorn of IF if you will: an AC confronts a random monster--one that was actually a boss in EarthBound at that--and instead of vaporizing it, asks it for help. Which the monster, relieved beyond measure to not be getting launched into the Sun for once, is only too happy to give.

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Post #539, by Godeg

Hours later, Mike recovered.

If he were Foppy King, this post would have come only after posting (COME ON! MY AC IS UNCONSCIOUS AND HELPLESS!!!! PLEASE SOMEONE COME AND HELP ME!!! I SWEAR I'LL LEAVE IF YOU DON'T!!11) Well, yeah, with more misspellings. But yeah.

"Oof... that hurt. I wonder what i should do now..." At that moment, Mike's communicator went off.

"Sir, Sir! Are you alright?!" It was the Denterion.

"Yeah, im fine. My walker is busted up though. That was pretty crazy. Beam me up. I need to get some stuff." Mike replied. Mike expected to be beamed up to the Denterion, but that didn't happen.

"Sir, it appears as if our ship-bound teleporters are not working. We can teleport you to anywhere on the planet though..." Ops blandly replied.

Of course they can. Thus my prophecy of the mech's loss having no real effect on Mike at all comes to pass. Believe in the truth of Baron von Awesome, IF Seer!

"Carp!!! What else could go wrong?! Can't you send me down some supplies? Like food or a weapon?" Mike asked. In a flash of light, Mike noticed that a Pulse rifle and a peanut cheese bar were beamed down from the ship. "Sweet. Thanks guys. Now, hook me up with pink cloud again. I'm gonna go try to lay the smack down."

"Very well, sir. As you wish." the Denterion also added: " Remember, we're here for you if you need any support." Mike was teleported back to pink cloud.

Thus the invincible good guy goes off to do battle against the invincible bad guy. It's like playing multiplayer Goldeneye with Invincible turned on for all players. Try it sometime, and notice the total absence of tension. Notice also how quickly you get bored.*

That's really where IF as a concept fails: To make it work, to give the story real tension, you need a good writer to play the Big Bad who is willing, in the end, to lose. And then you also need several good writers to play Good Guys who are willing, long before the story ends, to die. That never happens, and that's why you get no tension.

Don't worry about the Gathering, though; there will be tension galore, soon. No, not in the form of any good-versus-evil fighting, of course. But there will be lots of obvious tension between the various writers. Not their AC's; the writers themselves. It's going to be fun!

* Invincible doesn't actually work in Goldeneye's multiplayer, but theoretically you could Gameshark it. Or just use your damn imagination.

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Post #540, by SirMontyG

"A shield killer? Where'd you get that??" Sir questions in the heat of battle

"I had it!" A quite voice said. It was Foppy King.

Aww. It's too Foppy King already jumped in elsewhere. I have a feeling Major Asshole is about to teach him to be careful what he wishes for.

"There'l be time to tell you how cool you are later: Just use it!" Said Sir (He had locked on to the Starman's weak spot, his control panel on his chest, minutes ago, and was getting ainxious to use it. BTW, the lightweight bazooka dosen't have Site to air missles. That's just nutty.)

Major Asshole ridicules Foppy King for trying to act cool, and then spends the next three sentences trying to act cool. Smooth.

Also: It's Surface-to-Air, dumbass.

Foppy King used the shield killer! The protective orb dissapated the second Sir fired. *WHHAAAMMMM!!* the Starman suffered a direct blow.

"A few more of those and this guy's scrap metal!" Sir quicly reloaded and prepared to fire again...

Yeah, I know. These tension-free battle scenes just drag on forever. This is because
(a) Teenage boys like violence, and
(b) They're not so keen on, or good at, advancing a plot in any kind of coherent matter. So this is mostly the stuff they do.

Posts #531-535: 23 April 2000

Post #531, by pogopunk

screaming, pogopunk ran from the evil shape coming from the ceiling. "aieeeeeeee!"

"stop screaming you ninny," it said, "anyway, falcon's destroyed this sanctuary, so my work here is done..now on to another sanctuary..mwehehe" snickering to itself, the figure melted away, off to wreak more havoc.

No, I don't recall ever hearing about any evil entities from the ceiling, either.

"oh craps! this place is falling apart!" pogopunk said, to no one in particular, since ice had vanished.

That's refreshing honesty, isn't it? He's acknowledging no one is listening to him.

"ugh, i'm getting outta here!" teleporting out of the cave of pink cloud, he appeared near a dalaamese shop. after munching on a bowl of rice gruel, he debated what to do next. he could try and stop falcon24, but he knew some other group would take him.

Translation: Oh wow, I just realized how boring this whole trying to oppose Falcon24 thing is.

[stinks, i'm stuck in a cell, those spoony happy-happyists] luna sent out. [anyway, someone help me, i hate it here]

I know I said this already, but it's funny the way teenagers were dreaming of cell phones before the technology to make it happen finally got there. Good thing the technology took its time; I don't think I could have tolerated a Gathering where everyone is txtn each other.

perking up his ears (even though that doesnt really help receive psychic calls) pogopunk sent out a message of his own.

[ok luna, i'm gonna come and help you bust outta there. it wont be pretty, so sit tight]

[yeah yeah, just hurry up. i'm feeling claustrophobic, plus it smells in here!] she said.

and so paying for his meal, pogopunk teleported off to the mountain cabin to free luna. arriving there, and batting a couple of spiteful crows out of his face, he entered the cabin. "phew! it does smell in here! geez, those happy-happyists are reallly in need of a shower or something," he said, covering his nose up. "ok, lemme try and bash it down with my pogostick." rearing back his stick, he took a deep breath and smaaaashed the bars. a loud metallic ring reverberated through the mountains, and pogopunk found his shiny new stick with a dent in it.

"silly pogo, you didnt do anything. sigh, do i have to do everything myself?" taking a hair clip, she bent over and picked the lock. "there, all better."

The bending over was the important part.

dumbstruck, pogopunk mumbled, "umm, well, er, good job, lets get going!"

luna and pogopunk made their way out, but were stopped by a small group of happy-happyists. "blue blue, loud ring you made, blue blue, not nice, blue blue, suffer!"

"so, what do you suppose we do know, luna?"

Talk about IF-as-fantasy-fulfillment. For the not EarthBound initiated among you, pogopunk just re-enacted every teenage boy's very favorite scene from EarthBound, the one where you rescue the pretty girl who's being held captive in a jail cell. (Yeah, deep down, it was mine, too. Teenage boys are predictable that way.) Except, of course, he put Luna in there instead of Paula. You might wonder what the hell that was all about seeing as how Luna effortlessly let herself out of the cell. It's because she was waiting for someone as dreamy as pogopunk to come and rescue her. Duh.

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Post #532, by Godeg

Give Godeg credit. He's already hung around longer than I expected he would.

Mike arrives at pink cloud just in time to see Falcon24 hurl a large chunk of rock. Without hesitating, Mike powered up his weapon systems and fired upon the rock, saving the group that the rock was originally intended for.

How exactly does Mike know that Falcon24 isn't the hero, just about to save the world from certain doom by crushing the group of nefarious villains beneath said rock?

Well, yeah, I know he's Falcon24. But 'Mike' doesn't know that, cool mech thing be damned.

"Hrm... this looks bad. Maybe i should have just turned around when i had the chance" Mike thought. Mike sees Falcon24 turn around, directing has hand toward Mike's battle walker. "Oh carp. I'm screwed." Mike realized that he was in trouble.

The Department of Redundancy Department approves of those last two sentences.

Chunks of rocks started flying at Mike's walker from all directions, and the walker was destroyed. The resulting explosion launched Mike from pink cloud out into the Peaceful Rest Valley area, leaving him unconscious.

Though the mech was cool, you'll see (assuming Godeg continues posting) that it made no effective difference whatsoever on his AC, who will continue teleporting around and generally being invincible as normal.

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Post #533, by Foppy King

(Ok please respond to me. Anybody. Do you now how boring it is to be ignored. PLEASE? I will join anyone. ANYONE.)

There's something almost charming about his raw pleas for attention. You're thinking, 'yeah, no doubt this kid killed himself eight or nine years ago,' but you'd be wrong. He's still around SM.Net now and again.

The cry for attention thing on its own isn't that big a deal. What's annoying is how damn lazy this kid is. This is four or five times now he's posted nothing except 'PLZ TO PAY ATTENSHUN TO ME?'. Zero content. It's not like it takes much effort to just write yourself into somebody's group, and they won't pay any active attention to you, sure, but they'll probably attach your name somewhere in their next post. But that's too much work for our friend Foppy King.

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Post #534, by PajamaManV4M

Well.. I have about ten minutes. So I'll make this one quick.

Thank God.

PajamaMan was in trouble.

Any way we can skip past the 'trouble' part and move straight to the funeral? Or burial, even better.

No one had responded to his call for help.

Well, color me shocked. Shocked!

How would he be able to get through Deep Darkness with a bunch of mean baddies hiding in the swamp? He was scared of the swamp. He didn't know what enemies lurked below, and he felt like a huge serpant would arise and swallow him whole. And what worried him the most was that he kept getting a vision of a large, pink cloud getting the energy sucked out of it. All seemed grimy.

Where the hell did 'grimy' come from? SimCity 2000's random adjective generator?

Then, from the sky, he could see a small thing headed this way.
"Great! More trouble!"

It came down faster than he thought, and soon landed it's feet on the ground. It looked like a Flying Man, only the fact that his head was bright green and the rest of his body was dark green.

"Hi. I'm Zakk. You can call me Flying Man 6."
"Wh-who are you?"
"Zakk. I'm going to join your party."

Like hell you are. You're only allowed one AC in this story, son.

No, really, as with SuperSpeedy and whoever else, I presume he'll get away with working an AC, since PSI322 isn't reading his posts, and neither is anyone else. As long as he steers clear of Tengu Man no one will ever notice.

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Post #535, by Dr. Andonuts

Nathan decided to teleport back to Pink Cloud and see what was happening. He hit a button on his laptop and appeared just in time to see Mike get hit. "Thats got to hurt," he thought.

That was quite unnecessary. "That was a totally irrelevant and redundant piece of dialogue," thought the reader.

Seeing that Falcon was using the energies of the Sanuary locations he took out his Sound Stone and used it counter Falcon's earth energies. Nathan then sent out a quick psyic call. [Anyone with a sanuary melody send half of their sound stone to Pink Cloud, quickly. We need the melodies to netualize Falcon's use of them.]

Oh, come on. Even ignoring the ridiculous number of spelling errors, this reads like an experiment to find the most weak-ass effort at opposing Falcon24 theoretically possible. I'll be shocked if Falcon24 uses more than two sentences on disregarding it, and doubly shocked if anyone besides Dr. A ever mentions it again.

Posts #526-530: 23 April 2000

Post #526, by Luna

Luna rolled over from her nap in Peaceful restful vally.

Peaceful Rest Valley. loid is so proud.

"It really IS peaceful and restful here..." Luna sighed to herself, picking up her backpack and heading on towards happy happy village.

I always thought the name 'Peaceful Rest Valley' rather ominous--as in, you will rest peacefully AFTER YOU ARE BRUTALLY MURDERED. Whatever you do, don't f*** with the trees. They're made of napalm.

Suddenly, 5 people dressed head to toe in blue and carrying blue paint cans and brushes jumped in front of her.
"What in the... Happy-Happyiests! AHHHH!!!"

Now what in the blue hell are these guys doing back? It's been at least a year since Carpainter disbanded that cult and every resident of the village agreed it was the dumbest thing since Walter Mondale For President.

Luna screamed, running for her life. She knew she had somewhere around 100 hp and 70 pp since she beat up some mushrooms, but all she knew how to do was teleport, and she knew one or two hits from these crazed blue guys would knock her unconsious.

Really? One or two paint attacks? You're going to take 50-100 HP of damage from paint attacks? What's your Defense rating? -55?

In EarthBound, Ness's Defense rating when he first enters Happy Happy Village (sans Hard Hat) is around 12, and he takes around 10 HP damage from the paint attack. It's quite puny.

"Blue blue! We must catch her and sacrifice her to the blue gods!" one blue guys muttered

I wonder what Luna was smoking right before she wrote this? 'one blue guys muttered'?

"No way! You guys are nuts!" Luna yelled back at them, picking up her run.
Suddenly, she tripped over somthing that reminded her vaguely of an iron octopus, and somthing very heavy hit her on the head. All went black.

On the other hand, Luna has always spelled 'something' without the e. It's just something she does. |Dan| always did that, too.

When Luna woke up, she was in a cell.
"PLEASE let this be some VERY bad dream..." Luna said, and pinched herself. "Owch! Guess not... This is so typical... I suppose I have to send out a PSI call looking for help... but still, this totally stinks! How am I gonna beat the santuary NOW!?"

Luna has officially made herself available for the rescuing. PLEASE GET SAFELY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE NERD RUSH BEFORE YOU GET TRAMPLED TO DEATH. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

By the way, has anyone reading this ever awakened themselves from a dream by pinching themselves? I know I never have. It's never actually occurred to me, while actually dreaming, to try. Usually, when I realize I'm dreaming and decide to voluntarily stop dreaming, I hurl myself in front of a passing truck.

Yes, really.

[This message has been edited by Luna (edited 04-23-2000).]

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Post #527, by Foppy King

"HELLO!" shouted the Foppy King.
"oh yes you can join us." said Tim and Co.
(I am angry for being neglected for the millionth time so now you are stuck with me.)

We continue to be utterly unable to care any less. And you're in for a rude surprise if you think anyone is stuck with you.

If you want someone to pay attention for you, please write some story. This is Foppy King's fifth or sixth post containing demands for attention with no content. That is entirely like too many people I know.

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Post #528, by Anthadd

"I hate twiddling my thumbs!" Anthadd cried. "Kiyo! Let's get Rainy Circle!"

That's right, ladies: Anthadd is a MAN OF ACTION.

"But has it been destroyed?" kiyo pleaded. "And on a more pressing matter, can we defeat Shrooom!?"
"With our bare hands, no. But with these little weapons-" Anthadd displayed brand spanking new developments in slingshot and yo-yo technology.

Wait. Did Anthadd just use the word 'spanking'?

"What are they?" Kiyo asked.
"The Machinegun Slingshot and the Kamikaze Yo-Yo. You take the Yo-yo. I'm too inept with them."

And I mean, come on, obviously I get the machine gun. You can play with the yo-yo whose name suggests that attacking someone with it will kill you.

. Arming themselves, the two SM.Netters rushed out of the lab, after stocking up on Beef Jerky and Bottles of Water, and into the Rainy Circle Cave.

I guess the bottles of water are just for a dash of realism. No one else to date seems to have thought much of the human need for at least two quarts of water per day or so.

...Meanwhile...
The fight against the Supreme Starman was at a standstill.
No one was landing any serious blows. The low PSI knowledge, if any at all, of the heroes, was hindering their ability to fight.

I'm not sure about the 'low PSI knowledge' thing, Anth. I guess you can slide by with it, as long as you accept that Tim will inevitably apply a non-PSI AC God Mode while PSI322 angsts out mid-battle and Major Asshole makes fun of Tim.

And Supreme Starman had low agility, so they were able to escape his attacks easily.

I'm honestly not sure what agility has to do with firing frickin' laser beams. Anth is just honoring the decades-old D&D tradition that Dex affects your to-hit roll, even if he doesn't know that's what he's doing.

"It's all but hopeless!" Juliana cried.
"Not unless we can break the shield!" Sir exclaimed.

I think you meant unless; I don't think you meant not unless, which is of course a double negative. Normally I wouldn't point out something so nitpicky, but come on, this is Anthadd we're talking about, of course I'm going to gloat over his every grammatical error when he was 12.

"But how?" Tim countered.
"How about with this little Shield Killer?" Osman proposed, dodging a beam.

Sure, man, you can try it if you want, but Shield Killers suck. Even after you finally get it to work, chances are the Super Duper Ultimate Supreme Starman Mark II will just cast PSI Shield and replace it, and then get a couple free turns while you keep fiddling around with that Shield Killer.

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Post #529, by Tengu Man/Makron

Darth, Diamond Dog, Paula and Mani then were given a signal to leave the cave, just in case the upcoming fight got too hairy.

Diamond said, "I think we need to let them handle this. They'll survive, if not beat him."

Paula and Mani were nervous about leaving Ness and Jeff.

Aww! That's so cute! Little softy Ness and Jeff need their big strong women to pwotect them!

"Are you sure?" asked Paula.

"Really, I don't anything happening to them." Mani replied.

"I know, but we must find out about this ninth melody. We have to get to the lab." Diamond Dog said and used Teleport Gamma[his own teleport] and took them into the labs.

I'm still marveling at how many AC's Tengu is getting away with operating here. I think it's mostly because, right now, nobody except Tengu himself is reading his posts. PSI322 certainly isn't.

*******

"Yes, I know about the ninth scantuary. It's also one of the most rare types, as it isn't powered by the Earth." said Dr. Andonuts.

And I didn't tell Team Ness about it back during the war against Giygas because, you know, I decided, who the f*** cares.

The language 'one of the most rare types' is golden. Tengu is reserving his right to keep cranking out sanctuaries until Team Tengu And Paula 4-Ever is at the 3,281st sanctuary and the Earth crashes into the Sun, if people try to mess up his storyline.

"What... is it?"

"It's powered by a Heavenly energy, and only one with a pure heart can unlock the shining spot.

GEE I WONDER WHO THAT'S GOING TO BE

The enemy there is also a very dreaded being, called the Ginack."

It's got huge, sharp... it can leap about... look at the bones!!!

Darth thought... he had an idea of someone who could unlock it, but who? He couldn't pinpoint who, but he knew it was someone...

(BTW, let me decide the character that can unlock the last santuary, k? You can decide where it's at if you want.)

I can't really promise you anyone's going to read this, so all bets are going to have to be off as to whether your instructions here will be followed. It's not like it's a big damn secret who's THE CHOSEN ONE PURE AS THE DRIVEN SNOW, anyway.

Tengu is surely smart enough to know he's not allowed to lord this much control in an IF. (He'd be crying bloody murder if someone tried to reserve such future plotting rights away from him, certainly.) He figures his force of personality will suffice to cower everyone else into letting him have his way, as long as he doesn't tweak PSI322 too hard.

[Also, you're free to use Ness and Jeff now at any time.]

Throwing a carrot to entice people to think him reasonable, knowing no one will take control of Ness or Jeff, who the masses regard as boring.

[This message has been edited by Tengu Man/Makron (edited 04-23-2000).]

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Post #530, by Falcon24

Falcon stood there, stunned for a moment. "So...the sanctuaries are powered by the Earth...and cannot be destroyed? Just great.."

Yielding the point to Tengu Man? Suspicious indeed. I haven't read the next paragraph yet, but I will bet heavily it either (a) contains some threat to do something even bigger and badder, like blow up the world or something, or (b) contains some kind of attempt to force the story off the 'Sanctuary' railroad tracks Tengu laid down and get away from the concept altogether. (Or both.)

Falcon backed off from the group, then halted, thinking. A twisted smile grew on his face. "Ahhh...so it is not the power of the sanctuaries I am absorbing..it is the power of the Earth itself!" Falcon looked up. "You fools! I possess even more power than you could imagine! I'm drawing it from the Earth itself...and I share a link with the Earth as well!! Now...SUFFER!!!!"

Looks like (b) is the winner. Mostly.

Falcon waves his hand and a large chunk of rock rips right out of the cavern wall. Falcon sends it hurtling towards the small band of heroes...

Wait. Which small band of heroes is this, again?

Falcon's full-on using the Force now. Darth Tengu should appreciate that.

Also, okay, maybe (b) isn't the winner just yet after all. This looks more like stalling for time, hopefully inducing the 'heroes' to run off a few posts about it, while he decides what direction to go next. Well played, even if he might not have been fully aware of what he was doing.

Posts #521-525: 23 April 2000

Post #521, by EBPoo

"Ow...my aching head..." mumbled Poo as he regained conciousness. Hmm...green atmosphere, dream-like land, smiley faces everywhere...this must be Magicant, thought Poo. "AHHHH!" screamed Poo as Pokey ran towards him. After walking a long way, Poo finally stopped at a silver tentacle.

I'm a little surprised he's using the EarthBound Magicant, instead of employing the popular IF scheme of coming up with one's own Magicant... which actually makes more sense, because why the hell would EBPoo be running around (a) inside Ness's brain, which (b) was destroyed when Ness shattered the nightmare rock, as it were?

Looking around, Poo saw what was the Sea of Eden. Poo was about to go into the beautiful sea, but stopped when he saw a Kraken. Too scared to go on, Poo walked back to Magicant land. Taking out his palm-sized laptop, Poo took notes on how he got to Magicant. Then, confident that he could find Magicant again if ever needed, he touched the silver tentacle and transported back to Fire Springs.

Not that Poo isn't still an AC and capable of doing whatever the hell he wants with no explanation. I mean, rules are rules.

Glancing around, he saw Darth's gang. Worried that they would try to stop him from further journeying, Poo hid behind a magma rock. After making sure the group couldn't see him, he left his hiding place.

He's certainly a lot less brash than Falcon24. It's refreshing to see somebody employing AC God Mode toward stealth rather than trying to kick the ass of other invincible AC's... so far. I mean, once again, rules are rules; of course sooner or later he'll have to engage in the mandatory AC pissing match.

Then, very carefully, Poo walked out of the cave with enemies falling beneath his feet.

Now that is how you do a random encounter battle sequence. Thank you, EBPoo.

Walking back to the Skyrunner II was no easy task, what with dinosaurs roaming around.

Wouldn't there be a nonzero chance one of the wandering dinosaurs would have destroyed the Skyrunner II© by now, intentionally or accidentally?

There was even a giant yellow ball.

He's referring to the Ego Orb, one of the three Lost Underworld enemies, the other two being dinosaurs. What the hell the programmers had on their minds when they stuck the Ego Orb in there is anybody's guess, but a sound guess will include the use of illegal substances.

A couple hours later, Poo finally made it back to the Skyrunner II with the Fire Springs melody in his Sound Stone replica. "Now, where do I go next? How about...Fourside? Here we go!" *WHOOOOSH* The Skyrunner II took flight and navigated towards Fourside. "Falcon!!! Watch out, because I'm coming for you!"

Falcon24 and EBPoo's breakup a few posts back was obviously planned; it's possible they have a whole plot thread planned out here. Let's wait and see.

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Post #522, by Dr. Andonuts

Acting quickly Nathan grabs Pikachu's sound stone before Falcon can destroy Pink Cloud. He runs towards Pink Cloud. "NO, Stop Fool!" the shape coming from the ceiling yells. But it was too late. The sound stone had adsorbed the melody of Pink Cloud right before Falcon destroyed it.

Well, color me shocked about that.

Nathan quickly broke the sound stone into three pieces. He threw 1 to Pikachu, teleported another to the first person he could think of, Tim, and kept the 3rd for himself.

What with all this instant teleportation everyone's capable of, you'd think they'd have polished off all the Sanctuary melodies in about 45 seconds, wouldn't you?

IF is always going to have some plot holes, but stuff like this is the sure sign of an amateur. Go to Barnes and Noble and browse any book you choose on the subject of How to Write a Fantasy Novel, for instance. You'll notice how these books invariably start off by saying, 'Don't write a Lord of the Rings clone!' and then the rest of the book is an instruction manual for how to write a Lord of the Rings clone. But I digress. You'll also notice how pretty much rule #1 is: be consistent. People don't care how outlandish your magic system is, as long as it's internally consistent.

As with any bad fantasy writing, bad IF is littered with inconsistency, even within individual posters' own posts. But thank God for bad IF; I, for one, find it far more entertaining than Lord of the Rings.

He teleported to Onett to get away from the shape coming through the ceiling. Then he teleported to Fourside.

Hey, did I mention I can teleport? Aren't I awesome? Wheeee! Watch me teleport again!

He took a moment to catch his breath and activate the stealth routine on his teleport program so that Falcon couldn't follow him with his @.

Ah, the AC pissing matches continue. Question from the Annoying Question Guy: If you can and do ignore Falcon24's teleport tracking, what makes you think he won't just ignore your ignoring of his teleport tracking and track your teleportation anyway?

One major advantage IF offers over collaborative fiction or plain ol' single author fanfiction is the unintentional comedy provided by opposing writers endlessly trying to one-up each other over pointless stuff.

He then teleported to Winters, then Summers, then Twoson. Then his palmtop beeped, and a notice came up on the screen saying that his batteries were low. "I knew I should have used Duracell," he thought. "Oh well, how am I going to recharge a fusion battery in Twoson."

I sincerely doubt your gizmo could drain a fusion battery within your youngest grandchild's lifetime. I do not believe you know what a fusion battery would theoretically be.

Suddenly he remembered that Apple Kid lived in Twoson. He walked to Apple Kid's house and went in.
"Hi, Apple Kid, i presume," Nathan said.
"Yeah, i'm Apple Kid, who are you?" said Apple Kid.

I was really more under the impression that after Giygas's fall, Apple Kid was going to hang out with Dr. Andonuts on a more or less permanent basis, rather than return to his crummy house in a town where everyone hated him.

"I'm Nathan, a fellow invertor.

Watch me invert! Aren't I great?

I don't have time to chat right now, but could you recharge this fusion battery for me?"
"Hmmm," said Apple Kid while pulling out a chemisty set. "Looks like it just needs some H-2 and H-3. There."

I'm pretty sure if some stranger came barging into my house and demanded that I recharge his fusion battery right now, I would recognize his apparent desperation and relieve him of everything valuable on his person in exchange for my assistance (even though, as Nathan apparently doesn't know, the whole idea of fusion power dictates that 'recharging' a fusion battery means pouring some water into it.)

"Thanks," said Nathan. "I'll come by and chat with you later. Bye."
Nathan walked out, wondering what had happened after he left Pink Cloud.

The only thing I can figure is that Andonuts wants us to believe his AC and Apple Kid are buddies. Well... except that he introduced himself when he barged into AK's house, so I guess he wants us to believe that his AC is a world-famous invertor that AK holds in high esteem. That's about the only reasonable explanation for why AK didn't tell him to get the hell out and go jump in a lake.

---

Post #523, by Pikachu3164

Pikachu, who was way behind Nathan, came running straight into the room where Falcon was desroying Pink Cloud.
As Pikachu laid his eyes on the Sound Sapper, he realized that that stone was the negitive energy he had felt. [What the heck is that black thingy?! And why is Pink Cloud not there?] cried Pikachu.
Poryhedron ran up to Pikachu.

Floated, really. Sort of. I think. Then again, it's a safe bet 3164 knows a hell of a lot more about pokemon than I do, so take his word for it.

"I'll get a reading on it... Hmm... It appears to be some sort of device that absorbs Sanctuary power, then destroys the Sanctuary."
[Destroys the Sanctuary? Falcon destroyed Pink Cloud! We can't let that happen! The Sanctuaries are the power sources of the Earth!!! What do you think would happen if thes Earth had no more power!!]
"That would not be good, can tell you that!"

Don't sweat it, bro. Just do what the other AC's are doing and handwave it away. Tengu can teach you the way of ignoring any and all post content inconvenient to your intentions.

[Well then, help me destroy it!]
Pikachu ran up Falcom, and made the Sapper go flying. He then tried to destroy the thing. [Help me!]

Just knocking the gizmo out of Falcon24's hands risks setting him off. 3164 is either a slow learner or an evil genius.

"Ha!! You can't destoy it!"
Pikachu then stopped what he was doing, and stared directly at Falcon. [Falcon! Do you know what the Your Sanctuaries are?! They are the power sources of the Earth! If you desroy the Sanctuaries, you are also destroying Earth's Power. Were you aware of this? By desroying the Sanctuaries, you are destroying the Earth.]
"I never thought of that...." replied Falcon, who was seconds away from blasting Pikachu to 299X.

I'm leaning toward slow learner. I think 3164 is blissfully ignorant of the unwritten rules of IF, such as 'don't put words in other ACs' mouths wherever what they say is plot-important or character-important' (which is probably 90% of the time in confrontations like these). He's just trying to have a good old fashioned argument, but... this is one of those things that will piss off pretty much any writer, not just Falcon24. You should have seen the way Anthadd would flip out when people did this kind of stuff with his AC. To say nothing of guruzeth.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-23-2000).]

---

Post #524, by Godeg

Once again, sirens and alarms start going off in Mike's battlewalker. "Ahh... carp. Whats goin on now?"

You'd think he'd have developed a beast of a headache from all the alarms by now.

"Energy signal dissipating. Destination no longer a point of interest." the walker's computer stated plainly.

"Hrm... wonder whats goin on. Maybe i should just avoid that place totally. ...Nah, i'll go check it out."

Spoken like a D&D veteran. 'Yeah, I know weird s---'s going down and the whole damn place might explode any minute, but... there's probably XP and loot in there!'

More sirens started going off. "Shield harmonics haywire. Shield system powering down."

"Hrm... thats not good. That doesn't seem good, anyways. Eh, something's bound to happen." Mike had decided to continue for pink cloud, although he knew it could have been a bad decision.

XP. Loot. Easy Call. The DM wouldn't have put all this danger out there like a homing beacon if he didn't intend for me to go there right now, right?

---

Post #525, by Tengu Man/Makron

Ness growled on the way to the lab as he felt the essence of Pink Cloud disappiate, but then regenerate.

Dear Falcon24:
Just in case you had forgotten, my 'f--- you' still stands.
Love,
Tengu Man

"Whoever's trying to destroy the sanctuaries doesn't realize they can regenerate infinitely[in other words, destroyed sanctuaries eventually regenerate since the Earth itself powers them].

And by eventually, I mean in three f---ing seconds, so bugger off and do something that doesn't f--- with my plot plans, would ya?

I think we need to find his menace before we go any further." he said.

"I agree... this is becoming annoying." Darth said, pulling out his lightsaber.

DUN DUN DUN

"Where was the last fluctuation?" asked Diamond Dog.

By the way, I meant to mention this last time: Tengu has employed perhaps his favorite rule-circumventing trick here, commandeering a minor EarthBound character (Diamond Dog, in this case) and using him as an extra AC. Note how Tengu is essentially working four AC's now (himself, Paula, Ness, and Diamond Dog; technically Jeff is around too, but Tengu rarely uses him for anything,) and nobody is calling him out on it.

He might get called out on it if he tried to split them up and have, say, Ness and DD go off some other direction by themselves, but even then, he might not.

"Pink Cloud. That's were we should head next." Ness teleported everyone to Dalaam.

They made their way through the cave of the Pink Cloud. They saw Falcom fighting with someone.

Wait, did Tengu actually typo 'Falcon' too, or is he making fun of 3164 by repeating his spelling error?

Ness motioned to Paula, Darth and Mani to stay in the shadows while he and Jeff went face to face with him.

"That's him..." Ness gritted his teeth and slammed him with PSI Rockin Omega. Falcon was caught off guard.

Psychic shield! Hell-oooo?!

"Who did that?!"

"It's OUR turn..." Ness appeared within his sights, "You're the one trying to destroy the santuaries. I'd like to let you know you're failing miserably."

"What're you talking about?! I destroyed the power of Pink Cloud!"

"Um, duh... These sanctuaries are powered by the Earth itself. They regenerate a little while after they're "destroyed". You can't permenately destroy the Your Sanctuaries. Sorry to disappoint you." Jeff appeared, aiming his bottle rockets at him...

I for one am eagerly anticipating Falcon24's next post. This impending confrontation between him and Tengu is the most exciting thing on the Gathering since Chris's whirlwind courtship of PSI322 back when they were having that dance.

For the record, I do not expect him to fly off the handle; been there, done that, and he's smart enough to know it won't accomplish much dealing with Tengu Man. I more expect him to accept the challenge and we'll get to see a writer one-upping contest between two of our volatile star writers. Don't let us down, Falcon24!

Posts #516-520: 23 April 2000

Post #516, by PajamaManV4M

PajamaMan had no time. He needed help.
Anyone who can hear me.. help.. I am stuck in Deep Darkness.. anyone..

If anyone wants to help PajamaMan, get to Deep Darkness.

Add yet another entry to list of People Crying For Attention. At the rate this is going, it doesn't look good for the rain forests.

This was posted two minutes after PMV's post #516. I suppose he didn't know how to use the 'Edit Post' feature.

---

Post #517, by PSIOsman

(Does anyone else think this should be compiled into a fanfic?)

Ten years later, I'm the first person to compile it into anything. And it's not really a fanfic. To try and actually edit the various grammatical problems and disorganization out of the Gathering... well, if there's a particular room in hell for editors, I'm sure that's on the to-do list there.

PSIOsman, Scimitar in hand, ran through the dark halls of the Stonehenge base. He saw the remains of battles with Starmen and Mooks all over.

"The guys must have been through here…"

He heard a ferocious battle up ahead. HE ran through a door, and saw Tim, Juliana, and Sir defeating the last pair of Superb Starmen.

I highly approve of the way he went out of his way to not only ignore but pretty much spit on Liyoshi's attempt to force someone to write a long fight scene.

"Hey, guys! I have something to tell you it's about Poo! He--- uh…"

They all turned toward him.

"What?" Asked Juliana. "What about Poo?"

"B-b-behind you…" Osman stammered.

They turned back around to see the Supreme Starman hovering in the air.

Maybe it's just because I'm so awesome and plebeians can't do it, but I could have told them about Poo and mentioned the Supreme Starman, all in one sentence.

"Uh oh…" said Sir.

The Supreme Starman started flying around the room, firing laser blasts at the group.

Scary.

PSIOsman leaped and dodged, but he got grazed in the arm. The Diamond Scimitar skittered away across the floor. Tim, Sir, and Juliana scattered, trying to avoid the laser fire. Sir pulled out his light bazooka with SAM attachment and took aim. The shell locked on. Sir fired… and the shell exploded seven feet away!

Thus blowing Major Asshole's face off?

"CRAP!" Yelled Tim. "He's got a shield."

(a) This would appear to be Osman's way of saying 'ha ha, Major Asshole, no bazooka for you this time!'
(b) Are you tired of everything having shields and a big deal being made of it all the damn time? I am. JESUS CHRIST IT'S GOT A SHIELD WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW OH GOD WE'RE SCREWED

PSIOsman got up. The Supreme Starman turned to him and started charging up his Supreme Beam.

Well, that's pretty stupid of it. Its standard beams were doing the job pretty well. Damned set-in-stone AI scripts.

Wait! Don't tell me what happens next!

Osman ran to his Scimitar, and in one motion jumped, leaped off the wall, and brought the Scimitar down just as Supreme Starman fired. The blast reflected off of it, and struck the Starman's shield. However, Supreme Starman was a bit shocked, as was PSIOsman…

PSIOsman makes a totally awesome move to save the-- DAMMIT! I told you to wait!

---

Post #518, by Chris

(Ladies and gentlman: Due to the fact that Ice had to close the original topic due to its incredible length, I've created a Best of Interactive Fiction archive. For now, it's the only IF in there, but more may be added as time goes by. Just letting everyone know.)

Yes, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Chris. Without your efforts, I wouldn't have the entire Gathering archived on my computer (and on various backup media) to this very day.

---

Post #519, by Mog116

Long time no see from one of the active posters back at party time.

Mog opened his eyes. "Huh!? Wnere am I?" There was a Nurse by another bed at the hospital. "You fell down a flight of stairs."
(I really did, My mom got me a get well Video-Game because I pulled my leg. I've been playing it)

Mog avoids naming the video game, because if he did that, some people might say something like 'oh, that game rules! What do you think about (insert plot event here)?' and then Mog would be forced to admit he's lying.

If Mog weren't lying, you would think he'd be giddy about his new game and bragging to everybody about what game it is.

Short version: Mog disappeared from the IF board for a week, was staggered by the volume of posts during his absence, and came up with a mildly exotic-sounding story to explain his absence and hopefully garner some sympathy. He still has nothing on EBaholic, who faked his death and got half the community to believe it, even though he claimed to have died of cystic fibrosis even though he had posted numerous pictures of himself showing that he weighed 250 pounds*. SM.Netters weren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, as a bunch.

* One of CF's telltale symptoms is that its victims get deathly thin before they expire. And CF is a horrible disease, and faking it because everyone hates you and you want to read a bunch of posts from people saying nice things about you, is deplorable.

"Oh." Mog got up, tripped over his duffel bag, pickecx up his duffel bag and went outside. [Hm... We need the Melodies so... PIKACHU Send me a sound stone!] All of a sudden, a rock fell from the sky and hit Mog. [Look for the Ninth Your Sanctuary spot] Mog realized the power of PSI Teleport Omega! Mog realized the power of PSI Sound Omega! Mog realized the power of PSI Summon Omega!

I don't quite understand why people find it necessary to add various superpowers to their AC's for no plot-relevant reason at all right in the middle of the story. Why don't you just cut to the chase and state right at the beginning that your AC is God?

Mog Uses PSI Teleport Omega to teleport to The Lost underworld.

I once theorized that many people in the EarthBound world have Teleport Omega. Evidence: Go into the empty room on the third floor of the Fourside Department Store, stand in the far bottom left corner of the screen (next to the door) and use the For Sale Sign. Observe that your customer will arrive from the right, where there is nothing but a solid wall.

"I'll start here." Mog walked up to the Lost Cave. This place has had really strange music, Mog thought, Mabye I should start here. Mog turned left and saw something gleaming. He walked to it, and, in a bright flash, A PSIer (My version of an Earthbound Esper, It teaches you Different PSI) Mog realized the Power of PSI Float! Mog used PSI float to cross the gaps. After a while, he stopped to Examine his PSIer.

Name:
Stray: Confuses enamies.
PSI:
Float: Makes character float, cross gaps.
Mimic: Mimics last command.
Warp: Exits dungeons.
Quake: Earth damage.

Mog eguips it, and proceeds to climb the muontain.

For some people, IF is nothing more than literary masturbation. Oh, yeah, MY character has THIS power and THAT power and THAT power and HAHAHAHAHAH POWER! UUUUUNLIMITED POWER!!!!

---

(Note: I want to write about the song I find. Anyone who wants to help may help, though. Just let my reveal the giygan Spacecraft From Mother1, were the last song is found. WHOOPS! Well, ya know m=y plan, so anyone can reveal it)

Sadly, his plan to make himself important by naming the 'Ninth Sanctuary' has a fair chance of succeeding. You'd think people would just ignore people randomly spouting something like this without bothering to write any plot about it--Mog's post here contains nothing except the aforementioned literary masturbation--but... well... I don't know why they do what they do.

---

Post #520, by Falcon24

"Get AWAY from me!!" Falcon kicks pogopunk to the other side of the cavern. "You have no idea what you're doing!!" Falcon scrambled onto his feet, grabbed the Sound Sapper,and raced towards Pink Cloud. "No one will stop me!!!!"

Three exclamations, three quotes straight out of the Generic Villain Handbook. I'm certain at this point that Falcon24 is doing that on purpose.

At Pink Cloud at last, Falcon scrambled to fling the switch on the Sound Sapper. The black rock emanated with pure evil energy as the world, and music around the sanctuary became distorted. The Pink Cloud began to turn a shade of grey...

Hey, question: If you wreck Pink Cloud, mightn't you fall through it as it disintegrates and plummet to your violent doom three thousand feet below? I mean, obviously Falcon24 personally wouldn't, with wings and all. But it sounds plausible, right?

Posts #510-515: 23 April 2000

Post #510, by icEFusioN

The other thread got messed up cause of so many posts. Continue on in here.

Yes, that's right, welcome to the very first second thread of a forum topic in starmen.net history. The first one got so long it broke the s--- out of the forum.

---

Post #511, by Little Yoshi

Tim(or at least, I think I'm still at Stonehenge, I haven't been mentioned here in a while)

Boo hoo. Cry us a river.

You've surely noticed the frequency with which people toss into their posts little comments whose purpose is to complain about not getting enough attention, no?

ran down the dark corridor, Masamune in hand, trying to dodge the Superb Starman's devasting lasers. Once in range, he gace it an Aqua Slash, a move he invented by using Rainy Circle's power, and Leap Slash together. It wasn't easily defeated however. This gave Tim's friends(I'm not sure exactly who all is here) time to catch up.

Not so fast, partner. What's this business about you having friends?

Juliana bashed it with a SMAAAAAAASHing hit, and defeated it. They moved on, only to be greeted by a pair of Superb Starmen. They started firing long range weapons at Tim, Juliana, and Sir, who had caught up. Tim had a good defense, and great armor. He tried to protect Sir and Juliana by getting the blows.

I think 'absorbing' or 'deflecting' was the word he was searching for her to describe his amazingly manly activities. When in doubt, toss in a form of 'to get' and move on with your life.

They reached the duet, and attacked, full force, defeating them quickly.

LOL @ 'duet'. The Superb Starmen were singing while firing frickin' laser beams! ('Duo' is the word he wanted, and either couldn't quite grasp it or tried to be fancy.)

They rounded the bend, and saw a Supreme Starman! This guy looked very similar to Final Starman, but bigger, and with a jetpack.They knew this battle would not go quickly(and please people, don't make it short!)

The world wants to know: If you're so concerned about someone else simply writing 'so Sir whacked the Supreme Starman and we all moved on' (a legitimate concern, because nobody except Timmy wants to read a long battle sequence, much less write one), why don't you write it out yourself right now? Right: Because it's boring.

Here Liyoshi is trying to clamp down limitations on what other people are allowed to write, which is a monstrous IF no-no. Made worse by the fact that one of those people is the Supreme-Dictator-For-Life of the forums.

---

Post #512, by pogopunk

still frozen in place, pogopunk noted that falcon had defeated the guardian. he saw falcon bring out his sound sapper, and at that moment everything clicked. "OHMIGOSH, HE'S GONNA DESTROY PINK CLOUD!" pogo exclaimed. "gwaaa! you cannot have it!" lunging himself at the bewildered falcon, they wrestled on the floor, falcon trying to get into the sanctuary, pogopunk trying to knock away the sound sapper. ice just sorta stood there, with his mouth open, halfway drooling. he stared dumbly at the two, when suddenly he threw himself into the two. biting and snarling took place, when suddenly a loud rumbling shook the floor.

"grrrr! pogopunk, ice! get outta the way and let falcon destroy this place. he must continue to rid eagleland of the sanctuaries, so i may take over! nyahaha!" boomed a mysterious voice. the group stopped wrestling and stood in fear, wondering who the evil shape coming through the ceiling was...

[note: lets not have it be pokey or giygas. be creative!]

Once again... well, just see the annotations to the above Liyoshi post. IF is a constant struggle for control, which is why it's called 'Interactive' rather than 'Cooperative'. Big difference between those two concepts. Cooperative fiction is never done on a private forum; it's done between a small, select group of writers who are usually friends or at least friendly acquaintances, one or two of which everyone knows to be the alpha dogs with final decision making authority; it used to be done via email, but now is typically done via a private forum; and the plot is typically planned out ahead of time.

Waaaay back in the day, I was part of a group of five writers... I think it was myself, PSI322, Anthadd, TsuramiSea and Falcon24, but don't hold me to that. We all agreed IF had gotten to be more of a bother than it was worth, and we should write our own cooperative fic, which we called 'Project: Spectrum'. It petered out after a little while. Sometime later, just PSI, Falcon and myself did one (on a private forum) called 'The Nightmare Rock' which was actually quite good, but once again, it just kind of died on the vine eventually.

Sometime after that, after I had vanished from the scene, Falcon joined with PSI, SimonBob and various other luminaries to produce the humbly titled 'Greatest IF Ever', which really was excellent and I think is still in the starmen.net fanfics section, along with various other successful collaborative fics. If you tire of the unintentional comedy of the Gathering and want to see cooperative fiction that works, go look those up.

As usual, it turned out I was the problem.

---

Post #513, by Godeg

[Onett, near giant step]
Mike was sleeping, when all of a sudden alarms started going off.

"What the freak? What's goin on?!" Mike exclaimed, as he was confused from being jerked out of sleep so suddenly.

The battlewalker's radio came to life, and started throwing out a series of messages. "Sir, it appears as if a massive energy signature has appeared on the island that you are on. It seems to be in the vicinity of pink cloud. It is advised that you stay away from there."

No points for guessing what happens next.

Nitpick: If the guy's using the intentionally vague phrase 'in the vicinity', he should probably be saying 'of Dalaam', not the very specific 'of Pink Cloud'.

"Shuh, yeah right. I'm goin over there. Gimme the location." Mike ordered, and the location was downloaded to his walker's nav computer. "Alright, im gonna go there... just as soon as i go check out the sanctuary."

If you find your mech hacking through underbrush, you know you're on the right track.

Mike sets off to Giant Step, and just as he was about to arrive there, he was confronted by a humungous ant. "Holy cow! What the freak is that?" Mike wondered, bewildered by the insect that was as tall as his walker.

"I am Titanicystein Mk. II. I am the guardian of this sanctuary... take it from me, if you dare." the gigantic ant stated, and a battle started.

Wasn't that guy already whacked? Maybe he's actually Titanicystein Mk. IV, but they have a Guardian Digger-like complex where they all think they're II.

The ant started to attack Mike, and Mike started freaking out. Alarms were going off everywhere, and the situation wasn't looking good. "Cycle shield harmonics! Target lasers to strike between the carapace!" Mike exclaimed, and the walker's computers executed the orders. Lasers of many colors were fired, and all scored a hit between the head and thorax of the ant. The ant exploded, and Mike was free to go on to investigate the sanctuary.

The Enraged PETA Activist and his cohorts came after you!

[Giant Step]
In the sanctuary, Mike could just barely hear a melody being played. Mike wondered where it could be coming from, and decided to dismiss the thought. The left display in Mike's walker started to glow, and the computer said that a melody was recorded and saved. "Hrm... thats kinda cool... kinda. I'm off to pink cloud now to investigate this energy fluctuation." Mike said to nobody in particular. Mike activated the autopilot, and the walker was headed in the direction of pink cloud, just as he was falling asleep.

You have to admit that long-distance transportation that operates itself while you sleep or do whatever else you'd like, currently available only to those wealthy enough to own private jets, is an awfully nice concept. You think the world's a small place now because of the intarwebs, you ain't seen nothing yet, son.

---

Post #514, by Foppy King

At Stonehenge Base...
Tim had been fighting off Starmen and Octobots, and was growing tired. Then, a Starman fired a Multi Bottle Rocket. "AAAAAHHHH!" he yelled. Suddenly, the Foppy King rushed into the area and casted Shield Omega.

Which, if you had the HP of an EarthBound character, would not prevent you from getting killed by the Multi bottle rocket. Even at half damage you're still talking around 800-1000 HP there. But these are AC's, of course.

The Multi Bottle Rocket was deflected. The Starman was defeated. "It's you again." said Tim. "I would like to asist you." said the Foppy King. Tim replied...
>Yes >No
(For Tim to decide)

'Good. You just did. Bye!'

---

Post #515, by PajamaManV4M

PajamaMan traveled through the murky swamps of Deep Darkness, getting such-n-stuff on his pajamas.

What makes Deep Darkness such a desirable spot for people to wander around in, anyway? Was it just the PSI322 Effect, or is it that people for some reason are actually attracted to the notion of slagging through an endless, thick, filthy, poisonous swamp full of critters that want to kill you? It's not as exotic as it sounds.

He was glad that it washed the mud off, though. To keep his head up above the swamp, he kicked his legs up hard when his head started sinking.

Not gonna work, Junior. You can't tread pudding.

He started to get used to the murky depths of Deep Darkness. No problem. he thought. It was perfectly silent, and it seemed nothing could stop or threaten him at all. He took a right turn and found a nice amount of land, just enough to crash for a little. There was a broken helicopter which seized to work on the land(you can guess where he is now),

What the hell does any of that sentence mean?

but he didn't pay much attention to it. Everything was A-OK.
..
..
..
"WHARGH!!!"
PajamaMan barely avoided a huge pile of barf aimed at his head. From the water arose the biggest pile of puke he had ever seen.
The Big Pile of Puke.
"DROWN IN PUKE, SPANKY!" the Big Pile of Puke hollered, throwing up at PajamaMan.

You have to admit, that is a very masculine taunt.

He jumped behind the helicopter, and almost threw up himself when he saw the vomit comit splatter on the windows. The Big Pile of Puke was going insane, barf flying on the trees. Soon, he stopped.
PajamaMan slowly sidestepped to the right, thinking that he went away.
"HAHAHA! ATTACK!"
An Even Slimier Little Pile flew out at PajamaMan, screaming at the top of it's tiny lungs. He had almost no time to react.
PSI Nachos Alpha!
"Huh?" the Even Slimier Little Pile gasped as psychic cheese and nachos flew at him.

I would think a smily little pile and/or big pile of puke would love to be smothered in nacho cheese.

The mexican beam worked it's way quickly toward The Big Pile of Puke, sending them both against a really big tree. They were both KO'ed.
"Niftyness!"

Posts #506-509: 23 April 2000

Post #506, by Falcon24

Fear not, fellow Gathering fanatics: despite legal threats from certain parties, after consulting with my retained law firm, Dewey, Fleecum and Howe, LLP, the Annotated Gathering will continue. I would not dream of depriving you of your daily dose of Gathering fun.

Falcon shouted! "What are you waiting for, pogo!? Help me!!" Falcon noticed that pogo seemed to be in an almost catatonic state, "Oh, for crying out loud...Fine!!" Falcon struggled immensly, and at last broke free of Thunder & Storm's grip. He did a double backflip away from the monstrosity and then held out his hand.

"PSI Hypnosis Omega!!" An endless spiral seemed to come forth from Falcon's hand, directed at Thunder & Storm. The hypnosis waves smashed into the apparition. It fell asleep! Falcon ran up and started kicking it. "Take that!! And THAT!! And some of THIS!!" it wasn't until he saw everyone staring at him did he stop.

"Errr...yeah...guess I should probably defeat it already..." Falcon's hand reared back, a blast of arctic PSI Freeze encasing his hand in a shimmering blue glow. Then he released it, showering the guardian with a blast of freezing wind. Thunder & Storm froze right through, and Falcon merely had to tap it to cause him to shatter into thousands of tiny pieces.

"Well, now that that's over...a melody awaits."

You'll notice that this is an exact copy of Falcon24's post #504, posted six minutes later. This is because the thread had become so long that it broke the forum, and right now a lot of Heisenbug weirdness is transpiring as the forum server lurches and sputters.

---

Post #507, by Tengu Man/Makron

(is anyone else having problems seeing past a person's post? I see Falcon's recently posted, but I can only see up to QC's post. I even refreshed about 10 times and no go. Is anyone else having this problem?)

Lots of people were having this and assorted other problems.

---

Post #508, by sCrow

Crow watches in amazement."Wow" said Crow."505? thats more replys on a forum than presidential affairs."

Just some random non-IF poster that came and went in two months' time, popping in to add his name to the list. And so it is added, despite his humor fail.

---

Post #509, by icEFusioN

Something is messed up. I will make a new one for this.

And so it was...

Posts #501-505: 23 April 2000

Post #501, by PsycoPyro

[[Anytime, QC. call me PP, mmk?]]

Oh, brother. I mean it, guys: this kid really has issues.

I looked behind and saw HIM!!!!
"NOOOO!!" I screamed. Only I am THE PYRO!!! You are a phony! A phony!!"
PPyro smirked at me and I whipped out my guns. I shot rounds.
355 HP Damage to PPyro. PPyro is defeated.
"There. No more PsycoPyro Wannabes!!! Now let's head for the hot springs!"
We journeyed to Hot Springs to find...

I mean... what do you even say to something like this? You say, 'okaaaaaaay', and move along.

[This message has been edited by PsycoPyro (edited 04-23-2000).]

---

Post #502, by Queen Catherine

Hey, look, another phony!!!

...everyone leaving!
"Wait for us!" I called out, but it was too late.
Everyone teleport and left us back in the Hot Springs.

He keeps saying 'hot springs', when he means the Fire Spring. Because, again, he never got that far in EarthBound, so he wouldn't know.

"We're left behind again!" I said, gritted my teeth."Well, at least I was right about them being here." Matt said.
I sighed, not knowing where else to go. We were stuck in The Lost Underworld. Trapped until someone could teleport us out...

Praise the Lord and pass the ammo.

---

Post #503, by Godeg

(Alright, here i go. This is my first IF entry ever, so be nice alright? I just went and read the entire IF today, so if ive got some screwed up stuff, im sorry)

He won't be sticking around. Guys like this usually don't, as (a) Godeg was a popular starmen.netter and usually busy socializing and (b) Godeg is not that interested in IF, but rather was sucked in by Gathering Mania, leading to (c) Godeg will quickly discover that the mind-staggering volume of new posts that accumulate in even a few hours far outstrips his interest in reading them to keep up.

[On board the Starcruiser Denterion]

The less-than-greater-than symbols were a lot more popular in 2000 than I remember them being, now that I have to replace them all with brackets. You'd be amazed how fast I've gotten at CTRL+H-lessthan-tab-[-tab-tab-tab-tab-enter-tab-tab-greaterthan-tab-]-tab-tab-tab-tab-enter. It would take your breath away.

"Ahh yes, finally our tactical advances in the Delta Sector have paid off. I think its time for a little break", Mike (me), commander of the Denterion, said to his Operations officer.

Why do people always feel it's so important to notify everyone that the AC they're introducing is (me!)? We know.

"Well, sir, it appears as if a whole bunch of sm.netters have gotten together for a little gathering. I think it would be to your advantage if you were to go and attend that.", the Ops officer stated.
"Hrm... i think you're right. I'm there. You're in command until i return", Mike said. "I think ill go and prepare my battle walker, considering that i may run into trouble."

I guess he's sharing with us a little tidbit on what a badass Mike is, or something. You'll notice how the probability any other writer/reader will ever in his/her life care about any of the above is 0.0%, but that doesn't stop people from writing it.

[Denterion Walker Support Bay]
"Alright, im ready. Ive got my battle walker all set... shield harmonics are normal, and weapons are operational. Life support is online as well. Beam me down to the gathering, Ops." In a flash of light, Mike is beamed down onto the beach of Eagleland Island.

I'm getting teary-eyed and nostalgic, wishing the halcyon days of wrecked aircraft littering the beach would return, if only for a day. *sniff*

By the way, did you guys hear about that 14 year old girl that fended off a goddamned shark with her goddammed boogieboard? That is pure distilled awesome. Not that I'm going to have her whacked or anything--I'm actually very fond of her--but if I ever lose my wife and manage to recover from the grief, I am tracking that girl down and marrying her, just as an experiment to see what the theoretical maximum Awesome rating of a newborn child could be. If she's already married, well... I won't know that guy, so I won't be above having him whacked.

I imagine the guy that runs badassoftheweek.com has already been deluged with emails on the subject.

[Eagleland Island: Beach]
"Hrm... looks like they were kickin it pretty good at this party. Looks kinda deserted, though. Wonder where everybody is at." Mike thought aloud.

Why do people insist on giving us internal monologues that tell us things we already know?

At this point, the battle walker's radio starts stating a message.

"Sir, it appears as if this island is based on the eagleland from Earthbound. The other people have gone on adventures trying to secure various sanctuaries. Perhaps you should go off on your own for now, like off to Giant Step in Onett" the radio said.

"Hrm... onett, eh? I think ill just request the location of that place from you guys up there, and have autopilot take me there. I think ill sleep for awhile... yes, that sounds good." Mike thought. Mike's battlewalker accepts the location of onett, and starts walking off in onett's general direction, as Mike drifts off into sleep.

That's wonderful. This post provides nothing useful or entertaining, which I suspect was intentional on Godeg's part; he likely didn't really expect to hang around. It's just a cameo.

---

Post #504, by Falcon24

Falcon shouted! "What are you waiting for, pogo!? Help me!!" Falcon noticed that pogo seemed to be in an almost catatonic state, "Oh, for crying out loud...Fine!!" Falcon struggled immensly, and at last broke free of Thunder & Storm's grip. He did a double backflip away from the monstrosity and then held out his hand.

He got the double backflip from Super Mario 64, naturally. Z plus A for the win!

"PSI Hypnosis Omega!!" An endless spiral seemed to come forth from Falcon's hand, directed at Thunder & Storm.

On whom Hypnosis very rarely works.

The hypnosis waves smashed into the apparition. It fell asleep! Falcon ran up and started kicking it. "Take that!! And THAT!! And some of THIS!!" it wasn't until he saw everyone staring at him did he stop.

"Errr...yeah...guess I should probably defeat it already..."

Yeah, pretty much. My kingdom for a writer who knows how to write a half-decent IF fight scene. Honestly, 'I kill Thunder and Storm' is far superior to anything anyone in this crew has belted out. Watching a cat play with a mouse is only interesting for about ten seconds at a time.

Falcon's hand reared back, a blast of arctic PSI Freeze encasing his hand in a shimmering blue glow. Then he released it, showering the guardian with a blast of freezing wind. Thunder & Storm froze right through, and Falcon merely had to tap it to cause him to shatter into thousands of tiny pieces.

"Well, now that that's over...a melody awaits."

---

Post #505, by PajamaManV4M

wow.. this is a huge post. oh well. I can never back out on a 3rd person writing interacting thing, so, I'll try this.

He's not kidding. I've never heard of this guy; as best I can tell, he wrote a handful of posts on the Gathering, a handful of posts on the Beyond EarthBound board, and promptly vanished into the ether from whence he came. Lifetime post count: Less than 20. The thing is, his few Gathering posts are ridiculously long. This is by far the longest post the Gathering has yet seen, and probably is a strong contender for longest post in the Gathering even after it's all done and we've seen Tengu and Chris's finest efforts.

Since neither of us cares about this guy, I'm not going to annotate his monstrosities much.

---------------------------------------------

PajamaMan had been cruising around in special Pajama Boat, one of his most worthless things. He'd won it in a contest to see who could come up with the most silliest outfit to wear every day.. and to think, all he had to do was accidently drop his nachos onto the stage.

PajamaMan thought what he would write in his journal for today.
4/23/00
I've been cruising around for a long time. I thought I'd reach land a long time ago, but-*%!581.
PajamaMan was tossed out the window of his Pajama Boat, and into some mud.

"Ugh.." moaned PajamaMan. "that was not nifty." He got up out of the mud, and brushed off his PJ's.
"The pajamas are OK, but my boat isn't."

I like to think they're feety pajamas. Feety pajamas are awesome.

He looked around. He saw a big, rock wall to his left, impossible to climb. On the right were some swampy trees, going in a line foward and then taking a left turn. And dead ahead was swamp water. It seemed useless to go ahead-but then he saw a monkey in the trees!

"Hey! Help!" yelled out PajamaMan, hoping the little monkey would understand what he said.
"What?"
PajamaMan was a little shocked..
"I'm waiting for an answer.."
"Uhh.. hi. Me human. Me need... h-e-l-p. Understand in me?" PajamaMan blurted.
"You confuse me.. come inside and let's talk."
PajamaMan took it a bit more seriously, and responded.
"Where?"
"Over here."
PajamaMan followed the voice and found a hut, and the monkey.

The sad thing is, is this better than 90% of the writing we've seen so far. It actually has a sprinkling of that, whatyacallit, plot.

Inside the hut..

"Where am I?" PajamaMan asked.
"You're in a place called Deep Darkness. It became a whole lot brighter when some kids threw a Hawk's Eye into the water. Better watch out, because there are many enemys lurking in the water, and the water is very deep." the monkey replied.

It's sludge more than water, really.

"WHAT?! Deep Darkness?! That's not even in the USA!"
"It is in Eagleland."
PajamaMan was silent.
"... I need help."
"SQUAK!"
"What was that?" PajamaMan got up.
A Telephone Myna Bird flew into the room.

I was under the impression they were kind of tethered to the pole they sit on, or at least that they had to be sitting on said pole in order for the phone to work.

"A TELEPHONE! I'LL CALL FOR HELP!"
PajamaMan grabbed the Myna Bird and started pulling on it's head. The bird got ticked off and started scratching PajamaMan with it's talons while screeching. Eventually, he got smart and let go.
"Don't mess with those." the monkey pointed out.
"Thanks anyway.. where is the next village?"
"Not far from here. Infact, it's right up on that small hill."
"The big rock wall? Can you get me there? My boat crashed."
"Sure! You'll get some help there."

PajamaMan and the monkey stood on the edge of deep swampwater.
"Uhh.. you go first." PajamaMan nudged the monkey a little.
He probably wants me to go in there!
"Sure." the monkey agreed and just went in.
"Whoa!"
The monkey was at the other side in no time.
"Now it's your turn, PajamaMan."
"How'd you know my name??"
"The kids that threw the Hawk's Eye into the water also taught a monkey PSI. They taught him only Teleport, but he soon became one of the biggest people in PSI."
"Ooo.. can I learn it?"
"Sure.. if you get over here."
PajamaMan looked at the swampy goop and sighed. He had no choice, so he took a deep breath, and jumped. He landed right in the middle, and quickly swam across. He gasped for air, with the length of the swamp and all.
"Follow me."
The monkey took a short trip up a hill and PajamaMan saw monkeys, humans, and huts. He took PajamaMan to a tree, where a white, floating monkey was meditating against a tree.
"Kickikiyo, we have a human who wants to learn the art of PSI."
"..."
Kickikiyo started glowing blue, and the monkey who escorted PajamaMan vanished.
PajamaMan, I assume.
Huh? Who is this?
My name is Kickikiyo, the monkey meditating against the tree.
Umm.. ok. Please explain what is happening.
I have just taught you telekienisis. I can tell, because I can hear you through your thoughts.
.. you did?
Yes. To use it, just simply put the image of the person into your head, and start thinking words. If you have a good mind, you can talk to many people at once.

*sigh* All of that just for yet another AC God Mode masturbating session?

Awesome. This is PSI?
Not really. This is simply the start. What is your favorite thing? Mm, abidaba... ah, pajamas. That won't work. Next favorite thing.. nachos? Heh. I guess this will work. Now, do this. Not through minds, say PSI Nachos Alpha.
"PSI Nachos Alpha!"
PajamaMan's hands started glowing. He lifted his right hand, and some outlined glowing rainbow nachos flew at the rock wall behind the tree. He lifted his left hand, and VERY hot rainbow outlined cheese flew at the wall.
"Awesome."
Now, take this.
An old backpack appeared in front of PajamaMan.
"What's this?" PajamaMan grabbed the backpack and opened it up. It was filled with truffles and bread rolls.
You'll need this to get through Deep Darkness. If your PSI doesn't work, eat one or two truffles. If you feel unhealthy, eat a bread roll or two. Overtime, you will gain new PSI.
"Uhh.. ok."
PajamaMan walked away from the tree, wondering what that was all about.

In my defense, I would wonder what this is all about, but I just can't quite bring myself to care. Moving right along...

Posts #496-500: 23 April 2000

Post #496, by Pikachu3164

"That's one big ant."
"Greetings! I am Titanicystein Mark II. You are at the first Your Sanctuary..."
[Oh, shut up and let us through.]
"How dare you! Neon Red! Neon Blue!"
"Yes master!" the little ants cried out in unison. That's when they noticed Pikachu and co. "Aha! The little rat! We're gonna fry you!"

That, for the record, is not a particularly masculine taunt to throw at somebody. Especially not an electric rat.

So, a long battle insued.Electric attacks seemed to have no effect on Titanicystein.

Which is odd, since (a) in EarthBound Thunder is equally effective against everything and (for enemies) there's no defense against it (as presumably Pikachu's thunder isn't PSI), and (b) in pretty much every other RPG ever, pretty much every mechanical enemy is weak to electrical attacks.

Neon Red would just grab Gaia Beam shots. Neon Blue could would deflect Starstorm spells back at the group...

Nathan fell to the ground. "I don't think we can beat him..."

DAMN THE TORPEDOES! ENGAGE AC GOD MODE!!

"Well, actually, I think I have found a way to defeat that oversized ant."
[Just do it. Don't explain. We're too exhausted.]
Poryhedron ran over to Titanicystein and jumped into an electrical outlet.
"Hmmm... leg caontrol, arm control, ah, yes, artificial spinal cord." Poryhedron used one of the attacks that he has on it, and Titanicystein stopped dead.

Hahahahah... geez, what a loser robot. It was so easy to stop!

[You beat him! Good going!] Pikachu turned to Neon Red and Neon Blue. [As for you two...]
"By we gotta go!" the ants ran away.

So... the ants that can catch laser beams and reflect PSI Starstorm are afraid of you now?

Pikachu climbed to the top of Giant Step, barely keeping themselves from collapsing, and absorbed the powers of Giant Step.

Typically you need one of them Sound Stone fragments to do that, but apparently 3164 is able to absorb Sanctuary powers into his body or something.

[How about we head to Pink Cloud. I feel negative energy flowing from the place.]
"You can sense negative energy?"
[I'm psychic. Hey, what happened to Matt (Psycho, I'm pretty sure this is your AC. If it isn't, tell me, okay?) and Jenny?]
"I dunno. But, I'm sure they're fine.]

So apparently Pikachu is an Electric/Psychic type now. That adds resistance to Fighting-type moves, but a weakness to Ghost-type moves.

[This message has been edited by Pikachu3164 (edited 04-23-2000).]

---

Post #497, by PSIOsman

Osman stepped into Andonuts' lab. The old man was sitting at his desk, munching on several donuts.

"mff-mgh... Another one?" He asked, finishing a donut.

"What? What do you mean, 'another one?'"

"umm, nothing..."

Dr. Andonuts started edging towards the stairs, but Osman dashed towards him and held his Diamond Scimitar up to his neck.

Mugging an old man who's well known to be a good guy. You stay classy, Osman.

"Now, who was here? And where did they go?"

"P-Poo... H-h-he said he was g-g-going to Fire Spring..." stammered Andonuts.

PSIOsman's knees felt weak.

"If Poo got Fire Spring, then he must be in... Magicant! Oh, no! If he gets the power of Magicant, he'll be unstoppable! I must go over there and beat him in a duel before he can get it!"

Didn't we already go over this bulls---? Poo cannot by normal means be in Magicant, because he did not collect all eight (nine?) melodies. This should read, "If EBPoo already posted and said so for no good reason, then his AC must be in... Magicant!"

Osman ran at full speed towards Stonehenge, to tell SirMontyG, Chris, and Juliana the frightening news...

Well, first you'll have to bust Chris out of jail. Or if you were kind of hoping Juliana and Major Asshole would do that for you, you shouldn't be running quite so fast.

---

Post #498, by Queen Catherine

((Thank you so much, Matt ::hugs::!! You're sweet))

This kid really has issues.

... TENDAS!
"No one here but us." I said.
Matt shook his head and closed his eyes. He then flashed them open and said. "No... I can sense some people. They were here... They're at the 8th Sanctuary place! Quick, go get the bike and we'll fly there!"

How many posters is this coming up with some throwaway line to justify using OOC knowledge IC? It's damn lazy. Please, if you ever post in IF, don't do that. You're supposed to expend some thought and some effort, and write a post describing in some detail how you were able to reason out where they were. Like in this case, simply asking the talking rock would have done just fine, in about three sentences.

"Righto!"
I ran back to the boat, grabbed the boat and shoved the boat keys in my pocket.

I forgot. Why the hell are they using a boat again?

I returned to Tenda Village and we went into the caverens. We flew on the bike in the caverens and landed in the Lost Underworld. We were headed to the place where the hot springs were located until I heard loud bangs behind me. A Wetosaur ((I think that's the name)) were chasing Matt and I on the bikes.

This is getting pretty surreal. I wonder what PP/QC ingested before he wrote this one.

"We have to fly!" Matt said and peddled faster.
"But this is only a 15 speed bike!" I said. "This bike bites!"

My bike is infinite speed. The faster I pedal, the faster it goes.

We were close to the Hot Springs as we were close to being Lunch for the Wetosaur. We then entered the cave left the Wetosaur outside.
"Yah! We did it!" I said and smiled.
"You see Jenny," Matt said, "we can do anything if we put our minds together and don't give up."
"Um Matt... what's that behind you?" I said nervously and encountered a Psychic Pyro..

A psychic what now? If you'd ever played EarthBound before, which you apparently have not, you'd know that the critter you're trying and failing to think of is called the Psychic Psycho.

You know, I very often get to wondering what percentage of SM.Netters back in 2000 were really EarthBound fans, as opposed to video game/RPG fans who wandered in (my best guess: around 50-60%). Not only that, but I also at times like these get to wondering what percentage of SM.Netters never even played EarthBound all the way through (best guess: around 20-25%).

In 2010 those numbers are much higher; I'd be surprised if half the population of the starmen.net forums now have even played EarthBound all the way through.

[This message has been edited by Queen Catherine (edited 04-23-2000).]

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Post #499, by Dr. Andonuts

"Ok," said Nathan while tapping at his palmtop. "This should take us to a place right outside Pink Cloud. But its been known to backfire." Saying this, he hit a button, and they emerged right into a battle outside Pink Cloud.

(Superspeedy/Mankey Boy, if don't want Dave and Poryhedron to come to Pink Cloud, then tell me and I'll edit this acordingly)
(Wait for icefusion or falcon to post before continueing this)

I don't even know what he bothered to post this for. Just dropping himself into the action, I guess, but if Falcon24 doesn't feel like letting him tag along, he will just take advantage of the open window Andonuts generously provided him and leave. And Poo's not even here; he's off in some kind of Magicant.

It doesn't seem like Andonuts has really been reading along, but then, I'm pretty sure almost everyone is reading only sporadically, just the posts by people directly in their own groups. You have to understand that you can post, come back a few hours later and have something like 12,000 words' worth of new posts to read, and by the time you finish reading them, there will be 3,000 more words posted. Keeping up would be extremely tedious, and that's why no one except maybe Tengu Man did.

Again: lazy. Laziness is a central theme of bad IF writers*... and unfortunately, of the last 150 posts or so of the Gathering. I have to be honest: I think it's going to be another couple hundred posts before it gets raucously entertaining again. I'm doing my best here.

* And people who are bad at pretty much any other pursuit

---

Post #500, by Tengu Man/Makron

Remember how I speculated that Tengu probably spent a half hour refreshing repeatedly to make sure he logged post #200? Yeah. I'm pretty much sure that's what he's doing now. Tengu was plenty capable of stuff like this.

But seriously: We've annotated 500 posts now! Wooooo! Only about 1100 to go!

Back at Paula's house.

Hopefully not in the bedroom. You know the rules. fanfiction.net is that way. --->

"Ninth? There's a NINTH sanctuary?" Ness wasn't prepared for all the info Paula's parents had received while they were gone.

Yes, I too usually react with a fair deal of shock when confronted with 'facts' that are obviously fabricated bulls---.

Nah, really, stuff like 'the ninth sanctuary' is perfectly normal, even expected, in fanfiction (and by extension, IF). You have to do something to (a) avoid simply rehashing the original game's plot and (b) make your AC's take prominence. Not sure if I'd have gone with something as tired as 'the ninth sanctuary!!!!', but I doubt I'd have come up with anything especially fresh or original, either. Tengu is very likely the most seasoned IF writer of the bunch, and it shows.

"That's what one person said. One also took the franklin Badge. Sorry." said Paula's dad

"Not a problem. That was a spare badge." Paula replied.

"Huh?"

"I forgot to mention, Dr. Andonuts cloned the Badge twice as an experiment with cloning inimate objects. I still have the original with me. I'd better get the other one too." Paula explained, rushed upstair and coming back down with the third Franklin Badge.

Now this is also normal in IF, but I'm not giving this a free pass. This is just boring as hell. Your writing will be a lot more readable if you avoid just cloning Super Power Artifacts of Awesomeness from the original game, and find something new to do. (Not to mention avoiding AC God Mode as much as possible, and the only use of a Franklin Badge is for AC God Mode'ing.)

"Who do I give it to?" asked Paula.

"Ness, probably." Darth answered, "I needn't worry about thunder a great deal."

Remember: Tengu considers the EB characters his AC's, and mostly the other writers are too timid to challenge him over it. Timid, and/or don't find it worth their time, as they don't care that much about the EB characters anyway.

"Me fine." Mani replied.

"Go ahead... fine by me." said Jeff.

"Okay." Paula give Ness the third badge.

I can't honestly see why, if we're handing out Franklin Badges, we don't just go all the way and give everyone one. Can't hurt, right?

"Where to now?" asked Jeff.

"Your dad's lab. Maybe he can give us some info." Ness suggested.

Just kidding. I already have all the info, because I've read the previous 499 posts. How else would you think I know to go where the action is?

"Could you take us there then?" asked Jeff.

"Sure... see you later, Mr. and Mrs. Polestar."

"Good luck... again..." Paula's dad sighed.

Pretty nice touch of characterizing Paula's dad as a grumpy semi-control-freak a-hole in one word. I think the guy gets a bad rap, personally; you have to remember he was a little unstable because his daughter had just gotten kidnapped by a bunch of circus freaks when we met him in EarthBound.

Of course, given that, I imagine he probably isn't wild about her traveling around with the dude in the Darth Maul makeup.

They left the house and teleported to Dr. A's lab...

[This message has been edited by Tengu Man/Makron (edited 04-23-2000).]

For real, guys, 500 posts!!!!!