Posts #39-40: 12 April 2000

Post #39, by Queen Catherine

((I have permission from PsycoPyro to add him in.))

I can't remember whether QC and PP were dating IRL, or just, you know, whatyacallit, friends. But they were constantly talking about each other on the forums.

"Matt, we're going to be late!" 'Queen Catherine', aka Jenny, yelled. "Hurry your Psyco Behind!"
Matt and Jenny were near the Chesapeake Bay. Every Summer, Jenny would travel to her beach house. With an 1-800 number to log onto the Internet, Jenny and Matt heard of a party being held at a strange island that they claimed.

I have no idea how to make sense of any of that. At times like these, just keep reading.

"No, really?!" Matt, aka 'PsycoPyro', called out. "You know that your parents aren't going to like one bit of this."
"I don't care. Think of this as an adventure instead of meddling with fireworks, Matt."
While on the shore, the family motor boat drifted along the waves, but was anchored. Jenny and Matt climbed in and pulled up the anchor. Jenny turned on the engine and Matt whined, "You always get to drive!"

They're sailing from Chesapeake Bay to Africa in a f---ing motorboat. That's how badass Jenny and Matt are. And they'll probably make it in about an hour, too.

"That's because I've taken the Safety Course. That's required by law you know."
"The Laws suck! Just let me drive! Besides, I know where the island is!"
"So do I! Now go get the map!"

You'd hate to accidentally miss Africa and wind up in f---ing Antarctica.

Matt growled under his breath of a loss of defeat.

Wait. A 'loss of defeat'? Meaning, he lost his defeat? Does that count as a win, or a tie, or what? Or did he just, like, misplace his defeat and now he can't find it?

He pulled out a map, sat in the co-passenger seat and started reading it.

This motorboat has a passenger seat, and then a co-passenger seat. Obviously the passenger (presumably Jenny in this example) outranks the co-passenger and gets to wear the paper hat.

Then, the two adventurers rodes on the waves to the island. The waves had begun to chop up after leaving the Bay...

---

Post #40, by PsycoPyro

While driving, I notice the boat is slowing down as we left the Panama Canal. It took days to reach the canel from the state of MD.

He's making the extreme n00b mistake of writing IF in the first person. Probably won't be the last time you see it.

Also, why in the f--- are they sailing to Africa via the Panama Canal?

"Um Jen?" I began to question to her. "Have you forgot to refill on gas again?"

Forgotten. Maybe 'have you forgot' is correct construction in Marylandspeak, I don't know.

"Oh don't worry!" Jenny said with a laugh. "We should make it to the island by now."

We should make it to the island by... what?

She finally looks at the gas meter and the needle is on empty.
"Oh s***!" She exclaimed.

I'm surprised PSI322 or myself didn't edit that. Swear masking was a big no-no back then. Yes, we were both Nazis and pathetic, and quite happy about it, thank you. Actually, come to think of it, this was during my three-month hiatus from the internet--that's why I won't be joining the story until halfway through--so I think I can safely pin the Nazi FAIL on PSI here. And Chris. Did Chris ever tell you he was an admin?

"There is no way in heck I'm stopping at Mexico for gas again! And I'm almost out of money!"

Holy s---. You stopped in Mexico en route to the Panama Canal en route to f---ing Africa? Are you sure the male isn't driving?

A few minutes later, our hopes to getting to Eagleland Is. had failed.

He meant to type out 'Island', but his fingers were just too exhausted to type another character, and he decided to go with 'Is.' instead of 'mins'.

The boat all of a sudden dies.
"NOOOOOO!!!" Jenny cries. "Out of gas?! God ***!"

God ass?

"I told you that we should of went to Mexico for gas. Maybe this cr*p will do the trick."

For the record--and there was some controversy over this back in the day--'crap' was always considered permissible by the Syndicate (but 'damn' and 'hell' is where the line was drawn.) After all, 'crap' appears in EarthBound itself.

I went into the back and pulled out a seat. Under the seat were beer bottles that I had bought LEAGALLY in Mexico.
"Matt, are you crazy?!" Jenny said. "You're too young to buy beer! It's also illegal to have them in the boat!"
"Not in Mexico it ain't." I corrected, thinking back to my studies of Mexico from 8th grade. "I can buy beer legally at my age. That's the one cool thing about that country!"

Being in 9th grade made you totally awesome at that time, as 15 was well above average age. Of course, there's a 90% chance anyone that claimed to be 15 was actually no more than 13. It was widely assumed for a while that I was lying about my age (I wasn't), as I was claiming the absurdly over-the-hill age of 17.

I poured beer in the gas tank and told Jenny to turn on the engine. She did and automaticaly, the boat engines roared in a working condition. We all cheered and we were on our way to Eagleland Island.

Did I ever tell you about the time I invented a car engine that runs off Cheez Whiz?